THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  ILLINOIS 

LIBRARY 

B 
T?l79r  Im3 


lUINDIS  HISiasiCAL  SURVK 


tlUiOYS 


MEMOIMS 


OF 

THE  LIFE 

OF 

MARTHA  LAURENS  RAMSAY, 

WHO  DIED  IN  CHARLESTON,  S.C. 

ON  THE  10th  OF  JUNE,  1811,  IN  THE  52d  YEAR  OF  HER  AGE. 

WITH  AN  APPENDIX, 

COXTAINING    EXl^RACTS    FROM      HER      DIARY,     LET- 
TERS,  AND   OTHER   PRIVATE   PAPERS. 

AND   ALSO 

•T^ROM  LETTERS  WRITTEN   TO  HER,  BY  HER  FATHER, 
HENRY   LAURENS,  1771—1776. 

BY  DAVID  RAMSAY,   M.D. 


Tne    experinieni}!  pirt  of   religion    7m  generally  2  greater  influence  than  itj  theof*. 

Mct.Rawc's  Posthumous  Letter  to  Dr.  Watts. 


THIRD    EDITION. 


boston: 

PRINTED  RY  SAMUEL  T.  ARMSTRONC, 

^nd  sold  a  I  ]iis  TJieological  IJfiokstorej  No,  50,  CorniiiM. 
1812. 


>. 


niSTEICT  OF  SOUTH  CAROLL^A—To  idi^ 

Be  it  remembered,  That  on  the  fifteenth  day  of  July, 
Anno  Unniiiii  one  thousand  eight  hundred  and  eleven,  and 
in  the  thirty  sixth  year  of  the  independci.ee  of  the  United 
Stftlesof  America,  Kleanor  Henry  Laurens  liamsay,  Martha 
Henry  Laurens  Kam.say,  Catherine  i-fenry  Laurens  Kam- 
say,  and  SabinaElHott  itannsay,  of  the  said  District,  liave  de- 
liosited  in  this  orHct.-  (be  title  of  a  bonk,  the  right  whereof 
they  claim  as  Proprietors,   in  the  words  following,  to  rjit: 

Memoirs  of  the  Life  of  Martha  Laurens  Ramsay,  vvha 
died  in  '  iharleston,  SC  on  tlie  lOthof  .lune,  1811,  in  the  fifty 
second  year  of  her  age;  with  an  \ppcndix,  containing  Ex- 
tracts from  her  Diary,  Letters,  and  otl»er  private  papers,  and 
also  from  Letters  w  itten  to  her  by  her  father,  Henry  Lau- 
rens, 1771  1  "To.     By  David   Ramsay,  M.D 

The  experimental  ()art  of  religion  has  generally  a  greater 
influence  than  its  theory. 

.l/r?.  Jioxve's  Posthumous  Letter  to  Dr.  Watts. 

(L.S.)  In  conformity  to  the  act  of  the  Congress  of  the 
L'nited  •'states,  intitled  "An  act  for  the  encourage- 
ment of  Learning,  b\  securing  the  ('opies  of  Maps,  Charts, 
and  Rooks,  to  the  Autiiors  and  Proprietors  of  such  Copies, 
during  the  times  therein  mentioned;''  and  a'so  to  an  act  inti- 
tled,  "An  afct  supplementary  to  an  act,  infilled  an  act  for 
the  Encouragement  of  Learning  hy  securing  the  Copies  of 
Maps,  Clnits,  and  Books,  to  ti)e  Authors  and  Proprictorfs 
of  such  Copies  during  the  timers  therein  mentioned;  ar*d  . 
«  xtcnfling  the  hencfits  thereof  to  the  Arts  of  Designing,  En- 
graving, and  Etching  Historical  and  other  Prints." 

J\MES  .TERVEY, 
Federal  Clerk,  S.  Varolina  District. 


JC  PREFACE. 

^  THE  manuscripts  which  gave  rise  to  this  pub- 
^  lication  were  found  among  the  private  papers 
"^^  of  their  author,  Martha  Laurens  Rumsay,  after 
^  her  death,  and  were  unseen  by  every  human 
-^  eye  but  her  own,  previous  to  that  event.  The 
5-  first  mention  she  ever  made  of  them  was  in 
r^  the  full  view  of  death,  and  only  three  days  be- 
^  fore  its  fatal  stroke.  She  then  announced  the 
3k  drawer  in  which  they  were  deposited,  and  at 
^  the  same  time  requested,  that  after  they  were 
^  read  they  might  be  kept  as  a  common  book  of 
*^  the  family,  or  divided  among  its  members, 
13  They  appeared,  on  perusaU  to  be  well  calcu- 
rp  lated  to  excite  serious  impressions  favorable 
V  'to  the  interests  of  religion;  for  they  were  a 
^^practicalj  experimental  comment  on  its  nature 
and  salutaiy  effects  even  in  this  life.  Its  ten- 
▼^dcFicy  to  promote  human  happiness,  and  its 
>  sovereign  efficacy  to  tranquillize  tlie  mind  and 
.'>  administer  consolation  untler  afllictions,  disap- 

<.  pointments,  and  trials.  They  exhibited  an  cx- 
r^  ample  which  teaches  more  compendiously  and 
;^  forcibly  than    precept,  the  value   of  piety,  and 

-  the  comfort  of  submission  to  the  will  of  God. 


IV  PREFACE 

With  this  view  of  the  subject  it  became  an  in- 
teresting inquiry,  how  far  it  would  be  proper 
to  withhold  them  from  that  more  enlarged 
sphere  of  usefulness  which  would  result  from 
their  publication?  In  determining  this  ques- 
tion, recourse  was  had  to  the  opinions  of  the 
Rev.  Drs.  Holiinshead  and  Keith,  under  whose 
ministry  the  writer  of  the  private  papers,  now 
published,  had  sat  upward  of  twenty  years,  and 
to  whom  she  wasintimatelyknown.  They  strong* 
ly  recommended  the  publication  as  well  calcu-^ 
lated  to  do  good  Their  opinions  and  the  reasons 
of  them  were  given  in  the  subjoined  letters.* 

•  A  letter  from  the  Rev  Dr.  Holiinshead  to  Dr.  David 
Ramsay. 

Charleston^  S.C.  July  1,  1811. 

DEA.B   SIR, 

The  perusal  of  our  much  esteemed  Mrs,  Ramsay's  papers 
has  awakened  \n  me  many  i)Ieasin»,  though  painful  reflec- 
tions. The  loss  of  such  a  friend  and  such  a  member  of  our 
church  is  unspeakable.  Her  example,  while  she  abode  with 
us,  was  a  living  lecture  on  the  importance  of  the  human 
character  in  every  part  it  has  to  act  upon  the  stage  of  life, 
and  eminently  recommcndt;d  the  maxims  and  habits  of  our 
holy  religion,  as  worthy  of  all  acceptation.  The  devout 
reflections  of  her  retired  hours  exhibit  a  mind  im])ressed 
with  the  great  realities  of  its  eternal  interests,  truly  solicit- 
ous to  improve  in  godliness  and  virtue,  and  highly  favoretl 
at  the  same  time  with  an  intimate  intercourse  with  heaven. 
Permit  me  to  say,  that  1  think  the  publication  of  these  de- 
vout exercises  of  her  heart,  with  a  sketch  of  her  life,  might 
contribute  much  to  the  establishment  and  comfort  of  many- 
pious  exercised  christians,  who  Avalk  in  fear  and  darkness, 
lor  want  of  knowing  how  others  have  been  affected  in  scener. 
of  trial  like  their  own.  It  would  be  read  with  interest  and 
improvement  by  christians  in  every  situation  whetjier  of 


PREFACE.  V 

In  publishinjj  to  tlie  world  the  private  rciig, 
ious  exercises  of  an  individual,  it  seemed  a 
thing  of  course  that  some  account  of  that  in- 

prosperity  or  affliction.  It  uouM  1)0  peculiarly  gratiTying 
lo  a  iiiiinerous  circle  to  whom  every  memorial  ol  their  hc- 
lovcd  jlepurtcd  tViend  will  he  precious.  In  presenting  it  to 
the  coinnuinitv,  which  I  think  no  peisoti  can  so  well  tio  ns 
yourself,  you  will  peiforrn  an  interesting  anil  actoptahlc  duty 
to  society,  and  en»halni,  at  the  same  lime,  the  virtues  and 
the  memory  of  a  most  amiahle  christian.  Your  undertaking 
l4jis  will  gratify  maiiy  others  as  well  as, 

Dear  bir,  your  truly  sympathizing,  aiul 
affectionate  fi-iend, 

W.   HOLLINSHEAD. 


A  letter  from  the  Rev.  Dr.  Keith,  to  Dr,  David  llamsaj . 
Cliavlcstoiij  S.C.  June  C8,  ISll. 

DEAR    SIR, 

'Jlie  nianuscri[)ts  whidi  you  were  so  good  as  to  leave  with 
me,  I  now  return  with  my  cordial  thanks  for  the  favor  of 
Jiaving  them  submitted  to  my  peru'^al. 

I  have  read  them  with  that  close  attention,  with  that  live- 
ly interest,  with  that  meianclioly  plea.->urc,  whicli  have  been 
naturally  cxc'-ted  by  the  circumstance  of  their  relating  to  a 
jiers'jn,  who  stoo  1  high  in  my  esteem  and  regards  as  a 
(dirislian  and  a  friend  while  living,  and  whose  precious  mem- 
ory my  heajt  is  disposed  ever  to  clierish  with  the  tcnderest 
juingled  emotions  ot  aiTeciion  and  regret. 

From  the  earliest  period  of  niy  HC(piaintancc  with  Mrs. 
Ramsay,  I  have  considered  her  as  a  lady  of  a  very  superini- 
mind,  of  diFpositions  eminently  benevolent,  Iricndly,  and 
genei'ous;  and  of  those  various  ami  valuable  accomplish- 
ments which  could  he  derived  only  from  the  best  education, 
from  an  assiduoiis  attention  to  the  most  proper  and  eil'ectual 
jTieans  of  imprtnement,  and  I'mm  a  long  and  intimate  in- 
tercourse with  many  of  the  first  characters  in  her  native 
country  and  in  Europe  She  was,  howe\»r.  still  much 
more  honorai>ly  and  happily  (ii:.tingiii*-he.i  l)>  the  grace  o- 
tjod,  by  which,  in  her  e.irly  year^,  lier  heart  was  renew- 
ed and  sanctified, ami  under  the  intlurnoc  of  which.  (liroug)| 
the  Bucccetiing  courbc  of  her  life,  she  cxhibitcil  in  th.^ 
view  of  all  attentive  aud  judicious  observers^  ^  blight  Jind 


VI  PREFACE, 

dividual  should  be  given  at  the  same  time;  for 
■without  some  such  knov.ledge,  many  of  the 
reflections  of  the  writer  would  be  comparative- 


atti-active  example  of  the  temper  and  conduct  of  a  real 
christian.  But  it  required  that  dehneation  of  the  senti- 
ments, feehngs,  and  exercises  ot  her  heart,  which  her  owa 
pen  hrs  drawn,  for  her  ovvn  use  m  her  most  secret  transac- 
tions with  her  Savior  and  her  God,  to  enahle  even  her 
most  intimate  friends  to  see  her  character  displayed  in  its 
brigiitest  and  most  amiable  beauties,  in  her  deep  and  unaf- 
iected  huniilily,  in  her  undissembled  and  nnconimon  sense 
of  sinfulness  and  unworthiness,  in  lier  remarkable  selfjle- 
nial,  in  respect  to  worldly  interests  and  enjoyments,  in  her 
stronf^  and  steadfast  faith,'trust,  and  hope,  and  quiet,  sweet 
resignation,  under  the  most  painful  disapi)ointincnts,  afflic- 
tions, and  trials,  in  the  fervor  of  her  devotions,  in  t!ie  closet 
as  well  ns  in  the  family,  and  tlie  sanctuary,  and  at  the  table 
of  thf  Lord,  in  tliv.-  oveillowings  of  her  benevolence,  and 
cha-ity  toward  ail  around  lier,  according  to  their  respective 
circumstances,  and  in  the  ardor  of  lier  affections,  especially 
to  her  own  fanjdy  and  peculiar  friends,  expressed  in  her 
many  prayeis  for  tliem,  and  her  often  renewed  solemn  res- 
olution? to  do  every  thing  witliin  her  ]»ower,  by  a  conscien- 
tious, faithful,  cheerful  performance  of  every  personal,  rel- 
ative, and  religious  duty  for  prouioting  their  temporal,  spir- 
itual, and  etcrna!  interests  and  ha])piness. 

Truly  "her  walk  was  close  with  God,"  and  "her  light 
slione  bi  >^!itiy  before  men." 

Tlvi  inj])ressioi)s  made  on  my  mind  by  the  perusal  of 
tJjese  Memoirs  of  .Mrs.  Kamsay,  and  extracts  from  her 
Diarv,  iScc.  have  iri-esistibiy  k-d  me  to  wisli  and  earnestly  to 
desire  that  they  may  be;  permitted  to  ap])ear  in  print.  To 
M  ilhhoid  sucli  papers  from  the  public,  would  be  to  deprive 
many,  vtry  many,  into  wiiose  hands  they  might  come,  of  a 
most  pleasing  enterlainment.  anrl  a  rich  benefit.  To  her 
family  and  friends,  in  whose  hearts  slie  still  lives,  the  vol- 
inne  would  be  a  most  welcome  and  precious  memorial  of 
wliat  she  was  in  herself,  and  of  what  she  was  to  thetji. 
"While  to  an  extensive  circle  of  j-eaders,  fond  of  books  ol 
this  description,  it  w  ould  aflord  the  desirable  means  of  be- 
coming acnuaiiUedvilh  the  excellent  and  amiable  charaotei'. 


PREFACE.  VU 

ly  uninteresting,  if  not  nnintelligible.  It  Avas 
tiiereforc  resolved  lo  prefix  to  the  manuscripts, 
some  general  account  of  the  author,  as  far  as 
was  necessary,  to  throw  light  on  their  contents. 
The  publication  of  these  private  papers  was 
the  original  design,  the  publication  of  the  life 
of  their  author  only  secondary  and  incidental, 
as  an  introduction  to  the  effusions  of  her  heart, 
which  had  been  put  on  paper  solely  for  her 
own  private  use.  God  grant  that  their  publi- 
cation may  be  the  means  of  exciting  in  others, 
aiul  especially  the    connexions  and   friends   of 

with  the  eminent  cliristian  virtues  and  attainments,  ot" 
one  who  adorned  every  relation  uhich  she  sustained,  and 
ililed  ivith  (Hjjjnity  and  uset'uiuess,  every  sj^ihere  of  lite  in 
w  liich  she  moved. 

Thus,  *'she  being  dead,  would  continue  to  speak''  forci- 
hly  and  persuasively  it  is  hoped,  to  the  chiUlren  ofthe  worh], 
ill  f;ivor  ot"  tha<livine  and  blessed  Savior,  to  whom  she  liv- 
fil  anfl  die<l;  ami  more  especially  to  the  disciples  and  friends 
of  this  Savior,  she  would  speak  with  the  i)est  effect  in  the 
way  of  instruction,  encouragement,  and  consolation,  rela- 
tive to  the  various  scenes  of  duty  and  trial,  in  which  they 
may  he  called  to  be  followers  of  her,  and  of  all  like  her, 
•'\ilio,  through  faith  and  patience,  inherit  the  promises." 

1,'n'ier  the  intluence  of  these,  and  similar  reasons,  you 
will,  I  trust,  yitid  to  the  call  of  duty,  and  consider  yourself 
HH  rendering  an  important  service  to  the  public,  and  a  i\i\c 
tribute  of  praise  to  the  Ciod  of  all  grace,  by  consenting  to 
pnbli.sh  these  valuable  papci's  us  soon  as  may  be  practicable. 

In  all  cliristian  regards,  including  a  tentler  sympathy  to- 
ward yourself  and  your  dear  children,  umkr  every  trial, 
flud  csperially  under  this  peculiarly  iicavy  affliction,  Mrs. 
K.  eonlially  joins  with.  Dear  Sir, 

Your  sincere,  and  afl'cclionate  friend,    Is  A  A  c  S  K  e  i  i  ir. 


VIU  PREFACE. 

their  author,  the  same  lively  sentiments  of  fer- 
vent rational  piety  Avith  which  she  was  aui« 
mated. 

David  Ramsay 
Charleston,  S,C.  July  15, 1811. 


PREFACE. 

SECOND    EDITION. 


THE  Editor  of  the  present  Edition  of  these 
Memoirs,  had  the  honor  and  happiness  of  a 
long  acquaintance  with  the  subject  of  them, 
and  clicerfully  gives  his  testimony,  with  that 
of  others,  to  the  eminent  worth  of  her  charac- 
ter, and  to  the  faithfulness  of  her  biographer. 
The  religion  of  Mrs,  Ramsay  was  the  warmi 
vital,  active,  unaffected  religion  of  the  Bible. 
Happy  would  be  the  effect,  if  at  this  period  of 
languor,  when  the  standard  of  religious  exer- 
cises and  experience  is  so  low,  these  Me- 
moirs, should  contribute,  by  the  blessing  of 
God,  in  any  measure  to  raise  it. 

The  Editor  subjoins  the  testimony  of  Rev. 
Benjamin  Palmer,  of  Beaufort,  S.  C,  con- 
tained in  a  letter  to  the  Rev.  Dr.  Keith,  as 
follows. 

"Mrs.  P.  and  myself  have  been  reading  the 
very  valuable  little  volume.  Memoirs  of  Mrs. 
Ramsay,  which  you  sent  me  by  Mr.  Ilulburt. 
My  opinion  of  that  excellent   lady's  piety  and 


X  PREFACE. 

learning,  had  been  great,  ever  since  I  was  ca- 
pable of  forming  an  opinion,  and  had  an  oppor- 
tunity to  do  it.  But  I  can  truly  say,  that  these 
Memoirs  have  disclosed  such  a  rare  assem- 
blage of  mental  and  moral  excellencies,  that 
until  I  read  them,  the  half  v/as  not  known  to  me. 
What  a  wonderful  faculty  she  must  have  pos- 
sessed, of  keeping  concealed  her  super  ior  qual- 
ties  under  the  veil  of  so  much  apparently  en- 
tire unconsciousness  of  her  own  uncommon  su- 
periority. Surely,  if  in  any  instance,  the  left 
hand  has  not  been  allowed  to  know  what  the 
right  hand  doth,  it  is  in  this.  I  know  not  how 
to  express  the  exalted  opinion  I  now  enter- 
tain of  her  unusual  merit.  I  do  not  know  when 
I  have  read  any  thing  with  more  interest  and 
delight.  This  may,  in  part,  be  owing  to  my 
having  had  the  honor  and  pleasure  of  a  per" 
sonal  acquaintance  with  her;  but  I  am  sure 
that,  independent  ot  that  circumstance,  the 
"fleet  w^ould  have  been  nearly  the  same. 
What  a  model  ot  female  excellence,  in  every 
point  of  view,  do  her  biography  and  letteis 
exhibit.  I  hope  with  you,  and  cannot  but  be- 
lieve, that  these  Memoirs  will  prove  a  blessing 
to  many  readers." 

Cliarleslown,  Mass.  May  1,  1812, 


MEMOIRS. 

MARTHA  LAURENS  RAiNISAY  was  born 
in  Charleston,  S.C.  on  the  third  of  Novciinber, 
1759.  She  ^Yas  the  daughter  of  Henry  Laurens 
and  of  Eleanor  Ball,  and  born  in  the  ninth  year 
after  their  marriage.  By  the  father's  side  she 
"was  of  French  extraction.  Her  great  grand 
parents  M^ere  born  in  Roc  hello,  and  suffered  in 
the  famous  siege  of  that  place.  They  were 
Hugonots  or  Protestants.  Being, by  the  revo- 
cation of  the  edict  of  Nantz,  compelled  to  leave 
their  native  country,  they  came  to  America  in 
the  latter  end  of  the  17th  century.  Her  m.a- 
tcrnal  ancestors  migrated  from  Devonshire  in 
Ent^land,  and  settled  in  South  Carolina  about 
the  same  time. 

In  the  first  year  of  her  life  she  had  the  small- 
pox so  severely  that  she  was  supposed  to  be  dead, 
and  OS  such  was  actually  laid  out  preparatory 
lo  her  funeral.      This  was  done  under  an  open 

indov,',  instead  of  the  clo#  room  in  wliich  she 
had  been  kept,  according  to  the  absurd  mode  of 
treating  the  small  pox  in  1760.     Dr.  Moultrie, 

o'.ring  in  at  tiiis  crisis,  pronounced   her  to  be 


12  MEMOIRS   O^ 

still  alive,  probably  recalled  to  life  by  the  fresh 
air  of  the  open  window.  Under  other  circum- 
stances she  would  shortly  have  been  buried,  as 
was  then  commonly  done,  with  persons  who 
died  of  the  small  pox  in  that  year  of  extensive 
mortality.  A  valuable  life  was  thus  providen- 
tially saved  for  future  usefulness. 

Martha  Laurens  early  discovered  a  great  ca- 
pacity and  eagerness  for  learning.  In  the 
Course  of  her  third  year  she  could  readily  read 
any  book,  and,  what  is  extraordinary,  in  an  in- 
verted position,  without  any  difficulty.  In  youth 
her  vivacity  and  spirits  wei**  exuberant.  Feats 
of  activity,  though  attended  with  personal  dan- 
ger, were  to  her  familiar;  great  exertions  of 
bodily  labor;  romantic  projects;  excesses  of  the 
wildest  play  were  preferred  to  stagnant  life; 
but  from  all  these  she  could  be  turned  off  in  a 
moment  to  serious  business.  As  she  grew  up, 
the  same  activity  was  exerted  in  acquiring  the 
useful  and  ornamental  parts  of  female  educa- 
tion. She  very  soon  acquired  a  grammatical 
knowledge  of  the  French  language;  a  consid- 
erable eminence  in  reading,  writing,  arithme- 
tic, English  gramn^r,  geography,  the  use  of 
the  globes.  She  even  acquired  a  considerable 
acquaintance   with  geometry*  and  mathemat- 

*  Among  her  private  papers  has  been  found,  accurately 
drawn  by  her  Iiand,  the  ftrst  plan  of  the  present  circular 


IMRS.  RAMSAV.  13 

jcal  science.  At  the  same  time  she  was  inde- 
fatigable in  cultivatinj^  an  acquaintance  with 
books;  and,  by  means  of  abridging,  transcrib- 
ing-, and  committing  to  memory,  was  very  suc- 
cessful in  retaining  much  of  what  she  read.  In 
accomplishments  and  the  ornamental  parts  of 
education,  she  excelled,  and  in  the  exercise  of 
ihem  took  great  delight. 

In  the  11th  year  of  her  age  she  sustained  an 
immense  loss  by  the  death  of  her  excellent 
mother;  but  this  was  in  some  measure  made 
up  by  the  maternal  care  of  her  good  aunt,  Ma- 
ry Laurens,  the  wiiip  of  James  Laurens,  whoso 
sound  judgment,  refined  manners,  and  eminent 
piety  well  fitted  her  for  training  up  her  orphan 
niece  for  both  worlds.  To  her  care,  and  to  that 
of  his  brother,  Henry  Laurens  committed  the 
charge  of  his  two  daughters,  while  he  went  to 
superintend  the  education  of  his  sons  in  Eu- 
rope. There  he  continued  till  the  end  of  the 
year  1774,  when  love  for  his  country  brought 
him  back  to  its  defence  against  the  aggressions 
of  Britain.  Thus,  while  Providence  deprived 
]Miss  Laurens  of  the  instructions  and  example 
of  her  natural   mother,    it   raised   up   another 

chvxch,  but  without  the  western  projection  aftcrw.nnl  added 
Ijy  othtrs.  Tliis  prccodid  the  cLpjaiit  plan  of  the  ingenious 
arfiilcct,  Mr.  Mills,  and  was  iiilroduclory  to  the  motion 
A.  hith  ul'lmaltly  terminated  in  tlie  adoption  of  the  c'!«u!ai- 
foj-'B. 


14  MEMOIRS    OF 

friend,  who  performed  the  maternal  duties^ 
with  equal  capacity,  fidelity,  and  affection. 
Though  she  was  deprived  of  the  company  of 
her  wise  and  virtuous  father,  for  almost  the 
whole  of  that  interesting  period,  which  extend- 
ed from  the  11th  to  the  22d  year  of  her  age, 
she  continued  to  receive  letters  from  him. 
From  1771  till  1775  his  paternal  instructions, 
communicated  by  letter,  v/ere  calculated  to  for- 
ward the  virtuous  education  of  a  beloved 
daughter,  growing  up  with  fair  prospects  of  an 
ample  fortune;  but  in  and  after  1775  he  warned 
her  of  the  probability  that  his  estate  would  be 
forfeited,  and  that  her  father  and  brother  in 
arms  would  lose  their  lives,  and  that  she  must 
prepare  to  maintain  herself  by  her  own  exer- 
tions.* These  anticipations  were  not  fully  re- 
alized; but  the  expectation  of  them  had  a  direct 
tendency  to  assist  in  forming  the  solid  educa- 
tion of  the  person  to  whom  they  were  addressed. 
Miss  Laurens,  in  her  l^th  year, began  to  be 
the  subject  of  serious  religious  impressions* 
She  was  well  instructed  in  the  great  gospel 
mystery  of  salvation  by  the  atoning  sacrifice  of 
Jesus  Christ  for  the  sins  of  the  world.  Aad 
there  is  good  reason  to  believe,  that  at  a  very 
early  period  she  was  brought  by  the   grace  of 


See  Appendix  No.  I.  for  ext«'acts  from  these  letters* 


MRS.  RAMSAY.  15 

God  cordially  to  accept  of  salvation   freely  of- 
fered, though  dearly  purchased. 

In  the  15th  year  of  her  age,  in  conformity 
to  the  advice  of  Dr.  Doddridge,  and  in  a  form 
of  words  recommended  by  him,  she  prepared, 
and  solemnly  executed  an  instrument  of  writ- 
ing, called  by  her  with  great  propriety,  "A  self 
dedication  and  solemn  covenant  with  God.'*  In 
this,  after  a  suitable  introduction,  "she  presents 
before  her  Maker  the  whole  frame  of  her  na- 
ture, all  the  faculties  of  her  mind,  and  all  the 
members  of  her  body,  as  a  living  sacrifice  holy 
and  acceptable  unto  God."  And  "not  only  con- 
secrates all  that  she  was,  and  all  that  she  had 
to  his  service,  but  humbly  resigns  to  his  heav- 
enly v.ill  all  that  she  called  hers,  to  be  dispos- 
ed of  as  he  pleased."!  In  the  Old  Testament 
we  several  times  read  of  the  rulers,  priests, 
and  people  among  the  Jews  solemnly  cove- 
nanting before  God,  to  renounce  their  trans- 
gressions and  to  adhere  to  his  service.  In  the 
9th  and  10th  chapters  of  Nehcmiah  there  is 
a  particular  account  of  a  covenant  to  this  ef- 
fect, drawn  up  in  writing,  and  ratified  by  the 
names  and  seals  of  the  persons  who  consented 
to  it.     Whether  in  addition  to  these  examples 

f  Sec  Appcndiv,  Xo.  IT.  Ojr  an  exact  copy  of  this  sol- 
emn act.  The  original  will  be  sliowii  lo  sucli  fricntfs  Rs 
»tiav  desire  to  sec  it. 


16  MEMOIRS    OF 

from  holy  writ,  and  the  recommendation  of  Dr. 
Doddridge,  there  were  any  particular  circum- 
stances, which,  at  that  time,  induced  Miss  Lau- 
rens to  enter  into  this  written  engagement  to  be 
the  Lord's,  is  unknown  It  is  believed  that  she 
kept  the  transaction  secret  from  all  the  world, 
and  that  the  paper  in  question,  now  37  years 
old,  was  never  seen  by  any  human  being  be- 
fore her  death.  At  the  time  of  its  execution 
she  was  exactly  fourteen  years  and  seven  weeks 
old,  was  in  possession  of  all  the  comforts  of  life, 
and  had  as  brilliant  prospects  before  her  as  any 
of  her  sex  in  Carolina.  The  only  serious  afllic* 
tion  she  had  then  met  with  was  the  loss  of  her 
mother.  This  had  taken  place  three  years  and 
seven  months  before,  and  the  keen  sensations 
occasioned  thereby  must,  in  the  ordinary 
course  of  things,  have  been  nearly  worn  off  by- 
time.  The  engiigements  thus  solemnly  en- 
tered into  by  Miss  Laurens  were  in  unison 
with  her  subsequent  conduct  through  life.  Of 
the  sincerity  of  the  transaction,  on  her  part, 
on  a  view  of  all  its  circumstances,  no  doubt 
can  exist. 

In  the  year  1775,  James  Laurens,  his  wife 
and  two  nieces,  Martha  La'.irens  and  Mary 
Eleanor  Laurens,  afterward  the  wife  of  Charles 
Pinckney  went  to  England.  Martha  Laurens 
was  received  on  her  landing  by  her  elder  broth' 


]MRS.   RAMSAY.  17    - 

er,  Jolin  Laurens,  from  whom  she  had  been 
for  some  years  separated.  Being  older,  he 
had  taken  great  delight  in  forwarding  her 
education,  and  particularly,  in  forming  her 
mind  to  be  superior  to  the  common  accidents 
of  life,  and  the  groundless  fears  of  some  of  her 
sex.  To  ascertain  whether  his  labors  had  been 
successful  or  not,  he  bribed  the  postillion  to 
drive  very  rapidly,  and  at  the  same  time  with- 
out discovering  his  views,  narrowly  watched 
her  countenance,  to  observe  whether  there 
v.-ere  any  changes  in  it  expressive  of  womanish 
fears,  at  the  novel  scene,  so  totally  different 
from  all  her  former  travelling  in  the  low,  flat, 
btoneless  country  of  Carolina.  On  the  termin- 
ation of  the  experiment  to  his  satisfaction,  he 
announced  to  his  unsuspecting  sister  his  con- 
gratulations, that  "he  had  found  her  the  same 
Spartan  girl  he  had  left  her." 

In  1775,  when  Miss  I^aurcns  left  America, 
she  destroyed  all  her  private  papers,  except  the 
act  of  self  dedication,  just  mentioned.  These 
were  numerous,  though  the  last  of  them  were 
vritten  before  she  had  completed  her  sixteenth 
year.  They  chiefly  consisted  of  devotional  re- 
ii;arl;s  on  passing  events;  statements  of  the  re- 
ligions exercises  of  her  mind;  a  diary,  and  ex- 
tracts from  books  she  had  read.  This  destruction 
^  he  often  regretted,  but  consented  to  it,  from  tho 


18  MEMOIRS    OF 

prospect  of  an  itinerant  life,  during  her  exile 
from  home,  and  still  more,  from  the  unsettled 
state  of  her  native  country  on  the  commence- 
ment of  the  revolutionary  war.  The  same 
process,  with  the  exception  of  tv;o  papers,!  and 
for  the  same  reasons,  was  repeated  some  years 
after,  when  she  went  from  England  to  France. 
During  her  residence  in  England  she  wrote 
much,  and  her  subsequent  regret  was  greater 
for  its  destruction4    She  afterward   cither  dis- 

■j-  See  Appendix,  No.  III.  foi-  copies  of  these  two  papers. 

^  Since  writing  this  sentence  tlie  etiitor  had  reason  to 
hope,  thiit  something-  of  iniportance,  written  by  Miss  Lau- 
I'CDS,  Avhile  in  England,  was  still  in  existence,  and  in  the 
])06session  of  her  intimate  friend,  Mrs.  Urailsford;  accord- 
inc^Iv  he,  bv  letter,  asked  for  infoimation,  and  requested  it' 
such  writing  e.xiste<l,to  be  favored  with  its  perusal.  To 
his  application  the  following  answer  was  returned. 
Sir, 

In  consequence  of  your  application  of  yesterday,  I  enclose 
for  vour  perusal  two  small  books  of  reflections  given  mc 
many  years  since,  by  my  late  much  loved  friend,  dtar  Mrs, 
]iatni-aY;  but  under  such  itrjurictions  that  no  human  eye 
but  my  own  should  ever  see  them,  that  I  never  thouglrt 
myself  at  libertv  to  show  them,  even  to  my  beloved  moth- 
er, and  I  can  scarcely  think  myself  justified  in  doing  what 
1  now  do.  Yet  the  very  close  relation  in  vhich  you  were 
imited  to  her,  makes  me  particularly  anxious  to  com]tly 
V  itb  your  request;  and  I  tnist  if  her  pure  and  highly  e.Natt- 
ed  spirit  now  beholds  me.  sl\e  does  not  disapprove  this  act. 
3  beg  to  be  most  afTeclioiateiy  remembered  to  your  dear 
family,  And  remain,  sir, 

Your  Immlfle  servant, 

liLIiABETH     KPvAILSFORD, 

•June  29,  1811. 

Tor  the  papers  thus  providentially  bro'jght  to  view, 
iliough  their  existence  was  unknown  and  unsuspected  Vi  hca 
rhis  wurk  coiinuenced,  see  Appendix,  No.  l\  . 


MRS.  RAMSAY.  19 

continued  writing,  or  destroyed  what  she  wrote, 
for  no  papers  of  any  consequence  have  been 
found  among  her  iri an u scripts,  as  written  dur- 
ing the  subsequent  seven  years  of  her  resi- 
dence in  Europe. 

■  During  the  first  years  of  the  American  rev- 
olution, and  for  a  short  period  after  its  termin- 
ation, INIiss  Laurens  resided  in  various  parts 
of  England,  improving  her  mind  and  prepar- 
ing herself  for  meeting  the  contemplated  loss 
of  her  father,  brother,  and  fortune  by  the 
events  of  the  war,  and  at  the  same  time  doing 
every  office  of  love  to  her  afflicted  uncle.  She 
afterward  continued  the  same  kind  services  to 
him  for  several  years  in  France.  In  that  coun- 
try, in  the  year  1784,  he  was  released  by 
death,!  from  a  long  protracted,  painful  com- 
plaint, under  which  he  had  labored  for  the  last 
ten  years  of  his  life;  and  his  surviving  friends, 
with  pious  sacrilege,  stole  for  him  a  grave,  in 
which  they  deposited  his  remains.  Mr.  James 
1/aurens  having  no  children  of  his  own,  pro- 
posed to  leave  the  bulk  of  his  estate   to   Miss 

I  AVhcn  Mr.  .Tames  Laurens  died  in  Vigan,  his  niece 
MiutiiH  Laurens  vas  wiili  licr  rallur  in  Lnglaud.  She 
sh.rteil  out  of  bed,  and  pronouiicfd  that  her  uncle  was  just 
dead;  Junl  at  hur  re(|ii(st  the  <hiy  and  hour  was  com- 
mitted l'>  writiiiij,  by  Miss  Fulcrell.  In  ihc  ordinary  c(turse 
of  the  piJsiM  hetut-en  the  two  r.cunlries,  intelligence  of  his 
death  arrived,  an»l  the  day  and  hour  oi  it  precisely  corr^s- 
!ii)i.<I«.  J  A  illi  \\  h'«t  had  been  recorded  hs  afore  ^aid  hi  linjj'anU. 


20  MEMOIRS    OF 

Laurens,  bis  faitbful  nurse  and  uffectionate 
niece;  but  she  peremptorily  refused  the  ac- 
ceptance thereof  to  the  deterioration  of  the 
reasonable  expectations  of  her  brothers  and 
sister.  The  M'ill  was  framed  agreeable  to 
her  wishes;  but  the  testator,  in  addition  to  a 
child's  share,  left  her  a  specific  legacy  of  live 
hundred  pounds  sterling,  declared  in  his  will 
to  be  "a  token  of  his  friendship  for  her;  and  as 
an  acknowledgment  for  the  services  she  had 
rendered  to  him  and  his  family,  and  for  her 
good  and  gentle  conduct  upon  all  occasions." 

While  Miss  Laurens  resided  in  England,  she 
fcrmcd  an  acquaintance  with  many  persons  em- 
inent for  their  piety,  and  particularly  with  the 
countess  of  Huntingdon,  by  wliom  she  was 
very  much  noticed.  She  higlily  prized  the  com- 
pany of  such  persons,  and  from  them  received 
!)oLh  pleasure  and  improvement. 

After  the  treaty  of  France  with  congress,  in 
1778,  and  particularly  the  rejection  in  the  same 
year  of  the  offers  of  Great  Britain,  for  a  reun- 
ion with  her  late  colonies,  the  situation  of  the 
Carolina  Laurens  family  in  l:",ngland  was  un- 
])leasant.  Henry  Laurens  was  at  that  lime 
president  of  congress,  and  had  officially  con- 
ducted the  correspondence  of  that  body  with 
the  British  commissioners,  v.  liich  terminated 
in  a  rejection  of  their  oiTcrs.      Miss  Laurens 


MRS.  RAMSAY.  21 

was  often  obliged  to  hear  her  native  country 
abused,  and  to  read  and  hear  her  beloved  fa- 
ther calumniated  as  a  fomenter  of  the  disputes 
between  Britain  and  her  colonies;  and  as  an  as- 
piring, ambitious  man,  wishing  to  rise  to  conse- 
quence at  every  hazard;  but  taught  by  his  sage 
advice,  and  her  own  good  sense,  she  shunned  all 
political  controversy.  Unable  to  render  her 
suffering  country  any  other  service,  she  daily 
offered  up  her  fervent   prayers  in  its  behalf. 

Mr.  James  Laurens,  his  two  nieces,  and 
their  aunt,  or  second  mother,  finding  it  expe- 
dient to  leave  England,  passed  over  to  France, 
and  lived  there  till  the  re-establishment  of 
peace.  During  the  greatest  part  of  this  peri- 
od, of  six  or  seven  years,  and  the  whole  of  the 
time  of  their  residence  in  England,  they  were 
almost  wholly  cut  off  from  their  usual  means  of 
support,  for  their  property  was  in  America, 
three  thousand  nrules  distant.  War  raged,  and 
the  Atlantic  ocean  rolled  between  them  and 
it.  In  this  forlorn  situation  they  found  ample 
occasion  for  all  the  comforts  of  that  religion 
which  they  professed.  The  greatest  economy 
was  necessary.  A  residence  in  Vigan  was 
preferred  on  account  of  the  cheapness  of  living. 
There  Miss  Laurens  spent  her  time  usefully 
to  her  uncle,  profitably  to  herself,  and  as  pleas- 
antly as  straitened  circumstances,  anxiety  for 


22  MEMOIRS  OF 

her  friends  and  native  country,  then  the  seat  of 
war  would  permit.  She  had  many  opportuni- 
ties of  improviiiL!;  her  mind  by  reading  and  con- 
versation, which  she  diligently  improved.  She 
find  the  family  of  her  uncle  received  great  ci- 
vilities from  the  French,  for  the  same  rea- 
sons that  they  received  slights  from  the  Eng- 
lish. But  nevertheless,  they  had  all  abundant 
scope  for  the  exercise  of  faith,  patience,  and 
trust  in  that  Bcintr  to  whom  they  had  commit- 
ted  all  their  concerns.  Love'to  their  common 
Father  in  heaven,  and  love  and  harmony  among 
themselves  sweetened  their  frugal  repasts,  and 
look  away  the  bitterness  of  the  cup  of  affliction 
from  which  they  were  obliged  deeply  to  drink. 
In  the  year  1780,  Miss  Laurens's  father  was 
taken  a  prisoner,  and  confined  on  a  charge  of 
liigb  treason  in  the  tower  of  London,  and  his 
life  staked  on  the  success  of  the  American 
revolution.  If  that  had  faii*  d  it  would  have 
been  easy  to  have  convicted  him  of  the  crim® 
with  which  he  was  charged,  and  not  easy  to 
have  saved  him  from  the  penalty  annexed  to 
it.  The  disorder  of  her  uncle  became  daily 
worse,  and  required  unceasing  attention  by- 
night,  and  by  day  Charleston  was  taken  by  the 
British;  Carolina  ovcrinin  by  their  armies;  re- 
mittances were  not  only  rendered  impossible, 
but  the  loss  of  the  whole   capital    extremely 


Mrs.  ramsaV.  23 

probable.  The  alarms  of  her  father,  at  the  com- 
mencement of  the  war,   seemed  to  be  on   the 
point  of  beini^  realized.     About  the  same  time, 
intelligence  was  received  that   her    dearly  be- 
loved brother,  John  Laurens,  had   fallen  in  bat- 
tle.   Under  this  complication  of  distresses,  she 
found  the  wisdom  and  comfort  of  having  se- 
cured a  friend  in  her  Maker,  by  a  solemn   cov- 
enant entered  into  with  hirn  in  the  morning  of 
life,   in   the   full   enjoyment  of  health,   and  in 
the  fair    prospect    of  every   worldly   blessing* 
From  this  source  she  drew  much  consolation, 
and  bore  up  under  every  trial,  trusting  in  Him 
to  whom  she   had,  in  a  most  solemn   manner, 
consecrated  herself.       In  due  time   the  clouds 
of  adversity  began   to  disperse;   the  prospects 
of  America  brightened.     Her  father  was  dis- 
charged from  confinement,  and  after  a  separa' 
tion  of  seven  years,  she    joined   him   in    Paris, 
and  presided  over  his  domestic  concerns,  while 
he  assisted  in  the  negociations  which   termina- 
ted in  peace  aiid  the    acknowledged   indepen- 
dence of  the   United   States.      The    transition 
from  the  nurse's  ciiamber,  in    a  remote    coun- 
try place,  to  t!ie  head  of  the  table  of  a  minister 
plenipotentiary  in   the    metiopolis   of   France, 
was  great  and  sudden.    Amidst  the  gayetics  of 
Paris,  in  which  she  occasionally   indulged,  her 
RiMc  was  her  companion  and  counsellor.     She 


24  MEMOIRS   OF 

tead  it  by  day  and  meditated  on  it  by  night.  It 
had  tauyht  her  to  bear  adversity  with  patience, 
resignation,  and  fortitude;  and  now  kept  her 
from  the  intoxication  and  follies,  which  are  too 
apt  to  grow  out  of  prosperity. 

About  this  time,  Miss  Laurens  received 
from  her  father,  a  present  of  five  hundred  guin- 
eas. For  some  years  before  she  had  been 
obliged  to  live  in  restricted  circumstances, 
from  the  impossibility  of  receiving  supplies. 
To  make  up  for  this  suspension  of  her  father's 
usual  liberality,  he  gave  her  the  above  men- 
tioned sum  at  once.  Of  this  she  appropriated 
only  a  small  part  to  her  own  use.  With  the 
surplus  she  purchased  one  hundred  French 
testaments,  which  was  the  whole  number  at 
market;  gave  them  awayf  among  the  poor,  in 
and  near  Vigan,  and  also  established  a  school 
for  the  instruction  of  the  youth  in  the  same 
place,  engaged  a  master  to  preside  over  it,  and 
constituted  a  fund  to  defray  its  annual  expenses. 
There  is  reason  to  believe  that  the  institution 
continues  to  this  day,  for  the  funds  left  were 
fully  adequate   to  its  support  in  that   part  of 

fMrs.  Ramsay  Avas  vejy  much  in  the  habit  of  giving  books 
as  kecpsukes.  'I'o  young  persons  she  generally  gave  the  Bi- 
ble aud  lJo<ldri(lge  s  Rise  and  Frogrcbs  of  Religion.  >/anr 
persons  both  in  Europe  and  in  America,  have  received 
these  books  from  her,  v.ith  a  short  jnemoranduni  iu  her 
haiid  writing,  pointing  cut  their  important  contents. 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  25 

France,  where  the  expenses  of  education   and 
living  were  then  astonishingly  low. 

The  restoration  of  peace  to  Carolina  in  1 783, 
pointed  out  the  propriety  of  the  return  of  the 
inhabitants.  Miss  Laurens,  with  her  aunt  and 
sister,  arrived  in  Charleston  in  1785,  after  a 
long  absence,  comprehending  something  more 
than  the  whole  period  of  the  American  revolu- 
tion. Their  joy  on  finding  their  native  coun- 
try at  peace,  and  raised  from  the  humble  rank 
of  a  dependent  colony  to  that  of  an  independent 
state,  was  inexpressible.  Nov/,  for  the  first 
time,  after  leading  an  unsettled  life  for  ten 
years,  they  found  themselves  at  home.  On  the 
23d  of  January,  1787,  ^Nliss  Laurens  was  mar- 
ried to  Dr.  David  Ramsay,  and  in  the  course 
of  the  ensuing  sixteen  years,  became  the 
mother  of  eleven  children.  Of  these  eight  sur- 
vived. Mrs.  Ramsay  now  displayed  the  same 
virtuous  habits,  and  the  same  energy  of  charac- 
ter, in  taking  care  of  her  children,  in  promoting 
her  husband's  happiness,  and  making  a  well 
ordered  home  his  cliicf  dcliq;ht,  that  had  for- 
mcrly  distinguished  Miss  Laurens  in  acquiring 
useful  knowledge,  and  discharging  tlie  duties 
of  a  dauglitcr,  a  sister,  and  a  niece.  Soon  after 
she  became  a  mother,  she  studied  with  deep 
interest  ir.ost  of  the  esteemed  piactical  treatises 
on  education,  both  in  French  and  English,  that 


26  HEMOIRS    OF 

she  might  be  better  informed  of  the  nature 
and  extent  of  her  new  duties.  She  gave  a  de- 
cided preference  to  the  writings  of  Mr.  Locke 
and  Dr.  Witherspoon  on  that  subject.  The 
object  she  proposed  to  herself  was  to  obtain  for 
her  children,  health  of  body  and  a  well  regu- 
lated mind.  To  secure  the  former,  they  were 
from  their  birth  daily  washed  in  cold  water,  and 
throughout  the  whole  period  of  infancy,  per- 
mitted to  expose  themselves  with  uncovered 
feet,  to  wet  and  cold,  and  all  the  varieties  and 
sudden  changes  of  Carolina  weather.  To  favor 
the  latter,  they  were  taught  to  curb  their  tem- 
pers; to  subject  their  passions  to  the  supreme 
dominion  of  reason  and  religion;  to  practise 
self  denial;  to  bear  disappointments;  and  to  re- 
sist the  importunity  of  present  pleasure  or 
pain,  for  the  sake  of  what  reason  pronounces 
fit  to  be  done  or  borne.  She  suckled  all  her 
children  without  the  aid  of  any  wet  nurse; 
watched  over  them  by  night  and  day;  and 
clung  to  them  every  moment  of  sickness  or 
pain.  They  were  the  subjects  of  her  prayers 
before  they  were  born,  and  every  subsequent 
day  of  her  life.  With  one  exception  she  de- 
voted them  all  to  God  in  baptism,  publicly  in 
church,  at  a  time,  when  private  baptisms  wci-e 
common;  for  she  rejoiced  in  every  proper  op- 
portunity of  declaring  to   the  world  her   firiTi 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  27 

belief  of  the  christian  religion,  and  her  respect 
for  ail  its  institutions.  As  soon  as  they  were 
cap  ;blc  of  receiviui^  religious  instruction,  she 
liberally  imparted  it;  and  early  taught  them 
their  miserable  and  corrupted  state  by  nature; 
that  they  Mere  born  into  a  ^vorld  of  sin  and 
misery;  surrounded  vith  temptations,  and 
■without  a  possibility  of  salvation,  but  by  the 
grace  of  God,  and  a  participation  in  the  bene- 
fits procured  for  sinners,  by  the  atoning  sacri- 
fice of  Jesus  Christ,  and  at  the  same  time,  that 
God  was  the  hearer  of  prayer,  the  tenderest  of 
fathers,  and  the  best  of  friends  to  all  who  put 
their  trust  in  him.  She  early  taught  them  to 
read  their  Bibles.  That  this  might  be  done 
pleasantly  she  connected  with  it  Mrs.  Trim- 
mer's prints  of  scripture  history;  that  it  might 
be  done  with  understLUidir.g,  she  made  them 
read,  in  connexion  with  their  Bibles,  Watts*s 
short  view  of  the  whole  scripture  history,  and 
as  they  advanced  to  a  proper  age.  Newt*  n  on 
the  Prophecies;  and  such  books,  as  connect 
sacred  with  profane  history,  and  the  Old  with 
the' New  Testament;  so  that  the  Bible,  though 
"written  in  periods  widely  remote  from  each 
other,  might  appear  to  them  a  uniform,  har- 
monious systemof  divine  truth.  Of  this  blessed 
book  she  enjoined  upon  them  daily  to  read  a 
portion,  and  to  prize  it  as  the  standard  of  faith 


.28  MEMOIRS    OF 

ai*d  practice;  as  a  communication  from  heaveu 
on  eternal  concerns;  as  the  word  of  God  point- 
ing out  the  only  way  to  salvation;  as  a  letter  of 
love  sent  from  their  heavenly  Father  to  direct 
their  wandering  feet  to  the  paths  of  truth  and 
happiness.  From  it  she  was  taught  "that  fool- 
ishness is  bound  in  the  heart  of  a  child,  but  the 
rod  of  correction  shall  drive  it  far  from  him." 
She  therefore,  on  proper  occasions,  used  the 
rod,  but  always  with  discretion  and  judgment, 
sometimes  with  prayer,  often  with  tears,  but 
never  with  anger.  She  was  well  acquainted 
with  the  plans  of  Rousseau,  and  other  iTiodeni 
reformers,  who  are  for  discarding  the  rod  and 
substituting  confinement,  and  other  visionary 
projects  in  its  place;  but  considered  them  all 
as  inferior  in  efficacy,  to  the  prudent  use  of 
the  rod;  and  believed  that  nothing  injured  the 
temper  less,  or  more  effectually  promoted  the 
proper  end  of  punishment  in  young  subjects, 
than  corporal  pain,  applied  judiciously  and 
simultaneously  with  the  offence;  and  that  the 
modern  substitutes  for  the  rod  often  nourished 
a  sullen  obstinacy  of  temper,  without  mending 
the  heart  or  practice.  As  her  children  ad- 
vanced in  years,  she  conducted  her  sons 
through  a  course  of  education  fitting  them  to 
enter  college,  and  with  the  help  of  her  tried 
and  accomplished  friend,  Miss  Futereij,  she 


MRS.    RAMSAY. 


29 


carried  her  daughters  at  home  through  the  sev- 
eral studies  taught  in  boarding  schools.  In 
every  period  of  her  adult  age,  whether  married 
or  single,  when,  from  accidental  circumstances, 
she  was  the  head  of  the  family,  and  in  health, 
she  daily  read  to  her  domestic  circle,  a  portion 
of  the  holy  scriptures,  and  prayed  with  them; 
and  frequently  on  particular  occasions,  with 
one  or  more  individuals  of  it,  and  regularly,  ev- 
ery Sunday,  with  her  young  white  and  black 
family,  in  addition  to  catechetical  instructions 
given  to  both  at  the  same  lime.  In  case  of  a 
temporary  separation,  extraordinary  deliver- 
ance, providence,  misconduct,  or  even  of  a 
quarrel  among  her  boys,  she  would  take  the 
parties  and  present  them  with  herself  before 
the  throne  of  Grace,  and  in  a  solemn  address 
to  their  common  heavenly  Father,  and  her  cov- 
enant God,  state  all  the  circumstances  of  the 
case,  and  implore  of  him  by  his  grace,  to  give 
them  the  temper,  disposition,  and  views,  which 
were  suitable  to  their  situation  and  condition.* 

•  It  is  remarkable,  that  from  and  after  the  lime  col.  Jolm 
Lnmciis  was  killed  in  tsouth  Carolina,  Autrnst  *J7Ui,  I78i,', 
Ills  bjstci",  llie  subject  of  thtsc  nieiiioirs,  llitn  iu  Vigan, 
r.t'vcr  put  up  a  prayer  foi  bini  thoii-h  she  \v:is  [»  eviously 
iiiliic  habit  of  praying  frct|UcM  il\  for  him;  and  his  deatli 
V,  as  unknown  to  her  furlAo  or  throe  uionths  alter  it.  had 
taken  place.  She  Tnenliontd  I  lie  fact,  viihoul  pu-ttniling 
to  aicount  ibr  it,  and  a(Ulcd,  that  rhc  B».vci"al  liiurs  vonder- 
cd  at  her  ornissioa  uf  thai  u:>uai  puiC  of  her  duty,  uud  ru« 
»1 


30  MEMOIRS    OF 

She  prized  prayer  as  the  courtier  does  a  key, 
tJiat  at  all  times  gives  him  access  to  the  pres- 
ence of  his  sovereign;  and  in  all  the  important 
transactions  of  her  life,  resolved  on  nothing 
till  she  had  previously  sought  direction  of  God 
respecting  it.  She  might  be  said  to  live  a  life 
of  prayer,  for  she  incorporated  it  \vith  her 
daily  business,  and  was  so  habituated  to  its 
constant  practice,  that  prayers  frequently  con- 
stituted a  part  of  her  dreams.  Believing  most 
thoroughly  that  God's  providence  extends  to 
every  event  and  cv*ry  circumstance  of  the  life 
of  every  human  being,  and  subscribing  to  the 
doctrine  of  Dr.  Leechman,  in  his  excellent 
sermon  on  prayer,  which  she  highly  prized, 
"that  it  is  as  absurd  to  expect  we  shall  arrive 
at  virtue  and  happiness  without  prayer,  as  it 
would  be  for  the  husbandman  to  hope  he  shall 
have  his  usual  crop,  though  he  bestow  none  of 
his  usual  labor  and  industry;"  she  practically 
conformed  to  the  apostolic  precept  "pray  with- 
out ceasing,"  and  daily  brought  before  her 
Maker  the  cases  of  herself,  family,  friends, 
neighbors,  and  sometimes  of  strangers,  whose 
situation  was  known  to  be  interesting. 

She  was  a  constant  and  devout  attendant  on 
divine  service;  steadily  recorded  the  text,  and 

solved  to  retire  for  the  purpose  of  praying  for  her  brother; 
but  that  ill  every  such  case,  some  sudden  cail  or  other  uu< 
expticted  event  iuttrposcd  to  j)reYcnt  her  dying  -'^- 


INIRS.    RAMSAY.  S\ 

occasionally  made  a  short  analysis  of  the  ser- 
mon.* She  generally  spent  a  considerable 
part  of  the  intervals  of  public  worship,  in  cate- 
chising and  instructing  her  children  and  ser- 
vants; in  reading  with  them  the  Bible  and 
other  good  books,  particularly  "Burkitt's  help 
and  guide  to  Christian  families."  In  perform- 
ing this  duty,  she  placed  her  children  around 
her,  and  read  alternately  with  them  verses  in 
the  Bible,  and  Watts's  Psalms  and  Hymns,  or 
sentences  in  other  religious  books,  so  as  to 
teach  them  at  the  same  time,  by  her  example, 
the  art  of  reading  with  emphasis  and  propriety. 
The  exercise  was  occasionally  varied  by  read- 
ing in  the  same  manner  the  New  Testament 
in  Greek,  with  her  sons,  and  in  French  with 
her  daughters.  From  the  seventeenth  year  of 
her  age,  she  was  a  regular,  steady,  and  devout 
attendant  on  the  communion.  In  this  she 
found  so  much  comfort,  that  she  regretted  ab- 
sence from  it,  as  a  serious  loss.  She  possessed 
herself  of  tlic  names  of  the  new  members  ad- 
mitted to  it  from  time  to  lime,  and  recorcledf 

•  These  nioraorandums,  with  pious  noliccs  of  passing 
provitlcnt-es,  praytMS,  and  other  rcIi;;ious  exercises  ami 
records  of  ihc  slate  of  Mrs.  liaiusay's  inind,  on  iniportaiil 
occasions,  w<re  entered  by  her  in  booiis  in  tlie  form  of  u 
diary,  hut  viih  considerable  chasms.  For  extracts  from 
ihis  diary,  sec  Ajipeudix,  No   V. 

■f  Uft  one  ottubion,  to  the  record  of  tlic  naiuc3  of  the  pcv» 


32  MEMOIRS    OF 

them  as  brothers  and  sisters  in  Christ,  who 
broke  with  her  the  bread  of  life,  at  the  same 
table  of  their  common  Lord,  and  prayed  for 
each  individual  of  them,  whether  she  had  any 
personal  acquaintance  w  ith  them  or  not,  and 
took  a  particular  delight  in  rendering  to  them 
and  her  other  fellow  communicants,  every  kind 
ofiice  in  her  power;  for  she  had  high  ideas  of 
the  communion  of  saints  among  themselves,  as 
being  conjoined  into  one  mystical  body  of 
Christ,  throughouf  this  world,  and  partly  in 
Leaven,  all  united  under  one  common  head, 
and  bound  to  each  other  by  peculiar  ties. 

INIrs.  Ramsay  was  uncommonly  economical 
of  her  time.  She  suffered  none  of  it  to  be 
wasted.  By  rising  early  she  secured  the  most 
valuable  portion  of  it  for  devotion  and  business. 
A  reasonable  part  of  every  day  was  spent  in 
religious  exercises.  IVIuch  in  reading  well 
chosen   books,   and   also   in    copying  original 

tons  admitteil   to  the  communion,  the  following  verses  are 
subjoined. 

Pity  tlie  Nations,  O  onr  God, 

Constrain  the  Horld  to  come; 

Send  tlij  victorious  word  abroad. 

And  bring  the  strangers  home. 

We  long  to  see  thy  churches  full. 
That  ali  the  ransomed  rsce, 
May  with  one  voice,  and  heartland  •SOUI3 
Sing  thy  redeeming  grace. 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  33 

papers  for  her  futher  and  husband;*  much  in 
working,  for  the  r.ccommodation  uf  her  fam- 
ily;! and  much  in  teaching  her  children,  and 
forming  their  minds  to  virtue,  and  knowledge,]; 
and  often  a  considerable  part  of  it  in  writing 

•  She  wrote  veiT^  fast,  and,  at  the  same  time,  a  round, 
<listinct,  legible  hand.  Her  father  pronounced  lier  to  be  the 
best  clerk  he  ever  employed;  and  it  is  well  known  to  hie 
contemporaries  in  business,  that  he  had  many,  and  that 
several  of  them  were  very  good  ones.  In  addition  to  many 
minor  services  in  copying,  she  transcribed  for  Iier  husband 
his  History  of  the  American  Revolution,  Life  of  Washing- 
ton, Review  of  the  Progress  of  medicine  in  the  eighteenth 
century,  and  the  early  part  of  his  Universal  tlistory,  now 
ready  for  publication,  nor  did  she  desist,  till  she  had  ti'air*- 
cd  her  daughters  totlo  as  she  had  done. 

•j-  In  every  kind  of  female  employment,  she  was  ver}'  ex- 
pert, and  despatched  a  great  deal  of  business  in  a  little  tiuif . 
In  reading,  writing,  and  working,  she  was  equally  eXpedi^ 
tious,  and  in  each  departmeiit,  performed  as  much  as  could 
reasonably  be  expected  from  one  who  was  exclusively  em- 
ploycil  in  that  alone 

The  amount  done  in  every  case  was  not  diminished  by 
the  extremity  of  heat,  ia  a  Carolina  summer.  On  the  con- 
trary, she  often  impressed  on  her  children,  that  steady, 
coiiatant  light  work  under  cover,  diminished  the  sensation  of 
Ileal,  while  it  was  iiicreased  in  tlie  case  of  a  listlesb^  com- 
plaining, unem|)loyed  person 

^  Ik  teaching.  Sirs  liamsay  possessed  moie  than  ordina- 
ry resources,  and  took  more  than  ordinary  pains.  For  her 
first  children,  she  compiled  an  English  giammar,  being  dis- 
satisfied with  what  had  been  written  by  Lowth,  Ash,  and 
olher-s;  but  when  she  became  acquainted  with  Lindlay  .Mur- 
ray s  wri  ings,  she  laid  aside  her  own  coinpend,  and  receiv- 
ed his,  as  ihrfjwint;  new  lig!it  on  \vliat  before  was  obscure. 
iShe  taught  her  children  to  read  suih  books,  as  she  pointed 
out  lo  them,  with  care  and  attention;  .<nd  repeatedly,'  tiH 
the  sidjslHiice,  not  the  words,  of  \v  hat  they  read,  Mas  im- 
l)i-inted  on  their  minds.  This  she  i»referred  to  loading  the 
luemury  with  long  extracts,  committed  verbatim.  That 
ihcy  might  be  exercised  in  this  niore  profitable  way,  she 
prepared  questions,  ou  the  rooat  inleresiing  po'*tiona  of  ia- 


54  MEMOIRS    OF 

letters*  to  her  absent  friends.  In  these  she 
was  grave  or  gay  as  the  subject  required.  In 
writing  letters  of  consolation,  to  persons  in 
affliction,  she  excelled.  In  other  cases,  where 
fancy  was  admissible,  the  sprightliness  of  her 
imagination,  gave  a  brilliancy  to  trifles,  which 
imparted  to  them  an  interest  of  Avhich  they 
seemed  scarcely  susceptible.  With  a  few  ex- 
ceptions she  declined  all  visits  iu  the  day,  as 
destructive  of  her  plans  for  making  every  hour 
turn  to  the  best  account.  When  the  business 
of  the  day  was  ended,  she  indulged  her  social 
habits.  The  number  of  books  she  read,  was 
astonishingly  great,  and  her  memory  uncom- 
monly strong,  in  retaining  the  subsiance  of 
their  contents.  She  could  recite  nearly  the 
whole  of  Young's  Night  Thoughts,  without 
book.  Psalm  and  Prayer  books,  were  to  her 
unnecessary;  for  their  contents  were  imprinted 
in  her  mind.  W^ith  the  Holy  Scriptures  she 
was  intimately  acquainted,  and  could  readily 
quote,  or  turn  to  any  text,  or  passage,  bearing 
on  any  present  subject  of  conversation.     The 

eicnt  and  modern  liistor}';  particularly,  Asiatic,  Roman, 
English,  and  biblical  history.  These  they  Avere  expected 
to  answer  from  their  general  knowledge  of  the  subject; 
hvit,  without  committing  the  answers  to  memory.  She  has 
left  behind  her  three  packets  of  historic  questions  of  tliis 
kind,  which  were  her  text  book,  in  examining  her  children, 
V  hen  reading  historical  works. 
*  For  extracts  from  these  letters,  see  Appeadix,  No,  VI. 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  35 

Latin  and  Greek  classics,  she  had  read  in  trans- 
lations, at  a  very  early  period.      By  catchinr; 
from  her  brother,  by  studying:  occasionally  his 
Latin   grammar,  and  books;  and  by  the  aid  of 
an  accurate  knowledge  of  the  French  language, 
and  the  general  principles  of  grammar,  as  ap- 
plied to  the  English  and  French  languages,  she 
laid  such  a  foundation,  that  when  she  became 
the  mother  of  children,  for  their  sakes  she  ran 
over  the  Latin  and  Greek  classics,  in  the  short 
method  recommended  by  Mr.  Locke,  so  as  to 
make   her  a   profitable   instructor  to  them,  in 
these  languages.     With   the   same  views,  she 
began,  and  to  a  considerable  extent  prosecuted 
the  study  of  botany.    From  the  same  versatility 
of  genius,  and  habits  of  industry,  after  she  was 
married,  she  read  with  attention,  most  of  th& 
practical  writers  on  medicine,  that  are  usually 
put  into  the  hands  of  medical  students;   and 
studied  with  particular  interest,  such  of  them, 
as  treat  of  the  diseases  of  women  and  children. 
In  times  of  general  sickness,  when  her  husband 
was  fi  11  of  business,  she  frequently  siiortened 
his  labors,  in  studying  cases  of  peculiar  diffi- 
culty, by  running  over  his  books,  and  finding 
similar  cases;  and  collecting  in  one  view,  lor 
liis   inspection,   the    opinions   and    practice  «)f 
standard   medical   authors,  on  diseases  of  iht- 


36  MEMOIRS    OF 

same  nature.  She  was  familiar  with  most  o£ 
the  modern  works  of  genius,  taste,  and  imagin- 
^tionj  written  in  the  English  and  French  lan- 
guage and  enjoyed  them.  In  solid  learning, 
she  was  not  deficient  Locke's  Essay  on  the 
Human  Understanding,  Watts's  Logic,  Im- 
provement of  the  Mind,  Philosophical  Essays, 
and  other  works  of  science,  were  the  studies  of 
her  youth.  To  these,  as  she  grew  up,  she 
added  natural  and  civil  history,  biography, 
astronomy,  chronology,  philosophy,  voyages, 
travels,  Sec.  In  divinity,  she  read  much  of 
what  was  practical,  but  rarely  looked  into  any 
thing  that  was  controversial.  A  few  funda- 
mental doctrines,  such  as  free  salvation,  by  the 
atoning  sacrifice  of  the  coequal  Son  of  God,  and 
sanctification  by  the  Spirit,  she  considered  as 
essential,  and  worth  contending  for;  but  dis- 
putes on  minor,  unessential  points,  she  consid- 
ered as  injurious  to  peace,  harmony,  and  the 
best  interests  of  religion,  and  would  not  waste 
her 'time  in  studying  them,  any  farther  than 
making  up  her  opinion  on  particular  points, 
from  what  iippcared  to  her  ov;n  mind,  to  be  re- 
vealed in  the  word  of  God.  If  that  was  silent, 
or  did  not  decide  for  or  against  any  opinion  or 
practice,  she  took  no  farther  pains  in  its  inves- 
Ugation.     Thoujjh  she  liighly  delighted  in  the 


MRS.    KAMSAY. 


37 


erTusions  of  genius,  and  elegancies  of  fine 
writiiig,  slie  found  great  profit  and  pleasure  in 
reading  the  plain,  but  substantial,  practical 
^vorks  of  some  of  the  old  divines,  of  the  seven- 
teenth, and  curly  perivids  of  the  eighteenth 
century.  Baxter,  Flavel,  Boston,  Owen,  Allen, 
Drelincourt,  Henry,  Burkitt,  Watts,  and  Dod- 
dridge, and  some  others  of  the  same  stamp, 
V.CVC  her  favorite  authors.  These  she  read 
Avith  attention,  and  underscored  with  a  pencil 
such  passages  as  were  most  interesting.  From 
Henry's  Exposition  of  the  Scriptures,  she  made 
considerable  transcripts,  which  liave  been 
found  in  packets  of  her  writing.  She  felt  a 
particular  interest  in  the  prosperity  of -a  family 
in  Charleston,  descended  from  tlie  famous 
Thomas  Boston,  of  Ettrick,  in  Scotland,  author 
of  a  book,  entitled,  "The  Crook  in  the  Lot,  or 
the  Sovereignty  and  Wisdom  of  God,  in  the 
afilictions  of  manj"  from  the  reading  of  which, 
she  had  received  much  con^fort  and  benefit. 
O.ven  on  Indwelling  Sin,  and  Flavel  on  Provi- 
dence, and  on  keeping  the  heart,  she  repeat- 
edly rcc  d.  Among  her  papers  has  been  found  an 
abridgment  of  the  hist  mentioned  work,  made 
by  herself,  and  wriiten  wiih  her  own  hand.* 

•    ABniDGMLNT. 

'I  o  KPop  the  !ic:iTt,  h  cai-efiillv  in  proservc  it  from  sin, 
which  d;buri!crs  ii.uud  maintain  that  spiritual  frame,  which 
4 


38  MEMOIRS    OF 

From  this  strict  discipline  of  the  heart  ob- 
tained by  the  means  befcre  mentioned  conse- 

fits  it  for  a  life  of  communion  with  God;  and  tliis  keeping 
of  the  hearty  includes  in  it  these  six  acts  Isl.  Frequent 
examinations  of  the  fran;e  of  the  heart  turning  in,  and  ex- 
amining: liow  the  case  stands  with  it 

2d.  Deep  huniihation,  unde.  a  sense  of  soul  disorders, 
and  heart  evils. 

3(1.  Earnest  prayer  to  God,  for  heart  purifying  and  recti- 
fyipg  grace;  vhei.  sin  ha'h  defiled  and  disordered  it. 

4tii.  I'lie  imposing  ofst-  ong  engagements  and  hnnds  upon 
ourselves,  to  walk  more  accurately  Mith  God,  and  avoid  the 
occasions,  whereby  the  neart  may  be  induced  to  sin. 

5th.  A  constant,  holy  jealousy,  over  our  own  hearts; 
and 

6th.  A  realizing  sense  of  God's  presence  with  us,  and  a 
setting  the  I^nrd  always  before  us. 

To  keep  the  heart,  is  hard  work;  constant  work,  and 
the  most  important  work;  the  honor  of  God;  the  sincer- 
ity of  oui  profession;  the  beauty  ot  our  conversation;  the 
comfort  of  fur  souls,  the  improvement  of  our  graces  and 
our  stability  in  the  hour  of  temptation,  are  all  wrapt  up  in, 
and  dependent  on  our  care  and  sin^eerity,  in  heart  work. 

^Motives  for  keeping  the  heart. 

1st.  The  studying  and  keeping  the  heart,  helps  the  un- 
derstanding in  the  deep  ni)  steries  of  rv  ligion. 

2d.  It  preserves  it  against  the  infection  of  dangerous  er- 
rors- 

3d    It  is  one  of  the  best  evidences  of  sincerity, 

4th.  All  ordinances  would  be  fruitful,  sweet,  and  comfort- 
able, if  our  hearts  were  better  kept, 

5th.  Acquaintance  with  the  heart,  furnishes  a  fountain  of 
matter  for  prayer. 

6fh.  By  keeping  the  heart,  the  decayed  power  of  religion, 
w  ill  be  recovered  among  professors 

7th.  By  diligently  keei)iTig  the  heart,  we  shall  prevent, 
and  remove  scandals  and  stumbling  blocks  out  of  the  world, 

8th  A  heart  well  kept,  w  ill  fit  us  foi  any  condition,  God 
casts  us  into,  or  an}  service  he  hath  to  use  us  in. 

9th  Diligently  to  keep  the  heart  would  exceedingly 
sweeten  the  ccnimunion  of  saints. 

10th.  By  keeping  the  heart,  the  comforts  of  the  spirit, 
and  precious  influences  of  all  ordinauces  would  be  fixed. 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  39 

quences  resulted  which  were  not  contemplated. 
In  attendance  on  the  communion,   and  other 

and  much  longer  preserved  on  tlie  sou!  tlian  they  now  are. 
Look  over  chose  ten  special  b  netUs;  weisjh  iliern  in  a. 
just  balance.  Are  tiiey  small  raalters?  is  it  a  sma'l  thing 
to  have  thy  weak  understanding  assisted:  thine  eadangered 
soul  antidoted;  thy  sincerity  cleared;  thy  commuuioa 
with  God  sweetened?  Is  it  a  small  thing  to  have  the  de- 
cayed power  of  Godliness  revived?  all  fatal  scandals  re- 
in«J\ed;  the  comrauniijn  of  saints  restored  to  its  primitive 
glory,  and  the  influences  of  ordinances,  abiding  in  the  souls 
of  Saints?  If  these  be  uo  common  :)lessings,  no  small  beae- 
fits;  then  surely  it  is  a  great  duty  to  keep  the  heart  with 
all  diligtfuce. 

Special  means  for  keeping  thf  heart. 

Means  1st  Would  you  thiis  keep  your  heart  as  hath, 
been  recommended;  then  furiish  your  hearts  richly  with. 
the  word  of  God,  which  is  the  best  preservative  against  sin. 

'id  Call  vour  hearts  frequenty  to  an  account,  if  ever 
you  mean  to  keep  them  with  (iod. 

3d.  Take  heed  of  plu'i:<iiig  into  such  a  multiplicity  of 
earthly  business  as  you  cannot  manage  without  neglectiag^ 
your  main  business 

4th.  Carefully  observe  the  heart's  first  declensions  from. 
God,  and  s  op  th^-ra  the.  e 

5th  Take  heed  of  losing  the  liveliness,  and  sweetness  of 
your  communion  with  God,  lest  thereby  your  hearts  be 
loosed  oH'froin  (Jod 

6th  Habituate  thy  heart  to  soiritual  meditatioii,  iftliou 
vouldst  have  it  freeil  from  base  burfL'nsome  div.>»rsion. 

Words  of  consolation  to  those  who  are  p'ving  heart  work, 
groaning  and  weeping,  in  secret,  overflie  hardiicss,  p.-ide, 
ea'thiiness,  and  vanity  of  their  hearts;  fearing  au'l  trera- 
b  'iig  over  the  experienced  deceitfulness,  aud  falseness  of 
them. 

1st.  This  a-gu.'s  the  hoart  to  be  uprigiit  aud  honest, 
whatever  tliy  otner  gifts  and  abi  ities  may  he. 

'id.  (iod  wouU!  never  leave  thee  undcM*  so  raanv  heart 
troubles.,  and  burdens,  if  he  inccnded  not  thy  rca!  benefit 
thereby. 

3d.  God  will  shortly  put  a  lilessed  end  to  all  these 
troubles,  cares,  aad  watching.    The  time  is  coming  when 


40  MEMOIRS    OF 

religious  exercises,  the  subject  of  these 
memoirs  seldom  had  any  wandering  thoughts. 

thv  heart  shall  be  as  tlioii  tiouM  t  have  it,  when  thou  shalt 
be  discharged  of  all  ihise  cares,  fears,  and  sorrows,  and 
never  cry  out,  Oh  my  hard,  my  proud,  my  vain  my  earih- 
ly  heart,  any  more.  When  al  darkness  shall  he  banished 
from  thy  understanding,  and  thou  shalt  clearly  discover  all 
truths  in  uod,  that  crystal  ocean  of  truth,  when  ah  vanity, 
shall  br  purged  out  of  thy  thoughts,  and  they  he  everlast- 
ingly, ravishingly.  and  delightfully  entertained  and  exercised 
upon  thit  supreme  g'todness,  and  infinite  excellency  of  God, 
from  ^^llom  they  shall  never  start  any  more,  like  a  broken 
bow.  And,  as  for  thy  pride,  passion,  earthliness,  and  all 
the  other  matters  of  thy  comf)!aint  an!  trouble,  it  st^aU  be 
said  of  them,  as  of  the  t  gyptians  to  Israel,  "'^tand  still, 
and  set  the  salvation  of  God  "  These  corruptions  thou 
seest  to  day;  henceforth,  thou  shalt  see  them  no  more  for 
ever;  when  thou  sha  t  lay  down  th)  weapons  of  prayers, 
tears,  and  groans;  and  put  on  the  armor  of  light,  not  to 
fight,  but  to  triuniph  in 

Lord,  when  shall  this  blessed  day  come?  how  long,  how 
loi»g,  holy  and  true?  My  soul  uaiteth  for  thee;  come  my 
beloved,  come.  O  come  quickly,  and  deliver  me  from  this 
body  of  sin  and  death. 

Rules  to  keep  the  heart  from  distractions  by  vain  thoughts 
in  times  of  dntv. 

Help  1st.  Sequester  yourselves  fiom  all  earthly  employ- 
]j\ents,  and  set  apai  t  sonie  time  for  solemn  preparation  to 
luect  God  in  dnty  Oh  my  soul,  leave  trifling;  now  be 
composed,  watchful,  and  serious;  (his  is  no  common  work; 
it  is  God  woi'k,  soul  work,  eternity  work.  Pause  a  while 
upon  thy  sins,  want-,  and  troubles;  keep  thy  thoughts  a 
while  in  these,  before  thou  address  thyself  to  God. 

2d  Slaving  comjiosed  tiiy  heart  by  previous  meditation, 
presently  set  a  guard  upon  thy  senses. 

3d.  }5eg  of  God,  a  mortified  fancy;  when  thy  fancy  is 
more  mortified,  thy  thoughts  will  be  more  orderly  and 
fixed. 

4lh.  If  thou  wouldst  keep  thy  heart  fiom  these  vain  ex- 
cursions, realize  to  thyself  by  faith,  the  holy  and  awful 
presence  of  (iod.  in  duties. 

5th.  Maintain  a  praying  frame  of  heart  in  the  intervals 
of  duty. 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  41 

What  was  begun  with  a  view  to  religious  im- 
provement, extended  to  other  matters.      From 

6tli.  Endeavor  to  engoge,  and  raise  thy  afTections  to 
God,  in  duty,  if  thou  wouldst   have   thy  distractions  cured. 

7tli.  Mourn  over  the  mutter  V>  God,  and  call  in  assistance 
from  heaveu,  where  vain  thoughts  assault  thy  heart  ia 
duty 

8ih  Look  upon  the  success,  and  sweetness  of  thy  duties, 
as  very  much  depending  upon  the  keeping  of  thy  heart 
closely  with  »>od  in  thera. 

9th.  Look  upon  it  as  a  great  discovery  of  the  sincerity, 
or  hypocrisy  of  your  hearts,  according  as  you  find  theu^ 
careful  or  careless   in  this  matter 

!Oth  It  will  be  of  special  use  to  keep  thy  heart  with 
Ood  in  duties,  to  consider  what  influence  all  thy  duties 
have  on  thine  etei'nity. 

I'o  this  is  subjoined  the  following  impressive  prayer,  and 
act  of  contrition. 

'"28tli  August  179.'-  'And  now  having  lately  read  this 
little  book  of  Mr.  Flavel's,  on  Keeping  the  Heart,  with 
great  attention,  ?rid  enrlL'avored  to  fi\  in  my  memory  the 
above  rules;  may  God  enable  me  to  profit  by  them,  to  la- 
bor to  kcej)  my  heart  with  al!  diligence,  that  to  I  may 
have  an  evidence  to  my  own  mind,  that  I  am  in  earnest 
about  religion;  and  that  whenever  my  Lord  shall  come,  he 
may  find  me  thus  watching,  and  thus  praying;  Lord  I  am 
weak,  I  am  vile  1  am  a  poor  backsliding  creature,  often 
wa.ulering,  turnir)g  back  to  folly  and  relapsiiig  into  sins, 
over  whch  I  hoped  I  had  gained  some  power.  Oh  hold 
thou  me  up;  watch  ior  me,  and  so  shall  I  be  safe.  Oh 
keep  Hie  from  sin.  or  remove  mc  fiom  the  land  of  sinning. 
Oh  thou  who  searciiest  the  heart,  and  triest  the  reins,  thoii 
knowest  that  sin  is  my  greatest  burden;  and  yet  alas,  too 
often  I  fall  into  it;  so  that  sometimes,  I  am  ready  to  de- 
spair, and  my  soul  is  filled  with  tbe  anguibh  of  remorse  and 
repentance;  and  yet  I  am  not  cured  Oh  sweet  Jtsus  lielp. 
Oh  friend  of  sinnes,  save.  I  know  that  it  is  an  evil,  and  a 
hitter  thing  to  depa.  t  from  (i')d;  and  yet  T  a-.u  bent  to 
backsliding;  none  can  he'p  but  thou.  Oh  riiri.-t;  tremblirg 
I  come  to  thee,  whom  I  have  so  often  ortcnded:  yet  to 
•«]iom  should  I  go,  but  to  tliee,  who  alone  hasi  pardon  and 
eternal  life  for  such  a  wretch,  such  a  rebel,  sutji  a  Os'.ilv, 
haiirlv,  offender  as  I  am.' 
*4 


42  MEMOIRS    OF 

habit  she  acquired  siicli  complete  command, 
over  her  thoughts,  that  she  could  fix  them  by 
an  act  of  her  v^iil  on  science  or  business  as 
well  as  on  religion,  so  as  to  confine  them  to 
their  proper  object  for  the  time  without  inter- 
ruption. 

In  discharging  relative  duties,  INIrs.  "Ramsay 
^vas  exemplary.      As  a  child,  she  had  a  high 
opinion  of  parental  authority;  and  to  it  she  con- 
ceived herself  as  OM'ing  implicit  obedience  in 
every  cuse  not  plainly  inconsistent  "with  the  du- 
ty due  to  her  God.    It  was  therefore  a  standing 
Older  to  her  servants,  without  a  moment's  de- 
lay, and  without  announcing  the  circumstance^ 
to  call   her,  not  only   from  business,  but  frrnn 
her  most  private  retirement  whensoever   hei: 
father  called    for  her   services.       She   had  no 
scruple  of  doing  that  for  him  on  Sui  days, about 
which  she  had    scruples   of   doing    fqr  herself. 
She  reasoned  thr.s;  "Ch.ildren,  obey  your   par- 
ents in  all  things,  for  this  is  well   pleasing  to 
the  Lord,"  Col.  iii,  20;  is   a  divine  command. 
T!ie  same  authority  which   enacted  the   fourth 
commandment  also  enacted  the   fifth,  and  the 

"Lord,  my  ]ian(ls  lianc^down  from  Paii^.tnes?  in  tlic  way 
ofcliity,  and  my  teit  go  lamely  in  tlic  patli  of  holiness  Oh, 
let  thy  Sfiace  deliver  me  fi-oia  every  ueic,ht>  especially 
lroa>  my  most  easily  beselRnj^  sin;  that  so  ncilhei;  any 
hidden  ini(|!niy  nor  prcsunipiuous  tiTinsgression  may  ever 
have  doniinioa  over  me." 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  43 

minor  fluty  should  yield  to  the  major.      Never 
Avas  there  a  daughter  more   devoted,  attached, 
and  obedient  to  her  parent   than  she  was;   and 
her  conduct  flowed  not  from  instinct,  accident, 
or  example,  but  from  principle.      In  the  same 
manner  she  had  determined  what  were  her  con- 
jui2:al  duties.   She  was  well  acquainted  with  the 
plausible  rcasoninc^s  of  modern  theorists,  who 
contend   for  the    equality    of  the    sexes;    and 
few     females    could    support   their  claims    to 
that   equality     on   better  grounds     than     she 
might    advance;  but    she   yielded    all  preten. 
sions    on    this    score,    in    comformity    to  the 
positive   declarations    of  holy    writ,    of   which 
the  following    were   full  to   the  point,  and   in 
her    opinion    outweighed   whole    volumes    af 
human    reasoning.       "In    sorrow,    thou   shall 
bring  forth  children,  and   thy    desire   shall    be 
to  thy  husbund,  and  he  shall  rule    over    thee. 
Gen.    iii,     16.      "Wives,     submit    yourselves 
unto  your  own    husbands  as    unto   the    Lord. 
For  the    husband  is    the    head    of   the    wife, 
even  as   Christ  is  the  head  of  the  cimrch;  anj 
he  is  the  Savior  of  the  body.  Therefore,  as  the 
church  is  subject  unio  Chiist,  so  let  the  wives 
be  to   their   own    husbands    in  tvciy    thing.'* 
Eph.  v,  22,  23,  24.     In  oractice,  as  well  as  thc_ 
X)ry,  she  acl.iiowledged  titc  dependent,  subovdi- 
iiate  condition  of  her  sex;  and  considered  it  as 


44  MEMOIRS   OF 

a  part  of  the  curse  denounced  on  Eve,  as  being 
"the  first  in  the  transgression."  1  Tim.  ii,  13, 
14.  The  most  self  denying  duties  of  the  con- 
jugal relations  being  thus  established  on  a  di- 
vine foundation,  and  illustrated  by  those  pecu- 
liar doctrines  of  revelation  on  which  she  hung 
all  her  hopes,  the  other  duties  followed  by  an 
easy  train  of  reasoning,  and  were  affectionate- 
ly performed.  In  this  manner,  the  subject  of 
these  memoirs  used  her  Bible  as  a  system 
of  practical  ethics,  from  which  she  acquired 
a  knowledge  of  her  true  station,  and  also  de- 
duced such  excellent  rules  of  conduct  in  life, 
as  might  be  expected  from  correct  prhiciples.* 
As   a  parent   who  had  brought   chilaren   in- 

•  To  illustrate  this,  in  detail,  might  excite  a  smile.  Suf- 
fice it  therefore  to  observe  in  general,  that  these  reason- 
ings, from  scripture,  on  the  condition  and  duties  of  wives 
■were  not  imposed  or  even  suggested  to  the  subject  of  these 
memoirs.  They  were  entirely  her  own;  and  had  such  a 
practical  influence  on  her  opinions,  that  she  received  the 
attentions  of  her  husband  as  favors,  and  was  in  the  habit 
of  subsci'ibina:  herself  in  letters  to  him  his  'obliged  and 
grateful  wife  ^*  These  seed  ideas  expanded  into  principles 
of  action,  which  led  her  to  make  all  her  conduct  subservi- 
ent to  her  husband's  happiness.  To  this  end  she  gave  up 
every  separate  scheme,  and  identified  her  views  and  pur- 
suits with  his,  and  arranged  all  her  domestic  concerns,  so 
as  most  effectually  to  promote  his  comfort,  anticipated  his 
wishes,  alleviaterl  his  cares,  charged  herself  with  the  edu- 
cation of  lier  children,  the  management  of  her  servants 
and  family  affairs,  so  as  to  leave  for  him  little  else  to  do 
than  to  follow  the  bent  of  his  own  inclinations,  with  as  com- 
plete exemption  from  llie  burden  of  domestic  cares  as  was 
possible;  and  in  addition  assisted  him,  as  far  as  was  in  her 
power,  ia  his  prefessionai  labors  and  studies.    Like   lier 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  45 

^^0  a  ^^'0^1(l  of  sin  and  misery,  \Yithout  their 
consent,  she  considered  herself  as  bound,  in 
common  justice,  to  do  every  thing  in  her  pow- 
er for  their  comfort  in  passing  through  it.  She 
thought  no  pains  loo  great,  no  sacrifices  too 
hard,  providi  d  her  chiidri-n  were  advanced  by 
them.  In  addition  to  her  steady  attention  to 
their  educdtion  she  exerted  herself  to  keep 
them  constantly  in  good  humor;  gave  tiiem 
every  indulgence  couipatible  with  their  best 
interests;  partook,  with  them  in  their  sports; 
and  in  various  ways  amused  their  solitary  hours 
so  ajft  often  to  drop  the  mother  in  the  couipan- 
ion  and  friend;  took  a  lively  interest  in  all  their 
concerns,  and  made  every  piacticabie  exertion 
for  their  benefit.  From  the  Bible  she  was 
taught,  '^Fathers,  provoke  not  your  children  to 
anger,  lest  they  be  discouraged.'*  Col.  iii,  21. 
On  this  text  she  often  commented  verbally, 
and  every  day  practically.      From  it   she  drew 

father,  who  seldom  s'ept  more  than  four  hours  iu  the  twen- 
ty-lour she  slept  very  liltlt.  a'jd  that  80  lij;hlly  that  ihc 
smallest  uoise  awaki-d  l»i  r  ^he  was  tJarelore  the  first  to 
receive  proti.ssional  messages  iu  the  hours  allotted  to  re- 
nose.  Afier  gctiu.g  tlie  necessary  int'orniatioii,  sljo  so  ar- 
ranged matters  that  these  unseasonable  calls  were  a  tended 
■with  the  lea«t  possible  in«-oii\eiiieiicc  to  her  husband.  Iu 
c«>p\i!ig  for  him,  and  li'aciiig.  liiiough  a  vai-iety  'tf  authors, 
any  subject  on  uuich  he  occasionally  asked  her  aid,  she 
shortened  his  literary  laliors.  ^Ul•h  were  the  principles 
and  conduct  of  i  uifewholiad  read  Mary  Woolstoiicraft's 
Itights  of  Women,  but  studied  lier  IJible  with  care  Rud 
&ttei;tioii,  as  the  btaudurd  of  faith  aud  practice. 


46  MEMOIRS    OF 

several  rules  of  conduct  in  her  behavior  toward 
her  children.  As  a  child,  she  was  for  implicit 
obedience,  but  as  a  mother  was  very  moderate 
in  urging  her  parental  rights,  and  avoided,  as 
far  as  consistent  with  a  strict  education,  every- 
thing which  might  "provoke  her  children  to 
anger."  Under  this  general  head  she  consid- 
ered as  forbidden,  unnecessary  severity,  sar- 
casms and  all  taunting,  harsh,  unkind  language; 
overbearing  conduct,  high  toned  claims  of  su- 
periority; capricious  or  whimsical  exertions  of 
authority,  and  several  other  particulars,  calcu- 
lated to  irritate  children  or  fill  them  with  ter- 
ror. On  the  other  hand,  she  considered  par- 
ents as  required  by  this  precept  to  curb  their 
own  tempers;  to  bridle  their  passions;  to  make 
proper  allowances  for  indiscretions  and  follies 
of  youth;  and  to  behave  toward  their  offsprings 
in  the  most  conciliatory  manner,  so  as  to  secure 
their  love  and  affections  on  the  score  of  grati- 
tude. These  and  several  other  rules  of  con- 
duct in  the  discharge  of  relative  duties  were 
not  taken  up  at  random,  but  derived  from  rea- 
son and  reflection,  and  especially  from  an  .at- 
tentive consideration  of  the  preceptive  part  of 
the  word  of  God.  Happy  would  it  be  for  soci- 
ety if  all  its  members  u^ed  their  Bibles  for 
simtilar  purposes. 


MRS.   RAMSAY.  47 

The  reac^er  will  by  this  time  expect  to  be 
informed  that  a  person  so  industrious 
in  bubiness,  with  such  moderate  views  of 
worldly  ei.joyment,  and  so  devoted  to  God  and 
active  in  his  ser\ice,  would  be  crowned  with  a 
lart^e  proportion  of  temporal  blessings.  But 
this  was  not  always  the  case.  With  her,  pros- 
perity and  adversity  alternated.  Good  and  evil 
followed  each  other  in  succession.  For  sev- 
eral of  the  last  years  of  her  life,  in  addition  to 
long  continued  and  frequent  attacks  of  painful 
disease,  sufficient  to  have  laid  by  a  less  active 
person,  she  had  to  struggle  with  rest>icted  cir- 
cumstances. P'rom  several  unpropiiious  events, 
perplexing  embarrassments  resulted.*     From 

•  Nearly  tlie  whole  of  Mrs.  Ramsay's  paternal  estate 
consisted  of  unproduclive  deorgia  lands,  wliich,  from  the 
unsctlle<l  state  of  our  foreign  relations  tor  the  last  fifteen 
years  of  her  life  would  either  not  sell,  or  if  previousi}  sold. 
Mere  not  paid  for  The  most  valuable  part  of  it,  for  the 
eiglitcen  years  it  was  in  her  possession,  produced  nothing 
but  annual  taxes  Ihe  bulk  of  the  residue,  though  sold  in 
the  year  1793,  has  realized  so  little,  tliat  the  sum  originally 
due  thereon,  21,4-8  dollars,  instead  of  being  lessened  by 
payments,  had  in  the  course  of  the  last  thirteen  years  of 
iier  married  life,  increased,  by  the  accumulation  of  inter- 
est, to  u])war(l  of  30  000  dollars,  of  which  neither  principal 
nor  interest  could  be  commanded.  Tlie  hurricane  of  1804 
frustrated  a  verbal  contract  for  the  sale  of  anotlier  portion 
of  her  paternal  (Georgia  lands,  for  five  thousand  pounds 
sterling.  v»  hich  still  remains  unsold  and  unproductive.  '1  wo 
houses,  which  descended  to  her  from  her  ui»cle,  James 
I^aurens,  were  burnt  in  the  great  fire  of  1796  The  hurri- 
cane of  180-1  als'i  fru^^tratcd  a  verbal  contract  for  the  sale  of 
some  of  her  huiibaud's  lands  for  '24,000  dollars,  v  hich  slill 


48  MEMOIRS    OF 

whatever  source  they  originated,  the  subject  of 
these  memoirs  had  no  i,geiicy  in  producing 
them,  nor  any  ground  for  self  reproach  as  be- 
ing in  any  way  accessory  to  them.  The  battle 
is  not  always  to  the  strong,  nor  the  race  to  the 
swift;  nor  is  success  in  the  pursuits  of  life  in- 
variably the  effect  of  industry,  economy,  and 
moderation  in  expenses.  Respecting  these 
things  there  is  an  overruling  Providence.  The 
continuance  or  the  interruption  of  health,  the 
power  to  get  or  retain  wealth  come  from  God. 
The  sul)ject  of  these  memoirs  was  neitlicr  the 
first  nor  the  last  of  the  favorites  of  Christ  whom 
he  has  led  to  heaven  otherwise  than  by  a  path 
strewn  with  flowers.  God  does  not  always  suf- 
fer his  children  to  pass  through  life  without 
afflictions  and  sorrows,  lest  they  should  forget 
that  this  is  not  their  abiding  city;  lest  their  de- 
sires after  the  heavenly  inheritance  should  be 
cooled  or  extinguished.  These  apparent  evils 
have  a  certain,  though  to  us  a  secret  connex- 
ion with  our  future  and  most  important  des- 
tinies.    They  are  necessary  links  in   the   chain 

remains  utiproductive;  and  in  addition  25,000  do!I:\rs  paid 
by  !>im  Ijc'tween  the  years  1792  and  1797  t'-wanl  tori.pict- 
iiigUie  'ianlee  canal,  liave  liilhcilo  pi  educed  no  iiaon.e  to 
him  or  aov  <'nc  else,  but  one  and  a  lialf  per  cent-  on  llic  cap- 
ital, and  that  only  lor  two  years  of  the  eighteen  wiiich  h  ve 
elapse*!  since  his  first  a(ivancf.s  were  made  towai'd  iliis  pub- 
lic]}  beneficial,  hut  hitherto  privately  ruinous  project. 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  49 

conducting  from  earth  to  heaven,  and  n"!akc  us 
quit  our  eager  grasp  of  the  one,  and  fix  our  af- 
fections on  the  other.  Tlie  storms  of  adversi- 
ty, in  this  life,  Avill  make  us  enjoy,  -with  a  high- 
er relish,  the  unclouded  serenity  of  that  which 
is  to  come.  In  her  case,  the  result,  though 
painful  to  her  feelings,  was  highly  favorable  to 
her  improvement  in  the  christian  virtues  of  pa- 
tience and  resignation.  No  doubt  exists  of 
her  now  wearing  a  brighter  crown,  and  enjoy- 
ing a  greater  harvest  of  happiness,  as  a  reward 
for  having  borne  her  reverses  of  fortune,  and 
also  long  continued  painful  diseases,  not  only 
without  murmuring,  but  with  cheerfulness.  In 
sickness  and  adversity,  she  was  the  same  self 
possessed,  unrcpining,  submissive,  satisfied 
christian  she  had  been  in  the  days  of  her  health 
and  prosperity,  and  was  discontented  with 
nothing  but  her  heart.  Her  maxim  was  not  to 
comphiin  of  God,  but  to  God.  To  him  she  went 
with  all  her  burdens  and  cares,  and  sweetly  re- 
posed on  his  Almighty  arm.  Her  unabated 
confidence  in  her  M-ikcr;  her  unconditional 
submission  and  cheerful  resignation  to  his  will, 
took  away  from  adversity  its  gloom,  and  threw 
over  it  a  cheerful  light.  The  workings  of  her 
mind,  und(  r  tijese  pressures,  as  recorded  in 
h'jr  n'.anuscripts,  prove  her  high  attainments 
5 


50  MEMOIRS   OF 

in  the  christian  life,  and  were  probably  one 
cause  of  them.      In  all  her  distresses,  the  bur- 
den of  sin  lay  heavier  on  her  mind   than  the 
burden  of  outward  troubles.      She  was  much 
more  reconciled  to  death  as  closing  the  scene 
of  her  sinning,  than  that  of  her  suffering.    She 
found  great  satisfaction  in  reading  Drelincourt 
on  Death,  and  Watts's  World  to  Come.  Shortly 
before  her  last  sickness,   she   brought  to  her 
husba'id  and  requested  him  to  read  a  speech 
delivered  a  hundred  years  ago  at  the  grave  of 
a  pious  person  by  the    Rev.   Mr.  Peter  Sterry^ 
which  is  preserved  in  the  Cj^d  page  of  Watts*s 
World  to  Come.    In  it  she  had  underscored  the 
following  sentiments  as  expressive  of  her  feel- 
ings, with   respect  to   the   contemplated  ap- 
proaching  commitment   of  her   body    to  the 
grave,  and  its  consequent  dissolution   therein. 
"We  do  for  ourselves  and  for  this  our   dearly 
beloved  in   the  Lord  accept  of  thee,  O  grave, 
and  readily  deliver  up  her  body  to  thee.     It  is 
a  body  that  hath  been   weakened  and  wearied 
with   long   affliction   and  anguish;    we  freely 
give  it  unto  thee;  receive  it,  and  let  it  have   in 
thee  a  quiet  rest  from  all  its  labors;  for  thus  we 
read  it   written   ot  thee,    'There   the  wicked 

cease  from  troubling,  and  there  the  weary  are 
at  rest.* 


3MRS.  RAMSAY.  51 

"But  we  know  thee,  O  grave,  to  be  also  a 
devourer,  and  yet  wc  can  freely  deliver  up  the 
body  unto  thee.  There  was  in  it  a  contracted 
corruptibility,  dishonor,  and  weakness;  take 
them  as  thy  proper  prey;  they  belong  to  thee, 
and  we  would  not  withhold  them  from  thee. 
Freely  swallow  them  up  for  ever,  that  they 
may  appear  no  more. 

"Yet,  know,  O  grave,  that  there  is  in  the 
body,  considered  ?.s  once  united  to  such  a  soul, 
a  divine  relation  to  the  Lord  of  life,  and  this 
thou  must  not,  thou  canst  not  dissolve  nor  de- 
stroy. But  know,  and  even  before  thee,  and 
over  thee  be  it  spoken, that  there  is  a  season 
hastening  wherein  we  shall  expect  it  again 
from  thee  in  incorfuption,  honor,  and  power. 

"We  now  sow  it  unto  thee  in  dishonor;  but 
expect  it  again  returned  from  thee  in  glory. 
\Vc  now  sow  it  unto  thee  in  weakness;  we  ex- 
pect it  again  in  power.  We  now  sow  it  unto 
thee  a  natural  body;  we  look  for  it  again  from 
tliee  a  spiritual  body." 

The  life  of  Miss  Carter  was  one  of  the  last 
books  Mrs.  Ramsay  read;  and  she  indulged 
the  pleasing  anticipation  of  speedily  forming 
an  acquaintance  with  a  woman  of  her  fervent 
piety  and  great  attainments.  But  of  all  the 
inhabitants  of  heaven,  she  longed  most  for  the 


52  MEMOIRS    OF 

acquaintance  of  Dr.  Watts,  whose  divine  songs, 
most  of  which  she  had  committed  to  memory, 
had  administered  much  to  her  comfort  by- 
night  and  by  day. 

From  the  first  moment  of  her  last  sickness 
she  had  a  presentiment  that  she  would  not  sur- 
vive it.  This  gave  her  no  alarm.  She  made 
preparations  for,  and  arranged  the  circumstan- 
ces of  her  funeral,  with  the  same  calmness 
and  self  possession  she  would  have  done  in  the 
days  of  her  best  health,  when  preparing  for  a 
journey  or  voyage.  She  directed  that  her  fu- 
neral should  be  private;  her  coffin  plain  and 
without  a  plate;  that  Dr.  Hollinshead  should 
perform  his  ministerial  duties  on  the  occasion 
in  her  own  house,  before  a  few  of  her  most  par- 
ticular friends-  Her  coffin  was  accordingly 
made  of  Carolina  cedar.  After  she  had  given 
these  directions,  her  disease  seemed  to  yield; 
but  she  insisted  that  her  feelings  convinced  her 
to  the  contrary. '  She  su%red  grievous  pains 
in  sundry  periods  of  her  laafjlrllness.  To  assist 
her  in  supporting  under  ihcm  she  deliberately 
surveyed  her  manifold  sins  as  the  procuring 
cause  of  all  pain,  and  also  took  a  distinct  view 
of  the  sufferings  of  Christ,  and  then  asked  her- 
self, shall  not  I  who  have  so  grievously  sinned, 
quietly  submit  to  pain,  which  I  deserve,  since 


MRS.    RAMSAY.  53 

the  innocent  Jesus  suffered  so  much  for  me? 
On  the  last  day,  but  one  of  her  life  she  lay  for 
some  considerable  time  in  a  warm  bath. 
While  there,  she  directed  the  following  hymn 
from  a  collection  of  hymns  presented  to  her  by 
ihe  countess  of  Huntingdon,  to  be  read  to  her. 

When  languor  and  disease  invade 
This  trembli'.^.g  house  of  clay, 
Tis  sweet  to  look  beyond  our  cage. 
And  long  to  ny  away. 

Svreet  to  look  inward  and  attend 
The  whispers  of  his  love; 
Sweet  to  look  upward  to  the  place 
Where  Jesus  dwells  above. 

Sweet  to  look  back  and  see  my  name 
In  life's  fair  book  set  down; 
Sweet  to  look  forward  and  behold 
Eternal  joys  my  own. 

Sweet  to  reflect  how  grace  divine 
My  sins  on  Jesus  laid; 
Sweet  to  remember  that  his  blood 
M)  debt  of  suff 'rii.g  pai  1. 

Sweet  in  his  righteousness  to  stand. 
Which  saves  from  second  death; 
Sweet  to  experience  day  by  day. 
His  Spirit  s  quick'ning  breath. 

Sweet  on  his  faithfulness  to  rest, 
"Whose  love  can  never  end; 
Sweet  on  his  covenant  of  grace 
For  ail  ihings  to  depend. 
*5 


54  MEMOIRS,,    &C. 

Sweet  in  the  confidence  of  faith 
To  trust  his  firm  decrees; 
Sweet  to  lie  passive  in  his  hands 
And  know  no  will  but  his. 

If  sucli  the  sweetness  of  the  streams. 
What  must  the  fountain  be, 
Where  saints  and  ang-els  draw  the  bliss 
Immediately  from  Tliee. 

She  repeated  the  two  last  lines  of  every  verse 
with  eyes  directed  to  heaven,  as  expressive  of 
their  coincidence  with  her  views.  She  had  fre- 
quently, in  the  course  of  her  sickness,  given 
animated  exhortations  to  her  children  and  oth- 
ers to  make  choice  of  God  for  their  portion, 
and  also  particular  directions  how  to  manage 
the  family  after  she  ^vas  gone.  About  four 
o'clock,  r.  M.  June  lOtli,  1811,  she  asked 
her  husband  and  children  if  they  were  willing 
to  give  her  up.  They  evaded  the  question; 
but  she  in  direct  terms  informed  them  that  she 
had  sometimes  felt  a  repugnance  to  death  on 
their  accounts,  but  assured  them  that  God  had 
now  made  her  entirely  willing  to  give  them 
kll  up;  and  in  about  an  hour  after  expired. 


APPENDIX  No.  I. 

XETTERS  FROM  HENRY  LAURENS  TO  MARTHA 
LAURENS. 

Philadelphia,  August  18,  \77l. 

MY  clearest  Patsy,  remember  my  precepts,  be 
dutiful,  kind,  and  good  to  your  aunl;  learn  to 
prevent  all  her  wishes  and  commands;  you  can 
do  so  if  you  please.  God  has  blessed  you  with 
sufficient  abilities.  Let  all  your  reading,  your 
study,  and  your  practice  tend  to  make  you  a 
wise  and  a  virtuous  woman,  rather  than  a  fine 
lady;  the  former  character  always  comprehends 
the  latter;  but  the  modern  fine  lady,  according 
to  common  acceptation,  is  too  often  found  to 
be  deficient  both  in  wisdom  and  virtue.  Strive 
then,  my  dearest  girl,  to  be  virtuous,  dutiful, 
affable^  courteous,  modest;  and  be  assured  that 
you  will  become  a  fine  1  idy.  Set  God  before 
your  eyes  my  dear  ciuld;  pray  to  him;  place 
your  whole  confidence  in  him;  and  strive  to  do 
bis  will;  so  shall  you  never  be  dismayed. 


56  LETTERS  FROM  HENRY  LAURENS 

FEOM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME, 

Westminster,  May  18,  1774. 
MY  DEAR    PATSY, 

I  HAVE  recollected  your  request  for  a  pair 
of  globes;  therefore,  I  have  wrote  to  Mr  Grubb 
to  ship  a  pair  of  the  best  eighteen  inch,  with 
caps  and  a  book  of  directions,  and  to  add  a  case 
of  neat  instruments,  and  one  dozen  Middleton's 
best  pencils,  marked  M.  L.  directed  to  your 
uncle,  who  will  deliver  them  to  you.  When 
you  are  measuring  the  surface  of  this  world, 
remember  you  are  to  act  a  part  on  it,  and 
think  of^  plumb  pudding*  and  other  domestic 
duties. 


FROM    THE    SAME  TO    THE    SAME. 

Charleston,  S.  C-  Feb.  29, 1776. 
MY    DEAR    DAUGHTER, 

WHEN  I  look  around  me  and  behold  increas- 
ing preparations  Ur  civil  war;  every  man  seem- 

•  The  pleasantry  about  the  plui^h  pufJding.  had  its  effect. 
Miss  Lauretis  made  a  |;ad(liu{;  before  she  began  to  make 
use  of  h/r  globes,  and  [)r<'nt<.d  b)  the  hint,  that  the  knowl- 
edge of  h"use  wifery  was  as  mucli  a  part  of  female  educa- 
tion, as  a  knowledge  of  geography.  Editor. 


TO    MARTHA    LAURENS.  57 

ing  bent  and  determined  to  carry  those  prepar- 
ations into  execution  to  the  hist  extremity; 
when,  therefore,  I  consider  our  estates  in  this 
countiy  as  being  on  the  very  precipice  of 
bankruptcy,  how  can  I  forbear  lamenting,  what 
will  become  of  my  dear  sister,  what  will  be- 
come of  my  dear  Patsy  and  Polly  in  case  of 
my  brother's  death.  Not  only  tears,  but  irre- 
sistible i^roans  accompany  this  afflicting  in- 
quiry; after  a  moment's  pain,  I  console  myseU 
by  this  reply;  "God  will  take  care  of  them, 
that  God  who  led  your  ancestors  through  a  cruel 
persecution,  and  through  a  wilderness  a  hun- 
dred years  ago,  and  you  through  ten  thousand 
dangers,  will  not  forsake  your  sister  nor  your 
children.  Your  brother  will  do  well,  and  be 
made  the  guardian  of  your  fatherless  children 
after  you  are  slaughtered."  My  dear  child,  I 
could  fill  pages  with  accounts  of  causes  for  la- 
mentation; but  alas,  what  good  fruit  would  such 
accounts  produce;  I  will  not  grieve  your  young- 
heart  by  a  recital  of  afflictions  which  are  the 
portion  of  age,  and  which  I  ought  to  bear 
alone.  Nevertheless,  it  is  my  duty  to  warn 
you  again,  as  I  did  in  my  last  letter,  to  prepare 
yourself  for  a  reverse  of  fortune,  prepare  for 
the  trial  of  earning  your  daily  bread  by  daily 
labor.     This,  whether  it  be  matter  of  afiliction, 


58   LETTERS  FROBI  HENRY  LAURENS 

whether  it  be  a  subject  for  grief  or  not,  will 
according  to  present  appearances  be  your 
portion.  My  love  for  \ou  constrains  me  to 
give  you  timely  notice.  I  have  done  so  with 
an  aching  heart  and  overflowing  eyes.  Me- 
thinks  I  hear  you  reply,  "but,  my  dear  papa 
why  will  you  make  a  sacrifice  of  your  fortune, 
and  hazard  the  happiness  of  your  children;  la- 
bor day  and  night  to  earn  poverty  for  yourself 
and  them.**  I  answer  briefly,  *'It  is  the  will  of 
God  that  it  should  be  so,  and  he  gives  me  res- 
olution to  concur  in  and  to  submit  to  his  will." 
Now  act  your  part  well  my  dear;  love  God, 
and  all  things  will  work  together  for  your 
good.  I  would  proceed,  and  advise  you  how 
to  act,  but  you  are  in  an  excellent  school. 
You  learn  your  duty  every  day  from  sensible 
and  pious  friends.  Follow  their  counsel  and 
you  will  be  happy. 

What  money  I  now  have  in  England,  is  de- 
voted to  the  service  of  your  uncle,  aui.t.  our 
brothers,  yourself,  and  sister.  I  do  not  know 
that  I  shall  ever  be  able  to  add  one  penny  to 
that  small  stock.  It  will  be  wisdom,  it  will  be 
piety  and  a  proof  of  gratitude  in  your  elder 
brother  and  you,  to  consume  as  little  as  pos- 
sible, in  order  that  there  may  be  more  for  the 
service  of  your  dear  uncle  and  aunt,  and  for 


TO   MARTHA   LAURENS.  59 

the  little  ones  who  cannot  help  thenri  selves. 
It  would  please  me,  it  would  rejoice  me,  to 
hear  that  you  had  cheerfully  entered  upon  your 
new  scene  of  life;  that  you  earned  as  much 
every  day  by  your  needle,  as  would  pay  your 
daily  expenses. 

It  is  melancholy  to  see  the  abuse  of  many 
good  houses  in  this  town,  which  are  now  made 
barracks  for  the  country  militia,  who  strip  the 
paper  hangings,  chop  wood  upon  parlor  floors, 
and  do  a  thousand  such  improper  acts;  but 
alas,  they  arc  still  good  enough  for  burning. 
We  are  assured,  that  if  the  king's  ships  and 
troops  cannot  easily  conquer  the  town,  they 
•will  burn  it;  and  we  know  if  they  do  conquer 
it,  there  are  men  here  determined  to  put  the 
torch  with  their  own  hands,  and  to  leave  them 
no  shelter,  nor  any  cover  for  those  who  would 
join  them. 


FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

Charleston,  S.  C  March  14,  1776. 
MY   DEAR  CHILD, 

THE  men  (4  war  at  Georgia,  have  swept  Mr. 
Ailhur  Middicton's  plantation  upon  Savannah 
river,  of  about  sixty-five    negroes.      Wright's 


60    LETTERS    FROM   HENRY   LAURENS 

Savannah  is  within  three  or  four  miles  of  it; 
probably  some  solitary  escaping  man  may  come 
within  two  or  three  days,  to  inform  me  of  like 
mischiefs  done  there,  and  at  Altamaha,  by 
those  Sabeans  and  Chaldeans.  Be  it  so,  I  will 
still  say,  "Blessed  be  the  name  of  the   Lord.'* 

FROM  THE  SAMS  TO  THE  SAME. 

Charlestcn,  S.  C.  March  14,  1776. 
MY  DEAR  CHILD, 

THE  sound  df  war  increases,  and  the  danger 
seems  to  be  drawing  nearer  and  nearer.  It 
appc..^  i  -^w  beyond  doubt,  that  the  administra- 
tion are  determined  to  try  the  issue  of  another 
year's  persecution.  Vv"e  must  expect  a  visit 
very  soon.  In  these  circumstances,  every 
man  here  holds  his  life  by  the  most  precarious 
tenure;  and  our  friends  abroad  should  prepare 
themselves  for  learning  that  we  are  number- 
ed among  the  dead. 

FROM  THE    SAME    TO    THE    SAME. 

Charleston,  S.  C.  Aug.  17,  1776. 
MY  DEAR  DAUGHTER, 

YOUR  brother  will  tell  you  a  great  deal  of 
American  news,  and  particularly  of  the  escape 


TO    MARTHA  LAURENS.  61 

^ve  hpve  h:.d  from  enemies  who  talked  of  noth- 
ing less  than  eating  us  up.     The  conversation 
in  the  fleet  waSs  that  they    would   breakfast  at 
Sullivan's  Island;  dine  at  Fort  Johnson;  and  sup 
in  Charltbton.     Charity,  therefore,  would  in- 
cline   ui    to   admit    that   sir   Peter's    coniing 
against  us  with  so   formidable  a  power,  as  two 
ships  of  fii"ty   guns  each;  four  of  twenty-eight; 
*  one  of  twenty-six;  one  of  twenty,  and  a  bomb- 
keich,  might  have  been  from  motives  of  mercy. 
It  might  have  been    thought  that   we    should 
be  frightened  into  submission,  without  spilling 
blood;  but  the  battle  is  not  always  to  the  strong; 
All  the  mischiefs  which  have  happened,  and 
all  that  sh.all   still    happen   to  the   contending 
parties,  are  to  be  charged   to  wicked  and  fool- 
ish counsellors..   I  pray  God  to  raise  up  wiser 
and  better  men,  who  may  devise  means  for  ef- 
fecting a  friendly  intercourse   between   Great 
Britain  and  these  now  ''United,  free,  and  inde- 
pendent states,'*  and  for  promoting  the  mutu- 
al happiness  of  both  parties.     It  is  not  impos- 
sible, but  that  the  separation,  lately  announced, 
may  produce  great  benefit  to  both.     I  am  per- 
suaded you  V.  ill  not  give  offence  to  any  body, 
by     interposing     your     opinions     concerning 
these  matters;  to  relate  to  you  what    has   hap- 
pened, cannot  be  amiss,  which  is   all   I  mean. 
6 


62      LETTERS  FROM  HENRY  LAURENS 

You  will  in  silence  submit  the  future  progress 
and  final  determination  to  the  wise  order  of 
that  superintending  Being,  who  holds  the 
scales  of  justice  in  bis  hand;  who  never  fails  to 
help  those  who  confide  in  him  and  do  right;  who 
hath  set  bounds  to  the  bared  arm  of  the  might- 
iest monarch  on  earth,  as  he  hath  to  the  seem- 
ingly irresistible  power  of  the  ocean.  "Hith- 
erto shalt  thou  come,  and  here  shall  thy  proud 
waves  be  staid.'*  Your  part  will  be  to  join 
with  the  sons  and  daughters  of  piety,  and  pray 
incessantly  for  peace.  Peace  to  all  the  world, 
especially  to  the  countiy  in  which  you  re- 
side; and  that  to  which  you  more  particu- 
larly belong;  and  you  will  lament  that  it  is  your 
father's  unhappy  lot  to  be  engaged  in  war,  in 
civil  war,  God's  severest  scourge  upon  man- 
kind. 

I  have  no  doubt,  my  dear  daughter,  but  that 
you  will  take  every  advantage  which  the  coun- 
try you  are  in  affords  for  the  improvement  of 
your  mind  and  your  address.  The  latter  is  of 
more  importance  to  a  lady  than  is  sometimes 
thought;  to  you  in  particular  your  friends 
should  recommend  it.  God  knows  through 
what  scenes  you  are  to  pass.  If,  instead  of 
aifluence,  of  which  you  had  lately  a  prospect, 
and  to  which  you  have  still  a  just  claim,  if  ser- 


TO  MARTHA  LAURENS.  63 

vitude  is  to  be  your  portion,  qualify  yourself 
for  an  upper  place.  Fear  not  servitude,  en- 
counter  it  if  it  shullbe  necessary,  with  a  spirit  be- 
coniinp:  a  wonitin  of  an  honest  and  a  pious  heart; 
a  woman  who  has  not  been  affectedly  nor  fashion- 
ably religious.  It  is  my  duty,  my  dear,  to  repeat, 
it  will  be  your  wisdom  to  listen  to  this  alarm. 
The  events  of  war  are  uncertain,  and  there  has 
been  much  talk  of  forfeited  estates;  poor  de- 
luded highlandcrs,  who  are  now  our  prisoners, 
were  inlisted  under  assurances  of  getting  pos- 
session of  our  farms,  plantations,  and  town  es- 
tates Hessians  and  Hanoverians,  and  other 
foreign  troops  have  been  boucrht  by  similar 
promises,  and  no  doubt  some  of  them  will  fight 
strong  for  the  spoil.  Negro  slaves  and  bar- 
barous Indians  have  been  taught  to  exclaim, 
*'down  with  the  Americans,  and  their  estates 
•will  be  free  plunder.'*  Thus  cruelly  beset, 
howbeit,  my  heart  neither  fails  nor  misgives 
me;  I  see  it  my  duty  to  guard  against  every 
thing  which  may  happen,  and  to  sound  repeat- 
ed warnings  to  those  who  are  dearer  to  me, 
and  of  njore  value  to  the  world,  than  my  life. 
You  will  take  care  of  my  Polly  too.  I  need 
not  tell  you  to  be  dutiful  to  your  uncle  and 
aunt;  to  love  and  reverence  them  as  tender  par- 
ents.    They   may   be    reduced  to  very  great 


! 


64  LETTERS,  &C. 

straits.  There  my  heart  is  most  ■wrung;  but 
I  must  forbear;  the  subject  overpowers  me; 
God  in  whom  I  trust,  will  protect  you  all. 
Adieu,  my  dear  daughter,  write  as  often  as 
you  can,  and  in  some  nieasure  lessen  the  anx- 
iety which  arises  from  the  uncertainty  of  your 
being  restored  to  your  faithful  friend,  your  af- 
fectionate father, 

Henry  Lavrens. 


■^ 


APPENDIX  No.  II. 

RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

Thursday,  Dec.  23,  1773. 

BEING  THIS  DAY  FOURTEEN    YEARS  AND    SEVEN 
WEEKS    OLD. 

I  DO  this  day,  after  full  consideration,  and  se- 
rious deliberation,  and  after  earnest  prayer  for 
ihc  assistance  of  Divine  Grace,  resolve  to  sur- 
render and  devote  my  youth,  my  strength, 
my  soul,  with  all  I  have,  and  all  I  am,  to  the 
service  of  that  great  and  good  God,  who  has 
preserved  and  kept  me  all  my  life  until  now, 
and  who  in  infinite  compassion  has  given  me 
to  see  the  folly  of  my  ways,  and  by  faith  to  lay 
hold  on  a  dear  Redeemer,  and  obtain  peace  to 
my  soul  through  his  precious  blood. 

Martha  Laurens. 


•6 


06  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 

A   SELF  DEDICATION     AND     SOLEMN     COVENANT 
WITH  GOD. 

Eternal  and  unchangeable  Jehovahl  Thou 
great  Creator  of  Heaven  and  earth!  And  ador- 
able Lord  of  angels  and  men,  I  desire,  with 
the  deepest  humiliation  and  abasement  of  soul 
to  fall  down  at  this  time  in  thine  awful  pres- 
ence, and  earnestly  pray  that  thou  wilt  pene- 
trate my  very  heart  and  soul  with  a  suitable 
sense  of  thine  unutterable  and  inconceivable 
glories!  Trembling  may  justly  lay  hold  upon 
me  when  I,  a  sinful  worm,  presume  to  lift  up 
my  head  to  thee,  presume  to  appear  in  thy  ma- 
jestic presence,  on  such  an  occasion  as  this. 

Who  am  I,  Oh  Lord  God,  or  what  is  my 
house?  What  is  my  nature  or  descent,  my 
character  and  desert,  that  I  should  speak  of 
this,  and  desire  that  I  may  be  one  party  in  a 
covenant,  where  thou,  the  King  of  kings  and 
Lord  of  lords,  art  the  other.  I  blush  and  am 
confounded,  even  to  mention  it  before  thee. 
But,  Oh  Lord,  great  as  is  thy  majesty,  so  also 
is  tl  y  mercy.  If  thou  wilt  hold  converse  with 
any  of  thy  creatures,  thy  superlatively  exalted 
nature,  must  stoop,  must  stoop  infinitely  low; 
and  I  know  that  in  and  through  Jesus  the  Son 
of  thy  love,  thou  condescendest  to  visit   siniul 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  67 

mortals,  and  to  allow  their  approach  to  thee, 
and  their  covenant  intercourse  with  thee.  Nay, 
I  know  that  the  scheme  and  plan  is  thine  own? 
and  that  thou  hast  graciously  sent  to  propose  it  to 
us;  as  none  untaught  by  thee  would  have  been 
able  to  form  it,  or  inclined  to  embrace  it  even 
wlien  actually  ])roposed.  To  tijee,  therefore^ 
do  I  now  come,  invited  by  the  name  of  thy 
Son,  and  trusting  in  his  righteousness  and 
grace;  laying  myself  at  thy  feet  with  shame  and 
confusion  of  face,  and  smiling  upon  my  breast, 
I  say  with  the  humble  publican,  "God  be  mer- 
ciful to  me  a  sinner."  I  acknowledge,  Lord, 
I  have  been  a  great  transgressor.  My  sins 
have  reached  unto  Heaven,  and  mine  iniquities 
are  lifted  up  unto  the  skies.  The  irregular 
propcnsiiicsof  my  corrupt  and  degenerate  na- 
ture have,  in  ten  thousand  aggravated  instan- 
ces, wrought  to  bring  forth  fruit  unto  death. 
And  if  thou  shouldst  be  strict  to  mark  niir.o 
offences,  I  must  be  silent  under  a  load  of  guilt, 
and  immediately  sink  into  destruction.  liut 
thou  hast  graciously  called  me  to  return  unto 
thee,  though  I  have  been  a  wjmdering  siieup, 
a  prodigal  daughter,  a  backsliding  child.  Be- 
hold, therefore,  O  Lord,  I  come  unto  thee. 
I  come,  convinced  not  only  of  my  sin  l)Ut  of  my 
ioliv.     I  come  IVom  mv  vcrv  heart  ashamed  of 


6S  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 

myself,  and  with  sincerity  and   humility   con- 
fess that  I  have  erred  exceedingly.     I  am  con- 
founded with  the  remembrance  of  these  things; 
but  be  thou  merciful  to  my  unrighteousness,and 
do  not  remember  against  me  my  sins   and  my 
transgressions.     Permit  me,  Oh  Lord!  to  bring 
back    unto   thee   those  powers   and   faculties, 
which  I  have  ungratefully   and  sacrilegiously- 
alienated  from  thy  service,  and  receive,    I  be- 
seech thee,  thy  poor  perverted  creature,  who 
is  now  convinced  of  the  right  thou  hast  to  her, 
and    desires  nothing    in   the   whole   earth   so 
much  as  to  be  truly   thine!    Blessed    God!    it 
is  with  the  utmost  solemnity  that  I  make  this 
surrender  of  myself  to  thee.     Hear,  Oh  Heav- 
ens! and  give  ear,  O  earth!  I  avouch  the  Lord 
to  be  my  God.     I  avouch  and  declare   myself 
this   day,  to  be   one   of  his   covenant  people. 
Hear,  Oh  thou  God   of  Heaven!    and   record 
it  m  the  book  of  thy  remembrance,  that  hence- 
forth 1  am  thine,  entirely  thine.     1  would   not 
merely  consecrate  unto  thee  some  of  my  pow- 
ers, or  some  of  my  possessions,  or   give  thee  a 
certain  proportisn  of  my   services,  or  all  I  am 
capable  of  ior  a  lirriited  time;  but  I  would   be 
■wholly  thine,  and  thine  for  ever.     From  this 
day  do  I  solemnly  renomice  all  the  former  lords  . 
■which  liave  had  dominion  over  mt;    every  sin 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  69 

.ind  every  lust,  and  bid  in  thy  name  an  eternal 
defiance  to  the    powers   of  Hell,    which  have 
most  unjustly  usurped    the   empin     over   my 
sjuhand  to  all  the  corruptions  wnich  their  fa- 
tal temptations  have  introduced    iiito   it.     The 
whole   frame  of  my  naturo,  all  the  faculties  of 
my  mind,  all  the  members  of  my   body,   would 
I  present  before  tiiee  this  day,  as  a  living  sac- 
rifice liOly   and    acceptable   unto   God,   vvhich 
I  know  to  be  my  most  reasonable  service.    To 
thee  I  consecrate  all    my  worldly   possessions; 
in  thy  service    I    dtsire  to   spend   all  the    re- 
mainder of  my  time  upon  earth,  and  beg  thou 
wouldst   instruct   and    influence    me    so    that, 
whether   my  abode  here  be  longer  or  shorter, 
every    year  and  month,  day  asid  hour,  may    be 
used  in  such  a  manner  as  shall  most  effectual- 
ly   promote   thine    honor,   and    subserve    the 
scheme  of  thy  wise  and    giacious    providence; 
and  I  earnestly  pray    that    whatever  influence 
thou  givest  me  over  others,  in  any  of  the    su- 
perior relations  of  life  in  which  I  may  stand,  or 
in  consequence  of  any  peculiar  regard    which 
might   be    paid    me,     thou    wouldst    give    me 
strength  and  courage  to  exert   myself  to   the 
utmost  for  thy  glory.     Resolving,  not  only  that 
I  will  do  it  myself,  but  that  all   others,   so  far 
as  I  can  rationally  uud  properly  influence  them, 


70  RLLIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 

shall  serve  the  Lord.  In  this  course,  Oh 
blessed  God!  would  I  steadily  persevere  to  the 
very  end  of  my  life,  earnestly  praying,  that  ev- 
ery future  day  of  it  may  supply  the  deficiencies 
and  correct  the  irregularities  of  the  former, and 
that  I  may,  by  divine  grace,  be  enabled,  not  on- 
ly to  hold  on  in  that  happy  way,  but  daily  to 
grow  more  active  in  it. 

Nor  do  I  only  consecrate  all  that  I  am  and 
have  to  thy  service,  but  I  also  mcst  humbly 
resign  and  submit  to  thy  heavenly  will,  myself 
and  all  that  I  can  call  mine.  I  leave,  Oh 
Lord,  to  thy  management  and  direction  all 
I  possess  and  all  I  wish;  and  set  every  enjoy- 
iTient  and  every  interest  before  thee,  to  be  dis- 
posed of,  as  thou  pleasest.  Continue,  or  re- 
move what  thou  hast  given  me;  bestow  or  re- 
fuse, what  I  imagine  I  want,  as  thou.  Lord 
shalt  see  good;  and  though  I  dare  not  say  I 
will  never  repine,  yet  I  hope  I  may  venture  to 
say,  that  I  will  labor  not  only  to  submit  but  to 
acquiesce;  not  only  to  bear  what  thou  doest  in 
thy  most  afflictive  dispensations;  but  to  con- 
sent to  it,  and  to  praise  thee  for  it,  contentedly 
resolving,  in  all  that  thou  appointest,  my  will 
into  thine,  and  looking  on  myself  as  nothing, 
and  on  thee,  Oh  God!  as  the  great  eternal  all, 
whose  word  ought   to  determine  every  thingi 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  71 

atid  whose  government  ought  to  be  the  joy  of 
the  whole  rational  creation. 

Use  me,  Oh  Lord,  I  beseech  thee,  as  the 
instrument  of  thy  glory,  and  honor  rae  so  far, 
as  either  by  doing  or  suffering  what  thou  shalt 
appoint,  to  bring  some  revenue  of  praise  to 
thee,  and  of  benefit  to  the  world  in  which  I 
dwell;  and  may  it  please  thee,  Oh  my  Creator! 
from  this  day  forward,  to  number  me  among 
tliy  peculiar  people,  that  I  may  no  more  be  a 
stranger  and  foreigner,  but  a  fellow  citizen 
with  the  saints,  and  of  the  household  of  God. 
Receive,  Oh  heavenly  Fatherl  thy  returning 
prodigal.  Wash  me  in  the  blood  of  thy  dear 
Son;  clothe  me  with  his  perfect  righteousness, 
and  sanctify  me  throughout  by  the  power  of 
thy  Spiriil  Destroy,  I  beseech  thee,  more  and 
more  the  power  of  sin  in  my  heart!  Transform 
me  more  into  thine  own  image,  and  fashion  me 
to  the  resemblance  of  Jesus,  whom  hencefor- 
ward I  would  acknowledge  as  my  teacher,  and 
my  sacrifice,  my  intercessor,  and  my  LordI 
Communicate  to  me,  I  beseech  thee,  all  need- 
ful influences  of  thy  purifying,  thy  cheering, 
and  ihy  comforting  spirit;  and  lift  up  the  light 
of  thy  countenance  upon  mc,  which  will  put 
the  sublimcst  joy  and  (gladness   into   my    soul. 

Dispose  my  affairs,  Oh  GodI    in  a  manner 


72  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 

"vvhich  may  be  most  subservient  to  thy  glory 
and  my  own  truest  happiness;  and  when  1  have 
done  and  borne  thy  wiil  upon  earth,  call  me 
from  hence  at  what  time,  and  in  vhat  manner 
thou  pleasest;  only  grant  that  in  my  dying  mo- 
ments, and  the  near  view  of  eternity.  1  may 
remember  these  my  engagements  to  thee,  and 
may  employ  my  latest  breath  lo  tiy  service; 
and  do  thou,  Oh  Lord,  when  thou  seest  the  ag- 
onies of  dissolving  nature  upon  me,  remember 
this  covenant  too,  even  though  I  should  then 
be  incapable  of  recollecting  it.  Look  down, 
Oh  my  heavenly  Father,  with  a  pitying  eye 
upon  thy  languisning,  dying  child;  place  thine 
everlasting  arms  underneath  me  for  my  sup- 
port; put  strength  and  confidence  into  my  de- 
parting spirit,  and  receive  it  to  the  embraces 
of  thy  everlasting  love!  Welcome  it  to  the 
abodes  of  them  that  sleep  in  Jesus;  to  wait 
with  them  that  glorious  day,  when  the  last 
of  thy  promises  to  thy  covenant  people 
shall  be  fulfilled  in  their  triumphant  resurrec- 
tion and  that  abundant  entrance,  which  shfSil  be 
administered  to  them  into  that  everlasting 
kingdom,  of  which  thou  hast  assured  them 
in  thy  covenant,  and  in  the  hope  of  which,  I 
now  lay  hold  of  it,  desiring  to  live  and  to  die  as 
with  my  hand  on  that  hope! 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  73 

And  when  I  am   thus  numbered  among  the 
dead,  and  all  the  interests  of  mortality  arc  over 
with  me    for  ever,   if   this   solemn    memorial 
should  chance  to  fall  into  the  hands  of  any  sur- 
viving friends,  may  it  be  the  means  of  making 
serious  impressions  on  their  mind.     May  they 
read  it  not  only   as  my   lani^uage,  but    as  their 
own;    and  learn  to   fear   the    Lord    my    God, 
and  with  me  to  put  their  trust  under  the  shadow 
of  his  wings   for  time  and   for   eternity;    and 
may  they  also  learn  to  adore  witli  me  that  grace 
which  inclines  our  heart  to  enter  imo  the  cov- 
enant, and   condescends  to  admit   us   into  it, 
when  so  inclined;  ascribing  with  me    and  with 
all  the    children  of  God,  to  the  Father,  to   the 
Son,  and  to  the  Holy  Ghost,  that  glory,    honor, 
and  praise,  which  ii  so  justly  due  to  each  divine 
person  for  the  part  he    bears  in  this  illustri- 
ous work.     Amlx. 

Lord  I  am  ihlne,  for  ever  t'line. 
My  soul  <l..iFi  cleave  to  tlu>e; 
M  V  clearest  Loi-d,  be  ever  mine, 
I'll  have  no  love  but  thee. 

Henceforth  I  am  not   mine   but   God's    for 
ever. 

INLVRTHA    LaUUEXS. 

I  had  fallen,  shamefully   fallen,  and   broken 
the  solemn  covenant  engagements  in  so  dread- 


74  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

ful  a  manner,  that  none  but  he  who  is  holy  and 
true,  who  hath  the  key  of  all  hearts,  whoopen- 
eth  and  no  man  shutteth,  could  ever  have  res- 
tored me,  but  through  the  unbounded  and  as- 
tonishing measures  of  his  grace;  I  was  awak- 
ened to  a  sense  of  my  vilenessand  ingratitude; 
made  to  feel  more  bil;.ter  pangs  than  ever;  and 
after  much  strugglinj^  and  many  intreaties 
from  my  compassionate  Redeemer,  1  renewed 
my  violated  vows  in  the  most  solemn  manner, 
not  only  privately,  but  publicly,  by  giving  up 
myself  to  him  in  the  ordinance  of  the  Holy 
Supper,  before  near  three  hundred  persons  at 
St.  Werbrough*s,  December  25,  1775. 

Solemnly  again,  April  7,  1776,  and  more  sol- 
emnly and  with  more  affecting  circumstances 
than  ever,  May  26,  1776. 


APPENDIX,  No.  III. 

Eristoly  yunCt  1776. 
A  SUPPLICATION  FOR.    A  BELOVED    RELATIVE, 

MY  heart  has  been  rather  bowed  down  today, 
and  through  the  prevalence  of  unbelief,  I  have 
a  hard  struggle  to  keep  from  sinking.  My 
dear  aunt's  extreme  weakness  makes  me  truly 
apprehensive  on  her  account;  and  O,  my  stub- 
born will,  it  can  hardly  bear  the  thoughts  of 
letting  her  outstrip  me  and  get  to  Heaven  first! 
O,  if  it  should  please  the  Lord  to  remove  her 
hence,  what  a  severe  stroke  will  it  be  to  my 
loving  heart;  may  he  give  me  grace,  if  such  is 
his  good  pleasure,  to  lie  down,  in  humble  sub- 
mission at  his  feet;  but,  O  my  God!  if  I  may 
plead  with  thee,  and  if  the  earnest  wisli  of  my 
soul  is  not  contradictory  to  thy  all  wise  and 
gracious  providence,  which  I  would  not  for 
ten  thousand  worlds  desire  to  subvert,  spare, 
O  spare  her;  direct  the  physicians,  herself,  and 
attendants,  and  in  mercy  hear  the  supplications 
of  her  friends,  of  me,  thine  unworthy  suppli- 
cant. Bless  the  waters,  the  change  of  air,  or 
whatever    she   shall   be    ordered;  without  thy 


76  RELIGIOUS   EXERCISES. 

blessing,  nothing  will  avail;  tiierefore  by  bum- 
ble and  diligent  prayer  would  I  seek  it,  in  the 
name  and  for  the  merits  of  my  dear  Redeemer. 
In  thy  hands  are  the  issues  of  life  and  death; 
thou  canst  bring  back  again  from  the  gates  of 
the  grave,  canst  say  to  the  violence  of  disease, 
hitherto  shalt  thou  go  and  no  further;  and  with 
one  powerful  word,  canst  recruit  exhausted 
nature,  and  give  new  strength  and  vigor.  I 
well  know  tliat  thou  art  able,  and  as  fully  am  I 
convinced  that  thou  art  willing  to  grant  this 
petition,  if  it  will  be  for  the  good  of  thine  hand- 
ma'd,  and  of  us  her  aflectionate  friends;  there- 
fore, with  tlie  most  steady  faith,  I  desire  to 
pray,  and  without  wavering  to  come  unto  the 
throne  of  grace;  if  thou  doest  for  me  this  thing, 
I  will  adore  and  praise  thy  love  for  ever,  and 
for  ever;  if  not  in  the  deepest  affliction,  will  I 
sing  unto  thee,  and  amidst  surrounding  distress 
will  proclaim  thy  goodness.  O  my  Lord,  be 
thou  with  my  dear  friend;  place  thine  everlast- 
ing arms  beneath  her;  give  her  strength  and 
confidence  in  thee  under  all  her  trials;  manifest 
thy  presence  unto  her  in  so  sweet  and  delight- 
ful a  manner,  that  she  may  forget  all  her  pains, 
and  lose  all  her  sorrows  in  the  enjoyment  of 
thy  love;  revive  her  drooping  spirits  with  the 
cordials  of  thy  grace;  wean  her  more  than  ever 


RELIGIOUS   EXERCISES.  77 

from  the  world,  and  engage  to  thee  the  chief 
and  choicest  of  her  afiections.  Teach  me,  I 
pray  thee,  the  way  in  which  I  ought  to  go;  di- 
rect me  to  every  tender,  kind,  and  christian  ac- 
tion, and  assist  me  now  to  shew  my  gratitude 
for  her  unparalleled  goodness  to  me  for  so 
many  years,  by  doing  every  thing  in  my  power 
to  serve  and  comfort  her.  Bless  also  my  be- 
loved uncle;  sustain  his  mind  in  every  time  of 
trouble,  and  let  not  the  sight  of  his  dear  sickly 
wife,  prejudice  his  own  health  and  increase  hi? 
disorder;  but  let  all  his    care  be  cast  on  theer> 


A  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISK  AT  HOME,  WHEN  PROV- 
IDENTIALLY DISAPPOINTED  OF  AN  OPPORTU- 
NITY  FOR   PUBLIC    COMMUNION. 

IN  the  name  of  the  Father,  of  tlic  Son,  and  oi 
the  Holy  Ghost;  O  Lord,  I  am  thine  by  every 
lie  of  nature  and  of  grace;  thine  by  a  daily  sur- 
render; and  I  desire  at  th-is  time  particularly 
to  ackowledge  and  rejoice  in  my  dependence 
on  thee;  I  have  tasted  such  an  abundance  of 
comfort  in  thy  paths,  and  h.ivc  found  them  so 
peaceful  and  so  pleasant,  that  it  does  not  aj^. 
DCvir  to  me,  that  a.iy  thing  in  the  world  could 
*7 


78  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

tempt  me  to  leave  them;  but  instead  of  being 
high  minded,  O  my  GodI  I  would  fear  and 
watch  over  myself  with  a  godly  jealousy,  lest 
through  the  abundance  of  tiiat  consolation  which 
thou  hast  vouchsafed  mc,  I  should  be  filled 
with  vain  confidence,  slide  into  carnal  security, 
and  feel  sooner  than  1  am  aware  of,  a  declen- 
sion from  the  ways  of  grace.  Behold,  there- 
fore, O  Lord!  I  come  as  a  beginner  in  religion, 
a  babe  in  Christ,  humbly  beseeching  thee  to 
forgive  all  my  sins;  to  pour  into  my  heart  the 
gift  of  the  Holy  Ghost;  and  to  enable  me  to 
abide  steadfast  in  my  calling,  till  thou  shalt  de- 
liver  me  from  all  danger,  ond  fix  me  as  an  zm- 
moveable  pillar  in  thy  eternal  kingdom.  Bind 
me  to  thyself  more  strongly.  Lord,  than  ever; 
ratify  my  vows  in  Heaven,  and  seal  my  pardon 
there;  this  day,  I  hoped  to  have  publicly  com- 
memorated thy  love,  O  sweetest  Jesus!  and 
professed  miyself  the  disciple  of  thy  cross;  but 
since  thy  providence  hath  otherwise  ordained, 
condescend  to  accept  from  this,  my  retired 
chamber,  the  utmost  desire  of  my  heart  to 
praise  thee,  and  devote  itself  for  ever  to  thy 
will.  Satisfy  the  longings  of  my  soul  wiih  that 
bread  of  God  which  is  the  life  of  all  v.  ho  eat  ii. 
and  let  there  be  such  a  spiritual  participation 
of  thy  blessed  body  and  blood,  that  I  may  dw^l 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  79 

in  thee,  and  thou  in  me,  and  that  having    life, 
I  may  have  it  more  abundantly. 

Show  me  that  thou  art  an  all  povrerful  God, 
and  that  where  thou  art  pleased  savingly  to 
manifest  thyself,  there  is  Heaven,  there  is  a 
Temple,  there  an  Altar,  there  divine  commun- 
ion, and  while  thy  servant  in  a  humble  depen- 
dence on  thy  promises,  with  a  bended  knee 
and  with  a  contrite  heart  waits  upon  thee,  reveal 
thy  mercy  and  thy  loving  kindness,  and  overflow 
her  soul  with  the  cleansing  and  reviving  streams 
of  thy  redeeming  grace.  Say  unto  me  "/  a7n 
thy  Salvation.'*  Drive  doubt  and  unbelief  away, 
and  banish  all  my  fear;  make  me  to  know  that 
/  am  t/iine,  and  that  nothing  shall  ever  separate 
me  from  thy  love;  divert  me  from  thy  service; 
or  finally  prevent  my  admission  into  the  realms 
of  unchangeable  felicity. 

Martha  Laurens. 

Tci^nmouth,  yuly  6,  177T. 


APPENDIX,  No.  IV. 

DEVOUT    MEDITATIONS.* 

I. 

8ELF  ABASEMENT,  WITH  RESOLUTIONS  TO  WALJ 
MORE  WORTHILY. 

WHAT  a   poor,  lukewarm,  unprofitable,  un- 
worthy  disciple  am  II 

How  cold  and  deficient  my  duty  toward  God. 
How  mingled  with  sin  my  charity  toward  men. 
Well  may  I  cry  out  for  quickning  grace  and 
plead  for  sanctification.  When  shall  my  light 
shine  before  men,  and  the  Gospel  be  glorified 
by  my  conduct.  Oh  how  unlike  I  am  the  bles- 
sed Jesus,  my  Redeemer  and  my  pattern.  His 
blessed  feet  were  continually  carrying  him 
about  to  do  good,  but  alas,  mine  are  prone  to 
wander  in  the  wi'.ys  of  folly.  I  am  ail  self  abase- 
ment, and  can  hardly  bear  the  review  of  my  most 
exemplary  days.  My  past  life  has  been  one 
continued  course  of  impiety,  and  my  most  ho- 

*  Written  in  Eng1an<l  by  Miss  Laurens  between  tlie  six- 
teenth and  nineteciitli  year  of  her  aj^e,  l)ut  not  |.articiilarly 
dated.  The  breaks  or  <livisions  witli  their  numbers  and 
heads  or  titles^  and  the  general  titb  are  added  bv  the  Edi-. 

tOF. 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  81 

ly  things  huve  been  unrighteous.  What  shall 
I  say  then,  or  whither  shall  I  flee  for  mercy, 
but  to  the  great  atonement;  to  the  blood  of  the 
Redeemer,  by  which  alone  I  can  obtain  forgive- 
ness for  the  iniquities  which  I  have  committed 
in  thought,  word,  and  deed. 

O  that  from  this  time  forward  I  may  be  more 
zealous  in  the  service  of  my  God,  and  walk 
more  worthy  the  vocation  wherewith  I  am  cal- 
led; adorning  the  doctrines  of  God,  my  Savior> 
in  all  things,  and  having  my  outward  behavior 
strongly  expressive  of  the  inward  state  of  my 
mind;  not  making  the  customs  and  manners  of 
a  corrupt  and  sinful  world  the  rule  by  which  I 
walk;  but  trying  myself  by  the  New  Testa- 
ment, the  words  of  Jesus,  and  the  divinely  in- 
spired Apostles;  and  living  with  a  constant  re- 
regard  to  death  and  judgment.  How  short  i3 
timc^  How  long  is  eternity!  yet,  alas,  how  is 
my  mind  occupied  by  the  things  of  time,  how 
careless  of  the  things  of  eternity.  Now,  dear 
Jesus,  show  thyself  with  power,  and  work  a 
^real  deliverance  for  me,  that  in  thee,  I  may 
become  strong,  and  have  fortitude  to  walk  con- 
trary to  the  way  of  the  world;  to  take  up  my 
cross  and  follow  thee.     Amen. 


82  EELIGIOUS   EXERCISES. 


II. 


A  DAY  WELL  SPENT. 

BLESSED  be  God  for  this  day's  entertaimnent. 
How  sweet  is  the  society  of  lively  chris- 
tians, when  we  meet  together  and  spend  the 
hours,  not  in  idle  chit  chat  about  dress  or 
weather  or  such  unprofitable  themes,  but  in 
mutual  exhortation  and  encouragement.  How 
comfortably  have  I  passed  this  day.  In  the 
morning  I  was  at  the  sanctuary,  heard  the 
word  of  salvation,  and  sat  with  pleasure  under 
the  teaching  of  the  Gospel.  When  I  return- 
ed, met  with  dear  fellow  members,  and  adored 
together  the  name  of  Jesus  our  Lord.  In  the 
afternoon  I  visited  serious  friends,  and  entered 
on  the  delightful  subject,  talked  of  redeeming 
love  and  christian  meekness;  and  again  this 
evening  met  with  acquaintance  of  the  same 
mind,  and  renewed  the  delightful  converse, 
and  now  at  night  I  have  been  blessed  in  my 
retirement,  and  had  great  enlargement  in  pray- 
er both  alone  and  with  my  servant.  I  cannot 
close  a  day  so  distinguished  for  spiritual  mer- 
cies, without  holy  elevation,  without  a  song  of 
praise,  nor  sleep  till  I  have  rendered  thanks. 
Praise  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  let  all  that  is 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  83 

within  mc  praise  his  holy  name.  Praise  the 
Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  forget  not  all  his  bene- 
fits. I  will  praise  the  Lord  while  I  live;  yea, 
•vvhiie  I  have  any  being,  I  will  sing  praises  to 
my  God.  My  heart  is  fixed,  O  God!  my  heart 
is  fixed,  and  through  time  and  eternity  I  shall 
be  thus  employed;  singing  songs  of  everlasting 
triumph  and  loud  hallelujahs  to  the  slain  Lamb, 
the  purchaser  of  all  our  hopes,  and  ground  of 
our  rejoicing. 


III. 

PREPARATION    FOR   AN    HOUR  OF    TRIAL. 

I  AM  now  going  into  gay,  worldly,  and,  1  even 
fear,  that  I  shall  meet  with  profane  company. 
O  that  through  grace  I  may  have  courage  to 
sliow  a  becoming  spirit,  and  remembering  the 
honorable  name  which  I  bear,  may  I  not  be 
ashamed  to  act  as  a  christian,  and  to  let  relig- 
ion tincture  every  word  and  action.  O  heavenly 
Fatherl  now  shed  abroad  in  my  heart  thy  Ho- 
ly Spirit,  and  let  nothing  but  holiness  proceed 
out  of  my  mouth.  Enable  me  so  to  demean 
myself,  that  all  may  take  knowledge  of  mc 
liut  I  have   been  with  Jesus.     Let  the  law  of 


84  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

kindness  dwell  upon  n»y  tongue;  and  teach  me 
to  discountenarice  sin  in  the  vtiy  spirit  of  hu- 
inility.  Show  me  the  effectual  moments,  the 
proper  opportunities  for  speaking-  in  defence 
of  the  Gospel,  for  glorifying  the  name  of  Jesus, 
and  give  me  a  heart  to  embrace  them.  Let 
not  the  fear  of  singularity  make  me  a  babbler; 
but  if  I  can  bear  no  innocent  and  useful  part  in 
conversation,  keep  me  silent.  Let  the  remem- 
brance of  my  solemn  vows  be  ever  before  me, 
and  enable  me,  this  day,  to  stand  fast  in  the  cove- 
nant of  Christ,  joyfully  confessing  him  before 
men.  Hear  me,  O  Godl  for  thy  mercy's  sake, 
and  have  pity  on  a  poor  frail  creature. 


IV. 

AN   ACT    OF    CONTRITION    WITH  HOPES   OF    RES- 
TORATION TO    DIVINE  FAVOR. 

I  HAD  fainted  unless  I  had  believed  to  see 
the  goodness  of  the  Lord.  My  feet  had  well 
nigh  slipt,  and  I  was  bowed  down  with  sorrow, 
Satan  has  distressed  me  with  his  vile  sugges- 
tions. Doubts  and  fears  have  perplexed  me, 
and  I  have  been  sore  oppressed  by  my  corrup-  ^ 
tions:  yet  blessed  be  my  compassionate   high 


RELIGIOUS   EXERCISES.  85 

priest,  my  merciful  Savior,  who  hears  me  from 
the  very   depths  of  ^vo,  and  though  I  am  now 
in  darkness,  gives  mc  hope  that  I  shall  still  see 
him;  that  his  mercy  is  not  clean  gone  for  ever; 
but  that  I  shall  yet  rejoice  in  the  Lord,  and  go 
forth   ^v•ith    strength,  conquering  and    to   con- 
quer.    I  now  sigh  and  mourn  before  him,  be- 
cause of  my  transgressions,  which   have  sep- 
arated  between  me    and  my    God.     I  cry  out 
with  earnestness.  How  long,  O  Lord,  how  long. 
When  shall  I  see  thee  as  I  have  seen  thee  in 
the  sanctuary.  When  shall  my  prayer  be  heard, 
and  I  be  permitted  again  to  attend  thee  in  the 
sanctuary.     When  wilt  thou  visit  me  with  the 
gracious  visits  of  thy  love.  When  shall  I  enjoy 
thy  glories,  thy  gracious,  thy  refreshing,  com- 
forting presence,    as  I  have  heretofore    dene 
when  the  candle  of  the  Lord  shone  bright  up- 
on mc,  and  when  1  lived  as  it  were  at  the  very 
gate  of  Hwaven;  yea,  even  in  tlic  bosom  of  my 
Jesus,  which  is  the   very  hcuven  of  heavens ; 
where  bliss  unspeakable  abounds.     I    cannot 
forget  these  times,  these  seasons  of  inexpres- 
sible rejoicing;  and  as  the  thirsty  hart  panteth 
for   the  reviving   stream,  so    pantcili  my  soul 
after  thee,  even  after  thee,  tiie  living  God,  who 
alone  can  give  me  comfort,  and  send  me  relicfin 

this  day  of  trial.  Surely  it  is  sin  which  has  drawn 
8 


S6  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

this  dreadful  veil  over  my  heart;  shut  out  the 
cheering  rays  of  his  coantenance;  grieved  the 
Holy  Spirit,  and  made  my  beloved  to  depart  from 
me,  and  leave  me  thus  comfortless.  His  love 
is  still  the  same;  but  I  have  changed!  I  have 
grown  lukewarm  and  careless;  I  have  backslid- 
den, and  wandered  in  the  ways  of  folly;  I  have 
been  idle,  and  have  not  improved  the  means  of 
grace.  I  have  been  self  indulgent,  and  allow- 
ed the  flesh  too  much  of  its  own  way.  I  have 
not  been  so  watchful  as  I  ought.  With  shame 
and  confusion  of  fl^ce  do  I  reflect  on  and  con- 
fess these  things;  and  with  the  deepest  self 
abasement  cast  myself  at  the  foot  of  the  cross. 
I  lay  myself  under  the  droppings  of  the  blood 
of  Jesus,  and  hardly  daring  to  look  up,  I  cry. 
Lord  be  -merciful  to  me  a  sinner,  a  grievous 
sinner;  my  crimes  are  of  the  deepest  dye,  and 
my  sins  of  more  than  scarlet  hue;  I  am  the 
most  ungrateful  creature  in  the  whole  house;; 
yet  may  I  not  hope  for  mercy,  and  still  plead 
the  merits  of  that  Savior  I  have  so  basely  in- 
jured. I  can  offer  no  argument  but  the  great- 
ness of  my  sin  and  the  extent  of  his  love;  I  know 
that  to  be  amazing  and  unbounded,  and,  there- 
fore, I  will  not  despair;  but  humbly  trust  that 
there  is  forgiveness  with  him.  and  that  I  shal*. 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  87 

be  again  admitted  into  comnuinion  with  my 
dear  Lord,  and  tied  so  fust  to  him  as  to  have 
no  power  to  depart. 


V. 


PREPARATION  FOR  SELF  EXAMINATION. 

I  DESIRE  now  to  try  myself;  to  search  my 
spirit;  and,  therefore,  I  devote  this  week, 
through  God's  grace,  to  extraordinary  retire- 
ment, prayer,  fasting,  and  mcflifation;  if  so  be 
that  the  Lord  will  be  gracious,  and  assist  me 
in  my  self  examination  and  devotion,  and  re- 
visit me  with  his  free  salvation.  Without 
Christ  1  can  do  nothing;  I  therefore  cast  my- 
self at  his  feet,  and  beg  him  to  strengthen  and 
direct,  and  so  to  lead  me  through  the  rugged 
roadof  life,  that  I  may  at  length  obtain  tl  e  full 
fruition  of  immortal  bliss,  and  be  made  partaker 
of  never  ending  glory;  though  now  1  have  my 
gloomy  fears,  and  pass  through  dangcroirs 
deeps,  and  dismal  snares. 


88  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 


VL 

SENSATIONS  OCCASIONED  BY  THE  SIGHT  OF 
A  PICTUHE  OF  THE  SAVIOR  TAKEN  FROM 
THE    CROSS. 

I  HAVE  seen  a  picture  today  which  made  an 
amazing  impression  on  my  mind;  the  Savior 
taken  from  the  cross.  With  my  bodily  eyes,  I 
looked  on  the  print;  "vvith  the  eye  of  faith,  I 
viewed  his  body  mangled,  rent,  and  covered 
with  a  gore  of  blood  for  me;  the  flinty  rock 
was  broken;  my  hard  heart  was  melted,  and 
tears  of  penitence  and  love  were  ready  to  flow. 
My  thoughts  were  solemnized  by  the  sight; 
and  I  hope  that,  upon  the  whole,  it  has  not 
been  an  unprofitable  circumstance.  Various 
are  the  ways  of  grace  by  which  the  Savior 
touches  the  heart;  and  in  his  hands,  and  with 
his  blessing,  the  weakest  means,  produce 
astonishing  good.  I  wish  to  have  my  mind  in 
such  a  state  as  to  regard  every  occurrence  in 
a  christian  view,  and  to  let  nothing  pass  with- 
out some  holy  reflection,  son^e  pious  medita- 
tion. May  the  dear  Jesus  guide  me  in  the 
great  work  I  have  undeiiaken,  and  bless  to  my 
poor  soul  every  thing  that  1  either  see  or  hear 
or  think  of  for  his  mercy's  sake. 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  89 

VII. 

LONGIKG    FOR    DEATH. 

0  DEATH,  where  is  thy  stinc,^?  O  Grave, 
uhere  is  tliy  victory?     To  me  thou  hast  none. 

1  often  look  forward  with  impatience  to  the 
Iiour  when  thou  shalt  set  me  free,  and  long  to 
be  touched  by  thy  cold  hand;  'tis  but  a  little 
while  since,  and  I  could  not  bear  the  thought 
of  eternity.  Now  the  time  seems  tedious  that 
I  am  detained  a  prisoner  here;  sick,  of  the 
world,  and  all  its  unsatisfactory  enjoyments,  I 
often  cry  to  my  beloved  in  the  longing  of  de- 
sire, Come  quickiy,  come  quickly,  for  I  long 
to  be  with  thee.  How  slow  the  minutes  roll; 
how  leisurely  the  hours  move,  which  keep  me 
from  my  God.  »'I  long  for  evening  to  undress." 
I  long,  earnestly  long,  for  the  day  of  my  disso- 
lution, which  will  deliver  my  imprisoned  soul 
from  its  confinement,  and  leave  it  free  from  ev- 
ery clog  of  flesh  and  sense.  Each  change  in  my 
spiritual  life  increases  this  ardent  longing.  Is 
the  sky  clear,  and  does  the  sun  shine  bright? 
have  I  sweet  communion  with  the  Savior,  and 
ravishing  foretastes  of  tl»e  unutterable,  incon- 
ceivable bliss, purchased  for  me  by  his  blood  and 
njcrits?    How  do  I  languish  for  the  full  fi  uiiion 

»8 


90  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

of  those  immortal  joys,  which  are  now  bestow- 
ed by  measure,  and  punt  to  behold  him  face  to 
face,  whom  now  I  see  but  darkly,  even  in  my 
most  exalted  moments. 

Am  I  drooping  under  desertion,  venting  my 
complaints,  because  of  the  absence  of  him  whom 
my  soul  loveth.  Othen,  indeed,  I  long  for  that 
blessed  time,  when  sin  shall  have  lost  its 
power,  and  no  more  separate  between  the  Sa- 
vior and  my  soul;  when  1  shall  no  more  grieve 
the  Spirit,  and  provoke  him  to  depart;  but  shall 
have  done  with  doubts  and  fears,  with  sins  and 
soirows,  and  shall  be  put  into  the  full  posses- 
sion oi  heaven  and  happiness.  I  shall  be  vic- 
torious over  hell  and  the  grave.  Having  these 
comfortable  assurances  that  I  shall  be  happy, 
and  finding  all  things  below  but  bubbles,  toys, 
and  trifles,  I  have  grown  tired  of  this  world, 
and  long  to  be  in  a  better,  even  the  world  above, 
where  my  forerunner  reigns,  and  where  I  hope 
ere  long  to  reign  with  him  in  glory, 


Haste,  Lord,  and  bring  me  to  the  day. 
When  I  shall  dwell  at  home; 
('orue,  O  Redeemer,  come  away, 
U  Jesus,  quickly  come. 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  91 

VIII. 

THE  PLEASniES  OF  COMMUNION  WITH  GOD; 
HUMILIATION  FOR  UNWOHTHIN'ESS  OF  SUCH 
A  PHIVILEGE;  resolutions  TO  SEEK  AFTER 
ITS    CONTINUANCE. 

SWEET  are  the  moments  spent  at  the  foot  of 
the  cross,  wliilc  there  I  sit,  and  sing,  and 
mourn,  and  love. 

I  would  not  exchange  one  such  hour,  for  ten 
thousand  years  of  worldly  enjoyment.  The 
utmost  heiL;hts  of  earthly  pomp;  the  honors  of 
royalt};  the  treasures  of  both  the  Indies;  the 
adulation  of  the  multitude;  nor  health,  nor 
friends,  nor  any  thing  oi  terrestrial  bliss, 
though  it  were  to  last  for  ever,  could  make  me 
happy  in  the  absence  of  my  God,  or  recompense 
me  for  the  loss  of  his  favor.  But,  with  the 
light  of  his  countenance,  and  the  comforts  of 
his  Spirit,  having  no  where  to  lay  my  head, 
sick  and  forlorn,  mean  and  despised,  persecuted 
and  defamed,  1  could  rejoice  with  joy  unspeak- 
able and  full  of  glory.  What  nonsense  would 
this  st.»om  to  a  man  of  the  world;  but  the  believ- 
ing ^oul  well  knows  wiiat  I  say.  Those  who 
I  ave  once  tasted  that  the  Lord  is  gracious,  and 
:.jund  rcfuj?;e  from  sin  and  Satan,  in  the  bleed- 
ing wounds  of  Jesusj  can  witness  to  this  truilu 


92  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

that  his  love  surpasses  knoM  ledge,  ai\d  is  better 
than  life  itself.  The  cross,  the  cross!  O  this  is 
all  my  glory;  the  only  ground  of  my  rejoicing; 
by  the  death  of  the  Son  of  God,  life  is  purchased 
for  me,  and  in  his  prevailing  name,  I  have  free 
access  to  the  throne  of  grace.  I  can  go  and 
spread  before  the  Father  my  wants,  and  my 
complaints;  tell  him  of  all  my  distresses,  my 
conflicts,  ray  trials,  and  my  weakness;  and  from 
the  fulness  of  his  Son  derive  a  sufficiency  of 
strength  for  the  day  of  temptation.  I  can  plead 
his  own  word,  his  precious  promises,  and  rest 
secure  upon  them.  I  can  ask  the  influences  of 
his  grace,  beg  the  consolations  of  the  Holy 
Ghost,  and  show  him  my  need  of  comfort.  O, 
I  love  to  sit  at  the  feet  of  Jesus,  till  my  heart 
melts,  and  till  my  eyes  run  down  with  tears. 
I  love  to  look  on  him,  till  they  grow  dim  to 
outward  objects,  and  till  I  am  wholly  taken  up 
with  the  tlungs  of  faith.  Sometimes  I  am  so 
lost  in  the  height,  and  breadth,  and  length,  and 
depth  of  love  immeasurable,  that  I  secrn  dead 
to  the  world,  and  have  no  thought  of  any  thing 
in  it.  1  foi^et  tlie  things  of  time,  and  my  spirit 
solaces  itself  in  the  foretastes  of  eterucil  joys; 
^ut  alas,  these  seasons  last  not  long. 

Too  soon  my  joys  decay, 
Too  soon  my  sins  arise. 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  9S 

Too  soon  I  find  myself  groveling  midst  the 
clods  of  earth,  and  the  wheels  of  love  turning 
heavily.  This  makes  the  chains  of  sense  hate- 
ful to  me;  and  nothing  gives  me  pleasure  that 
does  not  increase  my  growch  in  grace.  I  hate 
all  company,  all  amusements,  all  business  that 
diverts  my  mind  from  spiritual  things,  and 
draws  it  from  God. 

I  delight  in  those  means  which  I  have  found 
most  beneficial,  and  wiEh  to  observe  every  rule 
-which  has  a  good  effect  upon  my  spirit.  My 
Savior  has  often  been  plcdsed  to  manifest  him* 
self  in  my  hours  of  prayer,  and  my  soul  hag 
been  caught  up  to  celestial  heiglits,  even  to  the 
throne  of  God,  while  I  was  in  the  lowest  pos- 
ture of  reverence  before  him.  He  has  often 
met  me  in  my  retirements,  and  made  solitude 
so  delightful  to  me,  thai  I  love  to  remain  whole 
days  sliut  out  from  tlie  woild.  He  has  gra- 
ciously refreshed  me  at  his  tabic,  and  peculiarly 
in  my  after  retirement,  made  himself  known  to 
my  enraptured  soul  in  such  a  manner  as  words 
cannot  describe,  or  tongue  declare,  for  ills  in- 
expressible, and  only  to  be  felt.*     Be  astonish- 

•  "Whf>n  by  often  betaking  oursclvca  to  God  wc  be- 
come acquainted  witb  hitfi;  wlien  by  tVe<|iurit  prayer,  med- 
italiun.  and  olb^r  practiced  of  duvftiou.  've  ^'follow Jiard 
after  bini,  '  and  altt^nd  close  upon  Mm,  /if  is  (icciistomtd  to 
bieah  in  iipun   the  soul  with  Jlas/ies  of  joyi  to  tvarm  it 


94  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

cd  and  wonder,  O  niy  soul,  that  thou,  the  vilest 
creature  in  the  world,  the  very  chief  of  sinners, 

■with  beams  of  comfort;  lO  breathe  into  it  the  inspirations  of 
heaven;  to  speak  peace  to  the  hearty  and  shed  through  it 
a  thousand  conso/atio7is;  ivhen  on  our  kjiees  before  him,  ive 
feel  our  hear  s  dissolving-  ivith  love,  and  Jloiviiig  qui  to  his 
bo'irjm,  ive  find  the  rich  tide  of  ujfectiun  soon  rolling  buck^ 
from  God  to  ojir  souls,  and  bringing  with  it  pleasures 
■which  are  unutterable.  Do  any  of  you,  my  brethren,  re- 
gard tliese  representations  as  visions  of  fancy,  having  no 
existence  in  rea!  lite,  or  as  fiighls  of  enthusiasn^?  Believe 
me,  you  deceive  your  own  souls;  believe  me,  many  ihou- 
saiids,  folloicers  of  the  Lamb,  have  found  in  this  irter- 
coursexvith  their  God.  pleasures  incomparably  greater  than 
those  I  have  described  I  appeal  to  experience  for  a  co,:f)m- 
ation  of  their  reality  Not  to  the  experience  of  lliost  cold 
formal  pjolossors,  who  abound  in  o<ir  cliurclies;  Avlio,\»hilst 
they  attend  to  the  exterior  of  religion,  neglect  to  cultivate 
its  inward  power;  who  are  desirous  of  appearing  holy,  and 
careless  of  being  so;  who  perform  with  assiduity  those  du- 
ties in  the  discliarge  of  which  the  eyes  of  men  are  fixed 
upon  them,  but  who  neglect  those  exercises  which  exclude 
all  other  witnesses  than  God,  and  their  own  conscjences. 
To  the  experience  of  tliese  men  we  do  not  apiteal;  for  they 
are  strangers  to  couiniunion  with  God,  alas!  they  are 
strangers  to  vital  religion  Bite  we  appeal  to  those  warm 
heurted  believers,  'vj/io  are  aaily  ctvientin^  this  heav.  i:ly 
familiarity,  by  renewing  their  intercourse  math  God;  ivho 
often  talk  with  hiin  in  the  secret  of  their  closet;  and  hourly 
direct  their  thoughts  to  their  Father  and  their  Friends 
Spei.k  and  declare  that  God  deals  familiarly  with  men; 
draw  for  aoyiovicnt  that  veil  with  wh:ch  your  tnodesty  has 
covered  the  interior  of  your  soul,  and  shew  us  that  your 
hearts  have  been  inundated  vdth  pleasures  which  the  world 
can  never  bestow^  which  the  tnen  of  the  xcorld  can  never 
conceive.'* 

The  preceding  extracts,  from  the  fifth  sermon  in  the 
volume  lately  published  by  the  Rev.  Dr  Koliock,  are  added 
by  the  editor  'I  he  cal  there  made  by  the  eloquent  preach- 
er on  warm  hearted  believers  to  produce  their  experience, 
as  evidence  in  support  of  his  doctrine,  is  liere  fully  answer- 
ed. They  exactly  tally;  yet  it  is  no  packed  testimony.  It 
was  CDtered  on  secret  record  at  the  distance  of  three  thou^ 


y 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  95 

and  a  hell  deserving  wretch,  should  ever  be 
able  to  enjoy  such  a  d:iy,  or  feel  the  transports 
that  thou  hast  done.  Blush  that  after  this  thou 
hast  ever  grown  cold,  lukewarm,  and  have  even 
now  so  much  reason  to  mourn,  because  of  un- 
belief and  hardness  of  heart. 

Be  ashamed  of  thy  careless  and  unchristian 
life,  and  humble  thyself  in  the  presence  of  the 
Lord  because  of  thy  transgression.  Call  upon 
every  thing  within  thee,  to  exert  itself  in  the 
service  of  thy  Redeemer;  walk  more  by  faith 
and  less  by  sight;  divest  thyself  of  all  unncccs" 
sary  concerns;  unlade  thyself  of  vanity,  and 
worldly  mindedness;  be  more  frequent  and 
earnest  in  prayer,  and  live,  as  it  were,  continu- 
ally before  the  cross;  so  shalt  thou  feel  thyself 
renewed  in  strength,  and  giving  to  the  Savior 
an  undivided  and  sincere  heart;  he  will  not 
only  frequently  ^isit,  but  even  take  up  his 
abode  with  thee,  confirming  thy  love,  increas- 
ing thy  faith,  and  carrying  thee  from  one  <\e- 
grce  of  strength  to  another,  till  thou  art  made 
perfect  in  him. 

tand  miles,  ami  is  now  provi<Ientially  hroiij^ht  to  lij^lit, 
"uJien  the  writer  is  entirely  <lisiiitcre';Le<J  in  tlie  npjilause  or 
cinsurc  of  njortals,  and  m:is  written  by  her,  wIkmi  the  rev- 
ertMid  author,  who  makes  tlio  ajjpeal,  was  eitlier  unhoi  n  or 
Tiot  ntorf  than  one  year  old,  and  to  hiin  it  was  and  at  tfiis 
I'lonitnt  is  wholly  unknown  N'ital  reli'^ion  is  the  same  in 
worv  clime  ntid  age,  and  arnf;n;j  all  denoniinHlions  of 
th:istians.  Kdi  ror. 


96  RELIGIOUS  Exercises. 

IX. 

BISGUST    AT    FRIVOLOUS    CONVERSATION. 

HOW  disgusting  these  vain  visits  to  my  sin 
sick  souK  While  they  examine  and  talk  of 
laces,  dresses,  ornaments,  and  finery,  I  wish  to 
converse  with  the  hillocks  of  mortality,  to 
know  the  full  meaning  of  that  sentence,  '''Tis 
the  body  of  the  curse,'*  and  remember  that  we 
should  not  have  needed  clothes  if  sin  had  not 
deformed  us,  and  made  covering  necessary  for 
the  hiding  of  our  shame.  Dear  Jesus,  faithful 
friend,  v.hen  they  are  telling  of  the  agreeable- 
ness  of  this  party,  that  set,  and  the  other 
amusements,  I  long  to  get  away  from  among 
them,  to  sit  at  thy  feet,  to  hear  thy  precious 
voice,  and  have  communion  with  thee.  They 
know  not  the  import  of  these  words,  "I  in  them 
and  thou  in  me,  that  they  may  be  made  perfect 
in  one."  They  know  not  the  pleasures  of  the 
■way,  or  the  sweetness  of  thy  love,  but  fondly 
dream  of  bliss  in  fleeting  enjoyments.  They 
pursue  a  shadow  and  grasp  at  a  phantom.  No, 
dear  Christ,  nothing  below  thyself  can  satisfy 
an  immortal  soul,  or  give  it  content.  There 
can  be  no  comfort  but  in  thy  favor;  the  whole 
circle  of  worldly  delights,  will  prove  themselves 
in  the  end,  nought  save  vaniiy;  and  sooner  or 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  97 

later  never  fail  to  give  their  followers,  vexation 
of  spirit. 

No,  *tis  in  vain  to  seek  for  bliss, 
For  bliss  can  ne'er  be  tound, 
Till  we  arrive  wbere  Josiis  is, 
And  tread  on  grace  s  ground. 


X. 

DELIGHT  IN  THE  COMPANY  OF  THE  PIOUS, 
AND  IN  THE  EXPECTATION  OF  HEAVENLY 
happiness;  love  to  JESUS,  AND  LONGING 
TO    BE    AVITH    HIM     IN    HEAVEN. 

O  MY  God!  minutes  come  quickly,  but  mer- 
cies were  more  s\vift  and  quick  than  they.  I 
looked  for  sorrow,  and  behold  joy;  for  vain 
conversation,  and  behold  heavenly  society;  for 
trifling  and  levity,  and  behold,  reproof,  exhor- 
tation, and  edification.  Thus  it  is  that  thou 
graciously  dealest  with  me,  hearing  the  pruycrs 
of  thine  unworthy  creature,  and  blessing  her 
when  she  least  expects  it.  O  how  I  love  the 
company  of  pious  souls;  and  to  join  in  praising 
<jthe  name  of  Jesus;  but  if  this  be  delightful, 
these  imperfect  services  so  pleasant,  what 
must  it  be  to  meet  with  the  blessed  society 
above,  where,  without  sin,  and  free  from  inter- 
ruption and  clog,  without  fetters,  and  \vitho\it 


98  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISER. 

cloy,  I  shall  join  with  angels  and  archangels 
and  with  all  the  company  of  heaven.  1  shall 
laud,  and' magnify  his  glorious  name;  evermore 
praising  thee,  and  saying.  Holy,  holy,  holy. 
Lord  God  of  hosts,  the  whole  heaven  is  full  of 
thy  glory;  glory  he  to  thee  O  Lord.  How 
charming  to  tell  to  listening  seraphs,  the  won- 
ders of  redeeming  love;  and 

With  transporting  joys  recount^ 
The  labors  of  my  feet; 

to  rehearse  my  trials,  conflicts,  and  temptations, 
and  in  harmonious  strains, 

T'  ascribe  my  vict'ry  to  the  Lamb, 
My  conquest  to  his  death. 

Faith  looks  forward  with  delight  to  this  happy 
period,  and  my  soul  stretches  her  wings,  and 
wishes  to  be  gone.  Wo  is  me,  that  I  am  con- 
strained to  dwell  in  Mesech,  and  have  my  hab- 
itation in  the  tents  of  Kcdar.  O  that  I  had 
wings,  like  a  dove,  for  then  w'ouid  T  flee  to  the 
haven  of  eternal  rest,  to  the  bosom  of  my  God. 

He  is  altogether  lovely,  the  chief  of  ten 
thousand,  fairer  than  the  fairest,  and  the  only 
fair. 

The  fondness  of  the  most  enraptured  lover, 
the  tenderness  of  the  dearest  friend,  is  perfect 
hatred  compared  with  the  love  of  Jesus;  all  the 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES,  99 

ideas  that  we  can  form  of  thing*  sweet,  amiable, 
and  ensilaging,  are  mere  deformity  to  the  beau- 
ties of  Emanuel.* 

His  winning  charms  are  sufficient  to  captivate 
the  most  unfeeling  breast,  and  warm  the  cold- 
est heart.  Was  ever  adamant  so  hard  as  mine, 
or  flint  so  stubborn?  Was  ever  ice  so  cold,  or 
affections  so  frozen?  yet  the  heavenly  Bride- 
groom overcomes.  His  persuasive  energy  is 
irresistible,  and  the  marks  of  love  graven  in  his 
hands  and  feet,  speak  to  my  inmost  soul.  Jesus, 
my  beloved,   thy   name  gives  joy  to  my  des- 

•  "SliouUl  there  be  any  true  christians,  whose  own  cold 
feelings  will  not  suft'er  them  to  appi*ove  of  those  rapturous 
joys,  and  ecstatic  pleasures,  wiiich  some  persons  are.  ia 
this  work,  said  to  experience;  yet  I  hope,  that  there  are 
none,  or  at  least,  very  few,  who  do  not  desire  to  enjoy  such 
divine  favors,  and  press  after  them  as  their  privilege.  '1  hat 
christian  has  but  a  slender  acquaintance  with  Emanuel, 
who  does  not  long  co  know  more  of  his  gloi-y,  and  enjoy 
more  of  his  love.  There  are  hundreds  of  religious  per- 
sons, whose  conduct  in  all  secular  affairs  evinces  them  to 
be  possessed  of  sound  understanding;  and  with  respect  to 
religious  things,  they  solemnly  declare  that  at  times,  they 
have  sucli  views  of  their  interest  in  the  favor  of  (jod,  and 
such  secret  communion  with  the  Father  and  Ids  son  Jesus 
Christ,  as  to  rejoice  therein  with  joy  unspeakable,  and  full 
of  glory.  Why  should  such  pt  rsons  be  censured  by  their 
brethren  as  enthusiasts?  Ignorant  and  irreligious  people 
■will,  no  doubt,  so  describe  them,  and  aftirra  that  they  are 
righteous  overmuch;  but  far  be  it  from  [irofessors  to  adopt 
such  sentiments.  On  the  contrary,  let  such  cool  religionists 
be  rather  animated  by  these  instances  of  holy  fervor,  to  seek 
for  the  same  pleasures,  and  pray  that  they  may  be  filled 
with  all  the  fulness  of  God." 

See  preface  to  shruosole's  Christian  Memoirs.  This 
ttote  is  added  by  the  editor. 


100  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

ponding  heart,  and  cheers  my  drooping*  spirits; 
JesusI  harmonious  sound,  life  giving  word, 
again  and  again  will  I  repeat  it  with  fresh  de- 
lights, and  exult  in  my  knowledge  of  this  name. 
Let  Heaven  and  earth  re-echo  with  the  sw  eet 
name  of  Jesus;  and  let  the  hosts  on  high  and 
saints  below,  join  hearts  and  tongues  to  cele- 
brate it.  Teach  me,  ye  tuning  seraphs,  ye 
cherubim,  ye  angels  near  the  throne,  ye  mar- 
tyrs, ye  eminently  pious,  who,  having  escaped 
the  pollutions  of  the  world,  and  through  the 
blood  of  the  Lamb,  gained  the  conquest,  now 
cast  your  crowns,  adoring  at  bis  feet;  teach  me, 
O  teach  me,  some  of  your  sweet  hymns,  that  I 
may  bear  my  humble  part  in  this  immortal 
song.  Happy  souls,  how  I  envy  you;  you  have 
escaped,  are  free  from  sin  and  interruptionj 
you  behold  him  face  to  face,  and  are  strength- 
ened to  bear  the  full  blaze  of  his  glory;  you 
have  done  mourning,  and  wetting  your  couch 
"with  tears;  and  now  triumph  in  the  bliss  of 
Sion.  Doubts  and  fears  are  over,  and  you  are 
safely  landed  on  the  wished  for  shore;  you 
have  now  no  intervals  of  dulness  and  depres- 
sion; no  need  of  sleep  or  food;  no  interruption 
from  the  flesh;  but  serve  your  God,  without 
hindrance,  and  in  the  perfection  of  holiness; 
you  have  no  tempting  devil,  no  deceitful  heart, 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  101 

no  alluring  world;  your  warfare  is  finished, 
your  race  is  run,  and  you  have  found  rest  for 
your  weary  feet. 

Highly  favored  of  the  Lord,  I  long  to  join 
you;  I  long  to  take  my  place  at  your  feet,  and 

to  leave  this  vale  of  tears,  this  thorny  wilder- 
ness. Come  quickly,  dear  Savior,  quickly 
come,  and  bear  me  to  thy  blest  abode.  Earth 
is  a  tiresome  place;  I  am  quite  sick  of  it,  and 
long  to  be  with  thee;  yet  would  I  not  repine, 
or  be  impatient;  but  resignedly  do  thy  w  ork, 
and  wait  thy  will.  Increase  my  trials,  so  thou 
increase  my  faith,  and  welcome  crosses,  so 
thou  sanctify  them.  Yet,  it  is  but  little  that  I 
can  do  for  thee;  and  my  utmost  services,  are 
not  worth  the  name;  therefore,  I  plead,  that 
thou  wouldst  hasten  thy  coming,  and  deliver 
me  from  my  bondage;  yet  a  few  more  weary 
steps,  and  I  hope  my  feet  shall  rest  upon  the 
cverlasling  hills;  and  when  the  awful,  though 
wished  for  moment  arrives,  be  ti)0u  then  with 
me.  Put  thine  everlasting  arms  underneath 
mc,  for  my  support;  give  strength  and  confi- 
dence to  my  departing  spirit;  let  the  recollec- 
tion of  the  firm  covenant  between  us,  then  sus- 
tain mc,  and  in  mercy  gild  the  dark  valley,  and 
l)righten  the  gloomy  shadow;  enable  me,  u 
poor,  v/eak,  undeserving  sinner,  to  do  honor  te 
*9 


102  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

religion,  in   that   last   finishing  scene,  and  to 
glorify  thee,    dear   Lord,  with    my   expiring 

breath. 

Then  I  shall  with  thee  remain. 
Partner  of  thine  endless  reign; 
Then  thy  face,  unclouded  see, 
Find  my  Heaven  of  Heaven?  in  thee. 

AMEN,    HALLELUJAH. 


XI. 

CONTRITION    FOR    LEVITY,   TRIFLING,     8cC. 

May  2S,  and 29. 
UNDER  dreadful  pressure  from  the  commis* 
sion  of  two  flagrant  crimes. 

My  anguish,  distress,  and  misery,  are  greater 
than  I  can  express;  and  no  ideas  can  be  ade- 
quate to  what  I  feel,  for  llic  shocking  levity, 
trifling,  idleness,  and  even  deceit  of  the  forego- 
ing day;  dear  Lord,  pity  a  contrite  soul,  and 
heal  my  broken  bones.  Compassionate  Re- 
deemer, forgive  my  guilt,  and  comfort  my  poor 
wounded  spirit. 

O  what  a  wretched  sinner  I  am;  what  an 
abuser  of  mercy.  Good  Lord,  I  am  ready  tQ 
faint.     Pity,  pity,  I  beseech  thee. 


RELICrOUS    EXERCISES.  103 

XIL 

TEMPTATION    RESISTED    AND    TURNED     TO     AD- 
VANTAGE. 

WHAT  a  dreadful  trial  this  is.  I  have  had  a 
hard  conflict  today.  I  have  sinned,  I  have 
(grievously  sinned,  and  Satan  takes  the  advan- 
tage of  my  distress,  and  tempts  me  not  to  pray, 
and  cry  for  mercy,  because,  says  he,  you  are  too 
bad,  and  you  have  abused  mercy  too  much,  ever 
to  be  forgiven.  But,  O  my  Jesus,  I  have  tasted 
too  much  of  thy  marvellous  sweetness,  to  for- 
get it,  and  leave  thee  so  easily.  No,  I  cannot 
do  it.  I  lay  myself  at  thy  feet;  and  if  I  die,  I 
am  resolved  it  shall  be  there,  even  before  the 
cross.  I  know  that  I  deserve  everlasting 
damnation;  but  this  thought,  though  dreadful, 
does  not  pierce  me  so  deeply,  as  m.y  vile  in* 
gratitude  to  my  soul's  best  friend.  I  start  at 
the  view  of  myself.  Is  it  possible?  Three 
days  ago,  and  I  thought  I  could  have  gone  Vrith 
thee  to  prison,  and  to  death.  Three  days  ago, 
and  I  had  an  answer  for  every  doubt,  for  every 
enemy;  my  sky  was  clear,  and  my  cup  run  over 
wit!)  joy;  now  every  thing  oversets  me,  and  I 
lie  in  darkness,  and  gloomy  night.  My  trem- 
bling heart  hardly  dares   speak  to  its  injureci. 


104  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

Lord;  and  Satan  strives  to  discourage  it  more, 
and  more,  and  even  to  make  it  despair;  but 
blessed  be  God,  yes,  I  >vill  bless  my  God,  for  it 
is  he  that  does  it.  The  devil  has  not  been  able 
to  keep  me  from  a  throne  of  gr ace,  witli  all  his 
subtlety;  and  I  have  been  kneeling  there  with 
shame  and  confusion  of  face.  I  have  not  been 
able  to  say  one  word,  but  only  show  my  Jesus 
a  wounded,  broken,  contrite  spirit. 

Dearest  Lord,  despise  not  my  polluted  sacri- 
fice, but  give  some  look  of  kind  compassion  to 
a  mourning  soul.  I  am  all  filth,  and  guilt,  and 
"uncleanness.  My  soul  is  covered  with  leprosy; 
but  I  know  tliat  if  thou  wilt,  thou  canst  make 
me  cleari,  and  restore  me  to  peace  and  comfort. 

Let  me  humbly  plead  with  my  Lord,  and 
earnestly  implore  his  pity.  I  am  a  helpless, 
undone  sinner,  that,  without  a  glance  from  thee, 
or  a  cheering  ray,  must  sink  into  despondency. 

Dear,  kiiul  shepherd,  for  tliine  own  name, 
and  for  thine  honor's  sake,  recall  a  wandering 
sheep,  and  bring  me,  to  feed  again  in  the  sweet 
pastures  of  thy  love.  O  magnify  thy  grace  in 
me,  a  poor  silly  creature;  and  be  thou  glorified 
by  my  consolation.  I  thank,  and  adore  thee, 
sweet  Jesus,  for  any  rills  of  comfort,  any 
glimpse  of  relief,  to  my  distressed  mind.  Show 
me  again  the  reviving  ligl»tcf  thy  countcnanceJ 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  105 

let  me  once  more  enjoy  sweet  communion 
with  thee,  and  my  trembling  soul  find  refuge 
in  thy  bleeding  wounds.  Help  me  to  walk 
more  circumspectly,  and  never  to  spend 
another  day  in  so  foolish,  vain,  and  worldly 
a  manner,  seeing  its  dreadful  consequences  are 
the  wounding  of  my  own  soul;  offending  my 
dear  Lord;  giieving  the  lioly  Spirit  and  filling 
me  full  of  sorrow,  darkness,  and  indevotion.  0> 
give  me  strength  from  above,  to  walk  more 
closely  with  my  God. 


XIII. 

COMFORT    IN    RESIGNATION'. 

MY  soul,  be  of  good  courage,  wait  on  the 
Lord,  and  he  shall  strengthen  thy  heart;  let 
not  the  howling  of  the  savage  beasts,  which 
rove  about  this  forest,  affright  thee,  nor  the 
pricking  of  the  thorns,  which  grow  thick 
throughout  the  way,  deter  thee  from  thy  duty; 
thou  shalt  not  have  one  more  trial  than  is 
necessary,  nor  shall  the  cross  ever  be  heavier 
than  thou  canst  bear. 

Jesus  will  support  me  through  all  the  dreary 
■wilderness;    nor  ever  leave  his  pilgrim  com-- 


1CK5  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES, 

fortless,  unless  for  a  season,  if  need  be,  that  my 
faith  and  patience,  beiug  tried,  may  be  found 
not  wanting;  and  that  being  purified,  as  with 
fire,  I  may  be  counted  worthy  to  receive  the 
end  of  my  faith,  even  the  salvation  of  my  soul. 
Sometimes  it  is  dark  enougii  within,  and  the 
thick  clouds  of  unbelief,  almost  intercept  my 
si;4ht;  but  I  call  to  mind,  my  past  experiences, 
and  remember  the  old  loving  kindnesses  of  my 
Lord.  I  think  on  Christ's  unbounded  love,  and 
rest  with  sweet  delight  upon  the  grt.cious 
promises.  I  often  enjoy  inexpressible  rapture, 
in  the  contradiction  of  my  own  will,  and  in  the 
midst  of  distress,  am  enabled  to  sing  songs  o^ 
triumph. 


XIV. 

COMMUNION     WITH    GOD     UNDER     DISAPPOINT- 
MENTS. 

A  LITTLE  time  ago,  I  met  with  a  considera- 
ble disappointment,  and  in  a  matter  too  that 
lay  m.uch  upon  my  heart;  but  I  shall  never  for- 
get the  comfort  I  received.  1  shut  myself  out 
from  the  world,  and  in  bitterness  of  spirit,  fell 
low  before  my  Savior.  I  poured  forth  floods 
of  tears  before  him.     I  showed  him  my  rebel- 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  107 

lions  heart,  ready    to    repine,  because   things 
went  not  as  I  would  have  them.     My  dear  Mas- 
ter gave  nie  a  look  of  kind    compassion,  and 
with  ineffi.blc  sweetness  smiled  graciously  'ip- 
on  me.    Nature  was  subdued;  Grace  triumph- 
ant.    1   left  him  not,  till   my  whole  soul  was 
melted  to  resignation;  and  I  went  forth  from 
my  chamber,  cheerful  and  easy,  without  a  sin- 
gle wish, but  in  subsciviency  to  the  divine   di- 
rection,  and  desiring  nothing  but  that  God's 
will  may   be  done  in  me,  and  by  me,  and  upon 
me.     I    find   such    happiness   in  this  state   of 
mind,  that  it  is  my  utmost  ambition  to  attuin  an 
entire  submission  to  the  decrees  of  Providence, 
so  that  I  may  receive,  what  to  my  short  si^riu- 
cdness  appears   evil,  with  the  same  thanki'ul- 
ness,  as  the  most  desirable  things  in  the  world, 
and  even  accounting  it  all  joy,  that  I  am  thought 
worthy  to   sullcr,  knowing  that  nothing  hap- 
pens by  chance,  and  every  dispensation,  if  my 
own  stubbornness  prevent  it  not,  will  work  for 
my  eternal  welfare,  and  every  cross  be  made  a 
step  to  glory. 

*Ti3  my  happiness  below, 
Not  to  live  without  tlie  Cross; 
l^it  ihe  Savior's  love  to  know. 
Sanctity iiig  every  loss. 

Ti-ii»ls  make  tlie  nrnmise  sweet, 
'I'riais  give  new  lite  to  |  rayer, 
Ti-i;il.s  lay  luc  at  his  feet, 
La}  tue  low,  and  kcei)  mc  there. 


108  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 

XV. 

PANTING    AFTER    GOD,    AND    DELIGHT    IN    HIMj 
AS    THE    SUPREME    GOOD, 

AS  the  reviving  stream  to  the  thirsty  hart;  as 
the  soft  nocturnal  dews  to  the  parched  hei be  ge; 
and  as  plenteous  showers  after  long  drought  in 
summer;  so  dear  fountain  head  of  refreshment, 
and  infinitely  more,  are  the  emanations  of  thy 
love  and  the  -waterings  of  thy  grace,  to  my 
thirsty,  dry,  and  parched  soul;  tliou  art  my  re- 
treat from  the  burning  sun,  and  the  shelter  of 
my  defenceless  head. 

To  thy  bosom  do  I  flee  for  refuge,  from  the 
hellish  darts  of  Satan;  and  hide  myself  in  thee, 
from  all  my  ghostly  enemies. 

While  I  abide  with  thee,  I  am  secure,  nor 
fear  to  be  molested  by  the  most  potent  foe; 
but,  alas!  fool  that  I  am,  my  unsteady  feet  are 
ever  apt  to  stray,  and  wander  in  temptation's 
flowery  paths. 

Through  the  prevalence  of  temptation,  I 
leave  my  Lord,  enter  into  the  world,  defile  my 
robes,  fill  myself  with  mourning,  and  drink 
deep  of  the  bitter  cup  of  sham.e  and  remorse; 
it  is  astonishing  to  myself,  that  after  receiving 
from  thee  the  bread  of  lite,  and  drinking  large 


RELIGIOUS   EXERCISES,  109 

draughts  of  living  water,  I  should  ever  forsake 
thy  bosom,  and  leave  my  hiding  place.  Lordj 
I  love  trials,  I  love  crosses,  for  they  send  me 
near  to  thee.  Passing  through  the  fire  and 
"water,  through  torrents  of  distress,  and  floods 
of  tribulation,  are  indeed  my  sweetest  moments, 
for  then  I  forget  the  world,  and  derive  my  hap- 
piness and  comfort  from  thyself  alone,  my  un- 
changeable and  never  failing  friend.  In  the 
day  of  uftliction  thou  dost  cheer  my  fainting 
soul,  and  revive  my  drooping  spirits.  When  I 
am  ready  to  sink  under  the  load  of  grief,  and 
enveloped  with  deep  gloom,  my  heart  and  my 
strength  are  ready  to  fail,  he  supports  me  in 
the  dark  hour,  and  diirting  through  the  thickest 
clouds,  with  the  sunbeams  of  his  love,  calms 
my  troubled  mind;  gives  light,  and  joy,  peace 
and  consolation,  which  the  world  knows 
nothing  of,  and  which  I  would  not  part  with  for 
thrones  of  royalty,  and  sceptres  of  dominion. 

Mistress  of  the  universe,  without  Christ  I 
should  be  miserable;  with  him,  no  state  can  be 
adverse;  for  tlie  soul  that  is  made  one  with 
Jesus,  and  lives  in  daily  communion  with  him, 
has  health,  friendship,  honor,  wealth,  pleasure, 
and  satisfaction,  more  and  greater  than  the 
warmest  inr  gination  can  conceive,  or  the  most 
fluent  tonp-uc  describe. 

o 

10 


110  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 

Weak  of  body,  sick  in  soul, 
Deprest  nt  heuit,  aiul  faint  with  feafs; 
His  dear  presence  makes  me  whole. 
And  M'ith  sweet  comfort  cheers. 

Thou  of  love,  the  fountain  art. 
Freely  letnie  take  of  thee, 
Spring  thou  up  within  my  heart. 
Rise  to  all  eternitj. 


XVI. 

DREAD  OF  INABILITY  TO  RESIST  TEMPTA- 
TION; TRUST  IN  GOD,  AND  SUPPLICATION 
FOR    STRENGTH    IN    TIME    OF     NEED. 

I  AM  often  much  distressed  by  fears  of  apos- 
tasy. TJiis  dread  upon  my  mind  keeps  me 
very  low,  and  I  often  -weep  at  the  very  appre- 
hension of  it.  I  cry  day  and  night  to  my  God, 
and  Importunately  wrestle  with  Ilim  for  pre- 
serving grace.  I  expect,  unless  there  be  some 
wonderful  intervention  of  divine  grace,  soon  to 
meet  with  sore  temptc-tions.  The  fear  of  re- 
proach, and  love  of  creatures,  so  easily  beset 
me,  that  I  am  sure  nothing  l^ss  than  power 
from  on  high,  can  enable  me  to  stand;  my  situ- 
ation at  present,  is  peculiarly  happy;  I  am  in  a 
dear  family;  my  uncle  and  aunt  are  patterns  of 
piety,  and  every  one  in  the  house,  to  all  outward 
appearance  is  a  real  christian.     Here  I  am  en- 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  HI 

cduraged  in  devotion,  and  my  pious  resolutions 
meet  with  applause;  but,  O  what  should  I  do, 
if  I  were  in  an  irreligious,  or  even  lukewarm 
society;  how  could  I  bear  to  be  laughed  at  for 
my  preciseness,  and  to  be  ridiculed  for  my 
strictness  to  hours  of  prayer.};  how  would  my 
poor  heart  stand  it,  if  I  were  surrounded  with 
gay  company,  and  from  morning  to  night, 
heard  nothing  but  worldly  conversation.  Do  I 
not  find,  whenever  I  go  out,  the  world  tco  apt 
to  engross  my  thoughts,  and  steal  on  my  affec- 
tions? What  should  I  do  if  my  nearest  corv- 
nexions  and  dearest  relatives  were  gay  and 
fashionable,  and  did  not  live  up  to  the  strictest 
docnines  of  tiic  cross?  If  left  to  myself  I  must 
undoubtedly  fall;  and  unless  Chiist  has  pity  on 
me,  I  must  infallibly  backslide.  Dear,  tender 
hearted  Shepherd,  hear  the  groanings  of  a 
trembling  soul;  and  let  not  my  importunity 
offend  thee;  my  immortal  interest  is  at  stake, 
and  nothing  but  thy  strength  can  be  suiBcient 
to  redeem  it  from  destruction.  I  rest  and  de- 
pend wholly  upon  thee,  for  I  know  that  of  my-r 
self  I  shall  ever  be  prone  to  wander. 

Dear  JesusI  hear,  in  pity  hear  me;  after  such 
solemn  covenanting;  such  awful  transactions; 
such  rapturous  endearments,  let  not  earth  or 
hell,  tempt   me   to  violate  my  vows,  nor  the 


112  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

united  force  of  men  and  devils,  have  power  to 
break  the  bonds,  which  tie  me  to  thee.  O  let 
me  neverperjure  myself,  never  deny  or  forsake 
my  Ijord,  for  with  whom  else  can  I  find  equal 
happiness,  or  what  shall  recompense  me  for 
the  loss  of  thy  favor. 

O,  my  Redeemer!  I  am  willing  to  take  up 
the  cross;  to  go  with  thee  to  prison  and  to 
death;  to  bear  shame,  reproach,  contumely, 
loss  of  fortune,  reputation,  and  even  life  itself, 
for  thy  sake,  but  not  able  to  do  the  least  of 
them.  It  is  thou  only,  who  hast  worked  in 
me  the  will,  that  must  give  me  the  power. 
Send  down  upon  me  thy  heavenly  benediction; 
strengthen  me  from  above.  O  let  me  hear 
Ihy  gracious  voice  declaring,  that  strength 
shall  be  equal  to  the  day;  then  will  I  rejoice, 
and  leaning  on  thine  all-sufiicient  grace,  go 
forth  conquering,  and  to  conquer;  let  thine  arm 
be  my  support,  and  grace  my  shield.  Thy  spirit 
my  guide  and  director,  and  for  thy  mercy's 
sake,  perfect  thine  own  work  in  the  soul  of  thy 
■vyiliing  servant. 

XVII. 

VANITY  OF  THE  WORLD,  AND  JOY  IN  THE  SAVIOR* 

Let  not,  Lord,  my  wandering  mind, 
Follow  after  fleeting  toys; 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  113 

Since  in  thee  alone  I  find, 
Solid  and  substantial  joys; 
Jovs,  that  never  overpast. 
Through  eternity  shall  last. 

Lord,  how  happy  is  the  heart, 
Afier  thee,  while  it  aspires. 
True  and  faithful,  as  thou  art, 
Thon  shalt  answer  its  desires; 
It  f?hall  see  the  g-lorious  scene. 
Of  thine  everlasting  reign. 

How  comfortable  is  it,  thus  to  enjoy  my  Sa- 
vior; how  much  more  satisfactory,  and  substan- 
tial is  this  bliss,  than  that  to  be  gained  by  a  few 
minutes  idle  conxersation,  or  those  trifling  em- 
ployments, which  have  lately  occupied  my 
mind.  Lord,  show  me  more  of  the  vanity  of 
the  world,  and  my  great  need  of  thee. 


XVIII. 

CON'TRITIO.V   FOR   MISPEXT   TIMK,    AND  RESOLU- 
TIONS TO   IMPROVE  IT  IN    FUTURE. 

Scplevibf-r  5. 

TIME  is   short;  how    seasonable  then    is   the 

advice  of  the  apostle;  "Use  the  world  as  not 

abusing  it,  for  the  fashion  of  this  world  passetii 

away." 

When  I  look  back,  and  consider  how  often ? 
*10 


114  RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES. 

and  how  long,  I  abused  the  good  gifts  of  God; 
not  receiving  them  v/ith  thankfuhiess,  but 
employing  them  solely  for  the  gratificution  of 
my  sinful  and  corrupt  desires,  I  am  filled  with 
the  deepest  horror  and  mourn,  with  heartfelt 
grief,  my  vile  ingratitude. 

When  I  review  the  hours  and  days,  the 
months  and  years,  of  sin  and  folly,  which  have 
passed  over  my  guilty  head,  and  reflect  on  the 
amazing,  unparalleled  iniquities,  which  I  have 
committed;  recollect  the  gracious  opportunitiesj 
which  I  have  mibimproved;  the  numberless  ser- 
mons and  conversations  of  pious  friends,  and 
godly  ministers,  which  I  have  slighted;  the 
strivings  of  tlie  blessed  Spirit,  which  1  have 
resisted,  and  withal  the  continuance  of  distin- 
guished mercies  on  so  undeserving  a  wretch, 
my  very  knees  smite  together,  with  trembling 
and  confusion,  and  I  grow  pale  with  sorrow 
and  regret.  It  is  astonishing  to  myself,  that  I 
liave  been  so  long  spared;  that  I  have  yet  a  day 
of  grace;  and  I  cannot  but  behold  myself  as 
a  miracle  of  mercy. 

I  shudder  at  the  very  thoughts  of  what  would 
have  become  of  me,  if  God  had  stopt  me  in  my 
career,  and  cut  short  my  days,  as  I  justly  mer- 
ited, but  a  year,  or  a  year  and  a  half  ago,  I 
was  then  in  the  very   height  of  follV)  in  open 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  115 

rebellion  against  the  majesty  of  Heaven,  and 
running;  headlong  to  destruction.  I  had  back- 
slidden, forgotten  my  first  love,  and  was  ten 
times  worse  than  ever  I  had  been  in  my  life. 
Adored  be  the  divine  love,  which  had  better 
things  in  store  for  me,  ana  which  by  amazing 
and  powerful,  though  in  general  secret  and  in- 
visible means,  called  me  to  himself  again,  and 
has  gone  on,  fulfilling  his  own  work  in  my 
heart  till  now,  through  grace  I  can  rejoice  in, 
and  long  for  that  hour,  which  then  I  dreaded, 
even  to  think  upon. 

Oh  that  1  could  now  redeem  the  time;  since 
it  is  impossible  to  recal  the  precious  moments 
which  arc  e:one,  bearino:  on  their  wing's  noth- 
ing:  but  the  black  account  of  my  transgressions; 
may  I  endeavor  to  retrieve  my  past  miscon- 
duct, by  my  future  vigilance  Oh!  that  I  could 
spend  one  day  well;  one  day  wisely  and  with- 
out waste  of  time.  OI  how  much  of  this  inval- 
uable and  precious  blessing  is  spent;  not 
merely  on  things  unnecessary,  but  on  tilings 
hurtful,  and  which  fetter  my  feet,  and  hinder 
me  in  my  progress. 

What  a  great  portion  of  my  time,  is  devoted 
to  sleep  and  meals;  to  outward  adornings;  to 
provision  for  th«  flesh;  to  vain  visits;  to  un- 
profitable conversation;  to  idle  cuiiosity;  and 


116  RELIGOUS  EXERCISES. 

ten  thousand  other  trifles,  which  too  often  oc- 
cupy the  greater  part  of  the  day. 

What  an  important  work  have  I  to  do,  and 
how  little  time  to  do  it  in?  O  thut  I  may  make 
my  calling  and  election  sure.  I  do  not  know, 
but  my  journey  may  be  nearly  finished,  and  in 
a  few  weeks,  perhaps  a  few  hours,  the  awful 
summons  may  arrive,  and  warn  me  to  quit  this 
tenement  of  clay,  and  to  appear  before  the 
great  Judge  of  quick  and  dead.  O  that  I  may 
be  found  ready,  sincerely  penitent,  and  humbly 
contrite;  and  when  the  solemn  register  of  all 
my  secret,  as  well  as  outward  sins,  is  opened, 
may  they  be  found  crossed  by  his  precious  death 
and  merits. 

Awake,  awake,  O  my  lethargic  soul!  sleep 
no  longer  on  the  brink  of  a  precipice.  Con- 
tent not  tliyself,  with  having  done  something, 
but  press  forward  continually,  with  thy  utmost 
power.  Make  the  most  of  the  short  span  al- 
lotted thee,  and  never  rest  satisfied  with  any 
thing  short  of  perfection.  Yet  a  little  while, 
and  that  cry  shall  sound  in  thine  ears;  "Behold 
the  bridegroom  cometh;"  watch,  that  thou 
mayest  be  ready  to  meet  him,  to  meet  him 
with  joy,  and  to  be  received  by  him  into  that 
everlasting  kingdom,  prepared  for  thee,  by  his 
love,  before  the  foundation  of  the  world. 


RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES.  117 

My  God  and  my  strength,  thou  wilt  shortly 
come  with  power  and  great  glory,  to  judge 
the  world,  and  to  separate  the  sheep  from  the 
goats;  make  me  diligent,  and  prepare  me  for 
thy  coming;  and  grant  that  I  may  be  one  of 
those,  who  will  sit  on  thy  right  hand,  and  dwell 
for  ever  with  thee,  in  the  mansions  of  unfadinp; 
bliss  and  evergrowing  pleasure. 


XIX, 

ON  THE  lord's  DAY.  THANKSGIVING  FOR  RES- 
TORED HEALTH,  AND  RENEWED  ACT  OF  SELF 
DEDICATION  TO  GOD;  WITH  PRAYER  TO  BE 
ENABLED  TO  ACT  WORTHY  OF  THE  HONORA- 
BLE   NAME  OF    A  CHRISTIAN. 

Sunday. 

THIS  h  the  day  which  the  Lord  has  made;  I 
^\ill  rejoice  and  be  glad  in  it.  The  sabbath 
and  service  of  the  Lord,  shall  be  the  joy  and 
solace  of  wiy  soul. 

I  will  pay  my  vows  now  in  the  sight  of  all 
thy  people,  and  enter  into  thy  courts  with 
thanksgiving  and  praise,  for  the  wonderful 
mercies,  vouchsafed  me  throughout  my  life; 
particularly  for  thy  late  mercies  of  comfort  on 
a  bed  of  bickness,   restoration  from  the  brink 


118  RELIGIOUS  EXERCISES. 

of  the  grave,*  and  an  agreeable  and  safe  jour- 
ney. Lord,  here  I  am.  Receive  this  renevi'ed 
oblation  of  myself  to  thee;  not  indeed,  for  the 
merit  of  it,  but  for  the  sake  and  worthiness  of 
my  dear  Redeemer. 

Help  me  this  day,  and  all  the  days  of  my 
life,  to  walk  worthy  the  honorable  name  I  bear; 
as  one  signed  with  the  sign  of  the  cross,  and 
may  I  never  be  ashamed  of  the  faith  of  Christ 
crucified;  but  as  a  good  soldier  and  servant  of 
the  Lord  Jesus,  fight  manfully  undjr  this  ban- 
ner aguinst  the  world,  the  flesh,  and  the  devil. 
Compassionate  High  Priest,  give  me,  I  be- 
seech thee,  continual  supplies  of  strength  from 
thine  own  unbounded  fulness;  and  in  tliy  outer 
court  this  davi  let  mc  be  greatly  refreshed  ai.d 
strengthened  to  go  on  my  way.  O  let  this  sab- 
bath be  to  me  an  emblem  of  the  eternal  sab- 
batism,  which  I  hope  ere  long  to  enjoy,  with 
all  thefdithful,  in  thy  glorious  kingdom. 

O  give  me  a  glimpse  of  thy  countenance, 
and  reveal  thyself  to  my  seeking  soul,  through 
the  lattice  of  divine  ordinances.     Banish  every 

•  The  date  of  these  meditations  is  fixed  b*'  this  circum- 
stance. It  is  known  in  the  domestic  circle  that  Miss  T/nn- 
rens  was  in  serious  danger  of  dying  in  England,  fi'om  the 
measles,  soon  after  she  left  Charleston,  in  the  1 6th  year  of 
her  age;  and,  before  she  went  to  f  ranee,  in  her  19th.  year 
The  original  is  without  date  as  to  the  year.      Editor. 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  119 

worldly  thought,  and  drive  from  me  all  vain 
ideas. 

Come,  holy  Spirit!  come;  O  come,  and 
cleanse  my  heart;  prepare  it  for  the  reception 
of  my  divine  guest;  set  it  totally  free  from  all 
earthly  solicitude;  and  make  it  a  fit  habitation 
for  the  ever  glorious  Trinity. 

O  thou,  who  standest  knocking  at  the  door, 
with  joy  to  thee  I  open;  come  in  ancj  sup  with 
me;  come  in,  and  take  up  thine  eternal  abode, 
and  let  me  ever  dwell  in  thee,  and  thou  in  me. 


XX. 

GRATEFUL  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS  FOR  RENEW- 
ING GRACE,  AND  AN  ASCRIPTION  OF  EVERY 
ATTAINMENT  AND  BLESSING  TO  FREE,  UN- 
MERITED   GRACE. 

WHAT  has  God  wrought?  O,  my  soul?  look, 
and  look,  and  love,  and  wonder!  How  am  I 
changed!  How  different  are  my  thoughts,  my 
views,  my  pursuits  to  what  they  were!  and 
blessed  be  God  that  I  can  say,  how  different  is 
my  practice.  I  now  love  what  I  hated,  and  ab- 
hor what  was  my  former  delight.  Adored 
be  grace.     Not   unto  me,  O   Lord!  not   unto 


120  RELIGIOUS  Exercises. 

me  but  to  thy  free  and  unmerited  j^oodness,  be 

all  the  glory  of  my   salvation.     I  had  neither 

power  nor  inclination,  to   part    \uth  earth,  or 

seek  for  Heaven;  but  grace  has  done  the  work; 

convinced  me  ©f  sin,  and  made  me  in  love  with 

Holiness.      It  has  shown  me  my  own  inability 

to  every  good  thing,  and  my  need  of  so  allsuf- 

ficient  a  Savior  as  Jesus  is. 

Grace!  'tis  a  sweet,  a  charming  th.emc, 
M>  tlioughts  I  I'joice  at  Jesus   name; 
Ye  angels  dwell  upon  the  sound, 
Ye  Ueaveus  reflect  it  to  the  ground. 

I  was  quickened  by  grace,  when  dead  in 
trespssses  and  sins;  by  grace,  alone  I  stand;  by 
grace  only  do  I  make  any  attainments;  and  with- 
out grace  I  am  nothing;  can  do  nothing  but 
sin.  The  building  was  begun  by  grace,  and 
the  topstone  shall  be  raised  with  shouting 
grace,  grace  unto  it.  Through  time  and  eter- 
nity, grace  shall  be  still  my  theme;  now  in 
time,  I  can  only  lisp  its  praises;  then 
in  eternity,  when  rny  stammering  tongue 
is  unloosed  in  a  nobler,  sweeter  song,  I  will 
sing  its  power  to  save,  and  join  with  all  the  na- 
tions of  the  ransomed,  in  echoing,  t.nd  >  e-ech- 
oing  through  the  vast  expanse  of  Heaven,  the 
wonders  of  redeeming  grace,  and  in  asciibmg 
to  the  Lamb,  the  blessing,  honor,  and  glory 
due  unto  his  name. 


RELIGIOUS    EXERCISES.  121 

O  what  immoitai  joys  I  foit. 
Ami  raptures  all  divine, 
When  Jesus  told  me  1  was  Uis, 
And  ray  beloved  mine. 

Blessed  Savior!  I  adore  thy  wonderful 
goodness,  to  so  undeserving  a  sinner,  to  so 
vile  a  rebel;  any  hope  of  pardon,  any  interval 
of  peace,  was  more  than  I  could  possibly  merit 
or  expect  at  thy  hands;  and  yet  thou  hast  given 
me  a  full  assurance  of  forgiveness,  and  often 
refreshed  me  with  sensible  manifestations  of 
thy  good  will  towards  me.  Praised  be  thy 
Name. 


I  cliarge  you  all,  you  eavthly  toys, 
Approach  not  to  disturb  niy  joys; 
Nor  sin,  nor  hell,  cunie  near  my  heart, 
Xor  cause  my  Savior  to  depart. 


11 


APPENDIX,  No.  V. 

EXTRACTS    FROM     MRS.    RAMSAY's     DIARY. 

Saturday,  July  l6rA,  1791. 

MY  feet  had  well  nigh  slipped,  through  the 
prevalence  of  my  easily  besetting  sin,  neverthe- 
less I  laid  me  down  to  sleep,  rejoicing  that  I 
had  not  utterly  fallen.  Lord  make  me  at  all 
times  watchful. 

17th.  Lord  may  this  be  a  sanctified  sabbath; 
a  day  to  be  remembered  for  holy  resolutions 
and  enabling  grace.  I  am  weak;  O  when  shall 
the  time  of  full  strength  come.  In  all  the 
great  trials  and  lesser  vexations  of  life,  may 
patience  have  its  perfect  work,  till  I  lie  down 
where  the  wicked  cease  from  troubling,  and 
the  weary  are  at  rest. 

19th.  I  thank  God,  for  the  ease  and  cheerful- 
ness of  this  day;  and  that>  in  spite  of  secret 
griefs;  and  spiritual  conflicts,  my  soul  and 
body  do  both  sweetly  repose  themselves  in 
the  God  of  my  salvation. 

20th.  O  day,  blackened  with  sin,  and  spot- 
ted by  transgression!  how  long,  O  LordI  how 
long;  when  shall  I  advance  in  the  spiritual  life, 
and  not  thus  woundmy  peace,  and  olisgrace  my 


DIARY.  123 

profession.  I  thank  God,  that  my  heartaches. 
O  let  it  never  be  hardened  through  the  deceit- 
fulness  of  sin.  Oh,  my  GodI  how  lately  hath 
thine  afflictive  Providence  been  wringing  my 
heart,  with  a  twofold  anguish;  the  loss  of  my 
sweet  baby,  and  the  consideration  of  those  sins, 
which  required  this  chastisement;  and  yet,  how 
prone  am  I  to  return  to  folly.  Oh!  for  the 
grace  of  true  repentance,  and  of  unfeigned 
resignation. 

27ih.  The  two  last  days,  have  been  days  of 
mournful  walking.  Oh  how  does  the  remem- 
brance of  my  sweet  Fanny  press  upon  my  mc  m- 
ory;  and  how  good  is  God,  tliat  though  cast 
down,  yet  my  heart  is  kept  from  njurmuring, 
and  aches  more  for  my  sorrow  causing  sins, 
than  for  ilie  sorrow  itself;  thanks  be  to  Christ, 
who  has  purchased  a  Heaven  for  us,  where  we 
shall  be  without  sin,  and  of  course  without 
sorrow. 

28th.  Lord,  make  me  ashamed  of  my  sins, 
and  give  me  a  holy  fortitude  to  resist;  and  let 
me  be  making  continual  war  against  them,  till 
grace  shall  conquer,  and  death  set  me  beyond 
their  reach. 

29th.  Oh  power  of  sin,  how  great  art  thou' 
Lord,  give  me  strength. 

30th.     My  heart  is  ready  to   break  under  a 


124  DIARY. 

sense  of  sin,  and  to  cry  out,  I  shall  one  day  fall 
by  the  hands  of  these  mine  enemies.  Oh  thou 
great  deliverer,  Death!  how  pleasant  is  the  j 
thought  that  thou  wilt  free  me  from  this  body 
of  corruption;  hold  thou  me  up,  O  LordI  that 
all  the  days  of  my  appointed  time,  I  may  walk 
very  humbly  and  mournfully,  under  a  sense  of 
mine  iniquities.  Cleanse  thou  m.e  from  secret 
faults,  and  let  no  open,  or  presumptuous  sin, 
get  the  better  of  me.  Lord,  I  am  weakj 
strengthen  me;  lam  bowed  down  under  thy 
chastisement;  yet  so  much  lighter  is  it  than 
my  guilt,  that  I  am  filled  with  wonder  at  thy 
compassions  and  long  suffering. 

31st.  Prepare  me,  O  God,  for  the  unknown 
events  of  this  day;  and  at  all  times,  keep  me 
humble  and  fearful. 

August  4th.  Oh!  easily  besetting  sin;  when 
shall  the  time  com.e,  that  thy  power  will  be 
broken,  and  my  poor  soul  find  rest.  Lord, 
make  me  diligent,  in  self  examination,  and  let 
not  any  sin  have  dominion  over  me. 

5th.  In  six  and  in  seven  troubles,  I  have 
found  thee,  O  Lord,  my  help.  Forsake  me 
not  now,  O  iny  God!  I  am  most  unworthy, 
Lord,  even  to  look  up  unto  thee;  yet  to  whom, 
Lord,  should  1  go,  but  unto  thee,  who  hast 
words  of  Eternal  Life,  and  the  keys  of  univer- 


DIARY.  125 

sal  Providence.  Unto  thee,  commit  I  my  ways; 
and  on  thee,  as  from  whom  alone  can  come 
help,  do  I  cast  my  cares. 

6th.  These  three  past  days  have  been  black 
days;  Lord,  deliver  me  fiom  sin,  especially 
from  those,  which  so  easily  beset,  and  so  often 
oppress  me.  My  soul  longs  lor  deliverance 
and  rest.  Holy  Spirit  of  sanctification,  dwell 
and  rule  in  me,  and  deliver  me  from  this  horri- 
ble subjection. 

lOih.  iMi\  Hollinshead  baptized  Mr.  E. 
Ramsay's  little  boy,  naming  him  David.  May 
God  bless  the  infant,  and  make  it  indeed  a 
child  of   grace. 

12th.  Here  I  still  remain  a  monument  of 
forbearing  mercy.  <  )h  infini'^e  compassionl 
that  I  should  be  out  of  Hell  I  Oh  Lord!  the  pres- 
sure of  »iy  sins  is  indeed  very  grea^.  Oh  for 
thy  mercy's  sake,  deliver  me.  I  am  weary  of 
my  life,  because  of  my  daiiy  sins;  and  where- 
as, I  ought  to  have  made  pioi^ress.  Despair 
is  sometimes  ready  to  overcome  me,  through 
the  power  of  sin.  Lord,  help  me,  enable  me 
to  endure  to  the  end.  Lord,  abandon  mc  not, 
fori  grow  weaker  and  weaker. 

loth   and  16th,     Truly,  the  pressure  of  guilt 
I    is  upon  mc,  and  I  feel  astonished  that  my   bed 
has   not  this    night  been   made   in    Hell.      O 
Ml 


126  DIARY. 

wretched  mel  when  shall  I  be  delivered  from 
the  body  of  this  death,  and  from  the  power  of 
this  sin.  Oh,  how  it  cleaves  to  me,  how  it  be-, 
sets  me,  how  it  conquers  me,  and  then  leaves 
•me  almost  in  the  depths  of  despair.  Lord  I 
tremble,  and  ray  soul  is  sore  pained  within 
me.  Surely  these  repeated  rebellions  are  for- 
feiting all  thy  mercies,  and  I  need  dread,  lest 
all  sorf:s  of  bereavements  happen  to  me;  I  need 
be  in  horror,  lest  the  worst  of  bereavements 
happen  to  me;  even  that  I  be  bereaved  of  the 
light  of  God's  countenance,  and  damnation  be 
my  portion.  OhI  "'ilest  and  most  complicated 
of  sinners  that  I  am!  Terror  and  dismay  take 
hold  upon  me.  O,  if  men  knew  me  as  I  am 
known  to  my  God,  I  should  be  trampled  under 
foot;  the  church  would  disown  me;  the  great- 
est sinners  would  abominate  mc,  my  iPisband, 
that  loves  and  thinks  well  of  me,  would  won- 
der at  me,  and  mourn,  and  I  should  be  hated  of 
all  men.*      Lord  have  merey  upon  me!  Christ 

*  lliese  self  abasements  and  condemnations,  may  appear 
to  some  to  be  eMiavajrant  To  lliis  it  is  repiiei),  thai  tliey 
are  \^arranle  I  l)y  the  descriptions  of'human  depravity,  given 
in  holy  writ  "And  (lOd  saw  that  the  wickedness  of  man 
was  great  in  the  earth,  and  that  every  inMginnlion  of  the 
thonghts  of  liis  heart,  was  only  v\i\  continually,"  Genesis 
vi,  5.  ''Th^  hesrt  of  man  is  deceitful  above  all  tilings,  and 
desperately  wicked.  Who  can  know  it,  '  Jeremiah  xvii,  9. 
St  Haul  calls  himself  "the  chief  of  sinners,"  2  Timolhy  i, 
15.  It  is  also  to  be  olioerved,  th;»t  th(!y  who  do  not  practise 
self  examuialion,  arc:  unacquainted  \t  ith  the  workings  of 


DIARY.  127 

have  mcrcv  upon  me,  a  most  miserable  sinner 
aDcl  let  any  thing  happen  to  me,  rather  than  I 
should  be  easy  in  this  dreadful,  evil  state  of  sin. 
OhI   Holy   Spirit,   strive  v/ilh    me.     OhI  gra- 
cious friend  of  sinners,  intercede  for  me.     Oh, 
merciful  Father!  have  pity  upon  me,  and  give 
me  power  against   sin,   and    more   and   more 
brokenness  of  heart,  because  of  it.   Lord,  I  can 
hurdly  endure  the  view  of  my  own    heart,  yet 
forbid  that  it  should  be  hidden  from  me.  Jesus, 

their  Own  minds,  and  strangers  to  Ijeart  religion,  are  not 
competent  j'.id^^es.  It  is  with  holiness  as  with  knowledge. 
He  u  l»o  knuv/s  incst,  is  most  sensible  of  the  defects  of  his 
Lijov  ledge  Thty  who  have  attained  the  highest  eminence 
in  religion  are  most  deeply  imp  cssed  with  a  sense  of  their 
ouu  unworthiness.  As  every  exercised  christian  knows 
more  of  the  ?infu!r.cs3  of  his  own  hesrt,  than  he  possihlr 
Can  of  tlie  heart  of  another,  the  practical  result  is,  that  every 
such  ciiristian  is  apt  to  think  worse  of  hiniseli",  than  of  any 
other  person.  Before  the  charge  of  weakness,  rant,  or  en- 
thusiasm, is  brouj;ht  agiiinst  the  subject  of  tiiese  memf>irs, 
it  is  recommended  to  the  objector  to  make  tiie  following 
experiment  Let  him  take  the  same  j  ains  she  did,  to  ac- 
quire self  knculcidge,  by  laily  self  examination,  by  reading 
the  word  of  (jod,  and  comparing  lieraelf  with  it;  by  stud}  ing 
such  practical  authors  on  the  subject,  as  Uwen  on  ln«lweliing 
Sin.and  Tlavel  on  Keeping  the  Heart. by  daily  prayer  to  (iod, 
to  search  and  try  lier,  to  discover  Iier  to  herself,  b}  daily 
vratching  the  origin  and  motives  of  her  thoughts,  words, 
and  actions,  and  by  comparing  thtin  all,  with  the  divine 
comniands,  to  do  all  for  the  glory  of  God,  'to  love  he:-  Ma- 
ker willi  all  her  heart,'"  and  "her  neighbor  ;is  herself,"  and 
then  h'j  will  be  niore  capai)!e  of  dcciuiiig  whcilie-  the  self 
abasemen'sand  condemnation  which  run  through  her  diary, 
unseen  by  any  hun»an  being  A\hile  she  lived,  was  the  lan- 
guage of  a  weak,  enthusiastic  person,  or  the  gtnuine  ex- 
)>reM.sion»  of -real,  Uiiaffccted  humility,  grouu<led  on  scU" 
knov.kdge.  Editor- 


128  DIARY. 

Lord,  I  fly  to  thy  cross;  for  sorrow  taketh  hold 
of  me,  and  yet  so  weak  am  I,  that  I  have  no 
po^ver  against  the  very  sms  which  do  so  pierce 
me  through. 

October  19th.  As  this  day,  O  Lord!  is  stain_ 
cd  with  sin,  so  let  it  be  marked  by  the  deep- 
ness of  my  repentance.  Let  the  blood  of  Je- 
sus cleanse  me  from  my  defilements;  and  the 
grace  of  thy  Holy  Spirit,  prevent  me  from 
such  repeated  falls;  and  save  me  from  falling; 
finally.  Oh!  sins  against  vows;  sins  against 
light;  how  do  they  pierce  my  heart.  Surely, 
Oh  Lord!  there  are  none  that  do  cat  of  thy 
bread,  who  lift  up  their  heel  against  thee* 
like  me.  Lord  save  me  or  I  perish.  Oh!  I 
would  not  let  thee  go;  but  alas,  alas,  how  often 
do  I  act  as  if  I  knew  thee  not,  much  less  as  if 
I  cleaved  to  thee.     Lord  have  pity  on  a  sinner. 

21st.  Nanny,  our  servant  died  in  an  instant 
of  an  apoplexy.  Lord,  make  it  useful  to  the 
young  people  in  our  family,  and  may  we  all 
Improve  by  tiie  warning. 

A'oveviber  2d.  Alas,  Lord,  how  wretched  am 
T,  v.hile  the  desire  of  my  heart  is,  I  trust,  tru- 
ly turned  to  thee;  yet  I  often  fall  into  such  sins, 
as  bring  horror  upon  mc.  Oh  my  God!  I  am 
weakness  itself.  Strengthen  me  by  thy  grace, 
and  preserve  mc  from  secret   sins,j  and  from 


DIARY.  129 

presumptuous  faults,  and  enable  me  to  walk 
■watchfully. 

Lord,  I  recommend  myself  to  thee,  in  the 
present  intricacy  of  several  of  my  worldly  con- 
cerns. I  l}lcss  thee  for  thy  counsels  and  chas- 
tcnings;  give  me  wisdom  and  prudence  in  all 
my  walk,  a  resigned  temper,  and  a  humble 
mind,  and  enable  me  pondering  all  these  things 
in  my  heart,  and  remembering  thy  former 
loving  kindnesses,  and  thy  tried  faithfulness 
and  compassions,  amidst  the  storms  of  inward 
temptation,  and  outward  troubles,  to  have  my 
heart  at  peace,  being  stayed  upon  thee.  Lord, 
if  any  heavy  trial  is  before  me,  help  me  to  go 
through  it  with  becoming  fortitude,  and  with 
great  meekness;  and  walking  by  faith  and  not 
by  sight,  may  I  humbly  and  patiently  wait  the 
great  unfoldings  of  thy  providence. 

Lord,  assist  me  in  my  preparations  for  the 
solemnities  of  the  ensuing  sabbath.  Break  my 
heart  down,  under  a  sense  of  sins,  and  then 
enable  me  to  look  to  Jesus. 

$th.  Lord  I  thank  thee  who  art  a  God,  that 
givest  us  well  as  takest.  I  praise  thee,  that  I 
have  one  cl-.ild  in  heaven.  Lord  have  mercy 
on  those,  which  remain  on  eartli,  and  in  thine 
own  good  time  and  way,  bring  them  also  to  the 
kingdom  of  thy  glory.     Lord,  help  me   in   the 


130 


DIARY. 


time  which  is  before  me,  to  ^valk  in  a  humble, 
strict,  and  watchful  maimer,  and  not  by  any  in- 
dulgence in  sin  to  be  laying  up  sorrow  for  my 
wretched  self  Jesus  hear  and  help  a  sinner, 
'ivho  casts  herself  on  thee. 

KHh.  Lord  be  pleased  to  give  me  repentance 
for  the  sins  of  this  day,  and  power  against  ail 
sin;  but  especially  against  thatj  which  thcu,  O 
God,  secst,  and  my  own  heart  knoweth,  to  be 
my  easily  besetting  sin.*      Lord  suffer  me  not 

•  What  is  so  pathetically  deplored  throughout  this  diary, 
as  the  easily  bt-setling  sin  of  its  author,  the  editor  declares 
liiinseltto  be  wholl}  ignorant  of.  An  easily  hcseuing  .sin.  is 
generall)  understood  to  be  a  fin  to  the  commission  of  vhith, 
there  is  a  strong  ])ropinsity,  either  from  the  constitution,  or 
ten;peranjeni  ol  the  bo(i_\ ,  or  some  ptculiai- circumstances 
of  the  tinjt'S,  ot  situation,  ])rofession,  of  mind.  bod>  .  or  out- 
ward e.state.  After  twenty  toni  years  of  wedded  life,  arMi  a 
distinct  recollection  of  all  the  scenes  thereof,  the  editoi-  tan- 
not  ascertain  M-hat  Mas  really  intended  by  the  sin  -so  repeat- 
edh  confessed,  and  resolved  against,  under  the  definition  of 
the  easily  besetting  sin,  of  the  subject  of  these  ntenjoirs  in 
the  whole  course  of  that  time  he  never  once  saw  her  so  far 
under  the  infuience  of  resentiDeiit  or  passiftn,  as  to  ap|)roae}t 
the  confines  of  s'nful  anger,  or  even  to  be  inconsistent  Avith 
female  decorum.  If  she  excelled  in  any  one  virtue,  more 
than  another,  it  was  meekness.  He  also  declares  that  in  tlie 
same  period  he  never  knew  her  to  utter  any  thing  that  could 
be  called  «.nvious,  slanderous,  or  bitter  language;  or  do  any 
thing  that  appeared  to  be  the  result  of  malice  or  ill  ^ili. 
'Jbat  she  received  slights  is  well  known;  but  it  is  also  known 
that  she  resente<l  them  ijo  farther  than  by  avoiding  their 
repetition,  snd  by  praying  tor  their  authors.  Of  a  proud 
overbearing  disposition,  there  was  not  the  least  appearance. 
As  a  wife  ard  mother,  heronly  fault,  it  such  it  ma}  be  called, 
was  the  excess  of  her  love,  tendei  iiess,  and  anxiety-  lor  the 
comfort  and  happiness  of  her  husband  and  children,  indue- 
ing  her  to  make  too  large  sacrifices  of  her  own  enjoyments], 


diarV.  131 

to  fall  into  presumptions,  and  by  thy  great 
mercy,  keep  me  fiom  the  dominion  of  any 
sin.  O  friend  of  sinners,  have  pity  on  me,  and 
ma.kc  me  dread  sin  above  all  things,  and  walk 
^vith  holy  fear,  at  a  distance  from  all  the  occa- 
sions of  it.     Lord,  save  me  or  I  perish. 

21st.  Lord  fill  me  with  shame,  for  the  sins  of 
this  day,  and  deliver  me  from  the  power  of 
sin.  Lord,  my  soul  loveth  thee,  and  I  groan 
under  this  body  of  corruption;  make  thy  grace 
sufiicicnt  for  me. 

25th.  My  husband  set  out  for  Columbia.  I 
pr,)y  God  bless  and  preserve  him;  the  same 
day,  my  dear  little  Putty  fell  into  the  parlor 
fire;  but  by  God's  good  pro\idence  I  was  ena- 
bled to  snatch  her  out,  and  smother  the  flame, 
before  she  had  received  any  considerable  in- 
jury; may  God's  goodness  deeply  affect  me; 
and  may  I  show  forth  his  praise  in  a    holy   life. 

tor  their  accommoiiation  Of  any  habit  of  actinj^  wrong,  of 
Hny  propensity  to  it,  or  even  of  any  such  deliberate  act, 
there  is  no  recollection.  She  otien  reproached  herself  for 
not  doiujjf  all  that  might  have  been  dr;iie  for  restraining  ser- 
vants fwnn  vice,  paiticularly  intcniperance,  and  resrdved 
upon  stricter  incasti.  es,  fitil  parlicuiaily,  that  each  young 
negro,  in  aihlilion  to  moral  means,  for  jireventing  habitual 
<hMinkenness,  sliould  be  se\ei-ely  ehaslisf<l  fo:  eacii  and 
every  singU-  act  of  intoxication.  It  is  possible  that  tliislavity 
of  family  discipliuf,  may  have  been  alluded  to;  but  it  is 
more  pri)bable,  it  rcfened  t'l  sometliiug  only  knovvn  to  lier- 
scU\  such  as  coM•te^'s  aitd  languor  in  perfornjin;^  religious 
t}uli'-s,  and  deficiencies  in  love  to  her  Maker  and  Uedeenier. 

V.vi  inn 


132  DIARY. 

Lord,  pluck  her  as  a  brand  from  everlasting 
burnings,  and  make  her  thine  own  child. 

December  28th.  In  all  my  soul  perplexity,  I 
^vould  come  to  God;  he  is  a  tried  refuge,  and 
has  brought  me  in  spite  of  sin  thus  far.  Oh,  my 
good  God!  forsake  me  not  now;  but  be  my 
very  present  help  in  trouble;  to  thee  do  I  pour 
out  my  soul,  and  from  thee  do  I  expect,  and 
look  for  that  succor,  which  I  so  greatly  need, 
and  which  none  but  thou  canst  afford.  Lord,  I 
cast  myself  on  thy  mercy  in  Christ.  Strength- 
en thou  me,  lest  I  faint,  or  utterly  fall  away. 

August  12,  1794,  Many  people  are  ill  just 
now,  and  deatlis  frequent;  and  although  the 
reigning  disorder  is  said  to  be  confined  to  stran- 
gers or  people  who  live  irregularly,  yet  when 
so  many  are  sick,  and  dying  around  us,  it  is  a 
call  to  all,  to  gird  up  their  loins,  to  trim  their 
lamps,  and  to  be  in  readiness.  Lord,  make  me 
at  all  times  ready;  that  so  thy  coming,  under 
whatever  circumstances,  and  at  whatever  hour, 
may  be  a  matter  of  joy,  and  not  of  terror  to  my 
poor  soul.  Oh  be  pleased  to  give  my  dear 
husband  judgment,  and  steadiness  of  mind,  in 
the  duties  of  his  profession,  and  preservation 
from  the  dangers  of  it.  My  gracious  Savior  be 
thou  pleased  to  deliver  m.e  from  being  under 
the  dominion  of  any  sin;  and  grace  most   par^ 


DIARY.  133 

ticulaiiy,  to  watch  against  the  assaults  of  my 
easily  besetting  sin;  that  so  this  iniquity^  may 
never  be  my  ruin. 

16th.  Alas,  O  my  soul,  on  a  review  of  the 
week  past,  how  little  cause  have  I  for  rejoicing; 
my  clear  Sabina  has  been  brouglu  through  her 
weaning  at  a  critical  time,  beyond  all  my  ex- 
pectation, and  is  healthy  and  thriving;  the  rest 
of  my  children  and  family  well,  when  so  n;any 
are  sick,  dying,  or  dead,  around  us;  but  what 
have  I  rendered  tj  the  Lord  for  all  these  bcn- 
efiLb?  It  has  been  a  week  marked  by  folly,  and 
stained  by  sin.  I  have  been  careless  in  all  my 
duties,  and  have  fallen  into  sins,  over 
Avhich  I  have  again  and  again  mourned,  and 
into  which  I  had  hoped  never  to  fall  again; 
and  now,  Oh,  my  God!  if  thou  shouldst  be 
strict  to  mark  what  is  done  amiss,  how  should 
I  abide  I  desire  to  apply  to  that  grace,  which 
is  my  only  refuge.  Oh  Lord,  accept  and  par- 
don me  in  Christ;  enable  me,  all  the  remainder 
of  my  life,  to  walk  under  a  humbling  sense  of 
sin,  so  as  always  to  have  a  broken  and  contrite 
heart;  and  Oh  my  God!  as  the  thing  which  I 
desire  of  thee  above  any  thing  else  in  the 
world,  and  what  thou  alone  canst  give,  be  pleas- 
ed to  save  me  from  the  power  and  tyranny  of 
sin,and  grant  me  inward  and  outward  sanctifica- 

tiouj  as  a  meai:s  of  avoiding  sin;  enable  me  to 
12 


134  DIARY. 

keep  the  resolution  which  I  now  make  to  per- 
form daily  self  examination,  with  more  dili- 
gence and  strictness,  than  I  have  lately  done, 
and  constantly  to  meditate  on  the  awfulness  of 
making  a  religious  profession,  without  a  cUiily 
serious  care,  to  be  holy  in  thought,  word,  and 
deed. 

18th.  With  bitterness  of  spirit,  I  desire  to 
humble  myself  before  the  Lord,  under  a  recol- 
lection of  all  my  past  sins,  and  more  especially, 
of  the  sins  committed    since    I   have    devoted 
myself  to  him,  and  chosen  him  to  be  my  God. 
Oh,  these  are  the  sore   burdens,  the  grievous 
distresses;  after  having  known   the    goodness 
of  the    Lord,  so    repeatedly   to   rebel    against 
him.     Oh  my   Heavenly  Father!  be  pleased  to 
give  me  more  wisdom  and  more  grace  for  the 
future;  my  soul  panteth  after  holiness,  and  the 
most   earnest  desire  of  my  heart,  is  to  cleave 
more  diligently  to  the  way  of  thy  statutes.      I 
would  wish  to  be  more  diligent  in  seli  exami- 
tion;  more  watchful  to  prayer;  more  steady  in 
resisting  temptation;  more  attentive  to  provi- 
dences, and  more  careful    in  the  instructions 
which  I  give  my  dear  children,  and  in  the' ex- 
ample which  I  set  before  them.     Lord,  I    am 
not  sufficient  for  these  things;  but    hold  thou 


DIARY.  135 

me  up,  and  I  shall  be  safe,  and  my    feet    shall   / 
not  slide  to  fall. 

23d  On  a  review  of  the  last  week,  I  find 
thai  my  mind  has  been  much  exercised  in 
spiritual  things;  that  1  have  been  mere 
earnest  in  private  prayer,  and  sought  my  God 
in  the  watches  of  the  night;  and  yet  I  can- 
not perceive  an  increase  in  sanctihcauun, 
according  to  m.y  desire;  nor  that  streiij^ih 
against  sin,  which  my  soui  p^nts  after.  Oh 
my  God,  be  pleased  to  give  uie  holiness;  ena- 
ble mc  to  go  on,  to  serve  my  blessed  Savior 
fully,  and  to  walk  with  that  uprightness,  that 
uniformity,  that  heavenly  mindcdjiess,  which 
I  owe  to  him  who  has  boui^ht  nie  with  so 
great  a  price,  and  whose  mercy  and  love  to- 
ward me,  is  so  great  and  so  constant.  Oh 
that  I  could  hate  sin,  not  only  in  my  ji^dg- 
ment,  but  in  my  practice,  by  avoidir.g 
it,  and  every  thing  tlrat  leads  to  it,  in 
thought,  word,  or  deed  Oh  how  happy  are 
ihcy,  whose  warfare  is  ended,  and  who  have  an 
everlasting  period  put  to  all  their  siriS.  and  sor- 
rows, and  teuiptations,  and  are  safe  in  the  new 
Jerusalem.  Hold  tliou  mc  up,  O  Lord,  and  I 
also  shall  be  safe;  but  if  tliou  leave  me  but  a 
moment  to  my  own  wretched  and  sinful  pro- 
pensities, I  perish  and  amundonc. 


136  DIARY. 

Sefitember  22.  1794.  Mrs.  Petrie  died  of  a 
six  days  illness;  having  been  married  to  Mr, 
George  Petrie,  only  twelve  days.  God  grant 
that  no  such  awful  and  awakening  providence, 
as  the  removal  of  a  young  person,  so  lately 
fall  of  life,  and  health,  and  strength  should  pass 
•^vithout  some  serious  improvement;  some 
earnest  desire  to  have  my  loins  girt,  and  my 
lamp  burning. 

October  6th.  My  sister  Pinckney  died,  hav- 
ing been  generally  delirious  from  Friday;  and 
her  speech  so  thickened,  that  though  she  at- 
tempted it  in  the  intervals  of  reason,  she  never 
could  make  us  understand  what  she  wished  to 
say  to  us.  Miss  Futerell  and  myself  were  con- 
stantly with  her;  but  my  heart  is  too  full  to 
write  on  this  subject.  Lord,  thou  knowest  my 
groanings,  and  my  sighings  are  not  hid  from 
thee;  commisserate  thy  poor,  sinful  suffering 
creature;  and  fill  me  with  humility  and  resig- 
nation under  this  exceedingly  heavy  stroke  of 
thy  Providence. 

13th.  Having  had  continued  sickness  of 
body,  and  a  mind  full  of  grief;  though  I  trust 
entirely  submitted,  and  resigned  to  tne  divine 
will,  and  desiring  to  find  life,  health,  and  peace 
in  the  cross,  on  the  secoiid  of  November,  I  be- 
came so  seriously  ill,  as   to   fill   all  about   me 


DIARY.  137 

with  apprehensions  for  my  life;  in  Avliich  slate 
I  remained  for  two  days;  and  for  five  more,  in 
a  state  of  very  deplorable  weakness;  it  pleased 
Ilini,  however,  in  whose  hands  are  the  issues 
of  life  and  death,  to  raise  me  from  the  bed  of 
languishing;  and  upon  the  whole,  my  general 
health  is  better  than  it  had  been  before.  Oh 
that  by  all  means,  God  may  draw  me  to  him- 
self; and  never  c^ase  striving  with  me,  till  I 
am  wholly  his. 

No-vember  21st.  Dr.  Ramsay  left  me  to  go 
to  Columbia;  I  thank  God  he  was  not  cal- 
led to  this  duty,  at  the  time,  I  was  so  extreme- 
ly ill.  May  God  bless  and  take  care  of  this  dear- 
est and  best  of  friends;  and  return  him  in 
htalth  and  safety  to  me. 

J'\'br nary  7 thy  1795.  Out  of  the  depths  have 
I  cried  unto  thee,  O  Lord,  and  thou  hast  heard, 
and  helped  me.  Out  of  the  depths  now  I  cry 
unto  thee  again,  O  my  God.  Let  not  my  griev- 
ous sins  stand  as  a  separating  wall,  between 
thee  and  my  soul;  but  for  the  sake  of  Christ,  my 
at*  nement  and  intercessor,  hear  thou  me  and 
help,  for  from  thee,  alone,  can  helpcome.  I  am 
in  straits,  trials,  and  perplexities  of  soul,  and  of 
body.  My  outward  aflaiis  can  only  be  helped 
by  thy  providence;  my  spiritual  troubles  by  thy 

grace.     Creatures  can  neither  understand,  nor 
•12 


138  DIARY. 

assist  me;  to  thee,  therefore,  the  giver  of  all 
good,  and  the  source  of  all  consolation,  do  I 
come,  and  humbly  commit  all  ray  cares  to  thee, 
Avho  carcst  for  sparrows;  how  much  more  for 
thy  redeemed  ones.  Surely  I  have  found  thee 
a  prayer  answering  God,  and  that  in  some  very 
remarkable  instances;  and  whereas  I  might 
have  been  in  hell;  and  there  deserve  now  to  be; 
instead  of  being  here,  I  have  reason  to  say, 
hitherto,  hath  the  Lord  helped  me;  and  yet  my 
wicked,  faithless  heart,  dares  to  doubt,  if  he 
will  yet  help  me.  Oh  my  good  God,  whose 
providence  is  over  all  thy  works,  and  whose 
long  suffering  is  infinite,  punish  not  this  faith- 
lessness of  thy  poor,  broken,  and  bruised  reed, 
by  leaving  me  to  myself;  but  add  this  to  all  thy 
former  loving  kindnesses,  to  hear  me  in  the  re- 
quests which  I  now  offer  unto  thee,  and  send 
me  a  gracious  answer  according  to  my  singu- 
lar necessities;  calm,  O  Lord,  the  tumult  of 
my  thoughts;  compose  my  disturbed  mind,  and 
make  me  lowly  and  rebigned  before  thee,  as 
becomes  so  great  a  sinner.  If  thou  art  pleas- 
ed to  answer  my  prayer,  and  yet  that  it  should 
be  in  a  way  of  affliction,  let  it  suffice  me,  that 
the  Lord  reigneth;  and  may  not  a  murmuring 
thought  come  across  my  breast;  but  looking 
unto  Jesus,  who,  for  my   sake,  endured   the 


DIARY.  139 

cross;  may  I  also  meekly  submit;  shouldsttbou 
answer  me  accorcUn'j:  to  my  wishes;  Oh  let  it 
be  in  mercy,  not  in  judg-ment;  and  let  this  re- 
ncv;cd  instance  of  thy  kindness  and  conde- 
scension, draw  my  heart  nearer  to  thee,  in  faith 
and  holiness,  than  it  has  ever  been.  Lord,  I 
leave  my  case,  my  soriows,  and  difficulties  be- 
fore  thee;  pleading-  only  the  merits  of  the  pre- 
cious Savior;  to  thee,  O  my  Jesus,  are  all  my 
sighine^s  known;  and  my  groaningsare  not  hid 
from  thee. 

March  1st.  Lord  I  come  before  thee  again 
with  my  perplexities;  Oh  let  not  my  impor- 
tunities oflicnd  my  God;  but  do  thou  be  pleas- 
ed this  day  for  Christ  my  Redeemer's  sake,  to 
litar  and  to  help  me,  and  to  give  a  gracious 
answer  to  those  prayers  which  I  shall  offer  in 
thy  house,  and  at  thy  table;  Lord,  give  me  a 
quiet  miiul  and  a  resigned  temper  in  whatever 
thou  shalt  be  pleased  to  order.  May  no  doubl- 
ings or  unbelief  on  my  p^rt  offend  my  God; 
but  may  I  now  most  remarkably  fir.d  thee, 
the  God  who  wilt  perform  forme  this  thing 
which  I  so  much  desire;  Lord,  be  pleased  to 
remember  thy  v.ord  unto  thy  servant,  upon 
which  thou  hast  made  me  to  hope.  Let  not 
the  Lord  be  angry  with  his  poor  creature,  who 
so  earnestly    pleads   whh    him  now    to  man- 


140  DIARY. 

ifest  himself  to  her  soul  as  her  God,  by  answer- 
ing her,  present  request  and  supplication.  Lord 
I  am  thine,  save  thy  servant,  and  if  it  be  com- 
patible with  thy  divine  decrees,  grant  the  de- 
sire of  my  heart  which  thou  knowest,  and  by 
this  manifestation  of  thy  providence,  clear  up 
my  dark  skies,  and  restore  peace  to  my  troub- 
led soul. 

1 1th.  May  a  good  and  merciful  God  turn  off 
my  heart  from  folly  and  unbelief,  and  be  pleas- 
ed in  great  mercy  to  quiet  my  spirit  and  to  force 
iT.e  to  confess  that  he  is  the  wonder  working 
God.  Deliver  me,  O  Lord,  from  consuming 
care;  clear  up  my  darkened  skies,  be  pleased, 
O  my  gracious  and  condescending  P'ather,  to 
relieve  my  mind  from  iis  present  perplexity* 
to  fii  me  again  for  usefulness,  and  to  grant  me, 
if  it  be  thy  blessed  will,  a  gracious  and  speedy 
answer  to  prayer. 

27th.  Since  the  27th  of  January  my  mind 
has  been  more  exercised  both  from  outward 
pressure  and  inward  conflict  than  I  can  ever 
recollect  U  to  have  been  since  1  gave  myself  to 
be  tlie  Lord's;  n.ost  particulaily  the  7ih  of 
February.  The  1st  and  llthof  ?.iarch  have 
been  extraordinary  days,  boti)  of  agony  of  spir" 
it,  and  of  prayer  to  God.  On  the  i  ith  of  April, 
from  the  extreme  distress  1  \\as  in,  1  felt  as  if 


DIARY.  141 

lieart  and  flesh  without  any  bodily  indisposition^ 
were  both  goint^  to  fail;    and  notbini:^   but    the 
support  of  the  everlasting  arm,  and  tl  t  pouring 
out  niy  complaint  with  groans    and  tears,   and 
siglis  into  the  bosom  of  him,  who  was   once  a 
r.uin    of   sorrows   and    acquainted   with    grief, 
kept  me    from    sinking.        Ohl    who  but   the 
Maker  of  my  frame,  and  the  former  of  my  spir- 
it, could  ever  know  what  1  underwent   on   this 
awful  day.     Had  I  turned  to  any  creature,  none 
could   have    understood   my  case,   much    less 
could  they  have  helped  it;  but  I  turned  unto  the 
Lord,  my  often  tried;  Oh  that  I  had  not  to  add 
my  often  provoked  friend;  and  he  said  unto  me 
deep  as  seemeth  this  mire,  thou  shalt  not  sink 
in  it.     I  will  make  a  path  for  thy  poor  wearied 
feet,  that  thou    mayest  get   out;   nevcrthf  less, 
because  of  thy  sins  against  light  and  love   and 
gracious  manifestation,  it  must  be  with  sorrow, 
and  with  suffering,  and  with  toil.     On  the  I5th 
I  had  a  very   remarkable  answer  to   prayer,  a 
partial  lifting    up,  aiid  tokens  for  good  vouch- 
safed me,  that  1  should  be  helped  through,  and 
that  he  who  made  the  sun    to    stand    still    for 
Joshua   vould  bring  me  quite  througli;  since 
then  1  liave    been  waiting  lor   the  full   acoom- 
plishment  ol  tbat  desire  of  my  heart,   which   I 


142  DIARY. 

believe  the  Lord  will  grant  me,  though  the  fa- 
vor nas  been  deierred,   yet,   alas,  alas,   I    have 
not  waited  as  one  so  suffering    and    so  helped 
ought  to  have  waited.     1  am  defiled  with    sin; 
I  have  left  off  to  walk  so  softly  before  the  Lord; 
as  I  had  done  before  this  aid  was   granted  me, 
and  now  I  am  in  a  plunge  again;  and  my  skies, 
which  seemed  to  be  clearing  away,  are  now  ob- 
scured   by    clouds    and  darkness.     Woismej 
for  fear  I  have  sinned  away  God's  mercy,  and 
am  fearful  about  the  manifestation  of  his  po\A  • 
er;  his  all  sufficiency,  his  tender   compassions 
which  day  and  night  I  have  been  looking  up  to 
him  for;  yet  Oh  no!  let  me  not  add  to  my  other 
guilt  the  guilt  of  unbelief;  the    Lord  has  caus- 
ed me  to  pray;  he  will   answer   the    prayer  of 
my  petition;  he  hath  caused  me    to   hope,  the 
strength  of  Israel  will   not   fail   me;   merit  of 
mine  own  could    at  no  time  be    the    plea    for 
gracious  favor  or    providential     mercies;   and 
now  what   time  I  am    afraid,  and    my   heart 
doubteth  and  trembleth  within  me,  I  will  lean 
on  Jesus;  I  will  trust  in    him;    I  will    believe 
that  for  the  sake  of  this  dear  Savior,  my   God 
will  perform  for  me  all  this  thing  which  I  hope 
for  from  him;  and  I  will  therefore  cast  all  my 
care  on  him  who  careth  for  me,   both   for    my 
soul  and  my  body.     My  soul  waited  upon  God; 


DIARY.  143 

upon  the  bountiful  God;  from  him  is  all  my  ex- 
pectation, and  in  him  is  all  my  trust;  Oh  Lord! 
keep  me  watchful  and  prayerful. 

June  2d.  I  can  no  long-er  say  the  skies  are 
darkening,  for  they  are  so  darkened  that  I  see 
no  li£^hi;  and  I  am  ready  to  call  myself  desolate, 
forsaken,  cast  off  by  God:  yet,  I  dare  not  mur- 
mur, I  am  not  in  hell,  where  I  deserve  to  be. 
Instead  of  poring  on  my  disappointments,  vex- 
ations, and  sufferings,  I  would  endeavor  in  this 
dark  dismal  night  of  trial,  to  praise  the  Lord 
that  there  is  a  haven  of  rest  prepared  for  the 
weary;  and  to  lament  my  sins,  which  make 
such  deep  sorrows  necessary  to  my  sanctifica- 
tion.  Oh  my  Savior,  put  out  thy  helping  hand 
and  keep  me  from  sinking  in  these  deep  wa- 
ters; let  the  billows,  instead  of  overwhelming 
mc,  make  me  cleave  closer  to  the  cross;  and. 
Oh  my  compassionate  Father!  If  it  be  not  thy 
will,  to  grant  me  the  prayer,  which  I  believed 
thou  wouldst  have  done,  having  had  my  heart, 
so  drawn  out  to  pray;  yet  at  least  keep  me 
from  being  o»rerwhelmed  by  temptation,  and 
from  being  so  entirely  depressed,  as  to  be  use- 
less and  worthless  in  that  state  of  life  to  which 
thou  hast  called  me.  If  I  may  not  record  that 
the  Lord  hath  heard,  and  granted  my  request, 
at  least  enable  me  to  know  and   feel,   that    he 


144  DIARY. 

hath  giv2n  brokeniiess  of  heart,  and  let  me 
not  dure,  while  under  the  frowns  of  his  provi- 
dence, to  sin  against  him,  lest  a  worse  thing 
eome  upon  me,  and  my  soul  be  ruined.  Lord, 
do  thy  whole  will;  teach  me  to  do,  enable  me 
to  suffer  whatever  thou  shalt  see  fit,  and  at 
last  give  me  rest  from  all  trouble  and  all  con- 
:9icts,  in  the  peaceful  grave,  and  the  bosom  of 
my  Savior,  Loid,  search  my  heart  and  try  my 
reins:  deliver  me  from  every  evil  way,  and  lead 
me  to  life  everlasting. 

Thou  art  God  Alm-ighty;  I  will  act  faith  up- 
on thine  omni^DOlcnce;  I  believe,  that  in  spite 
of  all  the  difiiculties  which  appear  to  me,  thou 
canst  do  tluit  which  I  require  of  thee;  I  believe 
also,  thou  wilt,  if  it  be  right  and  proper,  and  in 
every  case,  I  desire  to  lie  down  in  the  dust  be- 
fore thee. 

Ju7ie  5th  Lord  have  mercy  on  me  a  poor 
tempest  tossed  wretch,  groaning  under  the 
burden  of  sin,  and  held  in  bondage  by  sorrow. 
Oil, thou  good  physician,  heal  my  soul;  com- 
pose my  spirit;  pardon  my  sins;  hear  my  pray- 
er; but,  above  all  things,  give  me  the  spirit  of 
sanctification;  a  desire  to  improve  by  every 
providence  that  besets  me;  and  a  mind  at  all 
times  and  in  all  tilings  resigned  to  thy  will. 
"^^ith  thee,  O  God,  is   all  power  and  wisdom; 


DIARY.  145 

I  am  all  impotence  and  folly.  Be  pleased, 
therefore,  O  my  God,  to  order  all  my  affairs 
for  me,  and  to  be  a  very  present  help  to  mc 
in  this  time  of  need.  Give  me  a  sound  judg- 
ment, that  good  understanding  which  belongs 
to  all  them  who  fear  thy  name  and  do  thy 
commandments.  Be  thou  praised,  O  my  God, 
for  past  favors;  and  let  them  be  sweet  encour- 
agements to  me,  still  to  wait  upon  my  God; 
and  to  cast  all  my  cares  upon  him;  in  the  great- 
est agonies  of  my  spirit,  great  is  the  cosolation 
I  experience,  in  pouring  out  my  heart  before 
him,  and  seeking  counsel  at  his  hands  who 
giveth  wisdom  liberally,  and  upbraideth  not; 
let  this  day  be  a  day  of  prayer  and  holy  wait- 
ing on  thee;  and  let  the  approaching  commu- 
nion Sabbath,  be  a  blessed  day  to  me;  a  day  ia 
which  God  will  draw  nigh  to  me,  as  he  does  not 
unto  the  world;  in  which  the  death  stroke  may 
be  given  to  my  most  easily  besetting  sin;  and 
I  may  know  thee  to  be  in  very  truth,  my  rec- 
onciled Father  in  Christ,  and  be  able  to  add 
another,  hitherto  to  my  past  experiences.  O 
il.ou  that  hcarest  prayer,  unto  thee  shall  all 
flesh  come.  O  thou,  that  hcarest  prayer,  un- 
to thee,  most  particularly,  should  those  come^ 
who  have  often  found  thee  a  prayer  answering 
as  well  as  a  prayer  hearing  God.   Lord,  let  the 


146  DIARY. 

remembrance  of  the  especial  times  in  which 
I  have  found  thee  such,  be  as  a  cordial  to  sup- 
port my  drooping  spirits,  and  revive  my  dying 
faitli.  I  believe  in  the  Father,  the  Son,  and 
the  Holy  Ghost.  I  desire  to  renew  at  this 
time,  my  often  broken  covenant,  and  beseech 
the  Lord  to  make  me  from  this  time  forward, 
to  the  conquering  of  my  last  enemy,  and  bid- 
ding farewell  to  sin  and  sorrow,  more  closely 
his  than  ever,  and  to  enable  me  to  walk  holily, 
humbly,  soberly,  and  uprightly,  as  becomes  a 
professor  of  the  Gospel  of  Christ. 

lOLh.     Let  God  be  praised    for   all  his  mer- 
cies.    Let  his  holy  name  be  glorified    for   the 
blessings  of  tiie  last  Sabbath,  when  I  was  ena- 
bled to  Cc^ll  upon   him  with    my  whole   heart; 
and  to  find  some  consolation    and   support   to 
my  burdened  mind  in  the  exercise  of  faith  and 
prayer      Oh,  what  in  the  present  perturbation, 
conflict,  and  uneasiness  of  my  spirit  could  sup- 
port mc,  but  those   divine  consolations   which 
from  time  to  time,  the  Lord  is  graciously  pleas- 
ed to  bestow  upon  me.  How  long,  O  Lord,  how 
long  hast  thou  appointed,  that  I  shall  labor  un- 
der this  perplexity;  Lord,  not  my  will  but  thine 
be  done;  only  be  pleased  to  give  me  the  spirit 
of  submission  and  humble  waiting  upon  thee, 
that  so  I  faint  not;  neither  let  go  my  confidence 
in  ihee^  the  God  of  hope.     Lord,,  having  again 


DIARY. 


147 


renewed  my  covenant  with  tbee,  give  me  a 
heart  to  enjoy  the  privileges  of  the  covenant; 
and  with  holy  boldness  to  draw  near  the  throne  of 
Grace,  and  looking  up  to  Jesus,  tiie  great  medi- 
ator of  the  covenant,  by  prayer  and  supplica- 
tion, to  make  known  unto  thee  ail  my  requests. 
Lord,  I  spread  before  thee  all  my  wants;  unto 
thee  I  pour  out  all  my  complaints;  be  gra- 
ciously pleased  to  attend  to  the  sorrowful  sigh- 
ing of  thy  poor  creature;  and  according  to  the 
riches  of  thy  goodness  in  Christ  Jesus,  to  per- 
form for  me,  those  things  which  I  have  so  long 
and  so  earnestly  desired  of  thee;  and  for  A\hicli 
I  am  still  calling  upon  thee  by  day  and  by  night; 
above  all  things,  O  Lord!  give  me  grace  to 
walk  holily;  to  avoid  temptation;  to  keep  in  the 
path  of  duty,  and  of  watchfulness.  Hold  thou 
me  up,  Lordl  and   so  shall  I  be  safe. 

June  10th.  Holy  resolutions  which  I  desire 
to  enter  into  this  day. 

To  wutch  more  against  my  easily  besetting 
sin;  and  frequently  in  the  day,  to  ask  myself 
what  lam  about  in  tills  respect. 

To  be  more  diligent  in  reading  the  word  of 
Ood  'with  mt dilation. 

To  have  my  thoughts  under  better  govern- 
ment; buying  frequently  to  then, ''whence  com-« 
est  thou,  and  whither  goest  thou.*' 


148  DIARY. 

To  watch  against  indolence;  remembering 
that  the  Christian  life  is  a  warfare;  and  that 
the  kingdom  of  Heaven  must  be  taken  with 
a  holy  violence,  and  cannot  be  obtained  by  the 
slothful. 

To  watch  against  extravagance  and  self  in- 
dulgence, and  to  endeavor  to  walk  more  use- 
fully than  1  have  hitherto  done. 

To  remember  the  vow  which  I  have  lately 
made  unto  the  Lord;  and  to  be  looking  up  to 
him  w^ith  a  holy  desire  for  the  time  when  I 
shall  be  permitted  with  songs  of  thanksgiving, 
to  pay  unto  the  Lord  this  vow;  and  to  record 
his  mercy. 

11th.  Oh,  wretch  that  I  am,  who  shall  deliv- 
er me  from  the  body  of  this  death;  immediate- 
ly after  holy  vows  and  godly  resolutions,  I  have 
committed  grievous  sins,  so  that  I  am  in  hor- 
ror, and  dread,  and  fear  lest  I  should  sin  away 
all  God's  mercy;  alas,  Lordl  I  am  so  vile  and 
wretched,  that  I  am  now  afraid  almost  even  to 
pray;  yet  nothing  else  can  do  for  me;  Lord!  I 
am  so  vile,  that  1  am  a  terror  to  myself.  Oh, 
ip.y  God!  for  the  sake  of  Christ,  have  pity  on 
mo  a  miserable  sinner.  Oh,  wash  me  in  his 
precious  blood;  cleanse  me  from  my  renewed 
and  aggravated  Ci;uili;  and  be  pleased  to  give 
me  thy  Holy  Spirit  to   enable  me  to  be  more 


DIARY.  149 

watchful  for  the  future,  Lordl  I  tremble  un- 
der a  sense  of  guilt;  and  am  so  frightened  at 
my  own  folly,  that  I  am  afraid  of  thy  jud foments, 
and  seem  ready  to  i^ive  up  all  for  lost.  Lordl 
have  mercy  upon  me,  a  most  miserable  sinner; 
and  pardon  me,  I  earnestly  beseech  thee;  puri- 
fy my  sin  defiled  and  spotted  soul;  save  me 
from  despair;  enter  not  into  judgment  with 
me,  for  I  can  hardly  abide  the  condemnation  of 
my  own  conscience;  Oh,  how  much  less  the 
severity  of  thy  justice.  Suffer  me  not,  O  Lord! 
to  go  on  in  any  course  of  sin;  u.nd  let  this  re- 
newed experience  of  my  wretchedness  and 
•weakness,  make  me  seek  more  ei-rncstly  for 
that  grace  by  which  alone  I  can  be  kept  from 
fvilling  into  the  greatest  sins  here,  and  into  the 
depths  of  hell  hereafter. 

2 1  St.  Dr.  Keith's  text.  Prov.  viii,  32. 
"Now,  therefore,  hearken  unto  me,  O  ye  chil- 
dren; for  blessed  are  they  that  keep  my  ways.** 
To  hearken  to  Christ,  includes  attending  to  his 
providences;  attenditig  to  his  precepts;  wor- 
sliipping  him  with  the  heart;  by  an  open  pro- 
fession; by  a  suitable  conversation;  the  blessed- 
ness of  keeping  his  ways;  peace  and  joy  in  be- 
lieving God's  comfortable  presence  with  them 
through  life  and  at  death,  w  ith  a  joyful  eternity; 
«>S.riQUs  address  to  sinners,  and  to  professoir,. 
M3 


150  DIARY. 

Dr.  Hollinshcad's  text.  Luke  viii,  and  IS. 
"Take  heed,  therefore,  how  ye  hear."  This  du- 
ty includes  a  constant  attendance  on  the  means 
of  hearing;  with  preparation  of  the  mind  before 
hearinf^.  We  should  hear  with  meditation^ 
with  prayer,  wilh  profession,  and  with  an  en- 
deavor to  bring  forth  fruits  answerable  to  our 
advantages;  arguments  for  this  careful  atten- 
tion; wlicn  faitlifully  administered  it  is  the 
word  of  God,  and  we  must  give  an  account  to 
Clod  for  our  improvement  or  misimprovement 
of  gospel  opportuniiics;  address  to  the  young 
on  the  advantages  of  early  religion. 

22nd,  Monday.  My  mind  is  at  present  and 
has  for  some  days  been  in  a  state  of  awful  con- 
flict. I  am  wailing  upon  God  for  a  mercy 
which  I  have  sought  so  long  and  so  earnestly, 
that  I  cannot  but  think  God  has  drawn  me  to 
pray  for  it.  By  the  morning  dawn,  in  the 
watches  of  the  night,  at  noonday,  and  at  even- 
ing tide,  I  am  still  at  the  throne  of  grace;  be- 
sides, many  a  thought  sent  thither  in  the 
course  of  every  hour,  while  at  the  necessary 
avocations  ot  my  situation.  Now  the  promises 
of  God;  his  merciful  manifestations;  his  tokens 
for  good  make  m^c  hope  and  rejoice;  again,  my 
sins  plunge  me  into  despair,  and  I  am  weary, 
faipt,  and  comfortless;  in  the  present  moment 


DIARY.  151 

my  heart  fainteth  within  me,  and  my  spirit  is 
exceedingly  troubled.  Succor  me.  O  Lord! 
succor  me,  for  I  greatly  need  thine  aid.  Be- 
hold a  humble  broken  hearted  supplicant  ac- 
knowledging herself  unworthy  of  the  very 
crumbs  of  thy  mercy;  yet  trusting  in  thee  for 
extraordinary  displays  of  mercy.  Send  thy 
reviving  grace,  for  I  am  perplexed.  Oh,  my 
GodI  keep  me  from  sinful  murmurings  and 
distrust;  make  me  patient  in  tribulation;  and 
carry  on  within  mc  the  work  of  sanctification. 
Lordl  be  pleased  to  grant  me  the  desire  of 
my  heart,  which  I  mean  to  ask  with  a  holy,  not 
a  sinful  impatient  importunity;  and  my  soul 
shall  praise  thee  with  joyful  lips. 

26th.  Prepare  mc,0  Lord!  for  all  events  that 
may  be  before  me,  whether  comfortable  or  ad- 
verse. I  am  in  great  darkness;  be  pleased  to 
enlighten  mc.  I  lack  wisdom;  Oh,  thou  who 
upbraidcst  not,  bo  pleased  to  give  liberally,  and 
according  to  my  great  necessity.  Be  thou 
my  counsellor  by  day,  and  my  instructor  by 
night;  give  me  that  blessed  knowledge  which 
comes  from  thy  teaching;  let  me  sit  at  the  feet 
of  Jesus,  and  learn  his  will;  learn  to  know  it, 
learn  to  do,  and  learn  to  bear  it.  Wonderful 
have  been  thy  dealings  witli  me  for  some  time 
past.     Thou  hast  answered  prayer;  but  Oh,  in 


152  DIARY. 

how  different  a  manner  from  what  I  expected^ 
neverthrless,  there  has  been  such  astonishing 
admixtures  of  morcy  with  judgment,  that  I  can 
only  love,  admire,  and  praise.  While  thou  hast 
punished  mine  iniquities,  and  by  the  very 
methods  of  granting  my  request,  brought  my 
sin  to  remembrances  and  made  my  flesh  trem- 
ble for  fear  of  judgments;  thou  hast  given  me 
faith;  held  up  my  goings,  and  made  my  soul  re- 
joice in  thy  salvation;  and  now  Lord!  what  shall 
I  say,  I  desire  to  notice  thy  providences;  to 
bless  thee  for  thy  mercy  of  yesterday,  when  so 
great  a  burden  was  taken  from  my  mind;  and 
I  will  hope  that  thy  goodness  will  speedily  put 
an  end  to  the  remaining  troubles  under  which  I 
labor,  and  do  all  that  for  me,  which  my  soul 
could  expect  from  such  extraordinary  begin- 
nings of  favor,  and  which  it  never  could  have 
prayed  for  to  earnestly,  if  thou  hadst  not  ena- 
bled me.  Answer  me,  O  my  GodI  in  mercy 
and  not  in  judgment;  and  let  me  not  lose  thy 
blessings,  either  from  not  asking,  or  from  ask- 
ing amiss.  Oh  thou  great  Searcher  of  hearts, 
known  unto  thee  are  all  my  thoughts;  send  out 
thy  light  and  thy  truth;  and  let  them  teach  me; 
and  make  all  my  thoughts,  all  my  desires,  and 
all  my  prayers,  such  as  thou  wilt  graciously  ap- 
provej  accept  and  answer  for  the  sake  of  Christ 


DIARY.  153 

Jesus,  that  great  mediator  between  God  and 
man,  in  and  through  whom  alone,  I  have  any 
confidence  in  drav'iug  nigh  to  thee. 

29th.  Oh,  careless,  wretched,  sinful  crea- 
ture; Lord,  let  not  iniquity  prevail;  save  me  or 
I  perish. 

July  3d.  Desiring  to  redeem  time  for  sacra- 
mental preparation.  Much  exercised  about 
sins  committed  since  the  last  month;  and  my 
heart  very  low;  when,  on  serious  examination, 
I  find  that  1  have  fallen  again  and  again  into 
sins  repented  of,  suffered  for  and  solemnly 
covenanted  against;  so  that  I  am  ready  to  say, 
I  shall  one  day  fall  by  the  hands  of  this  mine 
enemy:  nevertheless,  I  think  and  hope  that 
sin  becomes  every  day  a  greater  burden  tome; 
that  I  am  never  at  rest  in  the  commission  of  it, 
and  that  I  am  more  than  usually  afraid  of  its 
indwelling  power,  and  cannot  pass  even  a  few- 
hours  without  looking  to  Jesus,  and  longing 
for  pardon  and  sanctification;  yet  alas,  alas; 
this  is  not  where  I  ought  to  be.  I  have  been 
many  years  a  p''ofcssor;  God  has  been  A\on- 
dcrfully  gracious  both  in  spiritual  and  tempo- 
ral affairs;  and  instead  of  having  just  life 
enough  to  be  grieved  at  sin,  and  desirous  of 
holiness,  I  ought  to  have  made  great  advan- 
ced in  sanctification,  and  to  have  been  eminent- 


i 


154  DIARY. 

ly  pious,  instead  of  being  saved  as  it  were  by 
fire.  I  ought  to  be  able  to  say,  "I  have  fought 
the  good  fight."  Lord!  be  thou  pleased  to  par- 
don all  my  dcficiences;  to  fill  me  with  gr^ce, 
and  to  enable  me  very  much  to  improve  at  this 
time.  Oh,  meet  me  this  day  in  thy  courts; 
may  I  be  filled  with  the  spirit  of  prayer,  and 
have  my  heart  very  much  disengaged  from  this 
world.  I  desire  at  this  time  particularly  to 
notice  God's  providential  dealings  with  me; 
more  especially  some  remarkable  incidents 
which  have  happened  to  me  within  three  years: 
to  glorify  God  for  his  judgments,  and  to  rejoice 
in  the  manifestations  of  his  mercy.  I  have  lately 
received  some  especial  favors,  which  I  desire 
gratefully  to  remember,  and  to  show  forth  my 
thanksgivings  with  my  lips  and  by  my  lite; 
with  respect  to  some  other  concerns,  God  is 
leading  me  by  a  way  that  I  know  not;  but  I  am 
persuaded  it  will  be  the  right  way;  yea,  I  can- 
not but  think  that  having  done  so  much  for  me, 
so  unexpectedly,  so  compassionately,  he  will 
fulfill  ere  'ong  all  my  desire,  and  make  me  to 
know  that  he  is  a  wonder  working  (iod.  Oh, 
that  this  may  be  a  day  of  great  devotion  with 
me;  may  God  bless  the  minister  who  is  to 
preach,  and  provide  for  every  seeking  soul, 
that  which  shall  be  most  suitable  for  it. 


DIARY.  155 

July  5th.  Dr.  Keith's  text.  Isaiah  xlv,  24. 
^'Surely  shall  one  say,  in  the  Lord  iiave  I 
righteousness  and  strength.'*  Reviving  words 
to  souls  ready  to  sink  in  despondency  under 
a  remembrance  of  past  sins,  and  consciousness 
of  present  weakness.  Christ  is  the  Lord,  in 
whom  we  have  this  righteousness,  and  this 
strength.  Our  righteousness  as  bearing  what 
we  had  deserved,  standing  between  offended 
God  and  offending  man.  He  saves  us  not  only 
from  the  guilt,  but  the  power  of  sin;  he  gives 
us  strength  for  all  our  work,  and  all  our  war- 
fare; the  christian  life  is  a  constant  warring; 
a  life  of  diligence,  activity,  self-denial,  resis- 
tance of  temptations,  corruptions,  evil  inclina- 
tions, which  we  could  never  accomplish  in  our 
own  strength;  address  to  the  unconverted,  to 
seeking  souls,  professed  disciples. 

12lh.  Dr.  Keith's  text.  Psalm  Ixv,  12. 
"Thy  vows  are  upon  me,  O  GodI  I  will  render 
praises  unto  thee."  Vows  of  dedication  of 
property  or  persons  allowable  under  the  Gospel 
as  well  as  under  the  law,  having  never  been 
forbidden;  but  this  was  not  the  point  of  view 
in  which  he  meant  to  treat  the  subject;  but  of 
that  religious  acknowledgment  of  God  to  be 
our  Lord,  and  dedication  of  ourselves  to  be  his 
people,  which  was  the  duty  of  every  one.   Par- 


156  DIARY. 

ticular  seasons  suitable  for  the  making  and  re^ 
newing  such  vows;  times  of  dedicating  our- 
selves or  our  children  by  baptism;  and  of  com- 
ing to  the  table  of  the  Lord;  times  of  special 
affliction;  example  of  Jacob  when  he  left  his 
father's  house  to  go  into  a  strange  land;  times 
of  especial  mercy  and  deliverance;  example  of 
David,  when  he  penned  the  1 16th  Psalm;  ex- 
hortation to  those  who  have  already  taken  the 
vows  of  the  Lord  upon  them  in  the  ordinance 
of  the  Lord's  Supper;  to  those  who  keep  back 
from  a  dread  of  giving  up  the  world  and  being 
bound  to  walk  more  strictly;  to  those  who  keep 
back  from  a  fear  of  not  performing  their  vows^ 
and  of  falling  off.  The  first  are  in  an  awful 
state,  the  latter  have  every  thing  to  encourage; 
exhortation  to  all;  for  all  have  in  some  degree 
the  vows  of  the  Lord  upon  them.  Who,  but 
at  some  period  of  their  lives,  in  some  time  of 
awful  affliction,  some  threatened  stroke  upon 
their  property,  their  reputation,  their  dearest 
relations,  have  called  upon  God,  and  prom- 
ised to  devote  themselves  to  him,  if  he  would 
but  help  them.  Who  but  in  some  threatening 
danger  by  sea  or  by  land;  some  severe  fit  of 
illness;  some  sore  pressure  of  mind  or  body, 
have,  at  some  period  of  their  lives,  in  some 
way  or  other,  taken  the  vows  of  the  Lord  upon 


DIARY.  157 

tJiem;  nay,  every  diy's  mercy  calls  every  day 
for  {gratitude;  and,  above  all,  the  gift  of  God's 
Son,  andtheoffeis  of  salvation,  particularly 
bind  lis  to  it.  A.  very  excellent  sermon,  and 
most  particularly  suited  to  the  state  of  my 
mind.  1  desired  and  attempted  in  the  evening 
to  take  a  survey  of  God's  mercies  to  me,  both 
spiritual  and  temporal.  Of  my  m-any  broken 
vows;  to  beseech  of  Christ  to  undertake  for 
me,  from  a  sense  of  mine  own  inability  to  keep 
holy  resolutions;  with  holy  shame  and  indigna- 
tion did  I  complain  to  my  God  of  the  preva- 
lence of  my  easily  besettint^  sin,  in  spite  of  all 
the  vows  I  had  made  against  it;  most  earnestly 
did  I  pray  to  God  to  take  me  then;  to  remove 
me  that  very  nii^ht,  rather  than  I  should  live 
to  be  the  bond  slave  of  corruption,  or  that  this 
iniquity  should  be  my  ruin. 

I  desire  to  renew  a  vow,  which  I  made  some 
time  ago  to  the  Lord;  namely,  if  the  Lord 
vould  grant  me  a  certain  favor,  which  I  have 
for  some  time  desired  of  him,  (I  hope  accord- 
ing to  his  will,  because  I  have  been  most 
wonderfully  drawn  to  pray  on  the  subject;  and 
when  my  heart  was  bursting  with  grief,  1  have 
felt  such  inward  consolations,  and  received  such 
tokens  for  good  as  could  only  come  from  God,) 

^hich  favor  I  also  desire  of  him,   as   far   as  I 
U 


158  DIARY. 

can  know  myself,  with  sincere  resignation  aud 
■wishes  to  submit  to  his  will,  if  he  should  be 
pleased  to  disappoint  me;  the  vow  I  have 
made,  and  made  in  the  anguish  of  my  soul,  is 
this;  if  the  Lord  shall  be  graciously  pleased  to 
perform  this  thing  for  me,  I  will  keep  two 
days  of  thanksgiving  in  every  year,  so  long  as 
I  shall  live;  on  each  day  giving  to  the  poor, 
and  endeavoring  to  find  out  some  proper  ob- 
ject, thirty  dollars.  Lord!  all  my  goods  arc 
nothing  worth;  and  all  my  life  ought  to  be 
thine,  whether  thou  grantest  or  whether  thou 
withholdest;  but  I  desire  to  do  this,  if  thou 
shalt  give  me  the  opportunity,  as  an  expression 
of  gratitude;  a  bind  upon  my  own  heart  to  re- 
member the  Lord's  mercy;  and  a  means  of 
drawing  my  heart  nearer  to  thee.  In  addition 
to  this,  I  desire  to  keep  two  days  of  humilia- 
tion in  every  year  on  set  days;  to  sit  mourn- 
fully before  the  Lord  of  Hosts,  and  to  humble 
myself  for  those  sins,  which  have  been  as  a 
separating  cloud  between  God  and  my  soul, 
and  may  have  been  the  means  of  keeping  me 
so  long  in  a  state  of  darkness,  perplexity,  and 
anxiety,  known  only  to  my  poor  sorrowful 
heart,  and  to  the  Maker  of  my  frame.  LordI 
have  mercy  on  me,  a  most  miserable  sin- 
ner; and  make  every  path   of  duty  plain   an(3 


DIARY.  159 

siraight  before  my  feet.  What  time  T  am 
afraid,  I  will  call  upon  God;  even  upon  God, 
lliat  performeth  all  things  for  his  people;  O 
may  I  he  one  of  them. 

19th.  Dr.  Keith's  text.  Psalm  Ixxvii,  7,  8, 
3.  "Will  the  Lord  cast  off  for  ever?  and  will 
he  be  favorable  no  more?  Is  his  mercy  clean 
gone  for  ever;  doth  his  promise  fail  for  ever- 
more? Hath  God  forgotten  to  be  gracious;  hath 
he  in  anger  shut  up  his  tender  mercies.'* 

Introduction.  The  frame  of  David's  mind, 
■when  he  penned  this  Psalm;  the  anxious  in- 
quiries of  the  people  of  God,  whenever  his 
<Iispensations  to  them  or  dealings  with  them 
do  not  correspond  with  their  desires;  these 
despairing,  gloomy  thoughts  arise  from  the 
judgment  of  sense,  the  weakness  of  faith;  or 
from  taking  only  a  superficial  view  of  the 
Lord's  doings;  judging  of  things  according  to 
ihcir  present  appearance,  without  adverting  to 
what  may  be  their  final  issue.  We  are  per- 
mitted to  be  in  this  frame,  to  discover  to  us 
the  corruption  and  weaknessofourown  hearts; 
for  the  trying  and  exciting  our  graces;  and 
for  the  glory  of  God.  When  in  this  situation, 
cither  from  the  p!  cssure  of  outward  triiil,  or 
the  anguish  of  spiritual  distress,  we  should  be 
(incourajcd  to  trust  in  God,  and  to  persevere  in 


160  DIARY, 

prayer,  following^  the  example  of  the  woman  of 
Canaan;  instead  of  saying^,  why  will  God  so 
lonj^  refuse  the  desire  of  my  heart;  we  should 
say,  why  should  I  not  continue  to  wait  upon 
God,  who  will  assuredly  grant  me  the  spiritual 
blessings  I  ask;  and  even  not  refuse  uie  the 
temporal  mercies  I  wish  for,  if  they  be  for  my 
good.  Great  encouragement  to  parents  to 
pray  for  the  salvation  of  their  children,  or  of 
any  near  and  dear  friend,  who  is  much  on  their 
hearts.  Persevering  prayer  can  do  wonders. 
The  longer  we  have  waited  for  any  especial 
mercy,  the  more  delightful  will  it  be  to  find 
God  performing  all  things  for  us.  When  God 
hath  heard  the  prayer  of  our  petition,  and 
granted  it  in  some  measure,  we  should  cheer- 
fully acknowledge  it,  and  have  a  new  song  in 
our  mouths,  even  the  praises  of  our  God,  say- 
ing, "Who  is  like  unto  thee,  O  Lord!  among 
the  gods;  who  is  like  unto  thee,  glorious  in 
holiness,  fearful  in  praises,  doing  wonders.'* 

This  sermon  was  wonderfully  suited  to  the 
state  of  my  mind,  and  the  situation  of  my  af- 
fairs. I  have  been  more  than  usually  enlarged 
in  prayer  for  our  ministers  the  past  week;  and 
I  felt  this  morning  as  if  God  had  indeed  sent 
me,  by  our  valuable  Dr.  Keith's  mouth,  a  word 
in  due  season;  mey  God  strengthen  his  hands 


DIARY.  161 

'and  establish  liis  heart,  and  return  sevenfold 
into  his  bosom  his  labors  of  love  among  us. 
iVIay  he  find  God  to  be  to  him,  as  he  described 
him  to  us  this  mornin.^,  by  way  of  encourage- 
ment to  prayer,  the  Father  of  mercies,  and  the 
God  of  all  consolations;  his  God  in  covenant' 
■vvho  overrulcth  all  things  for  the  good  of  his 
people,  and  ^villmake  all  things  work  together 
for  their  best  advantage.  O,  that  I  could  have 
faith  and  patience  to  wait  the  issue  of  every 
trial,  and  not  to  judge  of  the  Lord's  dealings  by 
the  anguish  of  the  present  moment,  remem- 
bering the  example  of  Job;  for  who,  said  Dr, 
Kciih,  could  have  thought  what  designs  of 
mercy  the  Lord  had  for  this  man;  had  they 
beheld  him  deprived  of  his  property,  bereaved 
of  his  children,  smitten  in  his  flesh,  persecuted 
by  his  enemies,  censured  by  his  friends,  and 
even  his  God  wiiting  bitter  things  against 
him;  and  yet  the  latter  end  of  this  man  was  to 
be  better  than  his  beginning. 

Dr.  ilollinshead's  text.  2  Timothy,  iv,  f, 
"I  have  fought  a  good  fight;  I  b.avc  finished 
n^y  course;  I  have  kept  the  faiih."  A  retro- 
spect of  our  past  lives,  a  useful  employment, 
particularly  proper  and  pleasing  in  the  close 
of  life,  if  we  have  the  testimony  of  a  good  con- 
bcicncir,  that  wc  h..ve  feu^htlhe  good  fighl;t« 


162  DIARY. 

fight  tbc  t^ood  fight,  implies  a  life  of  holiness, 
according  to  the  rules  of  the  gospel;  not 
building  on  any  wrong  foundation  or  setting 
up  decent  morality  in  the  room  of  christian 
holiness;  it  implies  also  a  progression  in  sanc- 
tificatlon;  not  to  progress  is  to  decline;  to  fight 
the  gcod  fight  includes  also  perseverance  to 
the  end;  address  to  those  who  have  entered  tl^c 
lists;  and  to  those  who  have  not  yet  begun  the 
warfare. 

SI  St.  My  soul  is  exceedingly  sorrowful  and 
weary,  because  of  sin.  Oh,  that  I  had  wings, 
like  a  dove,  that  I  might  flee  away  and  be  at 
rest.  I  hoped  that  through  grace  I  had  walk- 
ed more  carefully,  more  warily  of  late,  and 
trusted  that,  at  this  season  of  solemnities,  I 
should  be  enabled  to  praise  God,  for  having 
iTiade  a  better  progress  in  religion;  but,  alas, 
within  a  few  days  I  have  fallen  off;  ceased  to 
resist  with  vigor  the  assaults  of  m.y  easily  be- 
setting sin;  and  my  soul  is  full  of  trouble  and 
darkness;  yea,  my  God,  whom  I  have  ofl'cnded, 
hideth  his  face  from  me,  and  I  am  troubled.  Oh 
LordI  have  mercy  upon  me,  rnd  either  give 
me  power  against  sin,  or  full  pardon,  through 
Christ,  for  all  my  past  offences,  and  a  speedy 
entrance  into  that  world,  where  I  shall  never 
§in.     Oh  Lord!  I  am  faint  and  wearv;  I  loathe 


DIARY.  16o 

and  aulior  myself.  Oh,  compassionate  my 
case;  help  me  by  thine  Almighty  power,  and 
let  sin  never  so  reign  in  me  as  that  I  should 
quietly  obey  it. 

^iu,^ust  3d.  Yesterday  was  a  sacramental 
sabbath.  In  the  morning  I  felt  my  heart  so 
bowed  down  under  a  remembrance  of  past  sins, 
and  more  especially  of  sins  recently  commit- 
ted, that  I  was  ready  to  set  myself  down  as  a 
■?ile  hypocrite,  fit  only  fur  damnation,  ripe  for 
Hell,  and  so  utterly  unwortliy  of  eatin^j  with 
the  children  of  God,  that  I  thought  I  must 
have  staid  at  home  in  sorrow,  and  tears,  and  de- 
spair; however,  with  a  trcnibling,fearing,achini^ 
leart,I  went;  Dr.  Hollinshead's  sermon  was  a 
7cry  excellent  and  extensively  encouraging 
one;  but,  alas,  I  fear  I  liave  more  need  of  hav- 
ing my  heart  broken,  than  of  having  it  com- 
forted; for  truly,  I  am  a  great  sinner;  when  I 
considered  my  broken  vows,  my  faithless  en- 
gagements; tliat  I  continue  on  sinning  against 
mercy,  against  love;  sinning  at  this  particular 
tinie,  when  I  am  waiting  on  God  for  answers 
:o  prayer;  and  when  cv<jry  power  of  my  soul 
ought  to  be  engaged  in  his  service;  when  I  felt 
that  my  sins  are  not  trilling  ones,  such  as  the 
weak!\e5s  of  human  nature,  or  the  strength  of 
tcmptulion    might  palliate;    but   that  I    am  a 


164  DIARY. 

wretch,  deserving  of  more  wrath,  and  temporal, 
and  eternal  chastisement,  than  any  creature  ev- 
er was,  who  had  ever  received  one  half  the 
mercies  from  God  that  I  have;  I  was  afraid  to 
make  any  more  resolutions;  afraid  to  hope 
that  ever  I  should  be  better,  and  in  the  dread 
of  myself,  the  inability  which  I  feel  to  walk, 
perfectly  before  my  God,  even  for  one  week, 
the  dread  of  being  a  prey  to  temptation,  and 
the  bond  slave  of  corruption  as  long  as  I 
shall  live,  I  could  only  wish  that  God  would 
be  graciously  pleased  just  to  save  my  soul 
from  hell;  among  the  many  mansions  which  are 
in  his  house  to  appoint  for  me  the  very  lowest, 
and  to  remove  me  from  this  state  of  conflict, 
and  warfare,  where  I  am  so  often  foiled.  Oh, 
my  Saviorl  be  pleased  to  hide  me  in  thy  bosom; 
I  am  more  weak  and  more  wicked  than  any 
thou  didst  ever  undertake  for;  and  if  thou 
leave  mc  one  moment  to  myself,  I  am  lost  for 
ever.  Oh,  dear  Savior!  heal  my  backslidings; 
bring  back  my  wandering  feet,  and  have  pity 
on  the  poorest  wretch  that  ever  came  before 
thee;  above  all  things,  keep  me  from  ever  be- 
ing contented  in  any  state  of  sin;  Oh,  deliver 
me  from  being  contentedly  guilty. 

August  2Sd.  Last  Thursday  a  prayer  socie- 
ty ^Yas  held  at  Dr.  Keith's.     I  hear   there   has 


DIARY.  1(55 

been  one  for  about  a  fortnight  on  Sunday  even* 
ings,  at  Dr.  HolUnshead's.  I  pray  God  ac- 
company them  with  his  blessing  for  the  good  of 
souls  and  the  revival  of  religion;  my  own  mind 
13  not  yet  made  up  about  attending  them;  I 
look  to  God,  who  knowa  all  my  thoughts  and 
all  my  circumstances,  for  direction. 

Se/itemder  7ih.  Three  things  I  have  partic- 
ularly desired  of  the  Lord  at  his  table  yestcr* 
day;  1st.  That  my  easily  besetting  sin  might 
receive  its  death's  wound;  that  I  may  never 
be  under  its  dominion;  or  that  of  any  other  sin; 
yea,  rather  than  I  should  ever  live  in  the  vol- 
untary indulgence  of  any  sin,  that  it  would 
please  God  to  remove  me  from  time  to  eterni- 
ty, if  I  might  but  have  the  lowest  seat  in 
Heaven,  where  I  may  see  his  face  and  never 
sin.  2d.  The  thorough  conversion  of  a  very 
near  and  dear  friend,  uith  such  an  irnerrercnce 
of  Providence  in  some  particular  concerns  of 
theirs  as  may  be  to  me,  if  it  be  his  blessed 
-will,  an  evident  answer  to  prayer.  3d.  That 
my  dear  husband  may  be  preserved  from 
"worldly  entanglements,  and  enabled  so  toman- 
age  his  earthly  affairs,  that  they  may  never  in- 
terfere with  his  heavenly  business;  and  more 
especially,  that  we  may  rather  be  satisfied  with 
a  smaller  portion  of  this  world's   goods,  than 


166  DIARY. 

to  run  the  risk  of  being  greatly  involved.  In 
pouring  out  my  heart  before  God,  these  things 
were  particularly  on  my  mind;  and  I  hope  pre- 
sented through  my  gracious  Intercessor  and 
Mediator  with  some  degree  of  fervor,  of  hope, 
and  of  trust  in  God;  but  something  also  is  nec- 
essary on  my  part,  and  I  desire  grace  to  be 
enabled  to  avoid  the  occasions  of  sin,  more  es- 
pecially of  the  sin  over  which  I  have  so  much 
mourned,  and  against  which  I  did  at  that  time 
so  earnestly  pray.  May  I  call  myself  to  a  daily 
account  what  indulgence  I  have  given  to  this 
iniquity;  what  self  denial  I  have  exercised 
concerning  it,  and  never  leave  watching  and 
praying,  till  God  has  granted  me  some  victory, 
or  removed  me  from  the  land  of  conflict.  For 
the  second  petition  I  will  strive  and  look  to 
Christ  for  help,  to  walk  holily  and  uprightly, 
that  so  those  who  love  me  may  see  nothing  in. 
me,  to  hinder  them  from  entering  on  a  relig- 
ious life.  For  the  third,  my  wish  is  to  man- 
age my  family  affairs  with  discretion;  to  avoid 
extravagance;  to  make  no  unnecessary  de- 
mauds  on  my  dear  and  affectionate  husband, 
that  the  desire  of  largely  supplying  my  wants 
or  wishes,  may  not  be  a  snare  to  him,  to  make 
him  engage  in  large  schemes  for  riches,  and 
to  this  I  feel  particularly  bound  by  my  father's 


DIARY.  167 

.bavin^  becn'pcrmitted  to  give  us  so  small  a  por- 
tion of  his  fortune,  compared  to  what  he  had  de- 
clared to  be  his  intention,  and  on  the  strength  of 
-which  I  lived  less  frugally  in  the  first  years  after 
my  marriage  than  I  should  have  done;  but  who, 
O  LordI  is  sufficient  for   these   things;  not    I, 
a  poor,  weak,  wretched  creature,  whose   daily 
experience  is  an  experience  of  proneness   to 
folly  and  backsliding.     At  thy  feet,  therefore, 
Oh  my  crucified  Savior!  do  I  fall.      Wash  mc 
in  thy  precious  blood.     Graciously  grant  mc 
the  pardon  of  my  past  sins,  and  send  into  my 
heart  the  Holy  Ghost,  the  sanctifier,  that  those 
ihiiigs     for    which    I    have    no   power,   may, 
through   help  obtained  from  Heaven,  be    per- 
formed in  me  and  by  me. 

Sunday,  January  3d^  1796.  Let  me  not  re- 
ceive especial  favor  of  the  Lord  and  fail,  as  I 
have  too  often  done,  to  record  it.  My  God 
gave  me  on  this  day  such  manifestations  of  his 
p;race,  his  power,  his  all  sufficiency,  as  ought 
never  to  be  forgotten.  Exercised  with  inward 
eonfficts  and  with  sorrow  of  heart, under  which 
I  have  groaned  for  near  eleven  months  past,  and 
which  from  some  peculiar  circumstance  have 
cxrccded  in  kind  and  continuance,  all  the 
other  sorrows  of  my  life,  witliout  any  allevia- 
tion in  outward  appearance,   I    drew    near  to 


168  DIARY. 

that  Godj  who  lias  supported  me  from  sinking 
altogether,  and  from  time  to  time  has  granted 
me  such  refreshments  of  grace  as  have  kept 
me  from  utterly  fainting  under  the  pressure 
of  this  affliction,  so  grievous,  so  complicated, 
so  inexplicable  to  any  but  him  unto  whom  I 
have  daily  poured  forth  my  complaint;  yea,  and 
sought  him  also,  in  the  night  season.  Some 
additional  causes  of  sorrow  had  happened  to 
me  within  the  last  week,  which  had  been  also 
causes  of  driving  me  nearer  to  my  only  helper 
and  comforter,  though  with  much  admixture 
of  sin  and  unbelief  on  my  part.  I  had  been 
seeking  of  God,  the  directions  of  his  provi- 
dence, and  the  teachings  of  his  good  Spirit  with 
deep  humiliation  and  with  earnest  desire 
through  the  whole  week;  with  fervent  suppli- 
cation, again  making  known  unto  him  the  re- 
quests which  I  have  so  long  and  so  often  pre- 
sented unto  him;  yet  with  my  whole  soul  de- 
siring also  submission  to  his  will  in  whatever 
way  it  should  declare  itself.  On  the  Sabbath 
morning,  my  soul  panted  after  God;  and  after 
conformity  to  him  witii  inexpressible  desire; 
and  thus  I  went  to  the  sanctuary,  and  there 
Jesus  made  himself  indeed  known  unto  me  in 
the  breaking  of  bread,  and  in  such  manifesta- 
tions of  his  presence  «s  I  rejoice  in  having  eK- 


DIARY.  16Q 

perienced;  but  I  cannot  describe  them  in  any 
suitable  manner;  nevertheless  I  will  record 
them  to  the  glory  of  God's  grace,  and  as  me- 
morials against  my  heart,  should  it  ever  be  so 
treacherous  as  to  forget  them.  Having  pour- 
ed forth  my  soul  unto  God,  and  besought  him 
that  he  would  either  give  me  the  desire  of  my 
heart,  or  bow  my  will  entirely  to  his  will; 
granting  that  I  might  in  very  deed  and  in  very 
truth  be  the  Lord*s,  whatever  should  be  deni- 
ed me.  I  felt  such  an  annihilation  of  self,  such 
a  swallowing  up  of  my  will  in  the  will  of  God, 
that  my  soul  lay,  as  it  were,  prostrate  at  the 
foot  of  the  cross.  It  lay  meekly  and  sweetly 
at  the  feet  of  Jesus,  saying.  Lord!  not  my  will 
but  thine  be  done.  Lord,  let  thy  will  be  done 
in  me,  and  by  me,  and  upon  me.  This  I  know 
I  have  often  said,  and  said  sincerely;  but  then 
I  have  said  it  painfully  and  with  conflict;  but 
now,  I  said  it  with  inexpressible  sweetness  of 
acquiescence,  cheerfully  giving  up  all  to  God, 
though  in  that  all  was  comprehended,  that  for 
which  I  had  been  praying  for  many  months, 
and  believed  myself  praying  according  to  the 
divine  mind,  on  account  of  the  very  great 
dra^\ings  out  of  my  heart  to  pray  in  the  way 
I  did,  and  which  I  could  only   account  for   as 

coming  from  God.    Now  thought  I,  what  is 
15 


170  DIARY. 

the  Lord  about  to  do;  he  is  either  preparing; 
me  for  an  answer  to  prayer,  or  by  some  rough, 
though  right  way,  to  draw  nie  nearer  to  him- 
self. As  yet  in  every  respect  I  walk  in  dark- 
ness, not  knowing  what  the  will  of  the  Lord 
is,  excepting  this,  that  I  am  assured  of  his 
loving  kindness  from  the  communion  which  I 
have  had  with  him  and  with  his  Son  Jesus.  I 
felt  in  this  way  all  the  Sunday,  and  all  the  Mon- 
day; on  Monday  evening,  through  Monday 
night,  and  on  Tuesday  morning,  I  felt  the 
same  resignation,  yet  with  some  degree  of 
trembling,  from  something  which  had  happen- 
ed, expecting  very  soon  to  be  called  to  the 
trial,  which  I  had  so  long  dreaded;  but  on 
Tuesday  the  will  of  God  was  in  some  degree 
manifested  to  me,  and  I  received  such  assur- 
ance about  the  affair  which  has  so  long  per- 
plexed and  bowed  me  down,  that  I  could  hard- 
ly believe  what  I  heard;  and  now  God,  who 
has  done  so  much  for  me,  will  not  leave  his 
work  unfinished.  No,  I  believe  tliat  the  Al- 
mighty God,  who  has  so  far  answered  prayer, 
will  perform  for  me  the  whole  desire  of  my 
heart.  Oh  may  I  not  forfeit  the  continuance 
of  his  mercies,  by  forgetting  this  season  of  his 
loving  kindness;  but  may  I  feel  my  heart 
more  strongly  drawn  than  ever  to  the    Lord; 


DIARY.  171 

may  I  remeniber  the  vows  I  have  made  to  him 
in  the  days  of  my  sorrow;  lament  my  mercy 
deferring  sins,  and  walk  in  holiness  before  him 
all  the  days  of  my  life. 

June  19th,  1796.  Dr.  Keith's  text.  Psalm 
xlvi,  8.  ''Come,  behold  the  works  of  the 
Lord.  What  desolations  he  hath  made  in  the 
earth." 

Dr.  Ho!linshead*s  text.  Luke  xiii,  2,  and  3. 
^'Suppose  ye,  that  these  Galileans  were  sinners 
above  all  the  Galileans,  because  they  suffered 
such  things?  I  tell  you,  nay;  but,  except  ye  re- 
pent, ye  shall  all  likewise  perish.** 

Both  these  sermons  were  on  occasion  of  the 
melancholy  events  of  the  last  week;  a  great 
fire,  and  both  most  excellently  calculated  to 
do  good.  Dr.  HoHinshead  was  in  a  most  par- 
ticular manner  serious,  pathetic,  and  animat- 
ed. Ma^  God  bless  the  pious  labors  of  our 
good  ministers,  and  their  constant  attetition  to 
seize  every  opportunity,  when  the  hearts  of 
their  hearers  are  most  likely  to  be  impressible, 
to  do  the  work  of  the  Lord,  and  preach  his 
word  with  fidelity  and  zeal. 

August  23d.  Eleanor  and  myself  taken  with 
the  fever.  I  had  it  moderately,  but  our  dear 
Eleanor  was  like  to  die;  she  was  brought  low, 
indeed,  and  our  henrts  were  filled  with  anguish 


< 


172  DIARY. 

on  her  account;  but  it  pleased  God  to  give  effi- 
cacy to  the  means  used  for  her  recovery;  a 
fourth  bleeding,  more  copious  than  three  pre- 
ceding ones,  seemed  to  relieve  some  of  the 
most  distressing  and  alarming  sympton\s  she 
labored  under.  I  did  not  hide  her  danger 
from  her,  and  have  since  repeatedly  urged  to 
her  the  propriety  of  devoting  to  God  the  life 
%vhich  he  redeemed  from  the  grave.  Gracious 
God,  enable  me  not  only  to  teach  her,  but  also 
to  walk  unblameably  before  her,  that  my  pre- 
cepts and  example  may  be  in  unison;  and  may 
she  and  all  our  dear  children  be  the  Lord's  in 
deed  and  in  truth. 

Se/itember  iSth.  At  five  in  the  morning, 
Mrs.  Keith  died;  she  was  a  very  good  woman; 
lived  a  religious  life;  and,  as  far  as  the  violence 
of  her  disorder  would  permit,  appeared  to 
bear  her  testimony  to  what  she  had  experien- 
ced of  the  truths  and  comforts  of  religion  to 
the  last. 

18th.  In  the  morning  Dr.  Keith  preached 
to  a  large  congregation  a  very  excellent  and 
moving  sermon,  from  John  xiv,  27.  "Peace 
I  leave  with  you,  my  peace  I  give  unto  you. 
Not  as  the  world  giveth,  give  I  unto  you. 
Let  not  your  heart  be  troubled,  neither  let  it 
be  afraid." 


DIARY.  173 

January  29th,  1797.  I  no  longer  note  the 
texts,  because  my  eldest  daughter  does,  which 
I  think  a  good  means  of  fixing  the  Scriptures 
in  her  memory. 

A''ove7nber29\\\^  1797.  Since  the  death  of  my 
dear  little  Jane,  which  happened  the  last  day 
of  July,  after  two  months  of  anxiety  and  sus- 
pense, I  have  been  in  great  weakness  of  body, 
and  sadness  of  mind.  During  the  last  three 
weeks  of  her  sickness,  I  was  deeply  exercised 
in  soul.  Some  very  especial  sins  and  failures 
in  duty,  were  set  home  on  my  conscience,  and 
in  her  sickness  I  felt  the  rod  due  to  my  de- 
partures from  God,  and  the  uncvcnness  of  my 
walk.  I  endeavoicd  to  seek  the  Lord,  by  deep 
contrition,  confession- of  sin,  repentance,  faith, 
and  prayer.  I  sought  the  Lord  by  day,  and 
spent  almost  every  hour  of  the  night,  that  I 
could  spare  from  nursing,  prostrate  before  him, 
taking  hardly  any  bodily  rest.  I  thought  if  the 
life  of  the  child  should  be  granted  me,  it  would 
be  an  evidence,  that  the  Lord,  for  Christ's 
sake,  had  forgiven  me  those  things,  which,  with 
so  many  tears,  and  with  such  brokenness  of 
spirit,  I  hud  bewailed  before  him;  and  there 
were  appearances  of  her  recovery;  but,  alas, 
how  vain  w eie  my  hopes.  INly  child  was  tak- 
en, and  1  was  plunged  into  the  double  sorrow 
»r5  ' 


174  DIARY. 

of  losing  a  most  cherished  and  beloved   infant, 
and  of  fceUng  the  stroke,  as   a   hiding  of  the 
Lord's  face,  and  a  refusal  to  be  entreated  by  so 
great  a  sinner,     Lordl  I  desire  to  be  humbled, 
and   to  acknowledge  thy   rightful    sovereignty 
over  me  and  mine;  to  lay  my  hand    upon   my 
mouth,  and  my  niouth  in  the  dust  before  thee, 
and  to  say,  Righteous  art  th  lu,  O   Lordl  in  all 
thy  ways,  and  just  in  all  thy  judgments.     Any 
thing  that  is  not  Hell,  is  too  good  for  me;    and, 
therefore,  I  dosire  not  only  to  submit,  but   to 
admire  the  grace  that  leaves  me  untouched  in 
any  part,     f'roni  the  death  of  this  baby,  to  the 
present  hour,  my  body  has  been  in    a  state    of 
great  weakness;  and  with   regard    to  the   soul, 
I  have  walked  in  darkness.  My  will  is  brought 
into  humble  submission  to  the  divine   will,  but 
I  have  had  none  of  those    sensible  manifesta- 
tions of  the  divine    presence    and   consohitions 
of  the  Spirit,  which,  at  some  seasons   of  afflic- 
tion, have  enabled  me,  not  only  to  bow  before 
the  Lord,   but  even  to  rejoice    in    tribulation. 
Other  trials,  of  a  temporal  nature,  I    have  also 
undergone  at  this  time,   and  even    nov/  many 
things  seem  to   be   going  against  me;    yet    I 
would  endeavor  to  hope  in   the    Lord,*  and    to 
stay  myself  upon  the  rock  of  Israel.    Make  me, 
O  Lord!  a  true  saint,  that  I  rnay  fly  with  confi- 


DIARY.  175 

dence  to  the  refuge  of  thy  saints.  Hold  thou 
up  my  goings,  that  my  feet  may  not  slip,  and 
hide  mc  under  the  shadow  of  thy  \viiip;s  till 
these  caUimitics  be  overpast.  I  desire,  O  Lord! 
to  devote  myself  to  thee,  to  beseech  thee  to  be 
my  covenant  God  and  Father  in  Christ.  Ena- 
ble me,  O  my  God  I  to  walk  as  under  the  bonds 
of  the  covenant,  and  in  all  times  of  trouble  and 
sorrow  to  lake  hold  of  covenant  consolations, 
and  to  remember  that  all  shall  work  for  good  to 
those  who  trust  in  thee.  Help  mc  to  look 
back  to  past  experiences;  to  call  to  mind  thy 
former  answers  to  prayer;  and  to  trust  that 
thou,  who  hast  helped  me  hitherto,  wilt  not 
now  forsake  me.  Support  me  under  the  late 
denials  of  answer  to  prayer.  Show  me  any 
unrepented  sin;  discover  to  me  any  indulged 
or  hidden  iniquity,  vhich  may  have  provoked 
thee  to  hide  thy  face  from  me;  and  give  me 
that  true  repentance,  which  consistcth,  not  on- 
ly in  confessing,  but  in  forsaking  sin.  LordI 
thou  knowest  my  present  wants  and  necessi- 
ties; the  burdens  of  my  spirit,  and  every  inward 
grief.  I  desire  to  be  careful  lor  nothing,  but 
in  every  thing  by  prayer  and  supplication  to 
make  known  my  requests  unto  thee.  Grant, 
or  refuse  what  I  imagine  I  want,  as  thou.  O 
Lordj  shall  sec  fit;  only  grant  that,  at  all  times 


176  DIARY. 

and  in  all  seasons,  I  may  walk  as  becometh  a 
true  christian.  O  thou  merciful  High  Priest, 
who  art  touched  with  a  tender  compassion  for 
our  infirmities;  thou  who  makest  intercession 
without  ceasing  for  thy  redeemed  ones,  look 
upon  me  in  this  time  of  trouble.  Thou 
knowest  my  groanings,  and  my  sighs  and  tears, 
are  not  hid  from  thee.  Hear  me  from  Heav- 
en, thy  dwelling  place,  and  when  thou  hearcst, 
have  mercy.  Suffer,  O  Lordl  no  trial  to  befall 
me,  from  which  thou  wijt  not  make  me  a  way 
to  escape,  and  make  me  know  by  renewed  ex- 
perience, if  it  be  thy  blessed  will,  that  nothing 
is  too  hard  for  the  Lord;  that  his  ear  is  not 
heavy  that  it  cannot  hear;  nor  his  hand  shorten- 
ed that  it'cannot  save.  Make  me  to  dread  ev- 
ery sin,  which  might  be  as  a  separating  wall 
between  my  God  and  my  soul.  Oh,  my  God, 
if  it  be  thy  will,  remove  the  pressure  under 
which  I  labor,  or  give  me  that  thorough  resig- 
nation of  mind,  which  it  becometh  the  crear 
ture  to  exercise  toward  its  Creator. 

Oh  Father,  Son,  and  Holy  Ghost,  I  give  my- 
self up  to  thee,  to  be,  and  to  do,  and  to  bear 
whatever  thou  shalt  see  fit  for  me  during  my 
journey  through  life.  Renouncing  all  self 
jrovernment,  I  desire  to  have  my  will  swallow- 
ed up  in  the  divine  will,  and  to  submit  myself 


DIARY.  177 

to  the  rightful  authority  and  the  merciful  dis- 
posal of  the  majesty  of  Heaven,  supremely  de- 
sirin,^  nothing  but  salvation  for  me  and  mine, 
and  persuaded  that  God  will  order  all  things 
better  for  nie  than  I  could  for  myself.  Yet 
since,  Oh  Lordl  thou  dost  not  only  permit  but  en- 
courage us  to  come  nigh  to  thy  throne  of  grace, 
and  to  spread  our  wants  before  thee,  permit  a 
poor  worm  to  claim  this  privilege,  and  to  re- 
lieve her  sorrows  by  pouring  them  out  before 
thee,  and  beseeching  the  interference  of  thy 
mercy  in  her  present  concerns  Doth  God 
care  for  sparrows,  and  will  he  not  care  for  his 
people?  Thou  dost  care,  O  Lordl  ar.d  my 
faith  and  hope  are  in  thee,  that  now,  even 
now,  O  my  Godl  tliou  wilt  show  that,  though 
for  some  months  past,thnu  hast  appeared  to  hide 
thy  face  from  me,  to  reject  me,  and  cover  thyself 
as  with  a  thick  cloud,  on  account  of  my  trans- 
gressions,  thou  wilt  no  longer  break  thy  bruis- 
ed reed,  but  tliat  for  ine,  even  me,  most  un- 
worthy, there  shall  be  a  gracious  revival,  m 
merciful  and  providential  lifting  up. 

Shall  not  the  Judge  of  the  whole  earth  d© 
right.  O  yes,  he  will.  Shall  not  he,  who  free- 
ly gave  his  own  Son  for  us,  deal  kindly  by  his 
redeemed  ones.  Oh  yes,  he  will.  Be  not) 
therefore,  cast  down,  Oh,  my  soul,  neither   b'c 


178 


DIARY. 


thou  disquieted  within  me,  for  I  shall  yet  praise 
him,  who  is  the  light  of  my  countenance  and 
my  God;  yea,  I  will  even  now  praise  him,  for 
whether  he  gives  or  takes,  he  is  still  my  Godj 
and  seeing  the  whole,  while  I  see  only  in  part, 
will  always  do  better  for  me  than  I  could  for 
myself. 

Resolutions  made  at  this  time. 

To  watch  against  my  easily  besetting  sin. 

To  read  the  word  of  God  with  more  medita- 
tion. 

To  lift  up  my  heart  to  the  Lord,  whenever  I 
awake  in  the  night. 

To  encourage  religious  conversation  in  the 
family  on  all  fit  occasions,  particularly  with  my 
beloved  Miss  Futerell. 

To  be  more  watchful  and  earnest  in  inward 
and  ejaculatory  prayer. 

To  be  much  in  prayer  for  my  dear  husband, 
and  to  endeavor,  to  be  to  him  a  useful  as  well 
as  a  loving  wife. 

To  endeavor  to  see  the  hand  of  God  in  every 
thing,  and  to  undertake  nothing  without  a  de- 
pendance  on,  and  a  seeking  of  his  blessing. 

Not  to  let  a  spirit  of  indolence  get  the  better 
of  me  in  the  education  of  my  children;  and  in 
this  matter,  may  God  most  especially  help  me; 
lor  I  find  when  any  thing  presses  much  on  my 


DIARY.  1T9 

mind,  I  am  very  apt  to  be  listless  and  inactive 
in  the  duty  which   I  owe  them. 

February  3,  1799.  So  far  as  I  know  my  own 
heart,  I  think  I  desire  resignation  to  tl\e  divine 
will,  more  than  I  desire  any  earthly  good.  I 
have  some  temporal  affairs  pressing  on  my 
mind,  and  am  hanging  on  Providence  for  the 
events  of  the  two  ensuing  days.  Yet  I  trust; 
that  a  desire  to  live  to  God,  and  to  grow  in 
grace,  are  still  greater  anxieties  with  me,  than 
any  worldly  concerns;  yet  the  Lord,  who 
knowcth  our  frames,  and  considereth  of  what 
we  are  made,  and  is  well  acquainted  with  our 
different  temperaments  and  constitutions,  sees 
that  I  am  not  wholly  devoid  of  agitation;  but  I 
trust,  he  also  sees  that  it  is  of  that  chastened 
kind,  and  in  that  degree  not  inconsistent  with 
sincere  piety,  and  trust  in  himself.  Indeed  I 
hope  I  may  even  say  that  I  feel  holy  joy  in 
God,  and  a  thorough  conviction  that  he  will  do 
all  things  well.  Hitherto  he  hath  helped  me, 
and  he  will  not  now  forsake  me.  He  hath 
cared  for  my  soul,  he  will  not  be  unmindful  of 
my  lesser  concerns.  He  haih  prepared  my 
heart  to  pray,  he  will  surely  hear  my  cry.  I 
am  so  ignorant,  even  of  what  would  be  good  for 
me,  that  it  is  my  glory  to  put  my  trust  in  his 
wisdom;  so  weak,  that  I  rejoice  in  his  power; 


180  DIARY. 

SO  blind  that  I  am  thankful  to  be  guided  Uy 
^hiiTi.     If  he  chooses  to  grant  that  which  I  de- 
sire, to  his  praise  shc.ll  it  be  recorded.      If  he 
withhold  it,  still  will  I  joy  in  tny  God,  and  be 
satisfied  that  it  is  just  as  it  should  be;    only,  O 
Lord!    while  the  suspense  lasts,  be  pleased  to 
keep  me  from  unprofitable  dejections;  to  pre- 
serve me  in  an  evenness  of  riiind  and  cheerful- 
ness  of  temper,  becoming   a   christian,    and 
worthy  a  follower  of  the  Lamb.    Bless  my  very 
dear   husband;    point   out   to  him  the  path  of 
duty;  make  all  his  way  plain;  bring  him  through 
these  worldly  perplexities;  make  me  a  comfort 
and  blessing  to  him  and  to  his  children,  while 
my  life  is  prolonged;  and  so  help  him  in  his 
difficulties  and  trials,  that  he  may  say,  this  is 
the  Lord's  doing,  and  it  is  marvellous  in  our 
eyes.     O   Lord,   I   commit  all   to  thee;   thou 
knowest  my  groanings;    thou  seest  my  heart; 
my  trust  is  in  thee;  my  case  is  cast  upon  thee. 
I  will  hide  me  under  the  shadow  of  thy  v  ings, 
until  these  calamities  be  overpast.   Thy  mercy 
hatli  been  often  experienced,  it  will  not  now 
fail  me.  What  time  1  am  afraia,  I  will  call  upon 
^hee.    In  God  is  my  trust;  in  his  hands  are  the 
hearts  of  all  men.      I  will  not  then  fear  what 
man  can  do.     May  he  er.able  us  lo  be  just  and 
upright  to  all,  and  not  permit  any  to  oppress 
and  be  hard  to  us. 


DIAUY.  181 

March  14,  1801.  Oh,  my  God,  I  desire  this 
day<  not  only  solemnly  to  renew  my  covenant 
^vith  thee,  that  covenant  which  has  so  long 
been  all  my  salvation  and  all  my  desire;  but 
also  to  open  my  heart  to  those  consolations 
which  it  affords,  and  particularly  at  this  time, 
as  having  all  m.y  concerns  for  time  and  for 
eternity  in  thine  hands;  and  to  look  up  to  thee 
for  that  direction  w  hich  my  circumstances  re- 
quire, and  which  none  but  thou  canst  suitably 
give.  As  it  is  a  time  of  perplexity  and  diffi- 
culty wiih  nie,  let  it  be  also  a  time  of  faith  and 
prayer.  Known  unto  thee,  O  Godl  are  all  my 
Avays,  and  unto  thee  do  I  commit  them.  Let 
thy  Providence  protect  me;  let  thy  good  Spirit 
guide  me,  that  in  the  issue  of  these  events,  I 
may  sec  cause  to  admire  thy  grace  and  good- 
ness, and  to  add  another  Ebcnezer  to  my  past 
sweet  experiences  of  thy  fatherly  care  and 
overruling  wisdom;  and  to  chide  my  heart,  that 
it  should  ever,  for  a  moment,  doubt  thy  compas- 
sions, or  despond  under  thy  merciful  chastise- 
ments. Bless,  O  bless  my  dear  husband;  give 
him  the  light  and  direction  which  he  needs;  be 
thou  his  strong  tower  of  defence  in  every  time 
of  trouble;  enable  me  to  be  a  comfort  to  him, 
during  our  joint  pilgrimage  on  earih,  and  give 

us  finally  to  be  made  partakers  of  those  eternal 
16 


182  3D1ARY. 

joys,  ill  the  hopes  of  which  our  light  and  BQ.Q- 
mentary  afflictions,  by  thy  supporting  grace, 
niay  be  calmly  and  steadily  borne,  so  long  as 
thou  shalt  see  meet  to  continue  them.  O  Lord, 
"who  givest  liberally  to  those  who  ask,  and  that 
w  ithout  upbraiding,  give  us  the  wisdom,  pru- 
dence, and  discretion  so  especially  necessary 
to  us  in  our  present  affairs.  Help  thou  us,  and 
so  shall  we  be  helped;  leave  us  not,  neither 
forsake  us,  for  in  thee  is  our  trust. 

March  5,  1802.  On  looking  into  this  book, 
1  see  it  is  near  a  twelvemonth  since  I  have 
noted  in  writing,  any  of  the  Lord's  dealings 
Avith  me;  yet  surely  my  heart,  with  grateful  re- 
rncmbrance,  looks  back  on  many  trials  gone 
through;  on  many  mercies  received.  In  all 
the  perplexities  of  our  situation,  how  good  has 
God  been,  not  only  to  hold  our  souls  in  life, 
but  to  give  the  enjoyment  of  vigorous  health 
to  my  dear  husband  and  family,  that  we  have 
neither  had  the  additional  expenses  nor  the  ad- 
ditional anxieties  of  sickness  to  our  other  cares, 
and  in  the  midst  of  cares,  how  graciously 
have  I  been  supported  and  assisted.  In  times 
of  greatest  need,  how  has  God  helped!  He  has 
first,  by  his  grace,  helped  me  to  a  contented 
and  cheerful  mind,  and  then  by  his  providence 
wonderfully    supplied    my    returning    wants. 


DIARY.  183 

When  I  have  hardly  known  how  to  turn  under 
outward  pressure  and  difficulty,  and  when  all 
human  refuge  seemed  to  fail  mc,  the  Lord  has 
shewn  that  he  cared  for  me,  and  enabled  me  to 
pour  forth  tears  of  thanksgiving,  after  my  tears 
of  supplication.  Nor  will  he  now  leave  and 
forsake  mc.  IVIy  faith  and  hope  in  him,  are 
grounded  on  his  own  precious  words  of  prom- 
ise, and  my  sweet  and  long  experience  of  their 
truth.  My  God  has  not  taken  care  of  me  so 
long  to  leave  me  to  perish  at  last,  cither  by  my 
own  folly,  or  by  the  hands  of  others.  He  will 
humble,  because  it  is  for  our  good;  but  in  due 
time,  he  will  lift  me  up  again.  Yesterday  I 
was  full  of  thought  and  care.  No  provisions  in 
the  house;  sundry  little  domestic  debts  of  ab- 
solute necessity  to  be  paid.  I\Iy  dear  friend 
and  husband  full  of  business  in  tiie  way  of  his 
profession,  but  no  money  coming  in  I  was 
reading  the  Bible;  my  mind  wandered  to  the 
state  of  my  finances;  and  I  thought  with  my 
house  full  of  dear  children,  what  am  I  to  do;  I 
answered  to  myself,  put  your  trust  in  God,  try 
to  make  out,  by  some  exertion  of  your  own, 
without  perplexing  your  dear  husband;  and 
even  if  some  sharp  pin^chi.ig  should  be  be- 
fore you,  be  satisfied  to  bear  it;  it  will  be  for 
the  good  of  your  soul.     What  do  you  read  your 


1B4  DIARY. 

Bible  for,  but  to  fetch  from  it  instruction  and 
consolation,  suited  to  all  your  circumstances* 
Presently  my  husband  called  me  and  gave 
me  a  sum  more  than  sufficient  for  the  immedi- 
ate wants  of  the  day,  and  the  payment  of  those 
domestic  debts,  which  lay  heavy  on  my  mind; 
saying,  at  the  same  time,  "this  money  has  come 
from  a  most  unexpected  quarter;  indeed  from 
a  man  who  had  even  said  he  would  not  pay, 
and  now  at  this  early  hour  of  the  morning; 
when  I  was  not  thinking  of  it,  he  has  brought 
this  money."  And  now  let  an  infidel  call  this 
a  lucky  chance,  if,  when  he  had  no  money  to 
provide  for  a  large  family,  an  unexpected  sup- 
ply should  come  to  his  hands;  but  let  me  fall 
down  and  worship  before  the  Lord,  and  say,  Oh 
thou!  that  hearest  and  answerest  prayer,  unto 
thee,  in  every  necessity  of  soul  and  body,  will  I 
come.  This  is  but  one  instance  of  manifold 
interventions  of  Providence  which  1  have  ex- 
perienced, and  which,  although,  not  written 
down  in  books,  are  deeply  engraven  on  my 
heart,  and  treasured  up  in  my  memory;  and. 
Oh  thou,  who  hast  been  pleased  to  provide 
necessary  food  for  my  family,  vouchsafe  also, 
to  feed  our  souls  with  the  bread  of  life.  I  trust 
to  sit  down  tomorrow  at  thy  table.  Oh  give  the 
TYieat   which   endureth   unto   everlasting   iifej 


DIARY.  185 

enable  me  to  feed  by  faith  in  my  heart  on  the 
precious  body  and  blood  of  my  dear  Redeemer* 
the  purchaser  of  every  mercy,  spiritual  and 
temporal.  Be  also  with  my  dear  husband,  on 
this  sweet  and  solemn  occasion;  be  with  my 
dear  Miss  Futerell;  and,  although  absent  in 
body,  may  she  have  spiritual  communion  with 
her  dear  Savior,  and  with  his  people.  Be  with 
my  dear  children,  dispose  their  young  hearts 
to  receive  divine  truth,  and  may  they,  by  thy 
restraining  providence,  and  by  an  early  conver- 
sion, be  saved  from  youthful  follies,  and  made 
pillars  in  the  temple  of  our  God, 

June  1,  1803.  Some  sore  disappointments 
have  happened  to  us  in  temporal  matters  within 
a  fortnight  past,  and  from  quarters  most  unex- 
pected, especially  by  my  dear  husband;  but 
what  then;  is  the  Lord's  hand  at  all  shortened, 
that  it  cannot  save,  or  his  ear  heavy,  that  it  can- 
not hear?  Oh  no.  Be  pleased,  Oh  our  gracious 
Godl  to  keep  us  from  separating  sins,  and  to 
enable  us,  by  humble  prayer  and  faith,  to  make 
our  supplications  known  unto  thee;  and  then» 
though  every  door  on  earth  sliould  appear  to 
be  shut,  thou  wilt  open  the  very  windows  of 
Heaven  in  our  behalf,  and  pour  down  blessings 
in  such  measure  and  manner  on  us,  as  shall  be 
most  for  our  good  and  thy  glory.  Lord,  thou 
•16 


186  DIARY. 

knowest  how  mournfully  I  am  now  sitting  be- 
fore ihee;  but  OI  let  not  eaniily  anxieties  eat 
out  the  heart  of  spiritual  duties;  let  not  my 
poor  soul  starve,  but  feed  me  vath  the  bread  of 
lite,  however  pinched,  however  perplexed, 
however  bedimed  up  and  uneasy  my  ways  may 
be  in  other  matters.  Oh  my  Heavenly  Father! 
my  past  experience  teaches  me  to  rely  on 
thee.  Thou  wilt  clear  up  this  darkness,  thou 
wilt  dissipate  this  providential  cloud,  and  ena- 
ble me  to  say  again,  tb.e  Lord  hath  helped  me* 
Oh,  give  me  resignation  and  humility  to  wait 
thy  time,  and  be  satisRed  with  thy  way.  Oh 
help  to  maintain  a  cheerful  conversation  be- 
fore my  dear  husband,  that  I  may  be  a  help 
and  no  hinderance  to  him. 

Lord,  hear  and  help  thy  poor  afflicted,  bowed 
down  and  tempest  tost  servant,  and  make  all 
these  things  work  for  good  to  my  poor  soul. 

June  5,  1803,  Lord,  how  shall  I  praise  thee; 
wherewithal  shall  I  come  before  God,  tlie  God 
of  my  mercies.  My  sou!  is  filled  with  thank-» 
fulness,  and  my  mouth  v.ith  praise.  Oh  now 
let  my  life  be  holiness,  and  let  me  remember 
the  vows  of  the  Lord,  which  are  upon  me  in 
the  day;  when  I  cried  unto  thee,  thou  heardest 
me,  and  strengthenedstme  with  strength  in  my 
soul.     When  my  spirit  was  bowed  down  under 


DIARY.  187 

the  pressure  of  worldly  afiliction,  thou  hast 
supported  me,  thou  hast  enabled  me  to  cast 
all  my  care  on  thee,  and  thou  hast  relieved 
that  care;  in  the  hour  of  extremity  thou 
hast  appeared  for  us,  and  when  our  way  seem- 
ed hedged  up  with  difiicultics,  thou  hast  mani- 
fested thy  gracious  Providence,  and  made  us 
to  receive,  as  an  especial  answer  to  prayer, 
what,  under  oilier  circumstances,  our  thought- 
less hearts  mip:ht  have  received  as  an  occur- 
rence in  the  common  course  of  things.  Let 
this  favor  never  be  obliterated  from  my  heart; 
let  me  record  it  to  thy  glory  and  my  comfort; 
and  when  I  look  back  on  my  last  writing,  and 
on  this  let  me  feel;  truly  God  is  good  to  Israel, 
and  let  me  most  eariiestly  desire  to  be  upright 
in  heart.  Lord,  go  on  to  help  us;  to  help  my 
dear  husband.  Have  we  net  only  received 
earthly  good  at  thy  hands,  but  have  our  souls 
also,  been  fed  with  the  bread  of  life,  and  our 
hearts  made  joyful  with  the  cup  of  salvation. 
Oh  that  in  the  strength  of  such  provision,  wc 
may  go  on  our  way  with  diligence,  and  alac- 
rity; and  seek  to  grow  in  grace,  and  to  have 
our  conversation  as  becometh  the  gospel  of 
Christ. 

ScfitcDiber  ISn,  1805.      Pressed   by  care,  sur- 
rounded by  difficulties,  and  in  sore  perplexity 


188 


DIARY. 


from  some  domestic  circumstances,  I  come  to 
thee,  O  my  God,  who  hast  commanded  us  to 
cast  all  our  care  on  thee,  and  to  draw  nigh  to 
thee  in  every  time  of  trial.  To  thee,  O  my 
Heavenly  Father!  have  I  long  since  devoted 
myself,  and  I  now  desire  to  renew  the  dedica- 
tion. To  call  thee  my  Father  and  lo  be  sub- 
missive; to  call  Christ  my  Savior,  and  trust  in 
his  mercy;  the  Holy  Spirit  my  comforter,  and 
to  rejoice  in  his  consolations.  Lord,  thou 
knowest  all  my  desire,  and  my  groaning  is  not 
hid  from  thee.  Oh  let  my  sorrowful  sighing 
come  before  thee,  and  hear  thou  the  prayer  of 
the  afflicted.  In  every  event,  O  Lord,  make 
me  to  remember  that  I  have  sworn,  and  that  I 
cannot  go  back,  and  that  having  chosen  the 
Lord  for  my  portion,  and  desired  him  above 
earthly  good,  I  must  be  satisfied  with  all  that 
he  appoints,  and  never  murmur  at  what  his  will 
permits.  Only,  Lord,  do  thou  be  pleased  to 
bear  me  up,  for  I  have  no  strength  to  be  re- 
signed, except  thou  give  it  me;  therefore,  I 
jook  up  unto  thee  for  that  calmness  and  sub- 
mission, which  I  desire  to  feel  under  every  try- 
ing circumstance.  Dark  as  my  situation  now 
seems,  thou  hast  but  to  say,  "Let  there  be 
light,"  and  there  shall  be  light.  Since  it  was 
not  beneath  thy  condescension  to  create  me,  to 


DIARY.  189 

■save  me,  and  hitherto  to  preserve  me,  it  will 
not  be  beneath  thy  condescension,  now  to  help 
me  accordint;  to  my  necessities;  thou  wilt 
cither  send  relief,  or  p^ive  grace  to  bear.  Oh, 
give  me  humility  to  suffer  what  thou  shalt  ap- 
point, and  wisdom  to  know  how  to  act  accord- 
ing to  the  necessity  of  my  situation.  Let  thy 
Spirit  teach  me;  let  thy  Providence  assist  me> 
make  me  to  know  the  path  of  duty,  and  dili- 
gently to  walk  in  it;  siiffcr  mc  not  to  grope 
about  in  darkness,  nor  to  be  a  prey  to  the  rest- 
lessness of  my  own  spirit;  but  give  me  some 
gracious  directions  to  point  out  to  me  the  right 
way  of  duty,  and  of  safety.  Oh  Lord,  help  me, 
for  I  am  very  weak;  and  my  only  hope  and 
trust  is  in  thee. 

J^ovember  1,  1805.  "Be  still  and  know  that 
I  am  God  "  I  desire,  O  Lord!  to  be  still,  and  to 
know  that  thou  art  God;  so  to  know  it  as  to  be 
quiet  before  thee,  and  even  to  preserve  a  holy 
cheerfulness,  seeing  the  same  word  wiiich  pro- 
claims thy  sovereignty,  and  commands  our  sub- 
mission, says  also,  "God  is  our  refuge  and 
strength,  a  very  present  help  in  trouble;"  and 
surely  I  have  often  found  thee  so;  and  now  al- 
though my  worldly  concerns  be  not  so  as  na- 
ture could  desire,  and  every  outward  aspect 
is  gloomy  and  cheerless;   yet  let  this  be  all  my 


1§Q  DIARY. 

salvation,  all  my  desire,  all  my  comfort,  that 
there  is  a  covenant  well  ordered,  and  sure;  the 
God  of  the  covenant  an  unchanging  God.  1 
therefore  come,  and  bring  my  burdens  to  the 
foot  of  the  cross.  He  who  died  for  me,  will  never 
^eave  nor  forsake  me;  and  in  every  event  will 
order  matters  so  as  shall  be  best  for  my  soul's 
salvation,  which  is  always  the  greatest  concern. 
In  temporal  things,  what  time  I  am  afraid,  I 
■will  trust  in  him;  I  will  make  known  to  him 
by  prayer  and  supplication,  my  requests,  with 
thanksgiving  for  past  mercies,  and  a  holy  confi- 
dence for  what  is  to  come.  I  am  now  prepar- 
ing to  draw  near  to  his  holy  table  in  a  few  days. 
Let  not  earth  keep  out  heaven;  let  not  spiritual 
duties  be  cramped  or  spiritual  joys  hindered 
by  anxious  cares  for  this  world.  Fed  by  the 
bread  of  life,  let  me  be  strong  to  run  my  race 
of  duty,  or  ot  sufferin^g;  and  drinking  of  the 
wine  of  heavenly  consolation,  let  my  sorrowful 
spirit  be  comforted,  and  all  my  concerns  be 
trusted  with  him,  to  whom  with  joy  and  confi- 
dence I  have  trusted  my  soul.  The  Lord  can 
dear  the  darkest  skies;  nothing  is  too  hard  for 
Omnipotence.  Perplexed  as  my  dear  husband's 
affairs  seem;  humble  and  painful  as  seem  my 
own;  let  the  Lord  but  speak,  and  he  shall  be 
relieved;  let  him  but  order  and  I  shall  be   sue- 


DIARY.  191 

cored.  Do  I  know  God  to  be  so  able,  do  I 
trust  in  him  as  my  God;  and  shall  I  not  be  sat- 
isfied that  his  will  will  concur  with  his  power, 
if  it  be  right  for  us.  I  desire  to  be  so.  Par- 
don, O  Lord!  my  sinful  reluctances  to  bear 
the  cross;  and  whenever  my  spirit  is  disposed 
to  rebel,  or  murmur,  give  me  such  a  view  of 
my  Hell  deserving  sins  as  shall  keep  me  very 
humble,  and  strike  me  into  a  holy  silence  be- 
fore thee.  Lord,  I  leave  my  wants  and  my  de- 
sires with  thee,  and  in  my  present  great  trials 
more  cut  off  from  outward  comfort  than  I  have 
ever  been  before^  I  desire  to  draw  the  nearer 
to  thee,  the  all  sufficient  God. 

J\''jvtmber  2,  1805.  "For  I  will  remember 
mine  iniquity,  I  will  be  sorry  for  my  sin."  For- 
sake me  not,  O  Lord,  my  God,  be  not  far  from 
me;  "give  ear  unto  my  cry,  and  hold  not  thy 
peace  at  my  tears.'*  Our  -worldly  affairs  arc 
very  much  perplexed.  My  dear  husband  is 
pressed  by  creditors  and  disappointed  by  debt- 
ors. All  these-things  pressing  upon  feelings, 
naturally  irritable,  and  meeting  with  a  consti- 
tution much  enfeebled,  make  it  very  necessa- 
ry, and  very  comfortable  for  me  to  draw  near 
to  God,  the  friend  of  the  friendless,  the  hearer 
of  prayer,  the  helper  of  the  distressed.  I  de- 
sire at  this  time  to  draw  near  to  him  in  a  peni- 


19^  DIARY. 

tential  confession  of  sin,  and  to  have  sin  brought 
to  my  remembrance.  This  I  hope  will  be  one 
means  of  mitigating  suffering;  for  now,  Loid> 
after  all  that  is  come  upon  me,  "this  is  less 
than  my  iniquities  deserve;**  will  keep  down 
repining,  and  especially  by  considering  that 
these  chastisements  may  be  the  very  means  by 
which  my  Heavenly  Father  sees  fit  to  keep  me 
in  "the  right  way.**  Lord,  I  call  upon  thee  for 
help  in  my  outward  trials;  but  1  desire  earnest- 
ly, to  seek  deliverance  from  sin.  Lord,  help 
me  to  provide  for  my  children,  help  me  to 
teach  them  the  way  of  salvation,  and  give  them 
grace  to  seek  it  for  themselves,  and  to  devote 
themselves  to  God  in  early  life.  If  thou  per- 
mit me.  Lord,  to  draw  near  to  thy  holy  table 
tomorrow,  I  will  carry  with  me  my  outward 
burdens,  sorrows,  and  wants;  I  will  cast  them 
at  thy  feet.  I  will  pray  thee  to  support  me  un- 
der them;  to  give  me  some  suitable  and  con- 
venient relief  from  them,  and  say,  "thou  who 
feedest  me  with  thy  flesh,  and  cheerest  mc 
with  the  wine  of  the  covenant,  wilt  not  refuse 
for  me,  and  my  household,  what  shall  be  need- 
ful for  us."  I  will  also  carry  the  heavy  load 
of  my  sins;  I  will  say,  here  Lord,  is  the  cause 
of  my  sorrow,  here  was  the  cause  of  thy  sufTer- 
ing.     Oh  thou,  who  hast  carried  our  sorrows, 


UIAKV.  19 


o 


and  borne  our  iniquities,  deliver  mc  from  this 
burden.  Pardon  the  follies  of  my  youth;  the  sins 
of  my  riper  years;  the  hourly  transgressions  of 
my  life.  Let  me  never  complain  of  the  bur- 
den of  suffering,  ^vhile  I  remember  my  multi- 
plied iniquities,  but  rather  wonder  at  the 
Lord's  grace,  and  long  suffering,  and  admire 
his  goodness,  -who  by  the  chastisement  of  his 
love  is  driving  me  to  Heaven,  when  by  the 
strokes  of  his  wrath,  he  might  long  since  have 
driven  mc  to  Hell. 

.Yo-^eniber  24.  I  have  been  endeavoring,  for 
some  time  past,  to  walk  in  penitential  humility 
before  God;  and  as  it  is  a  day  of  adversity  with 
me  to  moke  a  suitable  improvement  of  it,  by 
making  it  also  a  time  to  consider.  Blessed  be 
God,  that  it  has  'oeen  with  me  a  good  time;  a 
lime  in  which  I  have  found  it  good  for  mc  to 
draw  near  to  my  God  by  contrition;  for  I  trust 
he  hath  drawn  near  to  mc  in  a  w  ay  of  mercy; 
supported  me  in  outward  trials;  and  given  me 
strong  desires  after  holiness.  He  hath  also 
shown  n^e  providential  favois,  and  from  day  to 
(lay  supplied  our  returninp;  v.ants,  and  smooth- 
ed aomc  of  my  outward  dilnculties.  JMy  soul 
desires  to  praise  him  for  the  past;  to  be  saiis- 
fff-d  for  the  presciU;and  to  trust  him  for  the  fu- 
ture He  v.ill  not  leave  m-^  nor  forsake  xw^". 
17 


194  DIARY, 

I  am  filled  with  self  reproach,  that  having  God 
for  my  Father,  I  should  ever  give  way  to 
gloomy  apprehensions.  Lord,  I  commit  ail  to 
thee;  thou  knowest  my  spiritual  necessities; 
thou  knowest  my  outward  pressures.  I  desire 
to  be  still,  and  trust  in  thee  my  ever  present 
help  in  time  of  need;  and  with  myself  I  com- 
mit to  thee,  at  this  time,  those  for  whom  I  am 
particular!)  interested.  Help  my  dear  hus- 
band. Bless  my  dear  children  ,  present  and  ab- 
sent, and  others  whom  I  desire  now  particular- 
ly to  intercede  for.  Bless  our  ministers,  and 
reward  them  for  their  faithful  labors.  May 
Dr.  Keith  enjoy  the  consolations  with  which 
he  endeavored  to  comfort  mourners  on  the 
past  sabbath.  Help  me  at  all  times  to  trust 
in  thee,  and  all  times  to  praise  thee;  and  help 
me  every  day  to  do  the  business  of  the  day,  ac- 
cording to  my  best  ability;  and  supply  me  by 
thy  mercy  with  that  measure  of  knowledge, 
improvement,  and  strength,  which  may  enable 
me  to  do  my  duty  in  that  state  of  life,  to  which 
thou  art  pleased  to  call  me. 

25th.  Lord,  whatever  else  1  want,  let  me  not 
want  the  joy  of  thy  salvation;  if  it  be  thy  blessed 
will.  Jet  not  my  spiritual  sky  be  darkened,  but 
favor  me  with  the  light  of  thy  countenance. 
Under  much  outward  tria^,  I  have  lived  happi- 


DIARY.  1^5 

Jy,  and  walked  cheerfully,  because  thy  face  did 
shine  upon  me;  but  I  feel  now  under  some 
spiritual  dejection,  some  inward  darkness. 
Oh  my  Father!  if  it  be  only  for  trial,  and  to 
teach  me  my  dependance  upon  thee,  I  desire 
to  submit,  and  to  rejoice  in  the  very  hidings  of 
thy  face;  if  they  keep  me  humble  and  train  me 
up  for  glory;  but  I  am  afraid  of  sin.  Search 
me,  O  Lordl  and  try  me,  and  enable  me  to  try 
myself,  and  to  see  if  there  be  any  allowed  evil 
way  in  me  that,  I  may  resist  it,  and  lead  thou 
me  in  the  way  everlasting.  Let  no  unrepcnt- 
ed  guilt;  no  cherished  iniquity;  no  neglected 
duty  cause  thee  to  hide  thy  face  from  me,  or 
separate  between  my  God  and  me.  Oh,  Lord! 
I  cannot  do  without  tliec;  thou  hast  called  me 
to  do  without  many  that  I  loved.  I  have  en- 
deavored to  bow  the  head  and  bend  the  heart, 
and  as  the  streams  failed  me,  to  drink  deeper 
of  the  fountain.  Great  has  been  the  trial,  great 
the  efiort;  but  I  have  leaned  upon  my  God.  I 
have  supported  myself  against  his  cross,  who 
for  my  sake  was  a  man  of  sorrows,  and  acquaint- 
ed with  grief.  Strengthened  by  him  1  have 
borne  my  griefs,  and  without  flagging,  done 
the  duties  of  my  station;  but  if  1  have  not  the 
light  of  God's  countenance,  woe  is  me,  I  am 
inidone.     Lord,  I  cannot  do  without   thee.     I 


196  DIARY. 

would  not  do  Avithout  thee.  O  have  niercy 
upon  me,  and  whatever  else  thou  \Vithholdest, 
■withhold  not  thyself.  Pardon  my  sins,  and 
give  me  grace  against  them.  Be  my  God, 
and  the  God  of  mine.  Bless  my  dear  husband, 
and  our  dear  children. 

None  of  them  that  trust  in  thee  shall  be  des- 
olate. Is  this  so;  why  then  are  my  hopes  faint, 
and  my  spirit  cast  down  within  me?  Father  and 
mother  hast  thou  taken  from  me;  the  grave 
covers  the  most  of  those  with  whom  1  kept  up 
much  intimacy;  and  various  providences  have 
changed  the  hearts  of  some  who  yet  remain. 
The  conflict  with  affliction  is  great;  my  hus- 
band is  under  trials  and  straits,  which  make  my 
heart  ache  for  him,  and  for  myself,  as  tenderly 
feeling  and  sharing  in  all  his  griefs.  My  chil- 
dren, though  in  many  respects,  sources  of  great 
delight  tome,  cause  me  also  much  anxiety  for 
their  souls,  and  for  their  future  temporal  wel- 
fare. The  Lord  hath  said  by  his  experienced 
servant,  "none  of  them  that  trust  in  thee,  shall 
be  desolate."  Surely,  Lord,  I  trust  in  thee, 
for  soul  and  for  body,  for  time  and  for  eternity. 
Let  me  not  then  be  desolate.  Save  me  from 
all  sinful  anguish  of  spirit,  and  leave  me  not 
desolate.  Thou  wilt  do  all  that  is  good  for 
mv  soul.     Oh  let  me  be  satisfied  with  whatev» 


DIARY.  197 

er  happens  lo  the  body;  it  is  at  present  a  pain- 
ed body,  the  companion  of  an  anxious  mind; 
yet,  Oh  my  God,  I  desire  to  say  most  sincerely, 
not  my  will,  but  thine  be  done.  I  trust  in  tlieej 
O  leave  me  not  desolate.  Help  me  to  remem- 
ber the  days  that  arc  past,  in  which  thou  hast 
been  my  helper;  and  therefore  still  to  shelter 
myself  under  the  shadow  of  thy  wings.  Sup- 
port my  drooping  mind.  Chase  away  sinful 
anxieties.  Oh  loave  me  not  desolate,  for  re- 
nouncing all  other  hopes,  and  all  other  helps,  I 
desire  to  trust  alone  in  thee,  who  hast  ten 
Thousand  ways  by  which  thou  canst  send  help; 
and  with  regard  to  troul)led  thoughts,  hast  but 
to  say,  peace,  and  they  shall  be  still  in  every 
event,  however  painlul  to  nature.  Lord,  thou 
knowcst  all  my  desire,  and  my  groaning  is  not 
hid  from  thee.  If  this  desire,  and  these  groan- 
ings  are  for  things  which  may^be  profitable  for 
myself,  and  the  persons  concerned.  Oh,  for 
Christ's  sake  grant  them;  but  as  I  am  weak, 
and  sinful,  and  erring,  let  me  cry  for  nothing 
importunately  but  salvation.  Salvation  for  my- 
self and  for  those  who  are  near  and  dear  to  mc 
as  my  ov.n  soul;  and  O  Lordi  let  the  joys 
and  the  hopes  of  this  salvation,  keep  thy  poor 
.servant  from  being  desolate. 
*17 


198  EIARY. 

May^  1806.     "Lord,  teach  us  to   pray;   and 
when  the  Lord  teaches  us  to  pray,  what  a  de- 
lightful and  holy  employment  is  it?    How  is  the 
soul  supported,  strengthened,  comforted  by  thus 
drawing  nigh  to   God,  with  a  prepared   heart.     < 
Teach  us,  Lord,  to  pray;  by  thy  grace,  this  shall 
be   the   prayer  of  faith.     Teach   us  to  pray  by 
thy  providences;    this   shall    be  the   prayer   of 
humble  dependance  on  God,  and  quiet  submis- 
sion to  all  his  appointments.     When   troubles 
assail  us,  this  is  tlie  time  to  pray;  for  God  haS(     | 
promised  to  answer  those  who  call   upon  him 
in  the  time  of  trouble.     Teach  me  then,  Lorda 
to  pray  without  ceasing,   in  the  house,  and  by 
the  way,  at  times  of  leisure,  and  in  the  midst  of     fl 
business;  and  having  my  heart   softened,  com- 
forted, and  quieted,  by  often    drawing  nigh    to 
thee;  in  the  midst  of  adverse    circumstances, 
inward  conflicts,  and  outward  trials,    may  my 
soul  still  find  its  happiness  in    thee,  and   nev- 
er yield  to  unchristian  dejection  or  complain- 
ing. 

"Ye  are  the  lights  of  the  world."  If  this  is, 
said  of  Christ's  disciples  in  general,  how  de- 
fectively must  they  walk,  who  are  not  at  least 
the  light  of  their  own  families.  Oh  my  God^ 
give  me  grace  so  to  walk  bcfoie  mine  as  to, 
bring  no  reproach,  on  the  gospel,  which  I  pre  . 


DIARY.  199 

fcss.  Let  my  dear  husband  find  in  me  a  chris- 
tian friend;  my  children,  a  faithful  instructor, 
reprover,  and  guide;  and  all  of  my  household, 
while  Ihcy  \vitness  my  imperfections,  witness 
also  my  faith,  my  hope,  my  sincerity,  my  de- 
sire and  endeavor  to  walk  uprightly. 

Tuesday.  Oh,  thou  who  givest  songs  in  the 
night  be  pleased  in  the  midst  of  gloomy  fears, 
and  providences  of  distressing  aspect,  to  give 
me  a  holy  cheerfulness  in  thee,  and  the  assur- 
ance of  faiili,  that  after  thus  long  helping,  thou 
wilt  not  now  leave  me.  Salvation  is  of  the 
Lord;  the  salvation  of  the  soul,  and  the  neces- 
sary supports  for  the  body;  my  trust  then  shall 
be  in  the  Lord  for  both.  Fulness  of  grace  is 
•with  Christ,  for  the  poor  soul;  and  for  the 
supplicsof  the  temporal  life,  the  earth  is  the 
Lord's  and  the  fulness  thereof.  Suffer  me 
not,  therefore,  O!  my  God,  to  despair  or  hard- 
ly to  doubt  while  there  is  liberty  of  access  to 
the  fountain  of  all  sufiiciency;  a  fountain  from 
which  my  soul  has  often  been  refreshed  with 
liberal  streams,  and  my  bodily  necessities  sup- 
plied in  surjirising  times  and  ways.  Oh,  that 
these  remembrances  and  a  firm  trust  in  God 
^r.ight  keep  me  calm  and  submissive  under  the 
trouliles  which  now  assail  me.  Oh  that  the 
lliDughts  of  death,  which,  from  the  many  war^r 


200  DIARY. 

ings  I  receive,  oug-ht  to  be  always  present  with 
me,  might  so  engage  my  attention  and  desire 
to  gird  up  my  loins  and  to  trim  my  lamp  as  to 
serve  as  a  counterbalance  to  the  anxieties 
Avhich  possess  my  soul;  yet  in  some  respects  I 
ought  to  be  anxious,  seeing  the  cause  of  my 
anxiety  is  not  so  much  for  myself,  as  for  those 
connected  with  me;  but  then  I  would  have  this 
anxiety,  instead  of  drinking  up  my  spirits, 
keep  me  near  to  God  in  prayer,  for  his  help,  to 
enable  me  to  help  them  and  to  do  every  day 
with  diligence  the  duty  of  the  day.  My  heav- 
enly Father,  my  Father  in  Christ,  I  cast  myself 
on  thee,  and  now  that  I  am  afraid,  I  call  upon 
tliec. 

"And  be  yc  not  of  doubtful  mind,"  These 
are  the  very  words  of  Christ  himself,  and  in- 
clude, I  think,  both  a  command  and  promise. 
Lord  give  me  grace  to  observe  it  as  a  command? 
and  to  rejoice  in  it  as  a  promise;  for  in  the 
keeping  of  thy  commandments  there  is  great 
reward,  and  thy  precious  promises  are  the  sure 
support  of  mourning  souls.  In  what  trouble 
luist  thou  ever  failed  me?  Creature  comforts, 
earthly  dependencies,  have  failed  me;  but  thou 
liast  ever  been  to  me  the  faithful  God:  the  help- 
er of  the  helpless;  my  refuge  in  every  new 
clistress.     Multiplied  have  been  my  distresses 


DIARY.  201 

for  some  years  past,  and  with  much  ado  have  I 
labored  not  so  to  give  up  under  the  pressure  of 
affliction  as  to  be  a  dead  weight  to  my  husband, 
and  useless  to  my  children.  Great  has  been 
God*s  mercy  to  enable  me  to  struggle  without 
repining,  and  with  a  heavy  load  at  heart  to  pre- 
serve a  cheerful  countenance,  and  live  an  active 
life;  now  my  troubles  seem  heavier  upon  me 
than  usual,  my  heart  more  sick,  my  bodily 
strength  more  impaired,  and  now  it  is  that  T 
desire  not  to  be  of  doubtful  mind.  How  many 
times  has  the  Lord  helped  in  days  of  great  dis- 
tress, and  is  his  hand  at  all  shortened;  is  his 
power  lessened,  is  he  not  the  same  yesterday, 
to  day,  and  for  ever?  Be  still,  then,  my  soul,  and 
banish  doubt  and  unbelief.  I  am  a  poor  chang- 
ing creature;  often  returning  to  sin  and  folly, 
often  declining  from  the  steady  path  of  holi- 
ness, and  often  from  the  sure  and  comfortable 
path  of  quiet  waiting  upon  God;  but  he  is  tlic 
Lord,  and  changeth  not;  he  abideth  faithful  and 
cannot  deny  himself  My  trust  is  in  his  mer- 
cy, not  in  my  deservings.  Therefore  with  all 
the  burden  of  my  care  I  cast  myself  on  him, 
with  all  the  perturbations  of  a  mind  open  to  his 
all  seeing  eye.  I  bow  at  his  mercy  scat,  and 
hum!)ly  trust  that  making  known  to  him  all 
jny  wants  by  prayer  and  supplication,  not  for- 


202  DIARY. 

getting  thanksgiving  for    support   under  pas.t 
sufferings  tmcl  resignation  under  present    trial. 
The  Lord  will  provide,   not  for  me  alone,   but 
for  those  nearer  and  dearer  to  me  than  myself. 
Lord,  be  with  my  dear  husband    and   children. 
Known  unto  thee  are  their  respective  tempers 
and  necessities.     Send  mercy  suited   to  each. 
More  especially  may  thy  converting  grace    be 
wi^h  the  children,  and    whatever  else    awaits 
them,  in  this  vale  of  tears,  let  their  s.ouls  live 
before  thee. 

Is  anything  too  hard  for  the  Lord?  No;  then 
if  I  am  not  helped  in  my  present  emergency, 
not  the  Lord's  power,  but  his  will  will  be  the 
cause  that  I  am  not.  i]e  still  then,  my  souli-. 
be  still.  He  is  God  Almighty;  and  his  willj 
shall  concur  with  his  power,  if  it  be  for  thy 
good.  Lord,  I  am  tempest  tossed,  agitated, 
turmoiled,  hardly  able  to  bear  up  under  the 
heavy  load  of  expected  trial,  nor  could  I  in  my 
own  strength.  I  therefore  turn  to  thee  ray 
God  and  Savior,  and  earnestly  crave  thy  help. 
Support  my  mind  during  the  anxieties  of  sus- 
pense, and  fit  me  for  which  soever  way  thy  will 
shall  be  pleased  to  manifest  itself.  The  unbe- 
lieving lord  said  "Jf  the  Lord  would  make,, 
"windows  in  heaven  might  this  thing  be."  But 
I  know,  O  I^ord,  that  if^  piou    wilt  but    speak. 


DIARY.  205 

it  shall  be  done,  and  this  trial  shall  pass  from 
4iie.  All  hearts  are  in  thy  hand;  the  heavens 
•above  and  the  earth  beneath  are  thine.  Thou 
hast  many  ways  more  than  wc  can  imagine, 
by  which  relief  mav  come;  and  I  desire  to  have 
'faith  in  God,  and  to  trust  in  his  providence,  to 
appear  for  me,  in  this  time  of  great  perplexity 
and  painful  an"xicty;  init  I  desire,  O  Lord,  also 
to  be  submissive,  and  to  bear  the  trial,  if  it 
must  come,  like  a  cliristian,  and  to  do  all  I  can 
to  soften  it  to  those  about  me  by  my  gentleness, 
my  cheerfulness,  and  my  humility.  Yet  the 
Lord  not  only  does  not  forbid,  but  he  aliov.s 
us  to  call  upon  him  in  the  time  of  trouble; 
now,  then,  O  Lord,  I  lift  up  my  eyes,  and  I 
stretch  out  my  hands  unto  thee.  Open  some 
door  of  hope,  some  door  of  relief.  In  this  our 
time  of  great  necessity,  exercise  thy  forbear- 
ance and  thy  compassion;  and  although  in  all 
that  we  feel,  and  all  that  we  fear,  thou  dost 
punish  us  les:s  than  our  iniquities  deserve,  add 
this,  O  Lord,  to  thy  many  manifestations  for  us 
in  times  of  difTiculty,  that  the  rod  which  hangs 
over  our  head,  may  by  thine  interposing  provi- 
dence, be  removed.  Oh,  fr.r  christian  com- 
posure; O,  for  a  childlike  submission,  a  calm 
and  humble  frame,  or  that,  at  least,  invard 
conflict  mi'v  not   unfit  mc  for  outward  duty. 


204  DIARY. 

Lord,  I  leave  all  with  thee,  and  that  in  the 
name  of  Christ,  the  only  way  to  the  Father,  and 
the  only  medium  of  mercy,  whether  spiritual 
or  temporal. 

May  4^  1806.  The  providential  mercy  of  God 
did  again  interpose  for  us,  and  the  servants 
whom  we  feared  to  lose,  and  who  feared  to 
lose  us,  are  still  in  our  possession,  and  under 
circumstances  which  give  us  reason  to  hope 
that  they  will  still  continue  in  our  service,  and 
in  their  comfortable  situations. 

JVovtniber.  ''I  will  sing  unto  the  Lord  a  new 
song  for  he  hath  done  wonderful  things  for 
me."  Yesterday  was  a  day  of  peculiar  weak- 
ness of  body  with  me,  and  my  mind  was  also 
much  affected.  I  attended  the  funeral  of  Mrs. 
Nowell,  in  whom  I  had  considerable  interest; 
saw  my  old  friend,  Mrs.  Brailsford,  in  consid- 
erable suffering,  and  had  a  meeting  with  Mrs. 
Joseph  Ramsay,  for  the  first  time,  since  the 
death  of  her  two  daughters. 

On  the  evening  of  this  day,  December  21, 
3  806,1  also  received  a  mercy,  an  answer  of 
prayer,  almost  next  to  miraculous,  a  sum  of 
money  exactly  suited  to  a  particular  engage- 
ment I  had  entered  into  for  the  first  of  January, 
with  more  of  trust  in  the  Lord  than  of  outward 
certainty  about  it.    This  sum  of  money  coming 


DIARY.  205 

Co   me   so   unexpectedly,  with   regard   to   the 
quarter  from  whence  I  received  it,  overcame 
me  perhaps  even  more  than  some  afflictive  cir- 
cumstances have  done;    for   I  felt  as  if  I  had 
no  strength  remaining  in  me,  and  as  if  I  should 
faint  and   die    from  the  minc^led  emotions  of 
surprise,  gratitude,  and  awe.  Oh,  let  the  i^ord's 
name  be  praised,  and  let  all  that  is  within  me 
bless   his    holy  name.      I  have  waited  on   the 
Lord,  by  humiliation,  by  fasting,  by  prayer,  and 
let    this    instance  of    his  goodness,   added   to 
so  many  others,  encourage  me  still  to  wait  up- 
on   him.     I    am  in    great  perplexity,  in  many 
respects,  and   in  many  respects   a  woman  of  a 
sorrowful  spirit;  but  I  will   cast   my  burden  on 
the  Lord,  and  tiust  that  he  will  help  and  direct 
me  in  all  my  way;   and    particularly  assist   me 
and  give  me  the  leadings  of  his    providence, 
and  the  teachings  of  his  Spirit,  in  what  lies  be- 
fore me. 

June  2,  1808.  My  dear  husband,  who  is  cer- 
tainly a  true  believer,  and  a  great  noter  of 
Providence,  having  received  two  dollars  from 
a  casual  patient,  said  to  me,  "here  are  two  dol- 
lars which  I  have  just  got  by  chance."  I  said, 
thank  yc;  but  don't,  at  this  time,  when  \vc  arc 
in  such  want  of  money,  say  that  any  comes  by 

chance.     He  sniiled  with  his  usual  kindness, 
18 


206  DIARY. 

and  said,  I  only  meant  that  I  got  it  frond  a  pass- 
ing and  not  a  stated  patient.  About  two  hours 
after  he  sent  me  up  twenty  dollars,  just  after  I 
had  been  earnestly  praying  that  the  Lord  from 
the  storehouses  of  his  mercy,  would  send  some 
supply  to  my  necessities  and  those  of  my  fam- 
ily, which  were  very  great,  and  covering  t-he 
twenty  dollars  was  the  enclosed  paper,*  which 
I  will  keep  with  this  note  on  it,  to  remind  me 
of  the  great  goodness  of  my  God,  and  this  his 
most  seasonable  answer  to  those  prayers  and 
supplications,  which  I  was  making  before  himj 
with  thanksgiving  for  past  mercieS,  and  hum- 
ble trust  in  his  goodness,  through  my  dear 
Savior's  merits,  for  the  relief  of  my  temporal 
wants  or  the  supplies  of  his  grace  to  keep  me 
quiet  and  humble,  under  losses  and  crosses. 
June  20,  1808.  It  is  of  the  Lord's  mercies 
we  are  not  consumed,  because  his  compassions 
fail  not.  At  about  ten  o'clock  last  night,  while 
the  wind  was  blowing  tempestuously,  from  a 
threatening  thunderstorm,  but  without  rain,  the 
cry  of  fire  from  our  next  neighbor's  was  given, 
and  threw  our  whole  street,  but  particularly 
our  family  into  great   consternation;  the  wind 

*  The  enclosed  paper,  covering  the  twenty  dollai-s  re- 
ferred to,  contai!ie<l  these  words; 

"Twenty  dollars,  not  sent  by  chance,  hut  by  God.  Ah 
unexpected  volunteer  payment  of  a  doubtful  old  d«bt." 


DIARY.  207 

iiigJ^j  our  house  of  wood,  and  joined  to  that 
where  the  fire  was  said  to  be.  There  was  ev- 
ery thing  to  alarm  us  that  there  could  be  in  a 
matter  of  that  nature;  from  the  cries  and  tu- 
mult so  near  us,  and  nothing  left  to  do  but  to 
call  on  the  God,  who  has  so  often  been  our 
helper,  and  to  make  what  haste  we  could  to 
save  our  linen,  and  most  portable  articles,  be- 
fore the  confusion  and  heat  would  become  too 
great.  God,  who  is  rich  in  mercy,  has  been 
better  to  us  than  our  fears,  and  we  remain  here 
sheltered  from  inclemencies,  a  collected  fam- 
ily, with  every  thing  about  us  as  it  was  before 
the  alarm.  The  fire  was  not  at  Mrs.  Crawley's, 
but  at  the  adjoining  tenement,which  yet  is  under 
the  same  roof  with  her.  F.o.n  the  dry  situa- 
tion of  these  wooden  buildings,  with  their  ap- 
purtenances, nothing  but  a  timely  discovery, 
before  the  fire  had  arisen  to  a  great  height,  and 
while  the  neighborhood  was  yet  up  and  awake, 
could,  in  a  human  point  of  view,  have  saved  the 
three  wooden  houses,  so  nearly  connected. 
How  great  then  should  be  my  gratitude,  that 
where  the  wit  and  strength  of  man,  in  less 
than  fifteen  minutes,  could  have  availed  noth- 
ing, tlie  mercy  of  our  God  has  prevented  the 
awful  calamity,  and  allowed  us  to  sleep  in 
peace  and  safety,  after  such  a  threatening  dcs- 


208 


DIARY. 


truction.  May  the  recollection  of  this  goodness, 
keep  my  heart  quiet  and  submissive  under 
the  various  cares  that,  at  present,  torment  it, 
and  while  I  am  excited  to  labor  diligently  in 
my  family  and  station,  whatever  anxieties  as- 
sail me,  may  this,  and  the  many  other  gracious 
providences  I  have  experienced,  silence  my 
fears,  encourage  my  hopes,  and  enable  me  to 
go  on,  trusting  in  that  God  who  at  all  times 
lias  cared  for  me,  and  will  not  now  leave  or 
fersake  me. 


APPENDIX,  No.  VI. 

LETTERS  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY.* 

*'On  Sundays  I  always  think  of  you  more 
earnestly  than  on  other  days.  All  that  re- 
gards you  regards  mc;  but  what  regards  your 
religious  concerns  deeply  interests  me.  I  hope, 
my  dear  child,  in  the  midst  of  business  or 
pleasure,  never  forgets  that  she  is  born  for 
eternity;  never  omit  praying  to  God;  and  if  you 
"would  live  safely  or  happily,  never  content 
yourself  with  the  devotions  of  the  morning  or 
evening;  but  often,  in  the  course  of  the  dayj 
send  up  the  prayer  of  the  heart  to  God.  This 
may  be  done  in  company;  in  business;  in  the 
midst  of  innocent  pleasure;  and  is  a  delightful 
exercise  of  the  heart,  and  a  great  guard  on  the 
conduct.  Oh,  how  happy  should  I  be,  to  have 
you,  my  darling  child,  thus  to  live  in  the  fear 
of  the  Lord  all  the  day  long." 

•  As  Mrs.  Ramsay  did  not  keep  copies  of  her  letters,  a 
selection  could  only  be  made  from  the  oripjinals  in  her  do- 
m-'slic  circle.  Others  who  are  in  possession  of  her  letters 
Avill  confer  a  favor  by  furnishinp;  the  Editor  with  copies. 
'I'he  following  eflusions  of  the  hetrt  are  extracted  from  ex- 
temporaneous letters  written  by  her  to  her  daughters,  when 
only  absent,  for  a  few  days,  on  short  excursions  to  the  coun- 
try, in  the  vicinity  of  Charleston,  and  are  without  date  or 
address.  The  subsequent  letters  being  «Iatcd  an«i  addressed, 
speak  for  tiicmselves.  Editor. 

*18 


210      LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

**I  suppose  you  will  keep  church  at  home, 
as  it  does  not  look  weather  fit  for  travellino:. 
I  always  think  of  you  with  mere  than  common 
tenrlerness  on  Sundays.  I  think  the  serious 
observation  of  the  Sabbath,  is  not  enough  at- 
tended to,  even  among  professing  families; 
but,  in  other  cases,  it  is  often  a  day  of  the 
greatest  folly,  because  a  day  of  the  greatest 
leisure.  In  proportion  as  a  respect  for  that 
day,  and  its  institutions  are  neglected  or  care- 
lessly attended  to,  in  the  same  proportion,  will 
the  religious  principle  decline,  and  the  practi- 
cal concerns  of  eterniiy  be  carelessly  managed. 
As  a  parent,  then,  full  of  anxiety  for  my  chil- 
dren, in  every  respect,  but  most  of  all  for  their 
eternal  interests,  I  cannot  but  regret  every 
Sunday,  which  I  think  they  spend  in  a  manner 
not  the  best  calculated  to  promote  those  inter- 
ests, and  feel  it  my  duty  to  warn  you  never  to 
forget,  that,  the  Sunday  is  not  common  time, 
and  according  to  existing  circumstances,  to  do 
all  that  you  prudently  can,  not  only  to  observe 
it  yourself,  but  to  make  a  conscience  of  not  be- 
ing ashamed  of  such  observance.'* 

"God  bless  you  my  dear  child;  may  you  all 
love  your  dear  father;  love  me;  love  dear  Miss 
Futerell;  love  one  another.  AVhile  the  social 
ijfFections  thus  nil  your  hearts,  you  will  nevev 


TO  HER  ELDEST  DAUGHTER.   211 

be  very  bad  children;  but  the  moment  you  per- 
ceive yourself  deficient  in  these  sacred  feel- 
inj^s,  dread  the  encroachments  of  vice,  in  some 
form  or  other;  make  a  solemn  pause,  and  ask 
yourself,  what  am  i  about?  Where  is  my  con- 
duct tendinj^?  and  pray  to  God  to  guide  your 
feet  into  the  right  way  by  keeping  your  heait 
from  evil.'* 

"As  the  eldest,  I  write  to  you,  to  intreat  yois. 
to  remember  the  laws  of  hospitality,  and  be 
kind  to  Mr  MontJ^omery,*  to  remember  the 
laws  of  gi'atitude,  and  be  assistant  to  your  very 
dear  and  valuable  frirnd.  Miss  Futerell.  A 
great  deal,  my  child,  depends  on  your  good 
example;  on  the  observation  which  tiic  younger 
children  make;  whether  you  curb  your  temper; 
■whether  you  begin  wisely  to  observe  those 
laws  of  self  denial,  which  will  make  you  happy 
to  yourself,  and  pleasant  to  those  about  you. 
I  persuade  myself  I  shall  hear  good  ac- 
counts of  you.  If  I  do  of  you,  I  shall  of  all  the 
rest." 

"I  beg  you  never  to  make  any  excuse  for 
Avriling  badly  to  mc,  because  the  time  spent 
in  writing  the  excuse  would  have  enabled  you 

•  .\  sick  young  gentleman,  vlio  catn^  to  Clinrleston  foi 
Uis  UcalUi,  IJut  Oied  at  Baltimorcj  on  his  return  hotue. 

lioiroi'., 


I 


212      LETTER  FROM  MRS.   RAMSAY. 

to  do  better.     Besides,  errors     excepted,  you 
really  write  a  pretty  letter,    ar.d  1  delight  to    \ 
hear  from  you." 

"Mrs.  P.  has  joined  the  church  today,  and  I 
believe  another  sister  of  Mrs.  P.  Happy  those, 
Avho,  in  affliction,  look  to  the  Lord  to  be  their 
comforter,  and  do  not  slight  his  chastisements, 
by  renewing  their  pursuits  after  happiness  in  a 
world  where  it  never  can  be  found;  but  so  far 
as  we  improve  it,  as  a  state  of  preparation  for 
a  better  state  of  existence,  and  then  its  pros- 
perities will  not  delude  us,  and  its  very  tribu- 
lations shall  give  us  a  cause  for  rejoicing.'* 

"I  have  felt  more  about  P.  and  E.  today  than 
the  rest  of  you.  Such  Sabbaths  as  they  now 
are  passing  would,  without  great  care,  soon 
tend  to  weaken  in  their  minds,  the  obligation 
to  keep  the  Sabbath  day  holy.  Such  Sabbaths 
as  you  are  passing  would  impress  on  your 
minds  the  necessity,  when  we  are  distant  from 
places  of  public  worship,  for  calling  our  fami- 
lies together,  and  beseechin,^  God,  by  his 
presence  to  make  our  houses  sanctuaries  for 
his  service." 

"I  felt  it  very  solitary  in  church  on  Sunday 
without  you.  But  we  had  excellent  sermons. 
I  did  not  go  out  any  where;  and  not  having  my 
morning  bible  readers,  my  noonday  catecha- 


TO  HER  ELDEST  DAUGHTER^   213 

mens,  or  my  evening  bymnists,  I  had  more 
than  usual  leisure  to  read  and  pray  for  myself, 
V  hich  includes  every  one  with  you;  and  I  tried 
to  make  a  good  use  of  it." 

"I  am  very  much  mortified  at  being  deprivetl 
of  the  horse  when  I  most  want  him.  But  what 
wise  person  ever  frets,  and  what  fool  evev 
mended  any  thing  by  so  doing.  I  shall  com- 
fort myself  by  saying,  "if  I  do  not  go  out,  I 
shall  do  the  more  work  at  home." 

"Mrs  H.  is  dead.  These  breaches  in  oiu' 
congregations  are  felt  by  those,  who  know  the 
value  of  religious  characters;  u«d  make  them 
earnestly  pray,  that  others,  from  among  our 
young  people,  may  be  raised  up  in  their  place, 
to  keep  up  the  honor  and  credit  of  religion  in 
the  world,  and  to  set  an  example  to  thobe  who 
shall  come  after  them. 

"Poor  Mrs.  S  is  very  much  burnt;  poor  little 
S.  scorched;  but  you  will  be  shocked  when  you 
come  to  learn  the  paiticulurs  and  know  how 
near  they  were  perishing.  What  a  lessou 
never  to  sleep  without  committing  our  souls 
to  God  in  Christ;  for  wc  can  never  know  in 
which  wo.  Id  we  shall  awake." 

"I  dont  know  whether  you  have  read  Rob- 
ertson's America.  In  this  doubt,  I  have  sent  to 
?hc  library  for  Anquctil,  or  the  first  volume  of 


^14      LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

Boilin,  an  author  who,  although  prolix,  and  in 
some  degree  credulous,  ought  by  all  means  to 
be  read,  I  could  wish  you,  before  you  proceed 
much  farther  in  history,  to  read  Priestley's 
Lectures  on  that  subject,  -which  I  think  you 
will  find  very  useful.  Bear  always  in  mind, 
that  he  is  a  Socinian;  for  his  principles  tine 
ture  every  thing  he  writes.  Profit  by  his 
science,  while  you  lament  his  errors  in  divin- 
ity, i.nd  hang  on  the  only  hope  of  everlasting 
life  set  before  you." 

"I  send  Plutarch,  and  would  have  sent  some 
other  very  pretty  books,  if  it  had  not  been  for 

your   prohibition.      So will  not  write  to 

jne;  I  must  tell  him,  M">  Richardson  places  the 
writing  of  his  three  most  successful  and  ad- 
mired works,  to  his  having  been  employed) 
when  under  eleven  years  of  age,  to  write  let- 
ters for  some  young  ladies  to  their  friends  and 
admirers.  I  am  afraid  at  the  rate  •  goes  on, 
we  shall  never  see  a  Pamela  from  his  hand." 

On  the  Sunday  preceding  the  pulling  down 
the  old  white  meeting:  to  erect  in  its  place  the 
presentcircular  church,  an  appropriate  sermon 
was  preached  by  Dr.  HoUinshead.  The  cir- 
cumstances of  the  case,  were  stated  in  a  letter, 
from  which  the  following  extract  is  made; 
^'Some  foolish  girls  laughed  at  the  parting  ser- 


To   HER   ELDEST  DAUGHTER.       215' 

Xiion.  Some  feeling  ones  cried,  and  many  of 
the  old  standards  were  very  much  affected.  I 
was  among  this  number;  but  my  feelings  were 
rather  pleasurable  than  oUicrwise;  for  I  con- 
fess tlie  pulling  down  a  decaying  edifice,  to 
build  a  more  convenient  and  handsome  one, 
made  me  think  of  the  pulling  down  of  the  de- 
caying body  of  a  saint,  by  death,  to  build  it  up 
anew,  without  spot  or  blemish;  and  although 
Nature  feels  some  regret  at  parting  with  our 
old  bodies,  as  well  as  with  our  old  churches,  it 
is  a  regret  chastened  with  a  cheerful  and  glo- 
rious hope  of  a  resurrection  unto  life  eternal; 
but  this  is  a  very  serious  letter  for  such  young 
correspondents;  yet,  I'  hope  not  more  serious 
than  their  well  informed  mind  will  relish  on  a 
serious  occasion.** 

On  the  departure  of  Miss  Futerell  for  Eng- 
land. "If  you  don*t  all  feel  very  sorrowful,  I 
pity  you;  if  you  do  all  feel  very  sorrowful,  I 
pity  you.  Yet  I  wish  you  all  to  be  sorrowful, 
for  it  is  in  our  circumstances  a  sacred  duty  as 
well  as  a  tender  feeling;  and  to  you  young 
ones,  may  be  an  initiatory  lesson  on  the  vanity 
of  human  life  and  human  hopes;  and  leach  you 
to  set  your  hearts  there,  where  true  and  up* 
^ihan^ing  joys  arc  only  to  he  foiuid." 


215       LETTER   FROM   MRS.    RAMSAY 

EXTRACTS  OF  A  LETTER  FROM  MARTHA  LAU- 
RENS RAMSAY,  WRITTEN  NINE  DAYS  AFTER 
THE  DEATH  OF  HER  FATHER,  TO  DR.  DAVllJ 
RAMSAY,    AT    COLUMBIA. 

Charleston,  December  17,  1792. 

MY    VERY    DEAR    HUSBAND, 

YOU  have  doubtless  heard,  by  this  time,  that  I 
am  fatherless,  and  will  feel  for  me  in  propor- 
tion to  the  great  love  you  have  always  shown 
me,  aiid  your  intimate  knowledge  of  my  frame, 
and  the  love  I  had  for  my  dear  departed  parent. 
Never  was  stroke  to  an  affectionate  child  more 
awful  and  unexpected  than  this  has  been  to 
me.  I  had  heard  from  my  dear  father,  that  he 
was  somewhat  indii^posed,  but  not  confined 
even  to  the  house;  however,  last  Tuesday  and 
Wednesday  week  I  was  seized  with  so  inex- 
pressible a  desire  to  see  him,  that  nothing 
could  exceed  it,  and  notlung  could  satisfy  it, 
but  the  going  to  see  him.  Accordingly,  on 
Wednesday  noon,  very  much  against  my  fanaly 
and  personal  convenience,  I  set  out  with  faith- 
ful Tira  and  little  Kitty,  and  slept  that  night  at 
Mrs.  Loocock's;  the  next  morning  it  rained, 
^ut  1  could  not  be  restrained.     I  proceeded  to 


TO  HER   HUSBAND.  217 

Mepkin,  and  aiTived  there  at  one  o'clock,  wet 
to  the  skin,  I  found  my  dear  father  indisposed, 
as  I  thought,  but  not  ill.  He  conversed  on  in- 
different matters;  seemed  very  much  delighted 
"with  my  presence;  told  me  I  was  a  pleasant 
child  to  him;  and  God  would  bless  me  as  long 
as  I  lived;  and  at  twenty  minutes  before  eight 
o'clock,  retired  to  rest.  The  next  morning,  at 
seven  o'clock,  I  v/cnt  to  his  bedside;  he  again 
commended  my  tenderness  to  him,  and  told  me 
he  had  passed  a  wakeful  night;  talked  to  me  of 
Kitty  and  of  you;  had  been  up  and  given  out 
the  barn  door  key,  as  usual.  At  eight  I  went 
to  breakfast.  In  about  ten  minutes  I  had  des- 
patched my  meal,  returned  to  him,  and  thought 
his  speech  thick,  and  that  he  wavered  a  little  in 
his  discourse.  I  asked  him  if  I  might  send  for 
Dr.  M'Cormick;  he  told  mc  if  I  desired  a  con- 
sultation, I  might;  but  that  he  had  all  confi- 
dence in  my  skill,  and  was  better.  I  asked  him 
why  his  breathing  was  laborious;  he  said  he  did 
not  know,  and  almost  immediately  fell  into  his 
last  agony;  and  a  bitter  agony  it  was;  though, 
perhaps,  he  did. not  feel  it.  At  ten  o'clock, 
next  day,  I  closed  his  venerable  eyes.  Oh,  my 
dear  husband,  you  know  how  I  have  dreaded 
this  stroke;  how  I  have  wished  first  to  sleep  in 
death,  and  therefore  you  can  tell  the  sorrows  of 
my  spirii;  indeed  thcv  h.ive  been,  indeed  they 
19 


218      LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

are  very  great.  I  have  been,  and  I  am  in  the 
depths  of  affliction;  but  I  have  never  felt  one 
murmuring  thought;  I  have  never  uttered  one 
murmuring  word.  Who  am  I,  a  poor  vile 
•wretch,  that  I  should  oppose  my  will  to  the  will 
of  God,  who  is  all  wise  and  all  gracious;  on  the 
contrary  I  have  been  greatly  supported;  and  if 
I  may  but  be  following  Christ,  am  willing  to 
take  up  every  cross,  which  may  be  necessary 
or  profitable  for  me.  I  left  Mepkin  at  one 
o'clock  on  Saturday,  as  soon  as  the  body  of  my 
dear  parent  was  decently  laid  out,  and  I  was 
sufficiently  composed  for  travelling.  I  know> 
by  information,  that  the  awful  ceremony*  was 

•  This  refers  to  the  burning;  of  the  body  of  Mr.  Henry 
LaureriS,  uhich  liis  daughter  well  knew  had  long  been  re- 
solved upon.  She  had  also  resolved,  that  she  wouUl  neither 
be  a  witness  of  the  transaction,  nor  in  the  vicinity  of  the 
place  V  here  wliat  she  calls  "the  awful  ceremony"  was  to 
be  performed;  and  therefore,  came  away,  very  soon  after 
the  body  of  her  father  was  decently  laid  out,  and  before 
the  funeral  pile  was  constructed.  Filial  duty  constrains  the 
editor  to  observe  that  this  transaction  has  been  grossly  mis- 
represented by  American  authors,  who  ought  to  have 
known  belter.  The  llev.  Biographer  of  Washington,  goes 
out  of  his  way  to  mention  tiiat,  when  Henry  Laurens, 
president  of  the  first  congress,  came  to  die  he  said,  "My 
flesh  is  too  good  for  worms.  I  give  it  to  the  flames."  In 
Kingston's  new  American  Biographic  Dictionary,  printed 
at  Baltin\ore,  in  1810,  it  is  asserted  that  "Henry  Laurens 
directed  Jiis  son  to  burn  his  body  on  the  third  day,  as  the 
sole  condition  of  inheiiting  an  estate  of  si.\ty  thousand 
pounds  sterling."  BoJh  these  statements  are  incorrect. 
Then-  was  no  forfeiture,  nor  any  penall}  whatever,  annex- 
ed to  the  non  ])erforn!ance  of  the  will  of  Henry  Laurens, 
j-elative  to  the  burning  of  his  body.    U  was  simply  cnj(;iued 


TO    IIER   HUSBAND.  219 

performed  last  Tuesday.  1  have  never  been 
able  to  write  till  this  day.  Our  dear  children 
arc  veil.  Eleanor  comes  to  my  bedside,  reads 
the  Bible  for  me,  and  tells  me  of  a  heavenly 
country,  where  there  is  no  trouble.  Ir'eeling 
more  than  ever  my  dependancc  on  you  for 
countenance,  for  support  and  kindness,  nnd  in 
the  midst  of  sorrow,  not  forgetting  to  thank 
God  that  I  have  so  valuable,  so  kind,  and  so 
tender  a  friend;  I  remain,  my  dear  husband, 
your  obliged  and  grateful  wife, 

Martha  Laurens  Ramsay, 


as  a  duty.  The  motives  to  liis  determination,  for  liaviog 
his  body  burnt,  are  also  inislated.  \lv  Laurens  often 
spoke  of  liis  preferring  the  incineration  of  the  deed  to  their 
inhumation.  His  reasons  were  a  beli'.  f  tliat  sc\ei'al  persons 
Arere  buried  befoi-e  they  vore  irrecoverably  jjead.  This 
oi)ininn  was  perhaps  strongly  imjiressed  on  liis  mind  from, 
what  happened  to  his  o\\  n  daughter,  thf  siil)i<'ct  of  tiiese 
raemcirs,  as  related  in  the  beginning  of  tliis  MOi-k  He 
dreaded,  as  infinitely  worse  than  certain  death,  the  possi- 
bility of  life  returning  to  him  when  shut  up  in  a  box  in  the 
cold  ground,  so  far  below  its  surface  as  to  be  out  of  the 
reach  of  human  help.  He  also,  consistently  with  .'scrip- 
ture, entertained  high  ideas  of  the  purifying  nature  of  fi;e, 
as  separating  all  dross  and  defilement  from  the  substances  to 
■which  it  was  applied.  ".Xnd  I  will  bring  the  third  part 
through  the  fire,  ami  will  re/f//e  them  as  silver  is  refined, 
and  will  try  tl>em  as  gold  is  tiied,"  Zechariah  xiii,  «).  "He 
h  like  a  refiner' 8 Jin- ,  and  like  fuller's  soap,"  Malaclii  iii,  3. 

r.  Ul  TOR. 


220   LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

EXTRACTS  FROM  A  LETTER  WRITTEN  BY  MRS. 
RAMSAY  TO  MRS.  KEI I  H,  WHEN  TRAVELLING 
IN  THE  NORTHERN  STATES  WITH  HER  HUS- 
BAND,   THE    REV.    DR.    KEITH. 

Charleston,  September  3,  1808. 
MY    DEAR    MRS.    KEITH, 

AS  my  letter  is  only  meant  to  express  the  feel- 
ings of  iny  heart  for  Dr.  Keith  and  yourself,  I 
request  you  will  give  yourself  no  anxiety  about 
answering  it.  I  shall  rejoice  to  hear  of  your 
"welfare  through  other  channels,  and  shall  not 
expect  any  direct  communication,  till  the  time 
Avhen  Providence  shall  return  you  safely  to 
your  old  habitation,  and  I  shall  again  enjoy 
those  intercourses  of  affectionate  christian 
friendship,  which  have  so  often  delighted  and 
■warmed  my  heart. 

IViiss  S.  was  so  good  as  to  allow  us  the  read- 
ing of  your  very  affecting  letter,  wherein  you 
give  an  account  of  Mrs.  W.'s  renewed  afflic- 
tions, and  of  your  first  meeting.  She  has,  in- 
deed, been  closely  disciplined  in  the  school  of 
suffering;  and  one  cannot  rci;d  of  her  gritf,  but 
with  a  weeping  eye;  but  I  think  it  was  a  kind 
Providence,  that  sent  Dr.  Kciih  to  her  just  at 
that  time,  and  I  make  no  doubt,  she  will  sing 
of  this  mercy,  and  I  hope  also  of  many  others 
in  the   midst  of  the   apparent  frowns  of  her 


TO    MRS.    KEITH.  221 

heavenly  Father,  and  under  the  gracious, 
though  Tor  the  present,  painful  chastisements 
of  his  hand.  I  have  tenderly  participated  in  the 
happy,  and  christian  meeting  with  Dr.  Keith's 
rchitions,  and  in  all  the  well  merited  respect 
and  affection,  which  you  have  received  through 
all  your  journey,  and  I  have  been  proud  in  my 
heart  to  say,  well,  this  is  our  minister;  tliese  are 
our  friends;  in  short,  my  dear  Mrs.  Keith,  you 
have  been  in  all  my  thoughts,  in  all  my  prayers; 
and  no  day  has  passed,  that  wc  have  not  spoken 
of  you  in  the  family  more  or  less.  Our  city 
has  been  most  uncommonly  healti^y,  and  yet 
there  have  been  several  remarkable  dculiis, 
from  which  we  may  learn  and  fear,  and  be 
mindful  of  our  blessed  Savior's  admonition  to 
us, always  to  watch.  Among  these,  may  be  num- 
l)ered  Mr.  M.  who,  after  very  a  few  days  warn- 
ing, was,  about  a  fortniglit  ago,  called  from 
time  to  eternity.  By  his  death,  a  new  breach 
is  made  in  a  family,  whicli  has  lately  experi- 
enced severe  bercavem.cnts;  and  yesterday,  the 
lemains  of  thai  picture  of  strength  and  health, 
Dr.  13.  were  committed  to  their  j^Tarent  earth 
with  great  funeral  solemnity,  and  amidst  an 
aniazing  concourse  of  spectators.  His  illness 
was  but  of  three  days  continuance,  and  I  be- 
lieve no  apprehensions  of  danger  were  enter- 
tained for  him,  till  within  a  few   hours  of  his 


222      LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

dissolution.  His  youngest  child  had  been  ill 
for  some  time,  and  died  about  twenty  four  hours 
after  its  father.  May  you,  my  very  dear  friends, 
continue  to  experience  the  guardian  care  of 
our  God  and  Savior,  through  the  remainder  of 
your  journey.  May  you  be  happy  in  his  pres- 
ence; and  having  enjoyed  a  full  measure  of 
temporal  and  spiritual  blessings,  may  you  re- 
turn safe  and  satisfied;  you,  my  dear  Mrs. 
Keith,  to  a  circle  of  fond  relatives  and  friends, 
and  you,  my  honored  pastor,  to  dispense  again 
to  your  attached  people,  those  instructions  of 
wisdom  and  piety,  with  which  they  have  been 
so  often  delighted  and  edified.  From  your 
affectionate  friend, 

Maktpia  Lauue>:s  Ramsay. 


The  follouitig  lettfis  -were  addressed  (o  Miss  ElizaLetli 
lirailsforr]  by  her  atliiclied  and  affectionate  friend,  Martha 
Laui-eiis.  'J  hey  are  ^vilhout  <U»te,  hiitlVoin  circun-stances 
a^Jpear  to  have  been  wriiten  in  England,  and  consefjuenl'- 
ly  between  the  sixteenth  and  t^venty■s^.\th  years  of  the 
agj  of  the  writer. I 

MY    DEAR    E. 

"WHA-T  do  you  think  of  my  begging  your  ac- 
ceptance of  a  pack  of  cards?  Yes,  I  do,  indeed, 
and  sincerely  hope  you  may  understand  so  well 

•j-  These  letters  are  arranged  in  the  order  in  wliicli  they 
were  received. 


TO    MISS    BRAILSFORD.  223 

how  to  manage  them  as  to  be  a  conthiual  v.in- 
ner.  Those  who  play  with  these  cards,  seek  to 
gain,  not  heaps  of  shining  dust,  but  an  inheri- 
tance incorruptible,  undefiied,  and  which  fadcth 
not  away.  O,  may  we  learn  wisdom  from  the 
children  of  this  generation;  and  not  suffer  their 
care  for  things  temporal  to  outdo  ours  for 
things  eternal.  See  how  the  gambler  gives  up 
his  time  and  talents,  and  neglects  his  sleep  and 
meals  to  gratify  his  ruling  passion;  and  shall 
Ave,  who  have  so  glorious  tin  object  to  engage 
our  affections,  as  the  precious  Savior,  and 
Avhose  highest  aim  should  be  to  love  and  serve 
him;  shall  we,  I  say,  fold  our  arms  in  shame- 
ful inactivity  and  be  coi:tent  with  our  low 
attainments?  May  grace  forbid,  and  may  the 
desiralile  end  in  view  animate  our  zejl,  enliven 
our  hearts,  and  stir  us  up  to  greater  diligence. 
It  often  makes  me  tremble  to  behold  the  un- 
utterable ardor  \vith  which  worldly  persons 
pursue  their  beloved  amusements,  and  with 
how  much  languor  I  follow  him,  whom  1 
acknowledge  as  the  Sovereign  of  my  heart,  and 
possessor  of  my  warmest  passions.  I  rc.son 
v.iih  myself  thus;  surely  he  whom  my  soul 
loveth  is  infinitely  more  cstiuiable  than  the  idol 
of  these  deluded  mortals;  and  if  I  were  as 
much  in  earnest  in  my  pursuits  as  they  are  in 
theirs,  I  should  act  as  consistently  as  they  do. 


224   LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

Then  am  I  bowed  down,  and  my  spirits  droop; 
sorrow  overwhelms  me;  I  go  mournfully;  and 
am  ready  to  cry  out,  I  am  no  christian,  no 
child  of  God,  till  the  condescending  Jesus 
speaks  this  comfortable  language  to  my  soul. 
t'Fear  not,  thou  trembling  worm.  I  am  thy 
salvation;  1  have  loved  thee,  and  will  love  thee; 
I  hear  thy  groanings,  and  thy  complaint  is  not 
hid  from  me.  I  bear  the  imperfections  of  thy 
best  services,  as  well  as  the  guilt  of  thy  worst 
sins;  thy  restlessness,  because  thou  lovest  me 
no  more,  and  desires  to  love  me  better,  shall 
be  accepted  as  an  evidence  of  thy  sincerity;  be 
not  faithless,  but  believing;  pray  without  ceas- 
ing; and  leave  thy  cause  in  my  kind  hands; 
the  men  of  the  world  have  nothing  to  resist; 
every  thing  co-operates  with  their  inclination, 
and,  therefore,  is  their  way  for  the  present, 
easy.  Thou  hast  mighty  enemies  to  oppose, 
the  lust  of  the  eye,  the  lust  of  the  flesh,  and 
the  pride  of  life  are  all  in  league  with  thy 
wicked  heart  agaiixst  thee;  yet,  fear  not;  look 
unto  me,  the  Captain  of  thy  salvation.  Though 
thy  foes  be  many  they  shall  not  overcome 
thee;  for  I  have  undertaken  for  thee,  and  I  will 
bring  thee  safely  through.  When  these  lovers 
of  the  world,  having  had  their  good  things,  and 
enjoyed  the  portion  which  they  have  chosen, 
are  shut  out  of  my  kingdom,  then  shalt  thou 


TO    MISS    BRAILSFORD.  223 

appear  with  boldness  in  the  glory  of  thy  Lord; 
and  having  passed  through  floods  of  conflict) 
and  seas  of  tribulation,  and  thy  robes  being 
washed  in  the  blood  of  the  Lamb,  thou  shalt 
no  longer  mourn  thy  frailty  and  lament  thy  de- 
ficiences;  but  for  ever  thou  shalt  serve  me 
perfectly  and  enjoy  me  fully." 

O,  may  we  no  longer  be  un  grateful  to  so 
kind  a  Master;  but  with  our  whole  soul  and 
strength,  renounce  the  world  and  follow  him; 
may  he  shed  abroad  his  love  into  our  hearts, 
begetting  love  in  us,  and  so  captivate  us  with 
his  matchless  beauty,  that  we  maybe  crucified 
to  the  world  and  all  its  follies.  Draw  us,  thou 
loving  Savior,  and  we  will  run  after  thee* 
Reign  thou  the  unrivalled  sovereign  of  our 
hearts,  and  lei  nothing  tempt  our  souls  to  wan- 
der from  thee.  O,  feed  us,  day  by  day,  with 
the  bread  of  life,  and  let  the  heavenly  food  dif- 
fuse new  vigor  and  alacrity  through  all  cur 
jnembers,  that  thus  strengthened  and  refresh- 
ed, we  may  go  on  rejoicing  in  our  way  to  Sion, 
and  with  holy  transport  praise  continually  the 
God  of  our  salvation. 

I  hope,  Brailsford,  you  will  excuse  the 
length  of  this  scribble.  I  have  unwarily  en- 
larged my  limits,  and  I  fear  have  trespassed 
on  your  patience;  but  the  adorable  Redeemer 
and  liis  pleasant  paths  are  themes  so    dclijjht- 


S26      LETTER   FROM    MRS.    RAMSAY, 

ful,  and  to  converse  with  you,  an  employment 
so  agreeable,  that  I  did  not  know  how  to  lay 
down  my  pen. 

I  think  Mason  deserves  at  least  the  appella- 
tion of  a  pious  writer;  and  though  his  style  is 
by  no  means  elegant,  yet  the  sweet  comfort 
and  spiritual  instruction  which  many  of  his  writ- 
ings contain,  make  them  worthy  to  be  read  by 
all  those  who  are  in  pursuit  not  of  the  shadow 
but  the  substance. 

I  should  have  no  good  idea  of  any  professor 
who  could  not  delight  in  a  sermon,  however 
excellent,  that  was  not  delivered  with  the  em- 
bellishments of  oratory,  or  like  any  book  which 
was  not  dressed  with  the  graces  of  fine  lan- 
guage. A  diamond,  though  unpolished,  pos- 
sesses intrinsic  worth;  and  gospel  truths,  how- 
ever expressed,  are  highly  valuable,  and  will 
be  relished  by  every  sincere  christian,  even 
from  the  lips  of  the  most  unlettered  member. 

I  shall  see  you  in  about  an  hours  time,  or 
perhaps  sooner;  till  then,  adieu.  Receive  the 
most  affectionate  greetings  from  yours, 

M.  Laurens. 

TILL  now,  my  dear  girl,  I  never  knew  how 
much  I  loved  you;  the  loss  of  your  company 
pains  me  exceedingly,  and  I  lament  your  ab- 
sence with  unfeigned  regret;  from  my  first  ac= 


TO    MISS    BRAILSFORD.  22 'f 

quaintancc  I  have  been  attached  to  you,  and 
every  month  has  beheld  you  throwing  in  my 
esteem;  but  in  the  last  week  which  I  spent 
with  you,  you  have  entirely  finished  the  con- 
quest, and  imprinted  on  my  soul  your  beloved 
image,  in  characters  so  indelible,  that  neither 
time  nor  absence  can  ever  erase  them.  How 
often  since  the  31st  of  July  have  I  wished  for 
my  Brailsford;  never  have  I  beheld  a  beautiful 
prospect,  but  I  thought  with  how  much  more 
pleasure  I  should  enjoy  it,  if  you  were  with 
me,  and  with  what  satisfaction  we  should  join 
in  adoring  the  Divine  hand,  which  so  bounte- 
fully  clothes  the  earth  with  elegance,  and  en- 
riches it  with  plenty  for  the  conveniency  and 
deliijht  of  undeserving  man. 

As  we  are  generally  willing  to  believe  what 
we  wish,  I  cannot  help  thinking  tliat  my  dear 
Eliza,  feels  f(?r  me  in  some  degree,  what  I  do 
for  her;  and  that  I  have  at  least  some  little 
part  in  her  tcndcrest  affections. 

I  trust  too,  that  our  regard  for  each  other  is 
founded,  on  a  noble  basis;  and  that  united  by 
christian  bonds,  our  friendship  will  be  eternal. 
I  glory  in  an  intimacy  with  one  who  seems  so 
sincere  a  lover  of  the  Lord  Jesus,  and  with 
whose  conversation  I  have  been  so  of:cn  de- 
H;j;lUcd  and  refreshed;  and  the  very  thought  of 
our   treading    together    tlic   narrow    wuy  that 


228   LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

leads  to  bliss,  rejoices  me  beyond  expression. 
How  much  reason  have  I  for  thankfulness,  that 
at  a  time  when  my  heart  is  peculiarly  softened, 
and  I  have  an  utter  disrelish  for  all  -worldly 
company,  God  has  blessed  me  with  a  friend, 
who  will  not  despise  me  for  an  attachment  to 
religion,  but  rather  encourage  and  assist  me 
in  my  progress.  I  recollect  with  a  mixture  of 
joy  and  sorrow,  some  moments  that  we  have 
spent  together,  when  free  from  intruders,  and 
could  with  pleasure  transport  myself  to  the 
dear  little  room. 

Yet,  dear  friend,  though  mountains  lie  be* 
tween  us,  and  a  vast  extent  of  land  separates 
our  mortal  frames,  do  not  our  souls  hold  inti- 
mate communion!  They  do. 

Absent  in  body,  not  in  mind. 
Our  souls  continue  one. 

Shall  I  not  add; 

While  each  to  eacli  in  Jesus  joined. 
We  happiiy  go  on. 

Ifin  Jesus,  it  must  be  happily;  Avhat  though 
fortune  fail,  friends  forsake,  and  enemies  tri- 
umph, let  us  walk  together  in  Jesus. 

We  cannot  sink  with  such  a  prop 
As  bears  the  world  and  all  things  up. 

Ohl  Brailsford,  what  unbelieving  hearis 
must  we  have,  if  we  ever  distrust  a  gracious 
Providence,   or   indulge   anxiety    a    moment. 


TO    MISS    BRAILSFORD.  229 

Who  has  upheld  us  from  our  mother's  womb, 
and  who  preserved  us  in  each  chani^ing  scene 
of  life  from  various  dangers?  Who  but  the 
same  God,  who  is  still  kind,  and  whose  com- 
passion extends  far  beyond  our  utmost  thoughts, 
far,  fj.r  beyond  our  deserts. 

Let  us  not  fear  them,  but  confide  in  him 
whose  promise  never  fails.  The  rock  of  ages 
is  our  security;  Jesus  our  advocate,  and  the 
Spirit  our  guide  and  comforter. 

Each  trial  and  distress  loses  its  unpleasing 
aspect,  regarded  as  the  messenger  of  good  to 
our  souls,  as  the  mark  of  our  adoption,  and 
our  privilege,  as  heirs  of  Heaven.  In  Jesus 
then  let  us  still  goon;  it  will, it  must,  it  cannot 
fail  of  being  happily  for  us. 

To  view  him  bearing  his  cross  will  sweeten 
ours,  and  make  it  pleasant.  He  having  finished 
his  work,  and  gained  the  victory  for  us;  as  our 
forerunner  he  is  gone  to  prepare  for  us  places, 
infinitely  glorious,  and  sufficiently  delightful, 
to  countcilxdance  every  troublesome  incident, 
and  each  difliculiy  wc  may  meet  with  in  the 
fjgged  road  of  life. 

MY  DEAR   KKAILSFORD, 

IT  gives  me  great  c^ncc^n  to  be  so  long 
without  seeing  yoiij  but  as    nothing  save    the 


230        LETTER   FROM  MRS.    RAMSAY, 

weather  prevents  me,  I  will  not  complain;  for 
I  think  to  be  angry  with  the  weather  is  but  an 
oblique  murmuring  against  him  at  whose  com- 
mand the  winds  blow  and  the  rains  fall,  I 
hoped  that  your  dear  mamma's  spirits  are  not 
greatly  depressed,  and  I  especially  trust  that 
my  dear  Brailsford,  to  the  honor  of  her  chris- 
tian character,  exerts  her  every  influence  in 
the  service,  and  to  the  comfort  of  this  dear 
mamma,  and  that  her  very  countenance  tends  to 
dissipate  melancholy.  Am  I  not  saucy  to  dic- 
tate to  you,  who  are  far  more  capable  of  in- 
structing me?  I  hope  you  do  not  deem  it  so, 
since  I  mean  not  to  teach,  but  merely,  accord- 
ing to  the  sentiment  of  the  wise  man,  as  iron 
sharpeneth  iron,  so  doth  the  countenance  of  a 
man  his  friend,  to  speak  freely  to  my  much  es- 
teemed Eliza,  and  in  compliance  with  the 
precept  of  the  Apostle,  "to  exhort  her  to  love 
and  good  works;"  besides,  my  dear,  it  serves 
the  double  purpose  of  setting  me  on  my  guard; 
for  since  the  death  of  our  pious  friend,  till  the 
last  evening, .  a  thick  gloom  has  hung  around 
my  brow;  and  very  much  unfitted  me  for  every 
relative  duty;  but  prayer  and  reflection  have 
taught  resignation,  and  blessed  be  God  that  it  is 
Avith  a  degree  of  sv/eet  experience  that  1  bing; 

Trials  make  the  promise  swcef., 
Triais  give  new  lite  to  prayer. 
Triads  lay  me  «t  his  feet, 
Luy  me  low  axul  keep  n;e  tliei'c. 


TO   MISS    BRAILSFORD.  231 

To  a  blessed  perfection  are  they  indeed  arriv- 
ed, who  can  number  liicir  sweetest  moments 
among  the  times  of  their  sharpest  trials;  and 
who,  in  the  deepest  night  of  affliction,  can 
rejoice  in  the  God  of  their  salvation. 

My  highest  ambition  is  to  have  my  will  lost 
in  the  will  of  a  kind  unerring  God;  and  under 
every  dispensation  to  lie  as  a  submissive  hum- 
ble child  at  the  feet  of  a  compassionate  futlier; 
to  be  made  one  with  Christ,  and  simply  to  fol- 
low the  Lamb,  whithersoever  he  leads,  since 
we  may  rest  assured  that  the  end  of  the  jour- 
ney, and  the  kingdom  into  which  we  shall  enter, 
■will  sufficiently  compensate  for  all  the  troubles 
of  the  way.  I  beg  pardon,  my  dear  friend,  for 
having  detained  you  so  long;  but  when  once  I 
begin  a  conversation  with  you,  I  know  not 
where  to  end.  Burn,  I  beseech  you,  this  scrawl 
as  soon  as  you  have  read  it.  INIy  uncle  and 
aunt,  my  dear  friend,  are  nciilier  of  them  well; 
methinks  I  see  your  friendly  bosom  heave  with 
sympathetic  sorrow.  I  shall  be  particularly 
obliged  to  you  for  the  archbishop  ol  Cambray's 
Dissertation  on  Pure  Love,  and  will  take  gr:at 
care  of  the  book. 

IMy  love  to  your  mamma  and  Susan,  and 
believe  me,  your  ever  afilxiionate 

M.  Laurens. 


232      LETTER   FROM    MRS.    RAMSAY, 

YOU  will  rejoice  to  hear,  my  dear  Brails- 
ford,  that    I  have  had  the  most  abiding  sense 
of  my  own  nothingness,  and  lived  in  the  most 
happy  nearness  to  my  covendnt  God  and  Fa- 
ther, ever   since   I  left  Brisiol.     1  don't  know 
that  I  have  been  one  day  straightened  in  prayer, 
or   backward   in    duty.      The    candle   of    the 
Lord    hath    indeed    shone    bright    upon   me, 
and    the    precious  Savior   hath  manifested  his 
pardoning  love  and  merciful  acceptance  in  a 
most  wonderful  manner  to  my  soul.     I  had  for 
a   long  while    before    been  walking    in  dark- 
ness and  distress,  longing  for  a  return  of  such 
days,  as  I    had  once   experienced;  and  crying 
out  in  bitterness  of  spirit,  O  that  it  were  with 
me,  as  in  times  past,  that  the  shadows  would 
disperse,  and  the  reviving  light  break  in  upon 
my  benighted  soul;   at  length  I  submitted  my- 
self wholly    to   God;    ackno\\  ledged   that   his 
hand  was  not  shortened  that  he  could  not  save, 
nor  his  ear  heavy,  that  he   could  not  hear;  but 
it  was  my  iniquities  that  had  separated  between 
him  and  my  soul,  and  brought  me   thus  low. 
I  bowed  at  his  feet,  desiring  to  be  filled  with 
resignation,  and  enabled  to  declare  him  right- 
eous in  all  his  ways,  and  just  in  all  his  judg- 
ments, even  though  I  should  go  mourning  all 
my  days.     I  hated  m.yself,  because  of  all  my 
-vileness,  and  resolved,  before  the  Lord,  that  if 


TO    MISS    BRAILS  FORD.  23 


o 


I  could  not  find  comfort  in  him,  I  would  never, 
never  seek  it  in  any  thing  besides.    I  set  myself 
more  diligently  to  read  the  word  of  God;  lived 
as  much  as  possible  in  silence  and  retirement, 
endeavored  unwaveringly  to  fix  my  eye  upon  a 
bleeding,  loving,  sin  atoning  Jesus;  and  with- 
out ceasing,  said   unlo   him,   for   thy  passion's 
guke   restore  my  comfort;  yst  not  my  v.ill,  but 
thine  be  done.    I  Avould  not  follow  thee  merely 
for  the  loaves  and  fishes,  but  be  content  to  pur- 
take  also  of  the  v»ormwood  and  gall;  and,  O, 
my  dear  B.  when   he   had  thus   humbled   pie, 
made  me  to   sulTer  for  sin,  and  brought  me  to 
the  foot  of  the  cross;  he  gave  me  in  a  moment 
that  which  he    had   so    long   withheld,  and  sa- 
tiated my  longing  soul.    P'rom  that  time  I  have 
been  in  a  most  desirable  frame,  day  by  day,  en. 
joying   sensible    communion   with    him  wl.om 
my  soul   loveth,  and   filled  with   abundance  of 
heavenly  consolation.    My  conscience  has  been 
made  very  tender,  and   I   am  more   than   ever 
fearful  of  grieving  the  Spiiit  of  God,  and  fall- 
ing into  such  a  course  of  folly  as  shall  provoke 
him  to  depart;  yet  withal  I  l.avc  a  thorn  in    my 
fleth,  something  to  keep  me  from  b^ig  pufTed 
up    with    these    h-rge    measures    of    comfort. 
Whenever  pride  begins  to  rear  its  head,  and 
swell  its  hauj;hty  bosom,  I  think  of  that  levity 

which  tinctures  all    nv  actions,  and  makes  njy 
•20 


234      LETTER   FROM    MRS.    RAMSAY, 

behavior  oftentimes  very  unworthy  the  profes- 
sion of  a  christian.  I  am  now  striving  and 
praying  most  earnestly  against  a  trifling  spirit, 
and  hope  through  the  grace  of  God,  that  my 
labor  shall  not  bt  in  vain  in  the  Lord.  From 
my  first  conviction  I  loved  my  Bible,  but  it  is 
now  become  most  peculiarly  precious  to  me. 
I  esteem  it  indeed,  "as  a  bundle  of  myrrh,  and 
a  most  delightful  nosegay.'*  The  contempla- 
tion of  its  divine  truths  engages  me  to  live 
much  in  prayer;  and  the  more  I  pray,  the  more 
disposed  I  find  myself  to  search  and  study  the 
scriptures.  Assist  me,  my  dear  fellow  travel- 
ler, to  sing  the  praises  of  that  Jesus,  who  has 
thus  v.'rought  wonders  for  me,  and  brought  mc 
out  of  great  darkness  into  his  marvellous  light. 

Rejoice  with  me,  that  I,  who  am  less  than 
the  least  of  all  saints,  and  utterly  unworthy 
the  least  drop  of  comfort,  should  be  thus  bless- 
ed with  the  plenteousness  of  God's  love,  and 
satisfied  with  large  draughts  of  living  water. 

I  was  reading,  a  few  mornings  ago,  the  third 
of  Hebrews,  and  I  resolved  in  my  mind  to  men- 
tion it  to  you  the  first  time  I  wrote;  it  appears 
to  me  on%of  the  most  expressive  paintings  of 
the  dreadful  nature  of  an  evil  heart  of  unbelief 
in  the  whole  Bible;  and  to  contain  enough  to 
incite  us  to  a  continual  praying,  that  that  cursed 
sin  may  not  hinder  us  from  entering  into  the 
rest  prepared  for  the  people  of  God. 


TO    MISS    BRAILSFORD.  235 

MY  DEAR  BRAILSFORD, 

WITH    regard    to    our  journey,   the  hand   of 
God,  tlnit  kind  and  bountiful  hand,  which  from 
the  first  moment  of  our  lives  has  been   show- 
ering upon  us   innumerable  benefits,  was  still 
OTer,  and  with  us  to  guard    and  to    guide.     It 
was   well   worth   being  detained  a  few  days  in 
Bristol,  to  have  the  roads   in    the    agreeable 
state  which  we  found  them;  and  I  think  1  may 
learn  from   henceforward  never  to  murmur  at 
any  disappointment,  but  to  believe  that  every 
particular    circumstance  is   ordered  for  some 
wise,  and  good  end.   I  am  happy  to  inform  you, 
my  dear  aunt's  amendment  is   answerable   to 
our  most  sanq^uine  expectations.     I  hope  that 
breathing  this  fine  air  for  two  or  three  months, 
will  give  her  as  much  health  as  her   delicate 
constitution  will  admit  of.    My  dear  uncle  is  in 
much  the    same    stue   as  when   he   left  you; 
friendship  interests  itself  in  all  the  concerns  of 
the    beloved  object,  and  makes  its   cares  and 
pleasures   her  own;  to  you,    therefore,    there 
uceds  no  apology   for  treating   particularly  on 
the  health  and  affuirs  of  my  dearer  halves;  on 
ihc  contrary,  should  I  neglect  them,  j^u  would 
be  dis|j.usted  with  my  ingratitude    and  banisii 
me  from  your  esteem. 

From  the  window  where  I  sil,  I  behold  cloud 
tcpt  hills  and  lowly  vallies,  rural  cottajjcs,  and 


236       LETTER    FROM  MRS.    RAMSAY, 

pretty  chirping  birds,  which  form  a  pleasing 
variety  to  charm  the  senses,  and  fill  the  heart 
of  cveiy  susceptible  creature  with  sentiments 
of  love  and  gratitude  to  the  beneficent  Creator. 
Our  parlor  commands  a  view  of  the  sea,  and 
as  the  wind  has  been  pretty  high,  I  have  had 
an  opportunity  of  observing  the  awful  vvorks  of 
Nature,  while  the  swelling  billows,  with  an 
angry  roar,  dash  ihemselves  against  the  sub- 
missive sand. 

I  hope  soon  to  see  you  in  Teignmouth;  but 
should  the  decree  of  Providence  appoint  anoth- 
er lot  for  you,  believe  m.e,  I  shall  ever  be  ten- 
derly solicitous  about  your  welfare;  your  tem- 
poral, but  especially  your  spiritual  concerns 
will  ever  lie  near  my  heart,  and  I  shall  never 
cease  to  entreat  a  merciful  and  prayer  hearing 
God,  for  the  sake  of  our  dear  Savior,  to  grant 
you  abundance  of  grace,  to  strengthen  you 
with  might  by  his  Spirit  in  the  inner  man,  and 
so  to  lead  you  herewith  his  counsel,  that  here- 
after he  may  receive  you  into  those  mansions 
of  unfading  bliss,  which  he  hath  prepared  for 
every  true  believer. 

That  t^ie  blessings  of  God  may  ever  attend 
you,  is  the  constant  wish  and  prayer  of  your 
affectionate  friend,  M.  Laurens. 


LETTERS    FROM  MRS.    RAMSAY.      237 

TO    MRS.   WILSOX,    NOW    MRS.     SIMONS. 
MT    DEAR    COUSIN, 

1  SEND  you  the  book,  Docl(lridp;e*s  Rise   and 
Progress  of  Religion,  which  I  promised,  and 
which  I   beg  you    will    accept   as   a  token   of 
my   affection.      I    think,   it   a  most    excellent 
treatise,  well  calculated  to  awaken  those   who 
are  careless  about    their   soul's  salvation,  and 
full  of  heavenly  comfort  for  those  who    are   in 
trouble  of  mind,  body,  or  estate;  you  are    very^ 
much  on  my  heart  and  in  my  thoughts,  and  my 
earnest  prayer  to  God  for  you  is,  that   he   may 
support  you  in  all  your  trials,  and  so  sanctify 
them  to  you,  that  in  the  end  you  may  have  rea- 
son to  bless  him    for   what  at   present    seems 
most  bitter  and  severe;  and  to  say,  "It  is  good 
for  me  that  I  have  been  afflicted,  for  now  have 
I  learned  thy  word."     With  sincere  christian 
sympathy  and  friendship,  I  remain  your  affec- 
tionate M.L.  Ramsay. 
October  22,  179Q. 

KOTE  TO  MISS  JULIANA    HAZLEHURST. 

April,  1811. 
MY  DEAR    JULIANA, 

WILL  you  oblige  mc  so  far  as  to   lend  me  the 
memoirs  of  miss  Llizabcth  Smith.     This  book 


238      LETTER   FROM    MRS.    RAMSAY, 

is  not  ill  the  library,  which  is  the  cause  of 
your  receiving-  this  little  note  of  entreaty  from 
your  admirer,  and  affectionate  friend, 

M.  L.  Ramsay. 

To  this  ail  answer  was  returned,  but  by  mistake  addressed 
to  the  daughter  Martha,  iiisLead  of  the  mother  of  the 
same  name,  which  occasioned  the  following  note. 

TO  MISS  HAZLEHURST. 

I  SHALL  never  again  be  able,  ray  dear  Juli- 
ana, to  reproach  my  daughter,  M.  H.  L.  R.  for 
writing  a  careless  note,  and  still  more  careless 
hand,  since  her  discriminating  neighbor  has 
seen  no  difference  between  her  performance 
and  mine,  in  either  style  or  penmanship. 

From  your  favorable  opinion  of  Miss  Smith's 
Memoirs,  I  shall  read  the  book  with  a  prepos- 
session unfavorable  to  impartial  judgment,  so 
much  am  I  influenced  by  the  opinion  of  those  I 
esteem  and  love.  I  am,  dear  Juliana,  your 
affectionate  Martha,  Senior. 


TO  MISS  HAZLEHURST. 

IF,  my  dear  Juliana,  the  contents  of  the  annex- 
ed note,  an  acceptance  on  the  part  of  the  Rev. 
Dr.  Kollock,  of  an  invitation  to  breakfast  the 
next  morning,  joined  to  th  c  pleasure  your  com- 
pany will  give  US,  have  any  weight  with  you,  I 
request  you  will  breakfast  with  us.       Dr.  Kol- 


TO  MISS  IIAZLEIIURST.  239 

lock  was  tlic  first  person  who  mentioned  Eliz- 
abeth Smith  to  us  with  tender  encomium.  You 
have  known  how  to  appreciate  her  merit;  and 
I  believe  so  sincere  has  been  your  admira- 
tion of  it,  that  in  the  most  valuable  circum- 
star  ces  of  her  life,  you  are  imitating  her  ex- 
ample. I  hope  I  shall  feel  that  you  arc  as  oblig- 
ing; to  those  you  love,  as  she  was,  Ly  your 
permittint^  me  to  introduce  a  person  on  whom 
maternal  care  has  been  so  well  bestowed,  to  a 
i^entleman,  (Dr.  Kollock)  so  capable  of  valuing 
female  merit.    I  remain  your  affectionate. 

Patty. 

April  9,  1811. 


TO    MISS  HAZLEHURST. 

JF  you  are  not  acquainted  with  bishop  Tay- 
lor's writings,  I  am  persuaded  you  will  find 
many  tilings  in  the  book  (Taylor's  Holy  Living 
and  Dying)  which  I  send  you,  which  will  be 
pleasing  to  your  intelligent  and  pious  mind. 
The  devotions  for  solemn  festivals  are,  I  think, 
very  pathetic,  and  siicw  him  to  have  been  a  man 
deeply  exercised  in  religious  matters.  If  they 
contril)utc  to  edification  or  consolation,  I  shall 
rejoice  to  liavc  thought  of  the  book  and  of  you 
at  tiic  same  time,  From  your  affectionate 
friend,  Mahtiia  Lauiif.ns  Rams.w. 

,^;r /12,  1811. 


240       LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

Charleston^  January  10,  1/94. 
MY  DEAR  MISS  SPROAT, 

THE  wish  you  express  in  Mrs.  Keith's  letter 
that  I  should  write  to  you,  is  of  that  nature,  that 
I  cannot  refuse  to  comply  Avith  it;  and  were  n7y 
ability  to  say  any  thing  to  the  purpose  on  the 
subject,  equal  to  my  feelings  and  sympathy  on 
the  sad  occasion  of  your  sorrows,  I  should  not 
•write  in  vain;  but  alas,  in  such  mournful  sea- 
sons as  you  have  experienced,  vain  is  the  help 
of  man.  None,  but  the  hand  which  has  smit- 
ten, can  heal,  and  God,  tliat  has  cast  down,  can 
alone  raise  and  support  the  afflicted  and  deject- 
ed soul.  Yet  I  know  it  is  our  duty  to  weep,  w  itli 
those  that  weep,  and  our  privilege  to  draw  nigh 
to  the  throne  of  Grace  for  others  as  well  as  for 
ourselves.  1  hope  I  have  not  failed  in  this  duty, 
or  in  the  exercise  of  this  privilege  with  regard 
to  your  family.  You  have  been  very  much  in  my 
thoughts  and  on  my  heart,  and  by  day,  and  by 
night,  I  have  not  ceased  to  make  mention  of  you 
in  my  prayers,  that  God  would  be  your  refuge 
and  strength,  a  very  present  help  in  trouble. 
Perhaps  we  never  feel  so  much  of  the  goodness 
of  God  as  in  times  of  deep  affliction,  when  they 
are  accompanied  by  that  sanctifying  grace, 
which  I  trust  has  had,  and  will  continue  to 
have  its  operation  under  the  great  and  repc:;t- 
ed  bereavements  which   vou  have,  met  wi:b. 


TO  MISS  SPROAT.  241 

aiitl  are  still  lamenting.  When  the  soul,  ^vith 
deep  humility  and  sincerity,  is  broui^ht  to  say, 
I  will  bear  the  indignation  of  the  Lord,  because 
I  have  sinned  against  him,  and  to  lament  that 
evil  of  its  nature  and  those  transgressions  of 
heart  and  life,  which  make  chastisements  nec- 
essary, either  to  call  us  to  repentance  or  to 
quicken  us  in  our  way:  Then  is  the  light  of 
God's  countenance  ready  to  rise  upon  it,  for  he 
doth  not  afflict  willingly  nor  grieve  the  chil- 
dren of  men,  but  sendeth  afflictions  in  mercy 
to  his  people,  that  they  may  search  and  try 
their  waj  s,  and  turn  again  to  their  God,  who  is 
only  waiting  for  this  return  to  shew  them  how 
gracious  he  is,  and  what  tender  compassions 
are  found  in  his  heart.  When  our  earthly  com- 
forts fail,  then  we  feel  the  blessing  of  having  a 
heavenly  and  never  failing  friend,  who  is  with 
us,  and  watching  over  us  at  all  times;  but 
whom  we  arc  too  apt  to  forget  in  what  we  call 
the  day  of  our  prosperity,  and  never  truly  to 
turifcto,  till  repeated  and  sore  disappointments 
have  taught  us  the  vanity  of  all  earthly  ex. 
pectations  and  created  good.  Then  like  the 
prodigal,  dissatisP.ed  v.ith  our  husks,  and  our 
far  and  desolate  country,  we  turn  our  faces  Si- 
onward,  we  call  upon  God  our  Father,  and  de- 
sire to  be  fed  with   that  bread    which    cometh 

down  from  Ilcavcnj  and  this  is   the  Loid'*!  op- 
21 


242       LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAVj 

portunity;  it  is  to  bring  us  to  this  humility  of 
spirit,  this  brokenness  of  spirit,  this  fitness  to 
receive  divine  communications,  that  he  sends 
us  those  afflictive  Providences,  which  force 
our  consciences  to  a  stand,  make  us  examine 
and  try  our  ways,  and  lift  our  hearts  as  well  as 
our  hands  to  God  in  the  heavens.  Then  it  is 
that  God  makes  us  feel  his  all  sufficiency  to 
support  and  comfort  us;  to  bring  good  out  of 
evil;  and  by  his  divine  presence  and  consola- 
tions, makes  up  to  us  all  our  earthly  losses, 
and  heals  our  bleeding  hearts;  and  thus  it  is, 
dear  Miss  Sproat,  that  I  hope  you  will  be 
enabled  to  sing  of  mercy,  as  well  as  judgment. 
Great  have  been  your  trials,  but  great  also, 
has  been  the  admixture  of  divine  compassion. 
You  have  good  hope  through  grace,  for  the 
dear  friends,  who  by  awful  Providence  have 
been  taken  from  you,  that  they  are  not  lost, 
but  gone  before.  Your  dear  and  honored  fa- 
ther particularly  was  ripe  for  glory,  and  is 
gone  to  receive  the  reward  of  his  pious  labors* 
And  in  the  midst  of  your  tears  for  yourself, 
your  heart  should  feel  some  joy  for  your 
friends,  that  they  have  an  everlasting  period 
put  to  all  their  sins,  and  sorrows,  and  tempta- 
tions here  below,  and  have  their  souls  full  of 
holiness;  their  hearts  filled  witli  joy,  and  their 
mouths  with  tl^e  everlasting  praises  of  that 
God  and  Savior,  who  hath  brought  them  safely 


TO  MISS  SPROAT.  243 

through  their  pilgrimage  and  fixed  them  in  the 
new  Jerusalem  beyond  the  fear  of  falling;  and 
now  what  remains  for  us  to  do,  but  with  faith 
and  patience  to  follow  those  ^^  ho  are  now  inher- 
iting tiic  promises.  God  gives  us  line  upon 
line,  and  precept  upon  precept,  but  perhaps  no 
precepts  sink  so  deep  in  our  hearts  as  those, 
■which  come  in  the  form  of  crosses.  We  hear 
good  sermons,  we  read  good  books,  but  whole 
years  of  hearing  and  reading  do  not  teach 
us  so  much  of  the  vanity  of  the  creature,  and 
of  our  dependance  on  God,  as  the  running  dry 
of  one  spring  of  earthly  enjoyment;  and  we 
hardly  ever  feel  this  the  wilderness  world 
which,  in  reality,  it  is,  till  some  of  our  com- 
forts fail  or  forsake  us,  and  we  begin  one  way 
or  other  to  feel  very  much  alone  in  it;  then 
-we  turn  to  God,  and  desire  to  find  in  him  that 
rest  to  our  souls,  which  we  can  find  in  nothing 
else.  I  am  no  novice,  my  dear  miss  Sproat,  in 
the  school  of  aflliclion.  I  have  known  outward 
trials  and  inward  pangs;  and  I  pray  the  great 
Captain  of  our  salvation,  who  himself  was  a 
man  of  sorrows  and  acquainted  with  grief,  to 
give  us  both  such  a  sanctified  use  of  our  res- 
pective crosses,  tliat  we  may  be  the  better  for 
them  in  time,  and  praise  him  for  them  through 
all  eternity. 


244   LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

I  trust  the    heavy  cloud  of  your  bereave- 
ments has  burst  with  some  blessings  over  us 
here.     Our  worthy  Mr.  Keith  appears  to  have 
been  affected  and  touched  to  very  good  pur- 
pose;  and  has  given  us  not  a  few  such  ser- 
mons since  the  visitation  on  your  city,  and  the 
deaths   in  your  family,  as  show  his  mind  to 
have    been    most   piously   exercised,  and   of 
which  he  will  see  the  blessed  effects,  when  he 
comes  to  find  out  those  perfectly  i^  heaven, 
than  he  can  or  than  it  would  be  right  for  him 
to  know  on  earth,  the  souls  whom  he  has  edi" 
fied,  strengthened,  and  comforted  by  his  faith- 
ful labors  among  us.     I  have,  by  one  circum- 
stance or  other  been  much  less  with  your  dear 
sister  than  I  could  have  wished;  but  I  am  hap- 
py to  say  that  God,  in  whom  she  believed,  has 
graciously  supported  her  under  her  pressures 
of  mind,  and   great  bodily  weakness;    and  has 
enabled  her  to  glorify  him  by  a  calm,  and  chris- 
tian resignation  to  his  will;  and  I  trust  he  will 
bring  her  out  of  this  furnace  as  gold  seven 
times  purified.     My  dear  miss  Sproat,  I  pray 
God  to  bless  her  and  you,  and  the  remaining 
branches   of  your   family;  and   feel  my  heart 
particularly  drawn  out  for  the  little  baby  left 
in  your  care,  that  you  may  be  a  mutual  bless- 


TO  MISS  SPROAT.  245 

ini^   to  each   other;   and  I    remain  with  great 
synipulhy  and  affection  yours, 

Martha  Laurens  Ramsay. 


Charleston^  Sept.  13, 1796. 
MY    DEAR    MISS  SPROAT, 

I  FEEL  myself  under  the  awful  necessity  of 
being  the  bearer  of  heavy  tidings  to  you;  and 
I  confess,  that  I  shrink  so  much  from  the  task, 
that  I  have  hardly  resolution  to  hold  the  pen. 
Nevertheless  in  cases  of  duty  we  must  not 
confer  with  flesh  and  blood,  but  endeavor  to 
act  with  firmness.  Need  I  keep  your  mind  any 
lone^er  in  the  anguish  of  suspense.  Our  pious 
friend,  your  sister  in  the  flesh,  our  sister  in 
Christ,  our  dear  Mrs.  Keith,  shall  I  say  she 
is  dead,  or  with  more  christian  propriety  ex- 
press myself  by  saying,  she  who  has  long  lived 
the  life  of  faith  on  earth,  now  lives,  as  our  hope 
and  belief  for  her  in  Jesus  is,  the  life  of  vision 
and  glory  in  heaven.  She  who  but  a  few  hours 
ago  was  embodied  in  flesh,  troubled  by  sin,  de- 
pressed by  weakness,  is  now  a  glorified  spirit 
free  from  sin,  free  from  sorrow,  and  has  for 
ever  done  with  the  evils  of  mortality;  it  is  so, 
indeed,  my  dear  miss  Sproat.     At  five  o'clock  e 

this   morning,  your   dear    sister   bid    farev.cl!  % 


• 


21 


246      LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

to  sin  and  sorrow,  after  an  illness  (supposed 
to  be  an  affection  of  the  livsr)  not  deemed 
dang-erous  till  within  these  eight  days.  Mr. 
Keith  and  the  little  girl  lately  taken  under 
their  protection  had  both  been  sick  for  some 
time.  Mrs.  Keith  was  complaining,  but  not 
enough  to  alarm  her  friends,  till  about  the 
time  I  have  mentioned  above.  From  the  day 
she  v/as  thought  seriously  ill,  she  has  declined 
very  rapidly,  and  for  sonic  part  of  this  time 
her  ideas  suffered  considerable  derangement. 
Nevertheless  she  has  given  such  testimonies 
of  her  confidence  in  God,  of  her  trust  in,  and 
depcndance  on  her  Savior,  even  in  the  dark 
valley  of  the  shadow  of  death,  as  are  highly 
consolatory  to  us,  who  have  witnessed  them. 
As  long  as  she  could  speak,  she  spoke  for 
Christ,  and  when  she  had  no  longer  the  power 
of  utterance,  with  any  degree  of  ease,  she  gave 
signs  of  joy,  and  short  answers  expressive  that 
the  promises  which  we  whispered  in  her  ear, 
were  savingly,  preciously,  comfortably  applied 
to  her  heart.  And  now  my  dear  miss  Sproat, 
what  shall  I  say  to  you?  I  feel  disposed  to  say 
to  you,  in  the  midst  of  the  sorrows  of  nature 
and  the  bemoanings  of  sisterly  affection,  re- 
joice in  the  Lord,  and  again  I  say  rejoice. 
Let  the  thoughts  of  her  bliss,  of  the  glory  with 
which  she  is  now  surroundedj  of  which  she  is 


TO  MISS  S  PRO  AT.  247 

now  possessed,  enable  you  not  only  to  submit 
but  even  to  rejoice  in  this  tribulation;  and 
may  the  Spirit  of  ij;race  and  consolation,  bring 
such  promises  and  gospel  supports  to  your 
recollection,  as  may  be  suited  to  your  case, 
and  which,  did  I  feel  myself  equal  to  the  un- 
dertaking, [  could  but  suggest;  he  only  could 
apply.  I.  should  say  something  of  our  very 
dear  friend  Mr.  Keith.  Oh  he  behaves  under 
this  trial,  like  the  afT'Clionate  friend,  the 
tcrider,  bowed  down,  bereaved  husbarid;  yet 
like  the  exercised,  the  experienced,  tiie  es- 
tablished christian.  I  trust  he  has  learned 
many  an  useful  lesson  from  our  departed 
friend,  and  1  hope  he  \\\\\  now  be  enabled  to 
put  them  in  practice.  You  will  excuse  me 
from  writing  more  at  length;  I  feel  myself 
loo  much  overcome  to  be  able  to  do  it.  May 
God  support  and  comfort  our  dear  Mr.  Keith, 
Mrs.  Spencer,  you,  my  dear  Miss  Sproat,  and 
all  most  intimately  interested  in  the  dear 
deceased;  and  sanctify  this  stroke  of  his  prov- 
idence to  many  in  the  congregation,  who  have 
been  witnesses  of  her  zeal  and  sincerity  in  the 
service  of  our  dear  Lord  and  Muster;  that  in 
addition  to  the  good  she  has  done,  while  living, 
she,  though  dead  in  the  flesh,  yet  living  in  our 
hearts,  may  siiil  speak  to  tlie  glory  of  God, 
and   the    good   of    souls.     With    my    sincere 


248       LETTER  FROM   MRS.  RAMSAY, 

pravers  for  you,  niy  dear  Miss  Sproat,  I  re- 
main with  sympathizing  regard,  your  irieud 
and  servant,       Martha  Lauhlns  Ramsay. 


TO   miss  M.     E.  L.  PlNCKNET?.t 

*'That  it  is  better  to  go  to  the  house  of 
mourning,"  is  not  only  one  of  those  assertions, 
"which,  coming  from  the  pen  of  inspiration, 
we  are  bound  hutnbly  to  receive  as  truth;  but 
I  believe,  dear  Mary,  the  experience  of  eve- 
ry feeling  heart,  which  has  gone  on  but  a  mod- 
crate  way  iii  the  journey  of  life,  will  testify, 
that  by  the  occasioiial  sadness  of  the  counte- 
nance, the  heart  is  made  better;  and  that  sym- 
pathy with  our  fellow  creatures  is  not  only 
grateful  to  them,  but  useful  to  ourselves. 

I  went  early  into  the  garden  to  breathe  fresh 
air,  and  delight  myself  with  the  fair  face  of 
nature,  and  to  cut  some  sweet  flowers  for  my 
sweet  Fan  and  you.  None  of  your  cousins 
are  yet  stirring,  and  I  thought  1  would  write 
a  little  rote  in  their  stead.  The  tone  of  my 
mind  has  framed  the  style  of  my  letter.  Wc 
are  going  this  morning  to  attend  the  funeral 
of  our  dear  respected   Mr.  Coram;    and  this 

f  This  note  was  not  received  in  scasou  to  be  inserted  in 
the  first  edition  of  these  memoirs. 


TO  HER  SON   AT  COLLEGE.         249 

evening  or  afternoon,  our  poor  Jack  will  be 
carried  to  his  last  earthly  home.  As  we  ought 
to  learn  good  from  every  thing,  I  hope  I  shall 
profit  by  the  lesson  of  today,  and  not  only  re- 
joice in  the  many  sunshine  days  of  my  life,  but 
to  make  a  good  use  too  of  a  cloudy  one.  It 
seems  a  long  time  since  I  have  seen  Fan  and 
you.  I  think  your  cousins,  as  well  as  myself, 
would  be  delighted  if  you  were  t)  come  early 
and  drink  tea  with  them.  Darlinj^  Sabina,  with 
all  her  youthful  spirits,  has  shown  so  much 
feeling  for  poor  Mrs  Coram,  as  makes  me 
love,  and  admire  that  sweet  elasticity  of  her 
virtuous  mind,  thus  accommodating  itself  to 
passing  circumstances,  more  than  I  can  ex- 
press. Adieu,  dear  girls,  and  believe  me  ten- 
derly yours,  M.  L.  Ramsay. 


EXTRACTS  FROM  LETTERS  WRITTEN  BY  MRS. 
RAMSAY,  TO  HER  SOX  AT  PRIXCETON  COL- 
LEGE.* 

FROM  MARTHA   LAURENS  RAMSAY;   TO  DAVID     RAM- 
SAY, JUNIOR,  AT     PRINCETON  COLLEGE. 

Charleston,  M.v/7^  1810. 
THE  first  thing  I  did  when  you  left  mc,   dear 
David,  was  to  retire  for  a  few  moments  to  your 

•  Many  of  llic  same  kiiul,  written  by  her  on  a  preced- 
ing similar  occasion,  were  unfortunately  destroyed  in  1782, 
when  the  College  was  burnt. 


250       LETTER   FROM   MRS.    RAMSAY, 

chamber,  and  relieve  my  laboring  heart,  by 
commending  you  solemnly  and  affectionately 
to  the  good  Providence  of  our  heavenly  Father. 
I  composed  myself  as  soon  as  possible,  and 
set  about  my  accustomed  domestic  duties. 
Soon  after  Dr.  Abeel  came  in;  he  passed  a  part- 
ing half  hour  uith  us,  and  began  his  journey 
the  same  evening.  I  should  be  glad  that  my 
wishes  and  my  hopes  about  the  perfect  recov- 
ery of  this  excellent  and  interesting  man,  held 
ai  all  equal  pace.  But  1  confess  that  I  wish 
more  th^n  I  dare  hope. 

While  I  was  in  your  chamber,  I  discovered 
the  little  treatise  (Dr.  Waterhouse's  lecture 
to  the  students  of  the  university  at  Cambridge 
on  smoking  tobacco)  which  your  father  had 
requested  you  to  reud,  and  which,  in  the  main, 
I  approve  of  so  highly  that  I  have  given  away 
half  a  dozen  to  persons  in  whom  I  am  much 
less  interested  than  in  you.  I  sent  it  after  you 
by  Coony  who  says  you  received  it  safely.  I 
hope  its  contents  will  not  be  lost  upon  you,  nor 
the  book  itself  lost  by  you.  Wliile  we  were  in 
church  on  Friday  afternoon,  there  came  up  a 
severe  thunderstorm;  and  while  Mr.  Palmer 
was  in  the  act  of  praying  for  you  and  your  fel- 
low passengers,  the  flashes  of  lightning  and 
peals  of  thunder  added  not  a  little  to  the  sol- 
emn feeling  of  many  persons  in  the    church, 


TO    HER    SON    AT    COLLEGE.  251 

interested  most  tenderly  in  the  fate  of  the  mix- 
ed multitude  on  board  the  Pennsylvania. 

I  shall  be  counting  the  dj.ys  till  I  hear  from 
you.  It  will  be  no  disappointment  to  me,  or 
rather  it  will  give  me  no  pain  to  learn  that  you 
have  not  entered  the  Junior  class:  to  whatever 
class  you  belong,  do  your  duty  in  it.  Be  re- 
spectful to  your  superiors,  live  affectionately 
-with  your  equals;  make  yourself  a  party  in  no 
broils;  but  mind  your  own  business;  give  dig- 
nity to  the  Carolinian  name;  write  to  me  accu- 
rately on  every  subject  which  concerns  you. 
Le  not  ashamed  of  religion;  read  your  Bible 
diligently;  it  will  not  only  make  you  wise  unto 
salvation,  but  you  will  find  in  it  excellent  di- 
rections for  your  conduct  in  the  affairs  of  this 
life.  Your  grandfather,  Laurens,  used  to  say, 
if  men  made  a  good  use  of  only  the  book  of 
Proverbs,  there  would  be  no  bankruptcies,  no 
failures  in  trade;  no  family  dissentions;  none 
of  those  v/ide  spreading  evils  which,  from  the 
careless  conduct  of  men  in  the  common  con- 
cerns of  life,  desolate  human  society;  and  I  can 
assure  you  the  more  you  read  this  divine  book, 
the  more  you  will  love  and  value  it.  f  long  to 
hear  from  you,  and  with  tender  affection  sub- 
bcribc  myself  your  friend  and  motiier. 

M/L    Ram2at. 


253       LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

FKOM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

May  14,  1810. 
I  NOW  write  to  you,  dear  David,  to  thank 
you  for  your  letter  from  on  board  ship,  which 
I  received  the  day  before  yesterday;  and  which 
was  highly  acceptable  both  to  your  father  and 
myself. 

If  youv  father  and  I  were  not  very  loving  and 
/  very  industrious  people,  we  should  feel  very 
solitary  at  present.  John,  David,  and  James  at 
a  distance;  the  rest  out  of  hearing;  and  all  the 
young  ones  away.  These  circumstances 
make'a  great  change  in  our  household,  and  one 
which  needs  both  love  and  labor  to  make  it 
tolerable.  There  is  now  no  polite  attention  at 
the  long  table  to  wait  till  a  servant  is  disengag- 
ed. Even  slow-paced  Jack  is  more  than  we 
want  at  our  lessened  board.  I  now  long  very 
much  to  hear  from  vou;  it  seems  to  me  a 
great  while  since  we  parted;  and  if  you  knew 
the  delight  your  ship-letter  had  given  your 
parents  as  a  mark  of  attention,  affection,  and 
home  love,  I  am  sure  it  would  make  your  heart 
happy.  My  anxiety  that  you  should  behave 
■well,  and  make  the  very  best  use  of  your  col- 
legiate opportunities  is  very  great.  But  I 
thank  God,  I  feel  much  of  the  cheerfulness  of 
hope.     I  know  ycu  have  good  abilities,  quick 


TO    HER    SON    AT    COLLEGE.      253 

apprehension;  I  trust  you  will  not  be  indolent, 
and  that  a  manly  shame  (to  be  ashamed  to   do 
vrong  is  a  manly  fcelinj^,)    will   prevent  your 
adding  yourself  to  the  list  of  the  Carolinian  tri- 
Hers,  whose  conduct  has  brought    a    college, 
such  as  Princeton,  into  disrepute.    I  hope  you 
will  feel  a  laudable    pride  in    inheriting  your 
father's  literary  reputation  in  the  college  where 
lie  received    an    education,   of  which  he    has 
made  so  excellent   an   use;  yet   an    education 
mucii   below   what   you    may   receive    at   the 
same  institution,  from  the  great  improvementB 
made  in    every    branch    of  science    since    his 
time.     I  hope  absence  wont  weaken  your  affec- 
tion.    Continue  to  love  us;  the  more  you  love 
your  father  and  mother,  the  more  you  endeavor 
to  oblige  them,  the  wiser,  the    better,  the  hap- 
pier you  will  be;    and  at    some  future    period, 
when  standing  in  the  relation  of  a  parent  your- 
self, you  will  have  sensations    unknown    to   all 
but  parents;  the  consciousness    of  having  been 
a  good  son,  will  fill  you  with  inexpressible  de- 
light.      God    bless   you,  my   dear   son;  your 
father  joins  in  love  to  you,   with   your    faithful 
friend  and  mother,  M.  L.  Ramsav* 


254   LETTER  FROBI  MRS.  RAMS Al'^, 

FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

June  16,  1810. 
AN  open  candid  disposition  endears  a  young 
person  much  to   his  friends,  and    must  make 
him  very  comfortable   to  himself.     That    sort 
of  reserve,  which  arises  from  a  consciousness 
of  having  wasted  the  time  which  ought  to  have 
been  devoted  to  study;  and  being  consequent- 
ly unpreparedfor  answering  any  questions  pro- 
posed;  or  from  a  sullen  unyielding   temper) 
■which  shrinks  from  investigation,  except  when 
proceeding  from  tutors  and   masters  it  cannot 
be  avoided,  is  a  reserve  so  unlovely  that  I  wit- 
ness it  with  pain,  and  I  do  most  earnestly  be- 
seech you  to   strive  against    such    a    temper^ 
which  if  unresisted  and  unsubdued,  will  show  it- 
self on  a  thousand  occasions  besides  that  spec- 
ified above.     Even  an  incorrect  answer,  if  giv- 
en in  an  amiable  tone  of  voice,  indicating  a  de- 
sire to  be  set  right,  if  found  in  error,   is   pref- 
erable to  silence,  or  to  an  unwilling  reply,  ev- 
en if  a  correct  one.   God  has  given  you  an  ex- 
cellent understanding.     Oh,  make    use    of  it 
for  wise  purposes;  acknowledge  it  as  his  gift; 
and  let  it  regulate  your  conduct  and  harmonize 
your  passions.     Be   industrious;   be    amiable. 
£very  act  of  self-denial  will  bring  its  own  re- 
gard with  it,  and   make  the  next  step  in  duty 


TO  HER    SON    AT  COLLEGE.  253 

and  in  virtue  easier  and  more  pleasant  than  the 
former. 

1  am  glad  you  like  your  room-mate.  I  hope 
he  is  one  who  will  set  you  no  bad  example, 
and  with  whom  you  may  enjoy  yourself  pleas- 
antly and  innocently.  I  delight  to  hear  evei'y 
thing  about  you,  and  you  can  have  neither 
pleasure  nor  p^nn  in  which  I  do  not  sincerely 
and  affectionately  participate. 
'  Eleiiior  and  I  drank  tea  with  aunt  Laurens 
last  evening  Frederick,  fourteen  days  young- 
er than  William,  v/as  learning  Fructus  and 
Cornu,  with  such  earnestness,  in  order  to  be 
ready  for  Mr  Moore  against  the  next  day,  that  I 
could  hardly  believe  it  was  my  wild  nephew. 
I>Iild  Joiin  was  in  a  corner^smiling,  and  helping- 
Frederick  whenever  he  seemed  to  be  at  a  loss. 

The  girls -all  send  their  love  to  you;  so  do 
parnoble  your  good  friend  and  sister  desires 
not  to  ue  forgotten.  Mrs.  Coram  is  constant 
in  her  inquiries  after  you;  so  are  man«oihcr 
friends.  It  is  a  charming  thing  to  be  beloved. 
God  bless  you,  myvery  dear  child;  may  he  watch 
over  your  youth,  and  keep  you  from  shame.  I 
embrace  you  with  an  overflowing  tide  of  affec- 
tion. Martha  Lauhens  Ramsay. 


256       LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY*, 

FROM    THE    SAME   TO    THE    SAME. 

July  18.  18i». 

FROM  the  tenor  of  your  last  letter,  it  may  be 
fairly  inferred  that  you  are  dissatisfied  with 
the  strictness  of  a  collegiate  course;  and  if  you 
should  not  go  through  a  collegiate  course  what 
then?  Can  you  go  through  any  yi'tuous  course 
without  economy, industry,  and  self-denial?  Can 
you  fit  yourself  for  usefulness  on  earth,  or  hap- 
piness in  heaven,  in  any  other  way  than  doing 
your  duty  in  the  station  in  which  God  has  pla- 
ced you?  And  if  your  chief  ambition  is,  -without 
caring  whether  you  are  as  wise  or  good,  to  wish 
at  least  to  be  richer  than  your  father  and  moth- 
er, win  not  a  diligent  attention  to  collegiate 
studies  and  duties  be  the  readiest  method  to  fit 
you  for  such  eminence  in  whatever  profession 
you  choose,  as  shall  enable  you  to  attain  this 
golden  treasure.  I  assure  you,  many  young 
men  with  less  means  than  you  have  or  are 
likely  to  have,  for  nothing  really  necessary  or 
comfortable,  I  trust  in  Providence,  shall  be 
waiting  to  you,  have  felt  it  a  great  privilege  to 
go  through  a  collegiate  course,  and  have  after- 
ward come  to  be  eminent,  respectable,  and 
•vyealthy, 

I  would  never  v,'ish  my  judgment  to  be 
warped  by  my  feelings,  especially  by  offended 
feelings,  to  do  any  thing  harsh.     I  would  rath- 


TO    HER    SON    AT    COLLEGE.        257 

er  even  have  it  blinded  by  such  affection  for 
my  daur  cliildren,  as  would  make  my  tender' 
ness  overstep  perhaps  the  exact  bound  of  ma- 
ternal prudence;  both  extremes  would  be  best 
avoidcvl.  ^'Give  me  thine  heart,  my  son,'*  is 
the  Iimguage  of  scripture;  and  where  there  is 
any  heart  worth  giving  or  worth  having,  I  be- 
lieve it  is  seldom  refused  to  the  authors  of  our 
being,  the  protectors  of  our  infancy;  to  the 
father,  whose  fond  ambition  it  is  to  see  his  son 
distinguished  in  life;  the  mother,  who  with  a 
throbbing  heart  and  moistened  eye,  is  contin- 
ually addressing  the  throne  of  heaven  for  the 
■welfare  of  her  dear  child;  and  to  the  sisters, 
ever  ready  to  reciprocate  the  tender  charities 
of  domestic  endearment,  and  ever  cheerfully- 
sacrificing  something  of  their  own  conve- 
nience for  the  advancement  of  their  brothers, 
I  pray  God  to  bless  you,  and  to  give  you  grace 
to  make  a  good  use  of  an  understanding,  which 
I  am  sure  you  possess,  to  give  a  right  bias  to 
energies  and  sensibilities,  which,  wrongly  di- 
rected will  make  you  foolish  and  miserable. 
With  sincere  prayers  for  your  improvement 
in  wisdom  and  virtue,  wishing  you  an  affec- 
tionate heart  and  industrious  habits,  1  remai 
your  faithful  friend;  your  tender  mother, 

M.  L.  Ramsay. 
*2^ 


^58       LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

FROM  THE    SAME    TO    THE    SAME. 

August  26,  1810.. 

DEAR    DAVID, 

I  AM  at  present  iiDdergoing   a    very   severe 
a^iction,  and  have  for  a  fortnight  past  been  sa 
invich    occnpied  and  agitated,  that  I  have  let 
pne  post  after  another  pass   without  writing  to 
you.     You  know  however  all  my  mind   toward 
you;  have  my  precepts  and  opinion  upon  ev- 
ery   subject     which     can    materially    interest 
you;  and  whether  I  write  or  am  silent,  my  ma- 
ternal love,  my  tender  anxiety  for  my  son,   fur 
my  dear  husband's  namesake,  can  never  be  for 
one  moment  a  matter  of  doubt  to  you.     Your 
sititer,  Miss  Futerell.   expects    to  embark   for 
Liverpool,  on  her  way  to  London,  the  day  after 
ton^crrow.     Business  of  importance,    and   the 
desire  of  being  with  her  mother,  become  aged 
and  infiup,  is  the  cause  of  her   voyage.     She 
has  been  attempting  a  return  to   England   for 
many  months;  but  the  obstructions  to  an   inter- 
course between  that  country  and  ours  made  it 
impossible  to  get  a  passage,  but  by  some  very 
roundabout  way.     Your  father  is  more  affected 
on  this  occasion  than  it  is  common  for  men  to 
manifest.     With  regard    to   myself  and  your 
sisters,   .  eed  I  describe   our  situation?    Miss 
Futereil  is  bowed  dow  n  with  grief  ut  bur  sep- 
aration; and  I  think  this  is  a  grief  in  v/hich  you 
\vill5  to   a    certain   degiee,   participate;    she 


TO  HER  SON  AT  COLLEGE.  259 

loves  you  with  a  very  warm  affection,  and  en- 
tertains such  an  opinion  of  your  heart  and  un- 
derstanding, that  she  is  often    saying-,  I  expect 
threat  things  from  David;  she  will  hardly  ever 
allow  me  even  to  express  a  fear  of  your  doing 
ill;  and  declares,  however  such   fears  may  in- 
trude on  the  heart  of  a  mother,  and   especially 
of  a  Carolinian  mother,  I  have  no  cause  for  it. 
Yesterday  she    said   to  me,  "I    am     going    to 
leave  you,  and  it  is  mournful  to  me  to    leave 
you  burdened  with  care  on  so  many   accounts; 
but  keep  up  your  spirits;  repose  your    hope  in 
God;  particularly,  don't  be  uneasy  about  David; 
he  will  do  well;    Exhort  him  to  be  industrious; 
not  to  be  contented  with  low  attainments,  and 
all  will  be   well;  much    good    seed    has   been 
sown  by  you;  and  I  think  it  has  fallen  on  good 
ground,     tjc  knows  the  truth;  he  lias  imbibed 
sound  principles;  from  time  to  time  in  his    life 
he  has  thought  very  seriously;  he  will    do   you 
no  discredit;  and   he    will    become    a  valuable 
member  of  society."     I    pray   God,  my    dear 
son,  her  predictions  may  be  true;    she  has  al- 
ways been  a  kind  friend  and  adviser  to  you  and 
to  your  brothers  and   sisters;  and  is,  I  believe, 
as  deeply  interested  for  you  all  as  it  is  possible 
for  any  but  a  mother  to  be.     I  hope    you    will 
now  recollect  all  her  admonitions  of  love,   and 
profit  by  them.     If  you  were  a  little  older,  had 


260      LETTER  FROM    MRS.    RAMSAY, 

well  profited  by  your  education,  and  we  could 
meet  the  expense,  I  should  have  no  objection 
to  your  accompanying  this  dear  friend;  and 
while  she  v/as  transacting  her  business,  that 
you  should  be  taking,  before  you  settled  down 
in  life,  a  survey  of  that  world  of  wonders, 
London. 

Your  vacation  is  now  at  no  great  distance. 
I  hope  you  are  not  trifling  away  this  prime  of 
your  days,  content  with  such  attainments  as 
will  excuse  you  from  censure;  but  emulous 
of  ranking  with  the  most  studious,  most  pru- 
dent, and  most  virtuous  of  your  companions. 
I  wish  I  could  inspire  you  with  a  laudable  am- 
bition, and  with  feelings  that  would  make  you 
avoid  any  unnecessary  intercourse  with  the 
bucks,  the  fops,  the  idlers  of  college;  and  think 
that  the  true  intention  of  going  to  a  seminary 
oi  learning  is  to  attain  science,  and  fit  you  here- 
after to  rank  among  men  of  literary  and  pub- 
lic consequence.  Our  intention  is  that  you 
shah  spend  the  vacation  with  your  uncle  in 
Baltimore.  You  will  be  at  Philadelphia  in 
pabsing.  Yoa  will  be  kindly  treated  by  your 
uncie  and  his  family,  and  you  will  find  enough 
to  amuse  you  in  Baltimore,  which  is  said 
to  be  tiie  tnird  city  in  the  United  States.  At 
some  fuiure  opporiuiiity  you  may  visit  New 
York  and  Boston.     But  in  order  to  accomplish 


TO  HER  SON    AT    COLLEGE.      261 

all,  or  any  of  these  purposes  you  must  be  fru- 
<jal,ancl  not  attempt  to  vie  in  wasting  moneywith 
tlic  sons  of  rich  planters,  who  only  go  to  college 
for  fashion's  sake,  and  whose  lives  are  as  use- 
less as  their  expenses.  Your  father  is  absent 
on  a  visit  to  Mr.  Todd,  and  from  the  message 
brought,  I  fear  his  visit  will  be  too  late  to  be 
of  any  avail.  It  will  be  an  additional  grief  to 
Miss  Futerell  to  leave  Mrs.  Todd  under  afflic- 
tion, and  a  heavy  affliction  to  Mrs.  Todd,  to  part- 
with  such  a  friend  at  such  a  time.  With  all  a, 
mother's  heart,  I   remain,   dear  David,  yours, 

M.  L.  Ramsay. 

FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

September  11,  1810. 
DEAR  DAVID, 

I  WROTE  to  you  not  long  ago,  telling  you  of 
the  departure  of  my  dear  Miss  Futerell.  Her 
absence  makes  every  thing  desolate  to  me, 
and  your  sisters  more  than  sympathize  with 
me,  for  in  addition  to  mine  they  feel  their  own 
sorrow.  I  have  in  them,  however,  this  conso- 
lation; that  by  every  act  of  their  lives,  they 
show  how  much  they  have  profited  byher  advice 
and  example;  never  were  parents  more  bless- 
ed than  your  father  and  I  in  daughters;  and  I 
hope  God  will  return  seventy  fold  into  their 
bosoms,  the  comfort  they  give  to  ours.     Your 


\ 


■262      LETTERS  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

time  of  vacation  is  drawing  on.  I  trust  you 
are  not  losing  your  time  for  study,  and  that  as 
you  grow  older,  you  are  resisting  every  pro- 
pensity to  idleness  or  folly  of  any  kind.  Your 
judgmeFit  must  be  well  informed.  You  have 
lived  from  infancy  within  the  sound  of  good 
advice;  and  although  some  dispositions  are 
restive  under  any  advice  that  clashes  with 
their  present  gratification,  I  flatter  myself,  you 
have  a  more  ingenuous  disposition,  and  that 
no  effort  on  the  part  of  your  parents  and 
friends,  to  make  you  wiser,  and  better  will 
finally  be  lost  upon  you. 

Couid  you  know  my  anxiety  about  you,  in- 
dependently of  nobler  motives,  I  think,  even  a 
spirit  of  compassion  for  an  afflicied  friend 
would  m.ake  you  conduct  yourself  wisely.  In 
the  course  of  a  life,  not  yet  very  long,  I  have 
seen  many  young  persons,  with  every  possible 
advantage  for  cultivating  their  talents,  im- 
proving their  minds,  and  becoming  estimable 
members  of  society  lost  to  themselves,  a  dis- 
grace to  their  friends,  plagues  to  society,  or 
mere  cyphers  in  it,  iroiii  indolence,  a  siigiit 
manner  of  pursuing  their  studies,  smoking, 
drinking,  an  excessive  love  of  finery,  of  trifling 
company,  or  some  similar  evil  indulged  in,  be- 
tween the  age  of  fitteen  and  twenty.  Oh,  how 
I  shudder,  and   what  a  death  like  faiutness 


TO  HER  SON  AT  COLLEGE.  263^ 

and  oppression  seizes  my  poor  heart,  at  the 
thoiig:lns  of  ho^v  I  i^tand  in  the  persons  of  sons 
exposed  to  such  a  calamity.  With  bended' 
knees,  and  streaming  eyes,  I  pray  my  God, 
send  me  help,  and  ward  off  such  a  stroke.  I 
have  also  seen  those  who  vith  very  scanty 
means,  and  alniost  under  every  possible  disad- 
vantage, have,  under  the  smiles  of  heaven,  been 
friends,  money,  advice  to  themselves,  and  have 
risen  to  shine  as  lights  in  the  -world.  Others 
again,  I  have  seen,  who  not  having  to  struggle 
like  these  last,  constantly  against  wind  and  tide, 
and  supported  only  by  their  own  efforts,but  situ- 
ated like  yourself  under  happier  circumstances, 
have  repaid  the  labors  of  a  father,  and  the  ten- 
der exertions  of  a  mother,  by  doing  their  part 
well,  and  returning  home  from  their  different 
seminaries  of  education,  just  such  as  their 
parents  could  wish.  Oh,  my  God,  grant  that 
this  may  be  the  case  with  us;  preserve  David 
from  every  evil  way;  give  him  grace  to  make 
a  good  use  of  the  powers  thou  hast  giv- 
en him;  and  let  him  not  waste  the  morning  of 
his  d.iys  in  any  trifling  pursuit,  or  disgrace  it 
by  any  thing  vicious  or  ignoble. 

Dr.  Keith  gave  us,  yesterday,  an  excellent 
sermon  on  these  woids;  ''Who  can  under- 
stand his  error*.?  Cleanse  thou  n^.c  from  secret 
fcuilts."      vVe  ought,   dear  child,  to  take  great 


264    LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

pains  to  understand  our  errors.  We  have  ev- 
ery one,  by  nature,  some  secret  error,  some 
constitutional  defect  or  vice.  In  childhood, 
the  advice  or  authority  of  parents  may  re- 
strain it;  still  it  is  there;  as  we  grow  older, 
■\ve  must  watch  for  ourselves,  restrain  our- 
selves, look  up  to  God  for  help,  while  we  ex- 
ercise such  acts  of  self  denial,  as  shall  break 
the  bias,  and  keep  it  from  producing  a  vicious 
habit,  which,  alas,  m.ay  become  too  strong  for 
us,  and  be  our  curse  and  our  master  as  long  as 
we  live.  Persons,  about  your  time  of  life,  are 
apt  to  think  themselves  very  wise;  and  to  pay 
very  slender  attention  to  the  advice  of  their  su- 
periors; this  is  a  very  great  errors  as  by  such 
conduct,  they  not  only  deprive  themselves  of  the 
experience  of  those  older  and  wiser  than  them- 
selves, but  they  appear,  and  really  are  very  un™ 
lovely  in  their  tempers,  to  those  who  reprove  or 
advise  them,  whether  parents  or  others.  At  your 
time  of  life  every  false  appearance  of  pleasure 
is  taken  for  a  reality,  and  the  restraints  of 
virtuous  industry  and  hard  study  a  burden  too 
heavy  to  be  borne.  May  God  give  you  wis- 
dom to  understand  i/otir  errors^  and  a  manly 
resolution  to  resist  every  temptation  to  evil, 
make  you  lovely  in  your  temper,  diligent  in 
the  pursuits  of  useful  science,  and  enable  you> 
by  conciliatory  and  engaging  manners,  to  mak<^ 


*rO  HER  SON    AT  COLLEGE.         26^ 

friends  to  yourself  amon.5  the  ^vise  and    good 
wherever  you  go. 

I  will  do  all  in  my  power  for  my  dear  chil- 
dren, and  must  then  leave  the  event  to  God 
and  their  own  exertions.  I  hope  they  will 
reap  the  benefit  of  my  labors,  when  I  shall  be 
quietly  resting  from  them.  I  liope  you  will 
always  look  on  Dr.  Smith,  not  only  as  presi- 
dent of  the  college,  but  as  a  very  dear  friend 
of  your  mother,  and  so  accustomed  to  youth 
as  to  know  every  twisting  and  turning  of 
their  hearts,  and  capable  of  giving  them  the 
best  advice.  When  you  go  to  your  uncle's, 
tell  me  all  about  them;  you  know  they  are 
strangers  to  me,  though  relations,  except  him- 
self, and  from  your  uncle  I  received  such 
brotherly  affection,  as  entirely  gained  my 
heart. 

Dr.  Waddcl  lias  much  trouble  from  the  in- 
creased number  of  his  town  boys;  the  Charles- 
tonians  carry  their  idleness,  their  impatience 
of  control,  their  extraviigance,  their  self  conse- 
quence with  them  wherever  they  go,  and  even 
the  best  of  them  are,  in  general,  far  inferior  to 
Avhat,  with  their  quick  crjiaciiies,  and  lively 
imaginations,  they  might  be,  if  they  would 
make  tlic  virtuous  rndeavor.  I  remain  with 
l^reat  afTcclion,  your  friend  and  mother, 

Martha  Laubens  Ramsay. 

2:3 


266       LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

FROM    THE    SAME    TO    THE    SAME. 

November  7,  1810. 
DEAR    DAVID, 

THE  number  of  my  letters  should  be  no  rule 
for  you;  you  know  well  the  state  of  my  health, 
and  of  my  affairs,  and  that  every  letter  I  write  is 
in  the  time  stolen  from  sleep  or  business, for  my 
eyes  do  not  permit  my  writing  in  the  evening, 
my  only  season  of  leisure.  Since  your  sister's 
departure,  I  have  still  more  to  do  with  less 
spirits  for  performance;  and  during  the  last 
month  every  housekeeper  in  the  interior  of 
the  city  has  been  kept  in  a  state  of  alarm 
from  the  dread  of  fire,  increased  by  the  dry 
state  of  every  thing  about  us,  from  the  long 
want  of  rain,  surrounded  as  we  have  been  by 
danger.  I  thank  God  we  are  yet  safe.  I  hope 
you  are  doing  yourself  credit,  and  preparing 
yourself  for  future  usefulness  in  life.  I  feel  a 
deep  and  a  gnawirig  anxiety  about  you;  sixteen, 
seventeen,  eighteen!  ah,  -what  important  years 
are  they  in  a  young  man's  life;  how  unformed 
is  his  judgment!  How  false  his  views  of  most 
things!  What,  but  heavenly  guidance,  can  steer 
him  safely  through  the  perils  to  which  he  is 
exposed  from  within  and  without,  and  yet  what 
an  age  of  confidence,  of  self  conceit.  How 
seldom  is  the  eye  turned  to  Heaven,  or  the  ear 
open  to   the  udmonit  ons    of  experience,  wis- 


TO   IIER    SON    AT    COLLEGE.         267 

dom,  or  friendship?  even  the  remonstrances  of 
science,  the  reproofs  of  paternal  authority,  the 
counsels  and  entreaties  of  maternal  tenderness 
are  scarcely  heard  amidst  the  turbulence  of 
youthful  passions,  and  incitements  to  irregular- 
ities. 

My  tears  flow,  and  my  heart  aches,  while, 
"with  the  mingled  emotions  of  hope  and  fear 
for  you,  I  thus  pour  forth  its  sensations.  You 
are  now  far  from  me;  I  can  no  longer  direct 
your  individual  actions;  I  can  only  give  you 
good  advice  in  general,  and  pray  to  God  for 
you.  One  great  guard  of  youthful  virtue  is 
industry.  Be  then  industrious,  and  employ 
every  moment  of  your  time  to  some  valuable 
purpose.  I  long  to  hear  from  you.  I  am  with 
sincere  affection,  your  friend  and  mother, 

iSL  L.  Ramsay. 


PROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

Novcvibcr  21,  1810. 
DEAR   DAVID, 

I  AM  filled  with  extreme  anxiety  by  your  lonj^ 
silence;  it  is  very  mortifying  to  a  parent,  so 
tenderly  attached  to  a  child  as  I  am  to  you,  to 
think  that,  in  the  leisure  of  a  whole  vacation 
you  have  written  but  once.  I  have  only  heard 
of  you,  if  I  may  so  express  myself,  negatively 


268        LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY, 

Your  cousins,  Charlotte  and  Sophia,  who  have 
written  to  Kitty  and  Sabina,  express  their  re- 
grets, and  those  of  their  parents,  that  you  are 
not  with  them,  nor  from  the  advanced  state  of 
^he  vacation,  likely  to  be  so. 

I  feel  a  stronger  wish  than  I  have  a  hope, 
that  I  may  have  been  deceived  in  the  opinion 
which  you  know  I  have  often  delivered  to 
your  father,  that  a  boy  of  fifteen  had  better 
be  at  a  grammar-school,  than  among  juniors 
at  college;  and  when  he  declares  that  with 
your  good  sense,  your  knowledge  of  your  sit- 
uation, as  one  of  a  large  and  not  rich  family, 
and  the  necessity  of  your  own  exertions  to 
enable  you  to  maintain  an  honorable  stand- 
ing in  society,  he  feels  confident  you  will 
never  act  materially  wrong;  I  can  only  re- 
ply, I  pray  God  you  may  be  right.  I  shall 
rejoice  in  having  judged  erroneously;  but 
when  a  boy  docs  not  write  fully,  freely,  and 
frequently  to  his  father  and  mother,  the  poor 
inother's  heart  cannot  help  feeling  a  trembling 
anxiety,  that  all  is  not  right  with  her  son. 

Your  time  for.  improvement  will  be  quick- 
ly past;  if  it  is  not  improved,  you  will  find 
yourself  grown  up  with  the  pride  of  what 
you  call  a  gentleman;  you  will  have  no  pat- 
vimony  to  lean  upon;  your  natural  talents 
will  be   of  comparatively  little    consequence 


TO   HER    SOX    AT    COLLEGE.  26^ 

to  you,  and  you  will  liave  no  talents  so  culti- 
vated and  ready  to  be  brought  into  action  as 
to  make  you  capable  of  building-  up  a  fortune 
for  yourself;  and  of  all  the  mean  objects  in 
creation  a  lazy,  poor,  proud  gentleman,  es- 
pecially if  he  is  a  dressy  fellow,  is  the  mean- 
est; and  yet  tlus  is  generally  the  character 
of  young  men  of  good  family,  and  slender 
fortunes,  unless  they  take  an  early  turn  to 
learning  and  science.  I  could  wish  to  write 
you  many  little  local  and  domestic  mutters  of 
news  or  amusements,  but  terrified  as  I  am 
by  hearing  nothing  of)ou;  nothing  from  yoii, 
and  interpreting  this,  no  news  from  a  cher- 
ished son,  as  bad  news,  my  mind  is  quite  out 
of  tune  for  any  thing  of  the  lighter  kind.  I 
was  so  much  attached  to  my  father,  and  to  the 
imcle  and  aunt  who  brought  me  up,  that  I  lived 
in  the  habit  of  the  greatest  intimacy  with  them; 
your  sisters  can  hardly  enjoy  a  girlish  note  or 
a  party  of  pleasure  unless  mamma  shares  in  it 
or  knows  all  about  it;  and  this  is  so  generally 
the  case  with  virtuous  and  affectionate  children, 
that  wherever  there  is  silence,  I  dread  lest 
there  siiould  be  also  mystery.  I  shall  rejoice 
to  find  it  otherwise  in  your  case;  and  longing 
to  hear  from  you,  and  commiiiing  the  guid- 
ance of  your  youthful  steps  to  that  GccI,  to 
whom  I  pray  for  you  by  day  and  by  nis^htj     I 


370      LETTER   FROM    MRS.    RAMSAY, 

remain,    dear    child,   your  most  affectionate 
friend  and  mother, 

Martha  Laurens  Ramsay. 


FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

March  5,  1810. 
YOUR  letter  of  November  19,  contains  this 
sentiment;  "A  collegiate  course  is  not  very- 
necessary  to  eminence  in  a  profession."  Con- 
trast this  with  the  following  extract  from  a 
letter,  dated 

WiUlngton,   June  30,  ISOT. 

*•!  WOULD  not  omit  going  to  college  upon 
any  consideration,  for  I  believe  it  is  very 
difficult  for  a  young  man,  who  has  not  had  a 
collegiate  education,  to  get  into  an  extensive 
practice  of  any  profession."  Contrast  "the 
necessity  of, spending  much  money  in  order 
to  maintain  as  genteel  a  standing  in  college 
^s  is  necessary  to  be  respected,'*  with  ♦Mear 
mother,  I  am  nov/  a  very  reputable  member 
of  society,  I  am  made  very  much  of  by  Dr. 
Waddel,  and  am  beloved  and  respected  by  aU 
the  good  boys  in  the^school." 

You  stated  some  time  ago  that,  — —  had 
four  hundred  dollars  a  year;  we  know  that 
from  his  mother,  who  said  this  covered  everr'^ 


TO   HER    SON   AT    COLLEGE.  271 

expense;  you  have  received  money  in  the 
same  proportion,  and  rather  more.  You  now 
talk  of  spendint^  one  hundred  dollars  for 
clothes  Your  wardrobe  must  be  unnecessari- 
ly costly  or  miserably  laid  in,  and  you  know 
that  you  have  no  pretensions  to  waste  from 
the  idea  that  it  will  not  be  felt  by  your  par- 
ents; you  are  well  aware  that  it  is  with  much 
exertion  we  provide  what  is  comfortable, 
and  have  no  money  to  throw  a^vay.  What 
g  weak  mind  you  must  have,  and  how  much 
have  I  been  deceived  in  its  texture,  if  you 
suppose  that  foppish  clothes  and  foolish  ex- 
penses, or  what  you  call  "a  genteel  appear- 
ance" will  make  you  respectable. 

I  feel  more  pride,  more  consciousness  of 
being  a  lady,  by  having  every  thing  about  my 
person,  the  persons  of  my  children,  my  house- 
hold, in  the  plainest  style  of  decency,  than  I 
possibly  could  by  endeavoring  to  cover  our 
moderate  circumstances  by  a  tinsel  veil  of  fine- 
ry, which  would  deceive  no  one,  and  only 
show  the  shallowness  of  my  understanding. 

Witli  prudence,  one  hundred  dollars  will 
go  a  great  way;  without  it,  ten  times  the  sum 
•will  be  like  water  put  into  a  sieve.  A  gentle, 
man  lately  returned  a  graduate  from  Cam- 
bridge, informs  me  he  never  spent  three  hun- 
dl'cd  dollars  a  year  at  college.     A  lad,   ^on  tp 


272      LETTER   FROM    MRS.    liAMSA\% 

perhaps  the  richest  parents  in  Carolina,  with 
only  one  brother  to  divide  the  inheritance, 
wrote  to  request  his  mother,  that  let  him  so- 
licit ever  so  earnestly,  his  parents  would  never 
furnish  him  with  more  than  five  hundred  dol- 
lars; for  that  sum  would  enable  him  to  do 
many  foolish  and  many  generous  things,  and 
all  beyond  it  would  be  shameful  dissipation,  to 
which  he  knew  he  was  too  much  disposed,  and 
therefore  requested  temptation  might  not  be 
administered  to  him. 

Mr.  T.  S.  Grimkc  assured  mc,  that  with 
four  hundred  doUars  one  might  live  well  at 
New  Haven,  and  puixhase  many  books;  but 
why  multiply  examples.  The  real  expense 
of  boarding  and  tuition  in  colleges  is  a  matter 
well  known  from  printed  statements;  it  is 
easy,  therefore,  to  calculate  what  beyond  it 
is  necessary  for  the  clothing,  pocket  money, 
and  conveniences  of  a  young  man,  who  docs 
not  go  to  college  to  be  a  fashionist,  to  sport 
various  changes  of  apparel,  to  drink,  to  smoke, 
to  game,  but  to  lay  in  a  sufficient  stock  of 
knowledge,  and  to  attain  such  literary  honors 
as  m^iy  be  the  foundation  of  future  usefulness, 
a  fortune  to  him.  With  regard  to  your  spend- 
ing a  couple  of  succeeding  years  in  Charleston, 
I  will  oppose  all  my  influence  to  so  mad  a 
achemc.      You  should  rather  spend  them  in 


to  HER  SON  AT  COLLEGE.         273 

the  Indian  country,  and  learn  the  rugged  vir- 
tues of  savages,  than  in  the  desultory,  dis- 
sipated habits  of  Charleston.  I  flatter  myself 
your  last  letter  was  written  under  the  transient 
impression  of  some  juvenile  folly,  which  is  al- 
ready dissipated,  and  that  your  next  letter  will 
be  more  judicious,  better  reasoned,  and  in  ev- 
ery respect  more  worthy  yourself.  I  feel  deep- 
ly anxious  about  you;  your  long  silence,  the 
silence  of  Dr.  Smith,  after  having  been  my 
correspondent  for  so  many  years,  all  perplex 
me.  I  cast  you  and  all  my  cares  on  God; 
praying  him  to  give  you  wisdom,  and  to  grant 
me  support  in  every  event.  Pause,  and  consid- 
er what  you  are  about;  a  few  wrong  steps  are 
easier  trodden  back  than  many.  May  God 
take  care  of  you.     Your  affectionate  mother. 

IM.  L.  Ramsay. 


FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

March  11,  1811. 
DEAR   CHILD, 

YOUR  last  letter  was  written  in  a  strain  of  af- 
fection and  good  resolution,  which  gave  me 
great  pleasure;  and  I  hoped  would  have  been 
followed  up  by  more  such.  I  have  been  con- 
fined for  upwards  of  a  month,  by  indisposition, 
and  have  only  left  myjiouse  within  ten  days  to 
"attend  your  uncle's  sick  room. 


274   LETTER  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY. 

It  has  been  almost  impossible  to  collect 
money,  and  with  great  difficulty  your  father  has 
procured  such  a  fifty  dollar  bill,  as  will  pass  in 
the  northern  states,  which  I  now  send.  For 
the  present,  I  avoid  all  remark,  advice,  or  oth- 
er matter;  for  it  is  so  near  closing  of  the  post 
that  I  fear  losing  the  opportunity.  May  God 
bless  you,  my  dear  son,  and  make  you  a  son  of 
comfort  and  honor  to  your  dear  father,  and 
vour  most  affectionate  mother  and  friend, 

Martha  Laurens  Ramsay. 


If  any  shouUl  object  to  the  propriety  of  publishing;  these 
\)rivate  coiifKleiitial  domestic  letters,  the  editor  apologizes 
by  observing,  that  the  importance  of  their  contents,  as 
cautions  to  youth,  remote  from  their  parents  at  seminaries 
of  learning,  and  also  to  parents  as  models  for  corresponding 
■with  their  absent  sons,  and  discountenancing  their  juvenile 
follies,  outweighs,  in  his  opiniouj  all   minor  considerations. 

In  justic-  to  the  youth,  to  wliom  these  letters  were  ad- 
dressed, it  is  declared,  that  he  has  never  incurred  any  col- 
lege censure,  nor  has  he  ever  been  charged  with  any  im- 
moral conduct;  that  his  standing  in  his  class  was  always, 
and  now  is  reputable,  and  his  prospect  fair  for  obtaining 
the  degree  of  A  B  before  his  eighteenth  year  is  com- 
pleted; and  that  the  friendly  monitions  of  his  mother  were 
not  so  much  reproofs  for  what  had  taken  place,  as  pro- 
visional guards  against  what  might  take  place  in  future; 
and  that  there  is  good  reason  to  believe  that  these  letters, 
in  concurrence  with  other  moral  causes,  have  had  the  de- 
sired effect  of  confirming  him  in  the  steady  pursuit  of 
knowledge  and  virtue. 

The  letters  were,  at  the  request  of  the  editor,  to  whom 
their  contents  were  unknown,  promptly  sent  to  him  from. 
Princeton  in  Jul)-,  1811,  though  the  intention  ul'  publishing; 
5 hem  was  communicated  ia  the  same  letter  which  asked 
fftr  their  transmission,  Epitor. 


LETTERS  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY  .      275 


!Mrs.  Ramsav's  sister,  Afarv  Eleanor  Pinckncy,  departed 
tliislifein  1794.  and  in  the  2r>t!i  year  of  her  age,  leaving 
,  two  (laughters  and  a  son.  These  naturally  excited  the 
tenderest  feelings  of  their  aflectionate  aunt.  As  they 
grew  up,  an  interchange  of  kind  offices  almost  daily  pass- 
ed hetween  lliem.  To  accommodate  toher  young  friends, 
tlieir  aunt  laid  aside  the  superiority,  m  Ijich  age  and  rela- 
tionship gave  her,  and.  placing  her  nieces  on  the  footing 
of  daughters,  mingled  souls  with  them,  as  equal  friends, 
and  exchanged  notes  willi  Ihem,  which  were  fi-equently 
■written  with  a  pencil,  and  most  of  them  without  dates. 
3-''rom  these  the  follow  ing  are  selected,  as  a  si)ecimen  of 
the  playfulnesF  of  her  imagination,  and  an  evidence  of  the 
ovedluwings  of  her  love,  v\  ishing  to  impart  checrfuincss 
and  coiQumnicaie  happiricss  to  all  around  her. 

TO  FRANCES  HENRIETTA  PINCKNEY. 

YOU  shall  not  be  jealous,  Dear  Fan,  about 
not  receiving  a  letter  from  me,  after  such  a 
sweet,  feeling;  note,  as  you  have  written  me. 
Cherish,  my  darling  niece,  those  warm  sensi- 
biiilics  for  your  fellow  creatures,  and  notwith- 
standing; the  various  ills  that  "flesh  is  heir  to," 
they  V. ill  yield  you  more  pleasure  in  going 
through  life,  than  ever  theywill  produce  you  un- 
luiu'^lcd  pain.  I  am  really  proud  of  your  note, 
and  think  how  happy  I  am  in  daughters  both  at 
home  and  a  little  way  ofi".  1  feel  less  grieved 
llrat  you  do  not  flatter  nie  with  the  hopes  of  a 
visit  this  evening,  as  Eleanor  and  I-'atty  arc 
going  to  ^Irs.  Jones's;  and  ^\ill,  I  dare  say, 
TuaUc  you  a  fly,  or  p(  rhaps,  a  long  tcazirig 
nu"vcii:lto  of  a  visit.     ^^  ell    I    do  love    Sundav 


276   LETTERS    FROM  MRS.    RAMSAY. 

on  many  accounts;  and  as  William,  in  the  an-^ 
ticipation  of  his  pocket  money,  often  says  ta 
me,  when  will  Saturday  come?  So  I,  besides, 
rejoicing  in  the  religious  blessings  of  the 
Sunday,  often  say,  when  Avill  Sunday  come?  that 
I  may  be  sure  of  my  Meeting  streeters.  Good 
bye,  dear  Fan,  tell  Mary  to  turn  that  naughty 
cold  out  of  doors,  or  I  won't  send  her  any 
fiowers  for  her  bow  pot,  for  I  shall  be  afraid, 
that  smelling  those  sweet  roses  too  much  ha3 
hurt  her  delicate  nerves,  and  made  her  feel  as 
if  she  had  a  cold.     From  your  affectionate, 

M.  L.  Ramsay. 


FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

I  REGRET,  dear  Fan,  that  you  should  thinli 
it  late,  when  you  left  us,  if  it  implies  that  you 
found  the  evening  tedious.  I  was  in  hopes 
you  had  been  amused  in  your  corner  as  we 
were  in  ours,  and  I  believe  on  our  side  th^ 
chimney,  we  felt  sorry  for  the  signal  of  "more 
house*"  I  have  just  dismissed  my  scholars, 
and  feel  a  little  like  a  tired  old  schoolmaster, 
so  you  must  excuse  this  short  note.  T  hear  Patty 
capering  about  in  the  heighday  of  youth  and 
freedom  from  care,  so  I  refer  you  to  her  for 


LETTERS    FROM  MRS.    RAMSAY.       277 

soincihing  amusing,  and  conclude  with  my 
love  to  dear  Frances  and  Mary-  From  their 
friend  and  afiectionate  M.  L.  Ramsay. 


TO  MARY  ELEANOR  LAURENS    riNCKNEY. 

PRAY,  dear  Mary,  put  the  two  sprigs  of  mig- 
nonette in  a  wine  glass  full  of  water  by  them- 
selves, and  place  them  near  you,  that  when  the 
gentle  zephyr  wafts  their  fragrance  to  your 
delighted  sense,  you  may  think  of  your  flower 
loving,  and  niece  loving         M.  L.  Ramsay. 


TO    F.    H.    PINCKNEY. 
DEAR    FAN, 

PATTY  requests  I  will  tell  you  she  is  s« 
busy  planting  a  tree,  she  cannot  answer  your 
note  any  other  way,  than  by  making  me  a  pat's 
paw.  I  shall  be  very  much  mortified,  if  you  do 
not  drink  tea  with  me  this  evening.  It  is  by  no 
means  cold;  and  if  you  wish  that  sweet  bloom 
to  continue  in  your  cheeks,  you  must  let  it 
sometimes  meet  the  wholesome  breeze.  My 
love  to  Mary,  and  longing  to  sec  you  both,  I 
remain,  dear  girls,  your  attached  and  af- 
fectionate M.  L.  Ramsay. 
24 


278      LETTERS  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY. 

FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 

HOW  comes  it,  dear  Fan,  that  you  cannot  ob- 
lige your  cousins  by  joining  their  party  to- 
morrow evening?  Patty's  face  is  so  much 
lengthened  since  she  received  your  note,  that 
she  looks  a  proper  lady  Doleful;  lest  therefore 
we  should  think  you  mean  to  monopolize  the 
beauty  of  the  family  to  yourself,  let  your  com- 
pliance with  your  cousins*  wishes,  dispense 
some  portion  of  smiles  and  good  looks  among 
them.     Yours  with  great  love, 

M.  L.  Ramsay. 


FROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME. 
DEAR  FAN, 

Mr.  OGILVIE  called,  infirofiria  persona^  yes- 
terday morning,  to  request  1  would  hear  his 
oration  this  evening.  Can  I  do  less  than  ac- 
cept the  invitation  of  Mr.  Ogilvie,  especially 
as  he  assures  me  it  is  what  he  thinks  his  best 
oration,  and  will  feel  himself  honored  by  my 
presence.  Your  cousins  tell  m^  you^Jiavjg 
some  thoughts  of  going,  and  I  shall  feel  par*^ 
ticularly  happy,  that  it  should  so  happen,  that 
on  one  of  the  few  occasions,  when  it  suits  me 
to  go  into  public,  my  dear  niece  sliould  be  with 
me.     Pray  come  early,  and  you  must  also  con- 


LETTERS  FROM  MRS.  RAMSAY.   270 

sider  yourself  as  invited  for  tomorrow,  when 
we  shall  endeavor  to  have  Polls  for  Skylarks, 
Bonds  to  detain  Nightingales,  and  some  sweet 
singing  birds  to  enliven  the  evening;  but  it 
will  be  no  evening  to  me  without  my  Frances 
and  Mary,  so  come  and  oblige  your  affection- 
ate aunt,  M.  L.  Ramsat. 

TROM  THE  SAME  TO  THE  SAME, 
DEAR  FAN, 

YOU  have  made  me  feel  almost  as  curious  as  a 
young  girl  with  your  "I  know  what  I  could  say.'' 
And  pi'ay,  Miss  Fan,  what  could  you  say?  Not 
that  you  are  envious  I  hope.  Remember  what 
we  have  in  hand,  you  still  have  in  hope,  and 
don't  laugh  at  old  folks.  Here  is  Patty  in  a 
peck  of  troubles;  her  Mercury  has  dropt  by 
the  way  the  note  she  sent  with  mine,  and  she 
fears  its  falling  into  the  hands  of  some  curious 
decipherer,  who  will  perhaps  discover  more  in 
{t  fhan  it  means.  I  comfort  myself  with  the 
thought,  that  it  will  be  found  on  your  own 
floor,  as  it  was  put  within  mine.  I  have  holi- 
day  today,  which  is  the  reason  why  you  have 
two  notes.  Ijeally  long  to  see  you,  and  I  love 
you  with  all  my  heart,  only  you  must  spare  a 
bit  of  it  for  dear  Mary.  I  remain  you  affec- 
tionate, M.  L.  Ramsay. 


280        LETTER   FROM  MRS.    RAMSAY. 

FROM  DO.  WITH  A  FANCY  NAME  TO   DQ. 
DEAR  GIRLS, 

YOUR  cousins  have  deputed  me  to  intreat  you 
will  favor  them  and  Dr.  Ramsay  with  your 
company  to  Haddreil's  this  morning.  They 
wish  for  you  both;  but  if  dear  Fan  is  afraid  of 
her  sweet  complexion,  or  has  any  other  real  or 
imaginary  fears,  pray  Mrs.  Moll  do  you  come 
at  once,  breakfast  with  your  cousins  and  be  off, 
and  let  Fan  come  at  hei-  leisure,  and  dine  with 
poor  king  George,  who  either  from  love  to 
dear  mammy,  or  some  other  cause,  has  deter- 
mined on  staying  at  home.  Now  you  young 
people,  who  are  always  making  me  one  of 
your  party,  don't  let  me  have  written  in  vain. 
You  will  have  the  pleasure  of  pleasing  the 
whole  noble  race  of  Shenkins,  and  among  the 
whole  race  who  loves  you  more,  than 

Martha  ap  Shenkins, 

These  notes  were  not  received  in  time  to  be 
inserted  in  the  first  edition  of  the  preceding 
memoirs*  Editor* 

T.VB  END. 


Samuel  T.  Armstrong', 

Theological  and  general  bookseller  and  printer, 

No.  50  Corniiill,  Boston, 
Offers  for  sale,  a  large  assortment  of 

RELIGIOUS  BOOKS; 
together  with  a  vast  variety  of  valuable 
Publications  in  the  various  branches  of 
science,  any  of  which  may  be  had  on 
terms  as  reasonable  as  at  any  store  in 
Boston.     Libraries  supplied  as  above. 

He  has  just  publisheil 

A  volume  of  SFAiMONS,  by  Dr.  N. 
EMMONS,  of  Franklin,  Mass.  The 
volume  contains  twenty-one  Sermons, 
never  before  published,  price  two  dol- 
lars bound  and  lettered.  Also,  Memoirs 
of  Mrs.  MARTHA  LAURENS 
RAMSAY,  wife  of  David  Ramsay  of 
Charlcdon,  S.C.  This  is  the  third  edi- 
tion; price  75  cents  bound  and  lettered. 

Extract  of  a  letter  to  t'le  publisher,  ft-om   a    respectabla 
Clergyman  in  Massachusetts. 

*'Mr.  Samuel  T.  Armstrong, 

•*SiK,  I  have  read  in  part  the  Memoirs  of  Mrs. 
Ramsay  vrith  astonishraent  ami  delight.  I  wish  every 
family  among  my  puO|»le  possessed  a  copy  of  this  excellent 
•work,  and  am  determined  forthuith  to  make  sale  ior  \ou 
of  as  many  as  I  can  ,  Will  you  sei)d  me  two  dozen  and  an 
half.     Your  humble  servant, •" 

CT/'For  a  particular  and  accurate  List  of  my  own  publica- 
tions I  beg  leave  to  refer  you  to  the  (/Overof  the  Hannplist 
and  Missionary  Magwzinc,  or  to  my  Literary  Advertiser. 


A  new  and  valuable  Work. 


SAMUEL  T.  ARMSTRONG  propo- 
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present  condition  of  the  most  important 
places.  By  ELIJAH  PARISH,  D.D. 
minister  of  Byfield,  Massachusetts. 

CONDITIONS. 

772^  woj'k  shall  be  xvell  printed  in  an 
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(P^FivE  copies  to  have  a  sixth  gratis. 
The  volume  will  probably  be  ready  by  the 
end  of  next  autumn. 
July  I. 


JBihles  sold  by  S.  T.  Armstrong, 

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TESTAMENTS,  PSALTERS,  DICTION- 
ARIES, Sec. 


